“Overwhelmed, Outgunned, and Completely Disrespected”: One Woman’s Restraining Order Hell

I was recently emailed by a 50-year-old woman who desperately wants to see her mother before her mother dies. This woman, whom I’ll call Natasha, has been restrained by court injunction from entering, calling, or nearing her childhood home.

The restraining order was petitioned by her father, an attorney who has “unlimited resources.” Natasha herself is jobless for the first time in her life, and doesn’t have the means to hire a lawyer of her own.

Natasha’s mother was hospitalized in September 2011 for over 70 days in intensive care. Natasha didn’t learn about her mother’s condition for three weeks, because her father and brothers, whom she alleges had psychologically and physically abused her, didn’t want her around. She says the physical abuse, doled out over two decades, was at the hands of her brothers and that this abuse was tacitly condoned by her father and sometimes explicitly sanctioned. “Far worse, though, was the psychological abuse from my father,” Natasha says, “who told me I was lying, it didn’t happen, it wasn’t that bad, I must have done something to deserve it.”

Natasha has lived separately from her family for over 15 years.

Natasha stayed with her mother throughout her hospitalization, while her father and brothers merely checked in for a few minutes at a time (always as a group). Her mother’s doctors told her “that there was a 100% chance my mother would not survive. For the next 45 days, I sat at her side and held her hand while her heart stopped and started back up. I was not going to let her die alone in a hospital if I could help it.”

Her mother lived.

Once her mother was discharged, however, Natasha says she was only able to visit her three times before her father applied for a restraining order to drive her off. Telephone calls she made to her mother prior to the court order’s being issued weren’t put through.

“But every time I talked to her, she told me without prompting that she missed me and wished she heard from me more often,” Natasha writes. She also says her mother, who is paralyzed, told her she has to invent complaints just to get her sons to come into her room to see her.

Natasha’s brothers, 33 and 49, live with their parents and have never worked.

Despite the household presence of his two adult sons, Natasha’s father, who hired an attorney to prosecute his case and who is himself a well known lawyer in the local probate court, readily convinced a judge that he was a victim of elder abuse, that he was afraid of his daughter, and that she had tried to extort money from him. Also that she “could not appreciate” the precariousness of her mother’s condition. “He lied in his request everywhere,” she says.

Natasha even reports that she “filed restraining order requests” against her father first but that the court has refused to hear them.

She hasn’t seen her mother, who has undergone another life-threatening surgery since Natasha was issued a restraining order, for nearly a year.

“I just want to spend some time with my mother,” she says. “I am afraid I will never see her again. I know I will not be allowed to attend her funeral. I am so angry, so frustrated, so hurt, and so powerless to do anything.”

She says she intends to file a complaint against her father with the state bar association. And maybe another against the judge who has disregarded her petitions.

Guess how effective that will be.

Copyright © 2013 RestrainingOrderAbuse.com

6 thoughts on ““Overwhelmed, Outgunned, and Completely Disrespected”: One Woman’s Restraining Order Hell

  1. Criminal law already exists. Legal threats are sufficient. A witness with knowledge that a legal threat was made to the right person is sufficient enough. Trespassing laws already exist. The restraining order against “Natasha” was unnecessary.

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    1. Here’s a recent comment from a woman in California who’s been accused of domestic violence that appears on a petition that’s swelled from about 2,500 signatures when I found it in 2011 to over 10,000:

      im in the middle of domestic violence allegations. im disgusted how unjust the system is. im guilty because my boyfriend lied due to mental illness. ive had to do most of my own research. laws need to be changed to protect innocent people. its disgusting this is the united states not a third world country with no justice. i live in california there is no justice when it comes to domestic violence

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    1. The administrators in government who are tasked with “intruding to protect” don’t really seem up to the task. A great deal of authority to pull people’s lives apart is invested in these bureaucrats, who don’t seem to be selected on the basis of their perceptiveness, curiosity, conscience, or diligence.

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