48 thoughts on ““a restraining order ruined my life”: A Partial Catalog of Search Engine Queries Leading to This Blog on a Single Day”

1. I am trying to get my gun rights back in the state of Kansas. My ex spouse filled a pfa against me…..she made dalse alligations and I lost my rights to possess firearms. What can I do to get them restored?? The pfa was dropped over a year ago….there were no charges.

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   1. To the Kansan who had his gun rights taken by a PFA that was dropped. Get the PFA expunged by hiring a Kansas lawyer.

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   2. Have you tried to recover firearms that you own and been denied? If the order expired, neither it nor federal law applies.

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   3. http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state_type.php?id=275&state_code=KS&open_id=9412

      If your PFA has expired, it is no longer a valid order under Federal law, which means the firearm ban also does not apply.

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      1. Well, I think you’re correct, Mr. Moderator, that if the PFA has expired and he has no DV conviction of any kind and no felony conviction of any kind, his 2A rights are restored. That doesn’t mean that authorities will honor the restoration. I have seen that happen over and over again. I remember when I was still lawyering a man coming to me who had been tried in federal court for a felony. He was acquitted, but the feds still would not let him have a passport although he was fully qualified for one. I was too busy to litigate it at the time and sent him to a lawyer who quoted him a $10k fee, which he could not afford.

         You have to abide by the law but they don’t. If you lie to authorities that’s a crime, but they can and will readily lie to you with absolute impunity.

         I did a little surfing in Kansas law on the subject, and it looks to me like the local state authorities have no legal reason to keep him from owning a gun. This is not legal advice, natch; and neither is it assurance that Kansas or federal authorities won’t violate these rules and deprive him of his gun rights.

         I once heard a halfwitted judge, Julie Kepple, declare in a packed courtroom that a civil nondomestic restraining order (under NC General Statutes Section 50C) officially deprived the defendant of the right to own or possess of a firearm. She was wrong, and the statute had no such restriction. I have seen this woman make other idiotic pronouncements on the law. I can’t figure out how she ever passed the North Carolina bar examination. The crazy thing even believes she has the right to exclude certain peaceful spectators from her courtroom, although both federal and state law declare all courtrooms open to the public. The old scoundrel just does not want anyone watching her because as usual a public official entitles herself to behave less ethically when she knows she’s not being watched.

         HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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         1. Best to you and your lady fair, Larry.

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2. For the past three plus years I have been enduring false allegations, false domestic violence protection orders all in an effort that my ex may win favor with the courts in an ongoing custody dispute in the state of Washington. The most recent of which I decided to appeal. Below you will find excerpts directly from my appeals case, which are a matter of public record:
   On or about the 16th day of January 2014 the Petitioner/Respondent, Joyce Hargove petitioned Spokane County Superior Court for an Order of Protection. The presiding Commissioner at that hearing amended the TPO to an Order of No Harassment. The Petitioner/Respondent, attempting to gain favor in an ongoing custody dispute, continued to file for a Renewal of Order of Protection without just cause and/or no presenting evidence in accordance with Washington’s Domestic Violence Law(s), RCW(S) 26.50 et seq.
   The Petitioner/Respondent filed for a Renewal on or about March 10, 2015 and the Respondent/Appellant, in accordance with RCW 26.50.130, filed a response (attached and incorporated herein); Motion to Terminate Order for Protection, as well as Respondent’s/ Appellant’s intent to call witnesses and witness list. The hearing was set for March 30, 2015 before Commissioner Tami Chavez.
   On March 30, 2015 the hearing took place at Spokane County Superior Court Room 306 at or about 2:30 pm before Commissioner Tami Chavez. The Petitioner/Respondent (Joyce) presented no evidence nor made any mention of threats or acts of violence, only a fabricated hearsay statement purportedly made by our joint custody five year (5) old autistic son. The Petitioner/Respondent contended that while on his (our son) last visit with me (Charles) that, “we drove by the house (Joyce’s) in a white car”, which is complete perjury as I do not own a white car nor know anyone with a white car, nor do I know where she lives.
   I, Charles Clemmons, the Respondent/ Appellant presented argument in accordance with RCW(s) 26.50 et seq., and upon requesting to call witnesses as presented in my attached Motion the presiding Commissioner, Tami Chavez, denied me that right stating, “ I have a full courtroom and do not have time” and ordered an Order On Renewal Of Order For Protection based on hearsay statement from a five year (5) old autistic child.
   Furthermore, as the evidence submitted by the Respondent/Appellant in the original filing in the case on January 14, 2014 clearly indicates (see ISTARS Reports submitted by Respondent Charles Clemmons in the original hearing) the Petitioner/Respondent (Joyce Hargrove) was the most recent party to have gone to jail for domestic violence against the Respondent/Appellant (Charles Clemmons) in the State of Idaho, Case No CR-2009-0023430 and CR—2009-001830, with two other arrest in 2007. The Respondent/Appellant (Charles) was arrested in 2008 for, regrettably, reacting with an act of domestic violence towards the Petitioner/Respondent. I have since that arrest amended that behavior, remained in counseling, and as the evidence clearly indicates did not react or respond to the Petitioner/Respondent (Joyce) in 2009, on two occasions, when the Petitioner/Respondent (Joyce) attacked me in an act of domestic violence as indicated in the aforementioned Idaho cases. Therefore, on what grounds under RCW(s) is the Petitioner/Respondent entitled to an Order of Protection, when the facts of the case clearly indicate she has been the more aggressive party and has more arrest for domestic violence against me? I was even denied to have the Order extended both ways! Since the Petitioner/Respondent has been granted an Order of Protection she has parked out front of my house during my “on-duty” parenting time (CDA Police Report Filed), has, under the email of her oldest son from a previous marriage, sent my employer scathing emails with false allegations (submitted to the Courts on March 30, 2015 and attached and incorporated herein) that cost me my job.
   1. Grounds for Relief
   Respectfully, the Respondent/Appellant contends the presiding Commissioner, Tami Chavez, exercised abuse of discretion, gender bias, and did not rule in accordance with the intent of domestic violence protection orders ignoring the relevant, legal facts exemplified in the submitted ISTARS reports aforementioned. I humbly request the Court(s) consider the following, not as moot or abstract, but as a continuing and substantial public interest (In re Det. Of M.K., 168 Wn. App. 621, 625, 279 P.3d 897 (2012).
   • RCW 26.50.010 Definitions.
   (1) “Domestic violence” means: (a) Physical harm, bodily injury, assault, or the infliction of fear of imminent physical harm, bodily injury or assault, between family or household members; (b) sexual assault of one family or household member by another; or (c) stalking as defined in RCW 9A.46.110 of one family or household member by another family or household member.
   • A restraining order/protection order is a law enforcement tool designed to provide emergency relief in the event of imminent or actual serious physical harm.
   o Given the legal evidence and arrest record of the Petitioner/Respondent (Joyce) how can one make a logical conclusion that the Respondent/Appellant (Charles) is a ‘greater’ threat or a higher probability of inflicting harm on the Petitioner/Respondent (Joyce)?
   • It’s no secret that restraining orders are often issued without good cause. Following a New Jersey class, one lawyer revealed with astonishment, “A number of women attending the seminars smugly—indeed boastfully—announced that they had already sworn out false or grossly exaggerated domestic violence complaints against their hapless husbands, and that the device worked!” (Kiernan T. Re: False Claims. New Jersey Law Journal, April 21, 1988, Vol. 121, p. 6.).
   • Restraining orders are designed to protect individuals from physical harm. So, by any reasonable standard, a restraining order—especially when issued on an emergency ex parte basis—that does not even allege violence, or at least a credible threat of imminent violence, is non-meritorious (1 Norman-Eady S. Restraining orders. OLR Research Report 2005-R-0861. December 8, 2005.).
   • Over the years, state definitions of abuse have been widened and evidentiary requirements relaxed. The Fourth Amendment affirms, “The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated” [emphasis added]. It is those rights to be secure in their houses and to be protected from unreasonable seizures that are violated by unjustified restraining orders. The U.S. Supreme Court once commented that the Fourteenth Amendment is violated by legal procedures that appear “fair on their faces,” but are administered “with an evil eye or a heavy hand.” The same could be said about restraining orders that are freely granted without evidence or proof (37 Yick Wo v. Hopkins, 18 US 356, 1886.).

   This type of abuse of a well-intended system (Domestic Violence TPO’s) is not only damaging to the unassuming recipient, but a mockery of the legal system—it must end!

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   1. What is the suit at the bottom, Charles? Are you still hopeful of a dismissal? Thank you for the references. I’ll try to hunt them up. If you have links, please send them in another comment. I’m sorry for this hell.

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      1. Thank you. The last citation is a Supreme Court case.

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         1. FYI:

            http://shrink4men.com/2014/09/18/in-his-or-her-own-words-request-for-mens-and-womens-experiences-with-female-perpetrated-domestic-violence/

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3. I’m in Nevada. You know I want to thank you and for having this board. I’m going to be truthful as I am not well liked in Nevada. I went to Arizona. Filed a complaint there. Much better treatment then I can say for anyone in Nevada. I truly have one biological family member that has not swallowed any of it and two very good friends both happen to be my old bosses and grew up together. That’s it.

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4. I am beside myself. My sister an attorney, I have come to realize has completely orchestrated and exploited me for her own personal financial gain. Who in the world would turn most of an entire family against someone?? Who is this evil? I do not know how I can fight this back..

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   1. Am I understanding that your sister was your attorney? Can someone who’s represented you also prosecute you?

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      1. I don’t know. I don’t know about much of anything. I wanted to move to another state. But how can I do that when my life is ultimately destroyed?

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      2. I don’t know. I don’t know about much of anything.

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   2. Has your sister violated attorney-client confidentiality?

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      1. I am just screwed. My life is pretty well over.

         Sent from my iPhone

         >

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      2. My sister had been telling the guy what to do behind my back to escalate conflict which sure enough it did and then shoves a retainer down my throat for around 4,000.00 and “pretends ” to office staff she doesn’t want to talk to him and hands my case over to an office employee at the time. She made me take the worse deal. She has completely ruined my life by doing this. I shared many confidences with her only for her to spread it all around town yes.

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         1. My husband and I are getting a divorce. It is just best for all around.

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         2. My husband and I are getting a divorce. It is just best for all around. I would like to know if I can get a judge to grant at least 9 TPOs maybe my record might be slightly odd perhaps ?

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5. I too have been slapped with a second restraining order against me. The worst part is my sister is an attorney. The first person who filed a restraining order against me was a guy who demanded money out of me to the point I was scared and had to get out of there. I called him very angry telling him to rip up the check I didn’t have the money to lend him. He called my sister and told her and she told him to call the cops on me!!! Then this sister was right there to distance herself and shove a retainer for law services at a cost of $4,000.00. At me. I never was able to recover the money from this guy. Restraining order against me for one year. Now she has done the same thing. I left her apartment and she owed me money and even tried to prostitute me out to one of her buddies. Can’t recover my money she owes me. I can’t even get legal help to fight this. She is an attorney and had all this planned. I am so upset I can’t even think I want to lash out at her but I can’t.

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   1. Yours is the kind of dirty scenario advocates for this process want to pretend never occurs. Women abusing women?! Sisters abusing sisters?! Unthinkable!

      Right.

      That kills me, Julie, and I can imagine what it’s done to you. You have a sympathetic ear here.

      Have you tried to appeal? Judges are cold, but the courts take monetary debts seriously—though it sounds like proving you’re owed would be tough. If you have the money for an attorney, you might consult Google to find the name of a local one who specializes. That’s the other bitch: Many attorneys will flatly say they don’t handle this kind of case (thanks for calling). They’re cold, too.

      If the window is still open, you might consider appealing the latest order to a higher court.

      Do you have any evidence you could appeal to for help? Messages, texts, emails, social media comments—anything that would back up, for example, that your sister tried to pimp you out? Any public criticisms or attacks?

      Allegations are often impossible to contradict. Your best defense is to controvert them (make them suspect). Any public badmouthing could also be the basis of a civil suit for defamation.

      I hesitate to ask, because I know how everyone on the sidelines clams up and goes Swiss when stuff like this happens, but hasn’t your family attempted to intervene? Nobody appreciates that this kind of hell can originate with a sister’s resenting you for stealing her Barbie when you were nine or for being the pretty one or something. It makes a process that’s touted for its defense of battered women contemptible.

      Is there anyone you trust (including in your family) who could and would testify on your behalf? Hearsay is often admissible (that means what someone has heard secondhand).

      A final thought: You could apply for a restraining order yourself—or two. And if that didn’t work, you could reapply later.

      It’s horrible to have to consider using a system that you know is ab-used, but if you’re not an attorney, and you don’t have boatloads of money to throw at defensive motions, counter-offensives like this can be all that’s left you. They’re free.

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      1. Thank you, as your post has helped. One sister in my family has been the only one that didn’t swallow her crap. As far as the public bad mouthing goes, as a paying client I did give an honest review on yelp. The public does have the right to be protected from this kind of thing which I can PROVE! I am not the only client who has given her a less then stellar review and I will be sure to mention this at the hearing. I printed the reviews out, at least three negative reviews and one review of another sister which was removed for violating the terms of yelp. Why is she not filing restraining orders against these clients as well? I think at the very heart of it is jealousy but it is not ok to just slap out restraining orders because her life isn’t what she only believes that someone else’s is. I also now have proof as another sister violated the terms of “Yelp” as well by giving her a wonderfully flattering review and she was not even a client! Why did she not go after this sister for posting a phony review so dripping great without even being a customer? Oh well, fight fire with fire any way possible I suppose..I noticed in her petition she is really vague as to specific incidents that occurred and is it my right to object to any new evidence brought in that I did not have a chance to review? For example she state that I emailed her 25 times in the past two days. That is all. I want to hold her to exactly that and my defense is that she is very aware with past emails that is just the way I am and it sure never bothered her before when she was bilking me. So now all of a sudden it is a problem? um ok..

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         1. You’re welcome, Julie. What I was curious about is whether your sister had defamed you. I’m wondering how kosher all of this was ethically, also. I mean, the state bar associations and supreme court have rules and codes for attorney conduct. Which state are you in?

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6. Recently, I have had a false allegation of abuse of a minor (17 YO) child made against me. Within the past week, I found out from a non-legal entity that a protection order has been taken out against me (in Missouri, I presume, where the child resides…I am in another state)…I have not yet received any official notification of the order, nor have I seen a copy of it. As you can imagine, I am treading rather lightly, being sure I don’t communicate in any way with the child or the people around the child (mostly former Family members), until a few facts manifest (if they do…). The week prior to the allegation, the child and I had a wonderful visit where the child traveled to me (I provided all travel expenses), and we traveled together visiting Colleges the child is considering to finish a 4-year degree (the child is currently living on campus at a University participating in an “Academy” program whereby the child earns dual college and high-school credit…the child, if he/she continues to excel, will be the “hourly” equivalent of a college Junior upon completion of this 2-year program, and I am paying for all of it. The program is in a state approximately 700 miles away from me). There was no indication WHATSOEVER of the potential for this allegation prior to or while the child was with me, this incident is a complete “180” turnabout in our relationship with no prior warning or indication at all, and the turnabout occurred in a week’s, or less, time from when the child and I parted ways at the end of the visit. Can you point me to resources that might shed light on any special considerations due to the fact that this person is a minor and/or how to fight this? Fortunately, I do have a bit of financial means to assist me, and have already retained counsel. The temptation to “do” something is really strong, and very hard to resist, as I am very anxious to find out why the child and/or the people around the child are doing this because I am supporting this child and desire a relationship with the child, as well as the facts that I am very concerned about how such allegations, assuming they are public record, may affect my reputation and my ability to continue to prosper within my career field and how they may affect the child over time. For reference, my legal obligation to support this child ceases in about a year, assuming that obligation is not somehow affected or modified by the current circumstances. However, the fiscal support of the child is not as important to me as a potential relationship with the child, any adverse affects this may have on the child over time, and my reputation and ability to make a living. For the reassurance of you and the folks reading this thread, I am PAINFULLY aware that, at least for now and until I actually see what is in the protection order, I am UTTERLY POWERLESS, and I fully understand and am diligently (and painfully) practicing doing absolutely nothing save for research. Thanks in advance for any suggestions you may have.

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   1. Worse than utterly powerless is that you’ll be presumed guilty of whatever the allegations are by the court. There are some culled references in the bibliography in the margin of the blog that might be of value. Press Ctrl + F or ⌘ Cmd + F (depending on whether you’re on a PC or a Mac) and type “child abuse” into the dialogue box. It will highlight them.

      It’s tricky to know what it would benefit you to read about, because you’re not sure where the allegations are coming from or what they are specifically. If there were no arguments or weird moments between you and the teenager, I’m guessing the allegations originate from the mom or a member of the family you describe. I’m baffled why an order of the court would be necessary if you live in another state or why the child, unless s/he really believes you did something dreadful, would seek to have you humiliated and sanctioned when you’re the one footing his or her educational costs, which it sounds like you have no legal obligation to do.

      I don’t know that it’s the case in this instance, but it is the case in other instances that an ex-spouse or other family member will make false allegations out of jealousy. It’s plausible a restraining order was sought against you because the child really liked the trip. And the beauty of an action like this is there’s no way you can know or legally find out.

      Is the child’s mom or the “family” you describe facing the prospect of having you replace them in the child’s affections or esteem? This could be a motive for a hurtful act, especially if your divorce or separation wasn’t amicable. Your attorney could tell you whether the son or daughter likely had to appear before the judge at all—or even if s/he was present for the application hearing, whether s/he would have had to say anything.

      Most cases reported to this blog of parents obtaining restraining orders for teenagers who are almost legal adults involve the parents wanting to repel or punish the teenagers’ boy- or girlfriends. And it’s usually the case that the parents get the restraining orders against the wishes of the teens. Restraining orders petitioned for teens aren’t necessarily petitioned with the teens’ cooperation or consent.

      You might consider whether this may be a ploy to keep the child in-state. Are you the only one in the family who could (or who would be willing) to pay out-of-state college tuition for the child? I’m just conjecturing, but if you were cut out of the picture, maybe it would be the case that the child would have to revise his or her plans and stay at home where the family (not your family, right?) may want him or her to stay.

      You might also consider what, if anything, the child has indicated to you about wanting to get away. It’s conceivable that if the child felt pressured to go away to college and didn’t want to, s/he might sabotage your tuition offer him- or herself. It’s alternatively possible that the child wants to get away, and for that reason the family is trying to sabotage your offer.

      There’s a psychologist who consults by Skype called Dr. Tara (Shrink4Men). She’s very versant in the various motives that lead people to hurt one another, has coached any number of people going through divorce-related/custody issues, and specializes in male concerns and vulnerabilities. It’s obvious from your avoidance of detail that talking about this publicly is painful to you. Talking with her would be private and confidential and would allow you to open up to someone who’s not going to judge you or be surprised by anything you told her, and who wouldn’t have any reluctance believing you. You could securely inform her of background details that might be significant. She’s not a Milquetoast, either, and works in tandem with a female attorney who shares her perspectives. FYI. She/they would probably be better able to offer you some action cues, besides make you feel better. Since you’ve said you’re not without means, I’d strongly encourage you to try this route.

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      1. Thank you for the prompt response, and the additional thoughts to consider. For clarity, I feel compelled to note that my avoidance of detail on this blog (and, yes, it is intentional) is born out of fear from two primary perspectives: 1) Fear of having information available in a public forum that may be used against me (this is NOT a statement about you or, in my opinion, most users of this forum); 2) Fear of the same in relation to information potentially being used against the child in question. This is VERY painful for me, indeed, but the pain pales in comparison, in my view, to the potential for truly harmful actions to come out of this circumstance.

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         1. Your being circumspect is wise, and your concerns are absolutely justified, especially if you’ve been involved with a high-conflict person, someone who has no empathy (no regard for your feelings) and may not scruple about lying.

            Eight years ago, I was a virtual hermit working on a book and studying piano and drawing. I finally felt like I knew what I wanted to do with myself. I had a measure of hope and positivity. I responded in good faith to someone who was very literally outside of my house every day (and night). My life has only declined since, and I’ve been in and out of court repeatedly.

            High-conflict people will use others as springboards to make themselves the center of a manufactured intrigue and to draw attention to themselves. Their schemes aren’t even wholly conscious. They know they’re lying, but this doesn’t contradict the narratives in their heads. If they perceive they’ve been wronged, their will is to blindly punish and self-justify, and some can nurse grudges indefinitely.

            I don’t know that you’re dealing with a mentality like this, but even if you aren’t, judicial conduct isn’t so different. Judges, too, will trash lives not only without remorse but with a sense of righteous rectitude. They, also, may act unconscious of consequences. Allegations of threat or violence are eagerly credited as meritorious. Judges are glad to “find” tangible evidence in shadows or sobs. And neither high-conflict litigants nor the courts have any truly empathic regard for the children who are often casualties of conflicts between parents or other family members. They’re treated as misused dogs are, and just like them are confused, scared, and as a result scarred.

            I may not be telling you anything you don’t already know, but money is the best counteragent to court conflict. The representation, legal and otherwise, that it makes possible to secure are invaluable. Enlist as many persuasive voices to chime in on your behalf as you can.

            I think most victims of these abusive processes shut down, and that’s fatal. I’ve just been reading about domestic violence, and it’s fascinating that this reaction to private terrorism (shutting down) is broadly recognized and sympathized with, while its obvious parallel, trauma-induced paralysis from public terrorism arising from false allegations, etc., is observed by no one.

            Stay engaged, and be very frank and forthcoming with those you safely can be.

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   2. “Penalties for Failure to Report and False Reporting of Child Abuse and Neglect”

      Approximately 29 States carry penalties in their civil child protection laws for any person who willfully or intentionally makes a report of child abuse or neglect that the reporter knows to be false. In New York, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and the Virgin Islands, making false reports of child maltreatment is made illegal in criminal sections of State code.

      Nineteen States and the Virgin Islands classify false reporting as a misdemeanor or similar charge. In Florida, Illinois, Tennessee, and Texas, false reporting is a felony, while in Arkansas, Illinois, Indiana, Missouri, and Virginia, second or subsequent offenses are upgraded to felonies. In Michigan, false reporting can be either a misdemeanor or a felony, depending on the seriousness of the alleged abuse in the report. No criminal penalties are imposed in California, Maine, Montana, Minnesota, and Nebraska; however, immunity from civil or criminal action that is provided to reporters of abuse or neglect is not extended to those who make a false report.

      Eleven States and the Virgin Islands specify the penalties for making a false report. Upon conviction, the reporter can face jail terms ranging from 90 days to 5 years or fines ranging from $500 to $5,000. Florida imposes the most severe penalties: In addition to a court sentence of 5 years and $5,000, the Department of Children and Family Services may fine the reporter up to $10,000. In six States, the reporter may be civilly liable for any damages caused by the report.

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   3. “Fourteenth Amendment—The Supreme Court’s Mandate for Proof beyond a Preponderance of the Evidence in Terminating Parental Rights”

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7. My mother was an abusive mother, but I went through counseling in college and forgave her. After my Dad died she asked me to come to Claremore, Oklahoma and help her because she had no one. I left my home and drove 1500 miles to help her, When I got there she was meaner than ever and told me that she hated my Dad and his family. She had a temper tantrum and left the house one day. I called 911 to get help finding her. When the police found her she told them that I had a gun and was going to blow her fxxxxxg head off. I have never owned a gun and don’t use “her” phrase. The police searched me, my car, the house, and my medical assist dog. I am disabled, and was undergoing medical treatment at the hospital. The police told me to leave. I left, and I never went back. I was searched four more times across the street from the hospital. I walked into the hospital to politely ask why I was being searched, The policeman who had searched me earlier that day locked the doors to the police station, threw me face down, and cuffed. He said, “You are going to jail.” I asked why, but was given no answer. I was thrown into a drunk tank and told to stay on the cement floor by the toilet. I was told to not ask questions or I would be shackled down to the floor. The police told me that my car exploded and my dog will killed. Someone found me unconscious on the floor on the 10th day. I was taken to a hospital. People of good-will at the hospital helped me get on an airplane ticket and go home. They found my dog at a shelter and he flew home with me. I am still in counseling for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My dog and I were both injured and still needed medical care. I found out that the police put out a warrant for me for breaking the protection order. The date on the warrant was a month after I returned home. I still can’t get an attorney to help me.

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   1. Jesus, Jacqueline. I’m really sorry. Do you have or can you get the hospital records from the time you were there after the police abuse? Go talk to a personal injury lawyer. These guys are total money hounds, and if they think there’s a chance they can get you some money, they’ll take your case for free (they take a third of any monetary award gained from a lawsuit). Go from one to the next if you have to. If you can pique some lawyer’s interest, you’ll need proof of your incarceration, whatever medical documentation you can come up, and testimony from your counselor (and other doctors a lawyer might send you to see). Find everything you can: phone records, any letters from your mom asking you to come to Claremore, tickets, receipts—whatever could substantiate your story. Think of relatives or anyone else who could corroborate your story or testify to your mother’s nature or mental condition. Try to remember when the 911 call was made. The recording may still be available. Document any injuries you and your dog have. That means pictures, x-rays, doctor bills, etc. Pictures and lurid descriptions from doctors or other witnesses are essential.

      Were you ever even served with the protection order? Did a cop give you a copy? And do you reside in Oklahoma? You’ll want to get copies of the police report(s)—with an attorney’s help, preferably. There are probably still grounds for seeking the vacation of the order if you were incarcerated. Document your injuries ASAP, and call some attorneys first thing Monday.

      What the f* kind of place is this Claremore? When you say the cop threw you down, did you mean at the hospital? Were there any witnesses?

      If you hit obstacles talking to attorneys, ask people you know if they know lawyers or see if your counselor will help you obtain a lawyer’s help. This may give you some extra credibility. Act immediately. Everything in law is about acting while the facts are fresh.

      Let me know how you fare.

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8. Is there a way to get a court ordered restraining order removed?

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   1. There should be an opportunity to appeal, Emily. You could also appeal in a higher court. Otherwise, you might be able to have the restraining order vacated/expunged after its expiration with the cooperation of the plaintiff. Try “vacate + restraining order + your state” on Google. Some states will vacate restraining orders upon petition where the orders expired without incident. Usually a few years down the pike.

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9. i have a few questions….all that i can relate to a pending court case. when filing a restraining order…does the alleged victim have the option to where she can file it? does she file it where she lives or does she file it where the events took place that led her to needing one in the first place? also…when charged with harassment by telecommunications…will you be notified after someone has filed these charges against you or is a warrant for your arrest just issued? also what are the outcomes on cases like these? it’s your word against theirs right? is it like a restraining order where they are mostly like going to win? i’m not sure i’m ready for these answers but i’m not ready for court either so let me have it…i’ve researched these for quite some time and cannot get an exact answer…thoughts?

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   1. Yes, restraining orders can be sought anyplace, and respondents to this blog have reported having multiple restraining orders obtained against them in different jurisdictions by the same plaintiff. This can mean city and county courts or even courts in different cities or counties, conceivably. Usually the plaintiff is going to go to the court that presides over the region s/he lives in. But there are all kinds of ways to creatively abuse this process, and because it’s a common one and a profitable one, nobody looks at the details too closely. The reasons you could be arrested for harassment (usually a misdemeanor) are very few. Unless there’s already a restraining order in place. Then you can be arrested just based on the plaintiff’s making something up. In restraining order cases, yes, it’s your word against the other person’s, and, in contradiction of basic legal ethics, the plaintiff is the one who gets the benefit of the doubt.

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      1. I’ve read so much about all this everything is starting to blur together. I guess what I don’t get is how come you aren’t notified when someone charges you with harassment? She knows I will show up to all my brothers court dates and I will visit him in jail as well so a warrant out for my arrest would be perfect really. I also feel that with her brother and law being a cop that she knows what exactly to file. I fear I can’t file anything back against her because in the end I know it will only hurt my brother. Once again she knows she will win. I have tried to find proof to show the real her but there is none. Would I be wasting my time if I took the harassment charge to trial? I feel if I did than she might make up evidence…I was hoping to scare her by doing that. I know she is trying to hurt my brother more by ruining me because we are so close but wow. …I walked right into it as she knew I would. I honestly think she will be at fault for the death of my brother. Again, something that I will never be able to prove. He was recently diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic. With everything she has put him through and this disease…the emptiness in his eyes…he is pretty much already gone…how does she live with herself? because she doesn’t actually see what happens behind closed doors? because she didn’t have a dad in her life and she’s taking it out on her kids father? I don’t expect answers to these questions. I just don’t understand how a person can be so cold…thank you for your time.

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         1. I’m a little confused about what’s been alleged against whom, but I don’t see how you could be arrested for harassment. For that you would have had to violate a restraining order that was already in place against you. Google the terms “harassment” + “statute” + “[your state].” There might be some value in contesting a false allegation against you. It’s a hard call. The system is geared to favor women, so you might just find yourself banging your head against the wall. Facing a judge, though, and explaining could make a difference. I wish I could tell you the odds are better than a coin flip, but I can’t. Unless you get a lawyer. Then the odds improve. If you’ve been accused of harassment on a restraining order, definitely request an appeals hearing.

            I understand your questions very well and sympathize with them.

            From “The Female of the Species” by Rudyard Kipling (1911):

            When the Himalayan peasant
            meets the he-bear in his pride,
            He shouts to scare the monster,
            who will often turn aside.
            But the she-bear thus accosted
            rends the peasant tooth and nail.
            For the female of the species
            is more deadly than the male.

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            1. I am confused by this whole thing as well. Here is the run down. The mother of my brothers kid filed a restraining order against him. (That’s where those questions came from) He’s currently in jail and I visit him every weekend. This same person claims in February 2012 I harassed her. When leaving the jail one Sunday I was arrested for a warrant. I asked why I had a warrant and they told me I had been charged with harassment by telecommunications. I have had a warrant out since November 2012 and I had never been notified of this charge. While being arrested I was pretty hysterical and I said “she’s the reason my brothers in here and now she’s doing this to me” and other things along that line. One of their questions after they had me in custody was, “Who was you blaming this harassment charge on?” I looked at her and said shouldn’t you already know this? She didn’t like that answer and made me tell her the name of the person. When I was getting bailed out of jail I had to sign a document stating I would not have contact with this person, direct or indirect. You keep saying you don’t get how I could be arrested for harassment unless a restraining order was in place and I violated it…well that’s my story and I was. My brother has a restraining order against him by this person and he was notified by sheriff….I know how all that works unfortunately….I have court tomorrow and this town is known for being crooked so I’m not sure what to expect. I didn’t get a lawyer and plan to represent myself. I looked up the statue on harassment for my state and all it really tells me is that its a misdemeanor. However, I did talk to a lawyer and he said if I was arrested for harassment it went from being a civil case to a criminal case….that I do not get either. I’m hoping for the best, but expecting the worst tomorrow. I’m looking forward to hearing from you. Once again, I appreciate you answering all the questions I have.

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               1. I see. Okay, so it’s not possible you were confused for your brother, right? For telephone harassment to stick, there would obviously have to be a record of calls (plural) placed from your phone to the woman’s. This tactic of hers works as well or better than a restraining order, because there’s no way anyone can prove what you did or didn’t say in a telephone exchange. All she has to say is that you repeatedly threatened to beat her up or run her over with a bus or whatever. Obviously if you never called her or you did call her for a legitimate reason, you’d want to say that. You’re saying this is a frame job, right? You’ll need some kind of evidence, because you’re exactly right: judges and cops, who should of course know better, will assume that this woman’s telling the truth.

                  Telephone harassment means you would have had to do something to make this woman feel afraid, annoyed (because of persistent calls), etc. If this woman has to show up at your hearing, you could ask her questions. Presumably if she’s claiming you called her repeatedly and those calls were harassing, she would have told you not to call her. Did she?

                  If there’s no record of calls to her from your number, say so.

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                  1. Well I went to court and took a plea of not guilty, set it for trial and said I would represent myself. (A pride thing I guess, and I knew she had people listening for her and I wanted her to know I wasn’t scared. I’m innocent so I felt I would b fine on my own. AND YES I knew I really wouldn’t be in the long run but still…) As I was walking out the cop was smiling at me (her brother in law the cop) and it wasn’t to reassuring. She had her sister there listening as well. I have realized now that I cannot fight this and I plan on making a deal with them and I will get probation which isn’t right but I am scared for so much worse if I go to trial and she lies. I asked the judge why I was never notified of this charge and he said I was notified once and it was returned so a warrant was issued. I find that weird because usually the notice is left at the door if no one answers. When I was at court it was me vs. the state of Kansas. I do not get why she does not have to appear or why her name is not mentioned. If it wasn’t for being in another county and her being the only one I talk to there than how would I even know who is charging me with this? I looked up my phone record from the day in question…actually the month and there was no calls in or out from either of us. On the date in question I sent her 8 text messages and she sent me three…however weeks before that it was her blowing me up, but like I said what does that prove? It doesn’t show what was said unless she had screenshot the messages, which she has done to my brother…which even then can be altered. (ex. fake convo, change contact name –easy enough) I don’t always type in complete sentences and I misspell words. I will send a follow text to correct them. After this charge I would joke with my friends that I was harassing them because I sent them 12 messages in two minutes. It makes me sick to my stomach to write about this and its all that is on my mind. Its a nightmare that won’t end. I feel waiting another month for trial would only hurt me worse…both physically and mentally. I know a guilty plea will hurt me for life but being charged with harassment doesn’t look good on my record already…either way I look at it its no good.

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                     1. You’re going to cop a plea to a crime you didn’t commit? What state, and what is the charge? In other words, what statute (in Kansas?) did the warrant say you violated? And were the violations charged by text or phone calls? The way these laws are written now is that all you have to do is make a couple of unpleasant statements — to a woman, of course, because they are all now presumed to be fragile little eggshells — and you have violated either a criminal statute or your state’s restraining order law. I know this and Todd knows this, and now you know this; but most men in the USA are unaware of it and need to be informed “BEWARE!”

                        The state of the law, all of it the degenerate offspring of VAWA, is that any time a woman wishes, and for any reason including dark motives like hatred and revenge, she can run to the magistrate or courthouse and tell lies on you, and you can be arrested, charged, mugged, your DNA seized by force, and dragged through court like a common criminal. I had it happen to me, and I am a retired lawyer.

                        In Charlotte, NC the chief district court judge, Regan Miller, complained to his legislators that in fiscal 2012, 772 false and malicious applications for restraining orders were filed in Mecklenburg County. That’s a scandal! The abuse of our civil non-domestic restraining order law, which is similar to laws in 22 other states, has reached crisis proportions, mainly because women love to twist men’s tails AND the entire process from beginning to end is FREE! ——>> no filing fees, no court costs, even if she loses. In my county of Buncombe approximately 1,000 applications for these restraining orders were filed in fiscal 2010, which I suspect include DV petitions too; and in only 5 or 6 cases were restraining orders denied by the judges. This riot of abuse has grown into a cancer on the United States. Even the ACLU, which has long been held captive by ideological feminists, has complained about the damage the application of these laws has wrought on the civil rights of Americans:
                        http://www.aclu.org/blog/free-speech/new-expansion-stalking-law-poses-first-amendment-concerns

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                        1. Yours would be a voice someone at the ACLU might listen to, FYI. You’re not the first attorney, actually, to write in. The other was a desperate young woman right out of law school who’d been seduced by an older, married attorney who turned the system against her (maybe to discredit her to preserve his marriage). This poor girl had hoped to work for the FBI, too, an ambition she thinks her former lover destroyed with his allegations. If officers of the court would chime in on this, ideally as a group, someone might sit up and listen.

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                     2. I’m inclined to defer to the lawyer: What he said. If a public defender is available to you, though, why not meet with him or her and see what you think? Maybe you’ll get lucky. You can always refuse counsel if you decide s/he’s a dud.

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10. I know full well the horrors of frivolous restraining orders and have been helping men who write me about theirs. (I used to practice law in North Carolina.) In one of those monsters sued out by a jilted woman in another state, the judge had the nerve to dismiss the case against the young man and then fine him with $300 in court costs, which we had removed when we gave notice of appeal and the chief judge quickly abolished the court costs against the innocent young man.

    You can read about my experiences with these weapons of torture, and outrageous violations of due process of law, at buncyblawg.com.

    I also was arrested, mugged, and prosecuted for cyberstalking, and again the warrant was frivolous and malicious. The case was dismissed but not before I had put up a furious defense and been dragged into courtrooms about 10 times. You can read about this outrage in my blawg too.

    There WILL BE lawsuits to redress these wrongs, including against corrupt local public officials and our crooked district attorney.

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    1. I can tell you that whatever help you’re providing, you’re doing righteous work in providing it. These instruments are so easily abused, and people left, right, and in between are scared and don’t know what to do or where to turn. Seriously, best of luck in getting some measure of redress for the indignities you’ve been put through.

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11. Although an individual may not be prosecuted for putting a false restraining order on you with perjury, you could attempt to put a restraining order on that individual, claim harassment, and have the individual charged with harassment (if I understand correctly). Furthermore, you could attempt to sue the individual for slander, libel, etc..

    Many lawsuits, civil actions, and potential criminal actions can come about by fighting a false restraining order.

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    1. I think that’s one of the reasons judges and court rhetoric are so intimidating: to arrest the process by scaring the defendant off. Otherwise it can be endless. Horribly none of the tactics of counterattack you mention can succeed in clearing your record of this nastiness even though they might make the plaintiff regret her course of action down the road.

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