Restraining order abuse is a form of abuse of process or malicious prosecution in which a plaintiff applies for a restraining order for a purpose other than that for which it was intended. Typically this purpose is a vengeful, exploitative, or otherwise vicious one—though restraining orders are also misused by the delusional, who may falsely believe their need to be valid and have no ulterior motive.
Restraining order applicants aren’t screened, whether based on their being under psychiatric care or having a history of mental illness, on their possessing criminal records, or on their having previously sought one or multiple restraining orders in the past. Some restraining order abusers are repeat offenders who know how to game the system for malicious ends.
Restraining order abuse is open to all comers. The courts don’t discriminate, and it doesn’t take a criminal mastermind. It doesn’t in fact even take a good liar, just a willing one.
Though lying to obtain a restraining order is a felony offense (perjury), this crime is never prosecuted, so all a malicious plaintiff risks is disappointment if his or her application is denied or his or her injunction is quashed on appeal—and there’s nothing to stop him or her from reapplying. Getting fraudulent restraining orders against the same defendant in multiple jurisdictions isn’t unheard of, nor is getting fraudulent restraining orders against multiple defendants.
Accountability in this process is nil.
Obtaining a restraining order can require less than an hour’s time and is usually free for the asking. Any adult who walks into a courthouse is entitled to apply. Actual time before a judge may be mere minutes, and restraining orders are issued ex parte, which means a judge’s basis for approving one is the plaintiff’s word alone, along with any evidence s/he may present during the brief interview, which evidence may of course be forged, skewed, or misrepresented. And injunctions may be approved in the absence of any corroborating “evidence” at all.
The entitlement to due process is categorically denied to restraining order defendants. Per Black’s Law Dictionary (6th ed.), “Due process of law in each particular case means such an exercise of the powers of the government as the settled maxims of law permit and sanction, and under such safeguards for the protection of individual rights as those maxims prescribe for the class of cases to which the one in question belongs.” In regard to restraining order defendants, the prescribed “safeguards for the protection of individual rights” are none.
The reason for this is a relic of the past.
Restraining orders were conceived decades ago in response to public outcry as a measure to arrest domestic violence, which was largely ignored or discounted at the time. Accordingly, the customary standard for substantiating a complaint to the court that bears criminal implications and consequences (namely, proof beyond a reasonable doubt) is suspended in restraining order cases, and plaintiffs are given broad latitude to ensure that those in legitimate need of protection will get it. This also explains restraining orders’ being free or inexpensive to procure.
This in turn explains the popularity of restraining orders as instruments of avarice, malice, or vendetta. A false allegation of domestic violence, for example, may require no material substantiation and risks a vicious plaintiff nothing yet may cost an innocent defendant everything, including home, property, and access to children and pets—and even, conceivably, freedom and income. Loss of health, reputation, and enjoyment of life goes without saying.
Motives for restraining order abuse run the gamut. Restraining orders are commonly abused by plaintiffs to gain the upper hand in child custody battles (spouses may portray their husbands or wives as monsters, and even coerce and coach their children to do the same). They’re abused preemptively by stalkers to disarm and dominate the targets of their obsessions. They’re abused by lovers to get clear of unwanted boy- or girlfriends or to spitefully injure boy- or girlfriends who rejected them (or even to injure former boy- or girlfriends’ new girl- or boyfriends). They’re abused to gain sole ownership of pets and property. They’re abused to end extramarital relationships (while casting the accuser—who’s usually the cheater—in a positive light). They’re abused to blackmail: “Give me what I want, and I’ll drop the restraining order.” They’re abused to intimidate, harass, and maim.
Restraining orders are abused, in short, for the petty gratification of anyone who’s low enough to exploit the process.
Copyright © 2012 RestrainingOrderAbuse.com
TALKING BACK to restraining orders 
I don’t mean to be disheartening, but the fact is this. If you are in this situation you are a victim with little if any recourse. The system is set up to assist the alleged abused and fight you until your will and money is gone. You have a stigma attached to you from the time the initial order is written and as time goes by it is all too easy for contempt charges from the alleged abuse. The fact is this, the person who files this has a malicious motive the sooner you realize this and the sooner you realize the court system does not care one bit about you the better you will be. I am not trying to remove all hope but it is the rarity that these orders are overturned. Usually something as simple as a cordial phone call can and will be turned into a contempt charge. Logic, forget it there is no logic it is a completely illogical system. Everyone is making money, the courts, the alleged abused, the attorneys, the counselors and the list goes on.
If you are reading this you are trying to find hope that is good but the sad new is if you have a person vengeful enough to file a restraining order against you they want your blood at all cost. They will not stop until they destroy you. you can spend every dime you have on empty promises of appeal just to find yourself right back where you started. I will say this, the order was done for a reason and typically it is to gain an upper hand in a divorce action take notes and let time pass. DO NOT violate the order in any way even if called by the alleged abused. This is most likely an attempt to entrap you and get a finding of contempt that can put you out if a job and in jail. Yes that’s right they can call, you but you talk to them and it’s contempt.
The reality is grim, you need representation, but to fight a retraining order is almost impossible and is designed to be that way. All roads lead to assisting the alleged abused. Put as must distance as you can legally between you the alleged abuser or your going to find yourself in a work of hurt. The very best you can do is get away stay away follow every order from the court to the letter get therapy and try to see your kids. Try and stay as distanced from the alleged abused as you can. Love, forget love if it were about love they would not have done such a vicious action. If You are religious this may sound familiar” The Thief comes, to steal, Kill and destroy”.
Remember the kids are being brainwashed against you DO NOT be alone with them keep it casual. Don’t talk about what’s going on have a witness that is impartial. Sounds so stupid, your right but it is the clear and unmistakable truth of a restraining order. Logic will not be found here just devastation.
LikeLike
You are absolutely right. I am one of the rare cases, however, that fought this BS and won. The only way this was possible was to fight fire with fire.
You will have to obtain information by any means necessary without being at risk of getting caught. Yes, you can do this legally. Use an investigator if you have money. Tell them you need to find them for legal purposes. You find where the person is and you find when they are at home. You figure out a time and day they could have very well done a number of illegal things, such as assault you, call and threaten you (they would do this from a blocked number of course) or any other thing that would make you “fear for your life.”
Then you go to the court (looking a little worried) and get your own TRO. You make sure that person is served, so use a process server. You throw any kind of allegation in there and don’t worry about it being one you can’t prove. Just make sure it is one they can’t DISPROVE. Meaning they wouldn’t be able to provide alibis or store receipts and shit like that. Police reports help tremendously, but unless you falsify evidence they likely won’t be able to help you *hint hint.don’t be stupid about it either and educate yourself on the legal system and procedures. All of this needs to take place over a span of 3 to four months so don’t rush anything, be patient and do everything correctly. Remember, Restraining Orders are given whenever a person “fears for their life” so you need to always “fear for your life.” When you go to the final hearing, you prove this by showing them a long call history of blocked calls, a receipt for a security system you purchased, maybe even a police report for a strange vehicle parked in front of your house. You need to show that you are living in fear. And you need to convince them that the restraining order is in itself being used as a weapon to deter you from defending yourself. Remember, act like you are scared shitless. You won’t be successful if you are not believable, so be believable. Best case scenario, they drop the restraining order but the more likely scenario is that they grant you one as well. So take this and do what you will with it but don’t go overboard. Just try to use it to balance things out so that you can continue living with a normal life.
LikeLike
wow that so true
LikeLike
So my fiancé with whom I was living at the time decided she wanted out of the relationship. While I was at work we exchanged a few text messages the subject of which was for me to come pick up my stuff and get out. I said that she couldn’t just kick me out because I needed a day or two to find a place to live. A couple hours later I received a text from her explaining that she obtained a TRO (temporary restraining order) and thus I was effectively evicted. All I had were the clothes on my back. She lied and said I threatened to kill her with a gun. Later after she hired a lawyer, and after her lawyer realized she didn’t have enough to obtain a FRO (final restraining order), the TRO was amended to allege that now I pulled her hair and threatened to kill her with a gun. Because she was in such fear for her safety and life, I guess my now ex-fiancé forgot to tell the police I physically abused her too. Something you would think would be the first thing out of her mouth to the police. You would also think that she would have picked a night when I was actually at the house to allege the abuse. Because we were fighting verbally, I slept in my office the night she claims I abused her at 2 a.m. But that apparently doesn’t matter. Neither did it matter that I do not have a gun, I have no access to a gun and in fact I have never even shot one. In addition I had no history of any abuse whatsoever with any woman I’ve had a relationship with. Because I was still in love, crushed emotionally, financially, and every other way, and couldn’t believe she was doing this to me, I made the biggest mistake of my life. I tried to call her and sent her text messages telling her I still loved her and didn’t want her to leave me. I also asked her to drop the restraining order. I never spoke with her and she never responded. I did not threaten her in any way. If anything, I looked more like a groveling loser with a broken heart. What she did do, however, was bring every text message and phone message to the police. The police saw it for what it was and finally told her to stop coming in unless I showed up at the house and did something. However, because she was so adamant about not wanting me to contact her, I was charged with a number of felonies one of which was stalking. This charge was her pride and joy. She told all her friends and anyone else who would listen that she had a stalker. I thought you had to actually follow a person and put them in danger or fear of some sort in order to stalk them, but apparently not. I ended up turning myself in on the charges and spent almost five, yes five months in jail. Apparently my ex was harassing the prosecutor’s office pressuring them to prosecute be to the fullest extent. Perfect example of the squeaky wheel getting the grease. While I was in jail for being stupid, she proceeded to sell my valuables that she would not return. In addition she refuses to give back the engagement ring which was a family heirloom. She has been so afraid for her life that she thought selling all my things would provide her with the safety and protection she needed. This process is such a farce. I’m guilty of being stupid for texting her. But I really wasn’t in the right frame of mind having had my life ripped out from under me. I never touched her nor threatened her in any way. She sold all my stuff because this was about money for her. The TRO was a convenient way for her to end the relationship and not have to hear from me. She later told s friend that she got the TRO because she didn’t want me to talk her back into the relationship. Crazy. My point is that people can lie and say whatever they want to get a TRO and FRO without any evidence of any sort, without any type of mental screening, and the unfortunate person on the other end is automatically assumed to be a slimey perpetrator who hides in the bushes watching people. I’m sure restraining orders serve some purpose for people who are really abused, but is a piece of paper really going to stop someone who is violent and wants to hurt someone? The answer is no. These orders are really CYA orders for the police and the court system so they can say they did everything they could when someone gets hurt. Domestic violence is no joke and I am not in any way trying to trivialize it or say abusers shouldn’t be punished. But why not focus on the criminals who are actually abusing other people and not letting good people have their lives ruined because of someone who abuses the process of getting a restraining order because they are angry or have a score to settle. There has to reform. There have to be consequences for people who abuse the process.
LikeLike
My Girlfriend who I was engaged to ,been together for seven years ,lived together
invested into a condo we have been living there for five years splitting the mortgage /condo fees.
One day I woke up from work and she accused me of being on drugs. I told her that I
Wanted to end the relationship because I thought that was a joke and did not want to
Be around someone who does not trust me. So I packed some clothing and told her I think we need a week for both of us to cool down.
The next day I was served a restraining order that said my girlfriend feared for her life .
Everything she said was a lie. Her sister said to my girlfriend how could you do that to someone ?
She said the lawyer she had ,change things around to make me look worse. So she could get my
Girlfriend a restraining order. Know my girlfriend said she wants to drop the restraining order
Because everything was a lie . To me I feel when I go with a recording of Pam confession that she lied and the lawyer creative writing was just more of a lie worse . Is there a law against a lawyer who
Lied on a affidavit ? My girlfriend wants me to meet her in court and is willing to say she lied and the lawyers creative writing made it worse.
LikeLike
There are ERs (ethical rules) that forbid a lawyer from deceiving the court, but the fraud would probably have to be glaring and pretty serious to earn the lawyer a censure or a fine.
Couple things (very important): (1) Even though your girlfriend may be cool with your talking with her despite the court order, she could have you jailed for contempt of court; and (2) your girlfriend could just return to court and request that the order be dismissed/vacated.
LikeLike
So my story starts with an unscrupulous business partner squeezing me (he’s been trained in Mind Control), then as I tried to leave the business and went manic in the process, my wife filed a personal protective order and divorce papers on Day 2 of my 8-day stint in the University of Michigan psychiatric ward.
That was 90 days ago.
I left my house in on Wednesday, February 25th because my wife would not support me filing suit against my soon to be ex business partner, who recently extorted 10k from me by scheduling all kinds of corporate training work with a big client while I was on vacation at Disney. Michigan law says I abandoned them when I took refuge at my sister’s and made an appointment with my business attorney.
My lawyer said I had a clear case of what is called business oppression, a tricky legal case to win. She said I needed to put together records to prove the oppression. Turns out he also over paid his son 65k, so I wasn’t so crazy after all. My wife still begged me to reconcile with the partner, even though she acknowledged that he was oppressive. Fear makes my soon to be ex-wife stupid and mean.
After spending 5 days gathering enough evidence, all I wanted to do is go home to my family. When I got there early Tuesday morning, March 1st, I was greeted by changed garage code and locks. My banging on the door triggered the glass break sensors because I was banging with a lugnut wrench from my car, as the doorbell was broken.
Police were called. They let me into the house to gather my belongings, then shipped me to U of M (voluntarily). Day 2 of my stint there I was served with a PPO.
4 weeks later it was amended to allow for supervised visitation. On May 2nd my wife enfuriated her over the top lawyer by telling her that if I provided letters from my psychiatrist, my psychologist, and passed a drug test, she would lift the supervision requirement. I met all 3 of her terms last Friday, but nothing is happening. My lawyer tells me it may take months 😦
How can she allow me to be alone with our 13 year old daughter, but still keep me out of our house that she is now selling and away from her?
This is just so frustrating. I’m a college professor and researcher, yet I have no access to all of my stuff in my home office.
I feel like I’m being punished.
Ron
LikeLike
People read a post like yours and respond by telling their story without giving any advice or trying to help. I am in a similar situation, totally different details, but I was kicked out of home, no contact with daughter or wife, all my files are at home and I can’t get in the home to get stuff to fight the TRO on my trial date. Best advice is to hire an Attorney. It’s expensive and you need to seek out a few until you feel very comfortable with one. One that specializes in Restraining (Called Protective Orders in some States) orders. I started with divorce and eventually found one who deals primarily with TRO’s. Then you need to review the allegations and go over it with a fine tooth comb and try to find contradictions within the allegations…Emails, text messages, Facebook accounts of Peritioner AND close friends and family members that my she perjury. Unless it is not that important to you. In my case, took my child away and I was served with a stay away / move out order from my own home. My hearing date is 3 weeks after being served. She asked for everything available to ask for on the TRO form and was granted most with some huge exceptions such as I don’t have to pay the mortgage, but since my child is there 100% right now, I did. Attorney said this also gets you a lot of brownie points.
Remember, the burden of proof is on the Peritioner but keep in mind that the burden of proof in Restraining Orders is very low, lower than a civil suit. Regardless, I found major lies in the statement for requesting the order and texts, emails, etc to prove she is lieing. You should not do this on your own in my opinion, especially when there is something important on the line such as a child. Also, as stated in the article above, my spouse did this to maneuver to get the home and child and more visitation = more child support. As for the house, possession is 9/10 of the law as the saying goes. Must discredit your spouse in the eyes of the judge.
LikeLike
I was the victim of two malicious restraining orders. The first was a fast way for my girlfriend at the time to worm her way out of me finding out she was a pathological liar. The second was similar, with a business being trusted in the woman’s name. When it was discovered that the business was not legitimate on her end, she destroyed my life.
LikeLike
If I try to get a restraining order on my mother in law for harassing her son and me along with my child, she will try to black mail me. I’m not sure what to do. Any advice would be amazing. Please help.
LikeLike
If you’re not financially dependent on the woman, my thought would be to save evidence of the harassment in case you need to defend yourselves and cut the woman out of your lives. I think these family matters are best kept in the family. Could you just give her the cold shoulder?
LikeLike
You really need to provide more information. Blackmail you with what? It sounds like you have something you must have done and you’re trying to get back at her. The way you wrote such a vague post. This is a third party who knows nothing about your situation, but it appears that you are wanting to use the restraining order as revenge at face value.
LikeLike
Someone please help.
My mother in law ( we all live in same house that she owns) went and said I hit her and put a protective order on me. She had a black eye that she had for a week prior from falling while she was drunk.
She wants us to move..was going to kick us out..and she came up with the perfect way
The sheriff served me and made me leave my home..my husband and my kids. I had video of the actual events that night.showing her drunk and pushing me and the cop would not even look at it.
Now she and her sister are calling leaving voicemail that if my family..this is her son and grandkids..if they don’t get out in the next 24 hours..she will press these false charges on me.
I need help. I’m homeless without my family for no reason. All because of lies. Please any help I’d appreciate
LikeLike
Jesse, the cops can’t intervene in a matter that originates with the court. You need to show that video to a judge. And play those emails. Upload them somewhere and don’t lose them.
LikeLike
My sons PFA case was dismissed with prejudice here in good ole Alabama. Part of his ex-girlfriends fraudulent PFA accused him of “trying to run her off the road”. Because of this, he was arrested for reckless endangerment at the courthouse where he was picking up his copy of the PFA. My question is if the case was dismissed with prejudice, doesn’t that cover all of the accusations contained therein?
How can the PFA be dismissed and not the criminal charge that stemmed from the PFA?
A dismissal with prejudice is a dismissal of a case on merits after adjudication. The plaintiff is barred from bringing an action on the same claim. Dismissal with prejudice is a final judgment and the case becomes res judicata on the claims that were or could have been brought in it.
I am confused.
Love the site! You have great information here. Thanks for any assistance in this matter.
Sher
LikeLike
If you go to the courthouse, it’s possible a judge might see you. It’s not strictly orthodox, but if it means having a residence and being on the street, why not try? Say you’re moving to “dismiss” the order.
LikeLike
My ex wife just kicked me out of my own home yesterday with a temp order. The house is in my name. Is there anything g I can do to reverse this and not wait for the hearing in two weeks?
LikeLike
Do you have the means to get a lawyer involved, Aaron? If your ex-wife isn’t living in the home, there may be a possibility. Email Betty here: http://www.bettykrachey.com. She was in the same boat and was allowed to remain at home until her hearing. You can also file a motion to dismiss in advance of the trial, which could provide you with a way to get some facts in ahead of time (as far as providing a copy to your ex goes, you could ask that the police deliver it: Don’t deliver anything to your wife yourself). I’m spit-balling here (my own experiences haven’t been with someone I lived with), but you might be able to go to the courthouse, file a motion to see the judge, and explain that you’re homeless for no reason.
If your ex-wife, for whatever reason, is living in the house, that might be a tougher sell.
LikeLike
Depends on the State you reside in. Laws differ. In California, in general NO. You have to wait for the hearing. The only way to do anything in advance is by Ex Parte (Emergency Order) and you’re wasting your time unless you read up on the State laws that address when an Ex Parte can be granted and see if you fit in the category and can show cause and prove one of the allowable exceptions that allow for Ex Parte. For example if a child was involved in the restraining order, in California, an Ex Parte can be granted ONLY if you can show that your child is in immediate danger by you not being there. It is very difficult to do, but read up and see. It sucks, but that’s how the laws work and that is the purpose of the hearing. Most judges are ways overworked and have heard, seen, and been through it all and they deal with this stuff ALL day for years so most have very little patience and sympathy.
LikeLike
I have a restraining order story that is beyond appalling. Of course my circumstances surround a child custody case & a abusive Ex & his new wife who obtained a 2 year protection order against me in Spokane County WA and used that protection order as a tool to try to have me jailed. Their attorney Susan Sprague-Embree played a major role in harassing me with this protection order. The most disturbing fact about this is this unethical Attorney submitted a declaration by a dentist who is the employer of the new wife to make a long story short (I’m leaving out s lot) the dentist states to a Deoartment of Health investigator under oath that he never provided a declaration in that matter but the official court transcripts contradicts this discussing this declaration on record over 30 different times then the unethical Judge Annette Pkese used it as evidence to grant a protection order in favor of my Ex & his wife who then used that protection order to file 12 police reports trying to violate me so after all those failed attempts the Unethical Attorney (drunk) served me a summons to appear in court and they violated me for showing up to the court hearing charges I was forced to defend against for 905 days. Rather then the attorney being held accountable for this criminal conduct the Unethical Judge Plese took my rights away to access my children’s dental records to ensure that her friend the unethical Attorney Susan Embree was not held accountable turns out this Judge and attorney are friends. This is only a small fraction of my nightmare restraining order abuse.
LikeLike
You know, these things are so petty they’re impossible to communicate to others. People can’t grasp how you lose years, how that affects you mentally, emotionally, physically. The games, the cronyism, the cover-up.
If you can’t be be specific about your circumstances because you’re still in the crosshairs, you’re welcome to submit a post, which I’ll add a frame to and publish under my own byline.
LikeLike
Thank you means a lot that you took the time to respond to me! I appreciate the support. As a victim of restraining order abuse I know first hand how horrible it is to be harassed and abused by a monster who obtains a restraining order using it to further abuse someone. These types of people are sick and twisted who need exposure!
LikeLike
What a knot these things become (and what’s glaringly obvious and outrageous to you, a judge might not even look at). I’ve faced an unethical attorney, too. They know the truth…but winning is everything (and the pay is good). My male mind wants to try to find a fix for you. There are grounds for alleging an order is “void.” You can check your state’s Rule 60 (what subsection might apply is something you’d have to find out). This may come with a filing deadline, or it may say a void order can be contested anytime. If you were issued an order with two competent adult plaintiffs on it, this may mean the order was improperly issued. If you could demonstrate fraud (particularly by an attorney = “fraud on the court”), this would also invalidate the order (and an order based on “fraud on the court” can be appealed anytime, I think). There might also be something about “conspiracy” (conspiracy to defraud the court). How the actual mechanics of the process work, you’d have to figure out. I totally believe you about the cronyism and back-scratching. If you could find an inroad, you might be able to get this before a proper judge, even if it meant appealing an initial judgment against you. There may even be some way to file for redress in a federal court. I just don’t know enough about legal procedure to propose how. People basically get screwed in these processes because they don’t have tens of thousands of dollars to chuck to the wind. Certainly you could ask a lawyer if there’s anything that could be done at this point. Sooner than try to say what’s been done, try to show it would be my thought. If you can show contradictions (like 30 of them), that might signify. Documents can be scanned for free at a local library and saved to a thumb drive as PDFs. Then a snipping tool can be used to pull individual statements out. Underlining is easily done by putting a snippet or a full document in Paint and using the underline tool while holding down the shift key. There’s a free software product called PDF Shaper that can pull PDFs apart, turn them into jpegs, reassemble them, etc. A 30-day trial of Adobe Acrobat can also be downloaded for free, and this is a powerful tool. If you’d like me to post the contradictory statements here, I will.
LikeLiked by 1 person
thank you for your reply means a lot!Love to share with you what I experienced in my case and a fraudulent protection I was harassed with for 2 solid years defending myself against criminal charges for 905 days. I fought back using my big mouth and some of their tactics and it paid off after all i was fighting for my liberty 90 days of it cause the prosecutor wasn’t budging according to my public defender who I fired after that came out of his mouth! I have a unethical Judge after me for unintentionally exposing her and her corrupt lawyer friends criminal conduct by filing a complaint with the Department of Health I had no idea it would reveal what it did and that it would cost me any chance to have a relationship with my 2 children. needless to say I do not lack passion and I am relentless which leaves them all scratching their heads.
LikeLike
thays awful. I believe you may request another judge hear the case. I didn’t see you mention an Attorney. You Cannot deal with something like this alone. You MUST get an Attorney. You can also write the BAR and file a complaint against the Attorney AND the Judge. The problem in family court is that everything moves so slowly. But hope those ideas help. The BAR idea is probably the way to go. But get an Attorney. Also, you cannot depend on people on this Site giving you legit legal advise because they are likely not Attornies. Family law Attornies are very expensive and almost all charge purely by the hour and require a retainer. Go in and find one that gives free consultation though. Go see several. Attornies are not going to be trolling this Site. This site is best used to read what happened to others or to get ideas. Good luck.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you!! I have another story about the Bar and its members it’s a good one too!
LikeLike
My attorney is saying that we won’t get a chance to say anything at this hearing. That the judge will either dismiss it, or consolidate it into our family court case, which will basically extend my ex’s maneuver of legally kidnapping my son from me for another 2 weeks until we can get a hearing. Does anyone know how this can be just? Obviously we’re not really dealing with a just system here, but I just want to make sure I have all my facts straight before court. So if I understand correctly, my ex, the petitioner, will get to tell the judge whatever lies or his account of what neglect I’ve caused to our son and I won’t even get to show the medical records or say hey, that’s completely exaggerated and untrue?
LikeLike
I went to our courthouse yesterday to attempt to file charges against my ex for falsifying a protective order to gain quick custody of my son and the sheriff’s office just told me too bad. Pretty much ver batim. I wanted to spit on them I was so disgusted.
LikeLike
There’s a man named Ben Vonderheide (a.k.a. “Daddy Justice“). Since he came to understand how process is conducted, he hasn’t gone anywhere without a video camera.
My own mentor’s maxim is: “Always Be Recording” (ABR).
LikeLike
Ok, just know I did respond and you can always call me through the number on the website.
LikeLike
I’m glad you told me cause I haven’t gotten it yet. I’m checking all my spam folders. Will you double check the spelling of my email, bc I spell my name weird.
LikeLike
I understand. You have to maintain your health and sanity for your child(ren). Something the I couldn’t do too well. I did respond to your email and left you my number to call me when you get a chance.
LikeLike
I’m actually leaving work now to go to the courthouse to acquire a copy of the affidavit he used in order to get the ex parte PO. I’m interested to see what he said. Basically it was allegations of an unsafe home and neglect (both complete lies) on the one I received. This man accuses me of neglect for giving birth to our son early. We’re not working with a full deck of cards here. But legally, he always seems to win. It is terrifying.
LikeLike
Agreed…what I did was get the transcript of the court hearing. (Again, people do not have money to do all these things to protect themselves) it cost me $75. but soooo worth having. You can read through the lies and ALWAYS use it as proof and possibly file an action against the “plaintiff”. I am actually working on getting statistics on the false claims that are filed but it’s so difficult because in some cases the plaintiff wins on perjury anyway.
LikeLike
It’s amazing how you THINK you know a persona until the relationship is over. A lot of mixed emotions I know you’re going through especially with a child involved, defending your name against the lies and deceit etc. Believe me…I know. And I know you are missing your child. We are trying to peruse the court of law on these issues because perjury is “suppose” to be punishable by law but people lie everyday even in the court of law.
Please see our video on our Youtube page and tell me I understand what you are going through. https://youtu.be/GmLen7BkQ5M
Please keep us posted on your situation. Truth should prevail!!!
Melissa
LikeLike
I just sent you a message on your foundation site. I hope that’s okay. I’m just grasping at straws at anywhere I can get information. I’m seriously thinking of going to law school to help me fight this. If I can ever stop being the defendant long enough to do it. I have my degree already but it hasn’t done me much good. His dad has much more money to drag me through court than I have to fight back. Thank God I have supportive parents.
LikeLike
Of course it is fine. Will go retrieve it. (Got it) Yes!!! If your heart is in it and you want to assist those to never go through what you’re going through…I say do it!!!! There’s not a lot of people to help in these situations. Legal Aid can’t take every case and it goes by income. I can make $60,000 a year (which I don’t, no where near) and still not be able to afford an “affordable attorney” at the cheapest I’ve seen $250. an hr. It’s terrible, but it’s not recognized widely enough until enough people who have been through it speak out about it.
Funny, The KJF did a Community Health Day event with the Mayor of Union City this past Sat. Now you know next month is election month, so people running for Judges, Sheriff’s, etc. were out at the event. One potential Judge candidate came up to our table and I explained what we do, what we are trying to change etc…she said wow great, it would definitely work with the Judicial System and then introduced herself. She has my card, haven’t heard from her as of yet. WE ALL must let our voices be heard. Just like with Todd (the owner of this site). He needs us to speak out for him as well. If we are on this site looking for a solution…we all need to help each other with what resources we may have.
LikeLike
Oh my goodness..ok. Well I have a pretty good little entourage of family and friends that will come with me just in case. My attorney says that the PO judge will either dismiss it completely or roll it into our paternity custody case since that’s not really her jurisdiction that we JUST agreed on barely a month ago. In the PO, he stated he would file for Emergency Custody LAST Wednesday, but he hasn’t, either because he’s too lazy or because he knows even though he is a fabulous liar that’s pushing it. So I’m hoping that the PO just gets dismissed since it clearly says he would do it on the PO or the child may be removed from the PO.
LikeLike
I know Hun. It’s a terrible feeling, I am just now getting over the horrible feeling. And it’s going on 2yrs. Time and justice (real justice) will help heal. I’m not sure about other states but in Georgia, written statements are not permitted and considered “hearsay”. (I have plenty of letters that couldn’t be submitted) Your best defense is to have them in court with you as a witness for your attorney to call up as witness.
LikeLike
Thank you so much. My heart is in tatters. I sit and watch the clock tick waiting for court and the opportunity to see my baby again. Will the PO judge allow letters stating I’m a diligent and careful mother or will she even hear it?
LikeLike
I’m sorry, I was using my phone to respond, seeing your message but responding to Broken Mama’s message. Not sure what state you’re in but letters are considered “hearsay” in Georgia. If you can gather up all your witness’s, your attorney will usually speak with them and decide which one(s) he/she may use as a good witness for your case. I had about 11 friends and family in the court for my false restraining order that the Judge dropped the case on. The Judge will ask your witness’s to go out of the courtroom until called by your attorney.
My heart ached for you.
Melissa
LikeLike
My ex and father of my child has manipulated the court system against me to use our almost 3 year old son as a weapon since he was 3 months old. I have tried coparenting to an absolutely insane degree to no avail. It is quite obvious that he has some personality disorder. A week ago Monday, he filed a protective order against me for himself and our son claiming a past history of neglect and harm caused to our son and it was granted! Now this man is 6’9″ and I am 5’3″.
There is absolutely ZERO abuse, harm, or neglect to my sweet little boy (except the mental and emotional harm caused by his father) but constant CONSTANT allegations of it. Now I haven’t seen or been able to speak to or even ask about my son in over a week and he actually has a disease that I normally manage (because his dad is “far too busy” to give him his daily medication). I am beyond heartbroken and don’t know what to do, if there is even anything to do until we have court in 6 days on the PO hearing.
I’ve never in my life had any issues with anyone until I met this psychopath and my life has been flipped upside down. I just want to live a peaceful life with my son and he is making it absolutely impossible.
My lawyer says that there really is nothing we can do until our hearing date which seems completely ludicrous considering I have messages galore indicating that he is the antagonist in our relationship, threatening harm, saying that I need to be punished.
Are there really no laws to protect or reverse the abuse of false PO’s and return the children to their actual loving parent and not the one who’s pretending to be loving and simply using them to hurt the other one?
LikeLike
None, no. A persistent defendant who has prevailed in court and been exonerated may (emphasis on may) be able to convince a judge to expunge the dismissed order (the only law on the books allowing this is in Tennessee), but that’s about it. Even grounds for appeal are almost none. Unless lies are exposed at trial—and the trial judge acknowledges them to be lies—they’re “not” lies, and you can’t appeal them as such (and a judge who plans to find against you is not going to call the plaintiff a “liar” on the record, anyway).
Get an attorney if you can. Accumulate all the evidence you can (and make multiple copies to present in court). Emphasize the plaintiff’s “ulterior motive(s).” Attorney Gregory Hession stresses this. Track down his blog (MassOutrage.com) and pull down the tab about restraining orders. Find his advice on fighting a “false allegation restraining order.”
LikeLike
Wow. That is really disheartening. My friends and family keep asking me how this is happening and I don’t understand it even though I’m in the middle of it. I have read up on the massoutrage site you posted and will continue to read. I do have an attorney so hopefully that will do something for me, although it hasn’t in the past. No one seems to know how to stop this one single man hellbent on destroying my life.
LikeLike
Your situation sounds too familiar. My son will be 3yrs old in May. Thus me starting The Kayden Jayce Foundation. Unfortunately, you have to fight and money will be spent in defending yourself and your child. 1 thing for certain you DO NOT want child protective services to get involved over a false accusation of abuse and neglect. CPS can easily say “until we investigate, we may have to remove the child from the home”. I always tell people “fight, fight fight”, save all correspondence, text, emails, voicemails, cell phone bills (to prove who’s been calling who) etc. I can only image your feelings right now. Been down that path with a child involved. Don’t give up!!
LikeLike
Are people not counterclaiming these frivolous TRO petitions? The counterclaim would be for malicious abuse of process. This is what I am doing in a case of a bogus TRO/petition for injunction that was filed against me by a delusional family member. She tried having it dismissed but I had enough evidence (or was able to rebut her allegations) enough that it was not dismissed. The judge ordered mediation, which we will have next month some time. We MUST turn it around to expose their lies. Being a defendant will get you nowhere. A counterclaim turns you into the plaintiff and if you have the evidence to show you’re the one being harassed then you’ll win. Also, a counter-TRO should be filed in those cases where the accuser is actually the abuser.
LikeLike
By the way this is NOT legal advice. Just a question and what I am doing. It should not be construed in any way as legal advice. I have to give this disclaimer because the TRO is intertwined with a complaint of unauthorized practice of law for trying to help the family member (who came to me). Check out http://gofundme.com/injusticesystem for details. I’m also going to be sharing the entire story through a series of e-mails, which you can sign up for on http://tinyurl.com/injusticesystem. I chose to do it this way as opposed to a blog because I will be able to be much more candid about what I have witnessed with the so-called “justice” system. It is deplorable what is going on.
LikeLike
Agreed…People do not have the funds to defend themselves. In my case, I got the transcripts. It cost me $75.00 and the case was dismissed but was well worth it. I not only can read and have proof of the lies and perjury BUT can use it as evidence if I decided to pursue a claim etc. It’s every important to do this with ALL info…text, email, vm messages even paying for transcripts of the actual case. It’s money we don’t have and definitely don’t want to spend for court documents but very useful when it comes to defending yourself.
LikeLike
Yes, exactly. I’ve done it all on my own learning laws, case law, and court procedure. I’ve screwed up on a couple of things but for the most part it’s been good. Taking time to learn is very worth it in the end. We can’t rely on attorneys anymore. They charge way too much and actually profit from these endless family disputes. They do not have our best interest at heart. It doesn’t behoove them for people to work out their issues outside of court.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, 100% agreed. $250. per hour is the cheapest I’ve seen. No one can afford that aside from all their prior living expenses. Please visit our website. kaydenjaycefoundation.org I am trying to assist those who can’t afford to defend themselves. Here is also a video of what we do and why. https://youtu.be/GmLen7BkQ5M
LikeLike
Trying to get these attorneys to give potential clients cheaper rates if they come through the Foundation and/or for free. If we can get enough donations we are willing to pay the retainer fee or court cost. Nonprofit is difficult, especially when you want to truly help and assist those who don’t have it. It’s not until one goes through it…that they understand.
LikeLike
You can sue if the accusations against you are dismissed. You can even move the court to award you costs on the spot. If they’re not dismissed, though, it gets hairy. You can’t sue for perjury, and you can’t allege the person lied in a collateral (different) action without the likelihood that a judge (or an attorney) will say it’s a res judicata (an already decided thing).
There absolutely are grounds for suing for fraud, defamation, and intentional infliction of emotional distress, but convincing a judge to let a complaint on those bases go to trial is tough, because the presumption is if the judge at the restraining order hearing found against you, you’re the bad guy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So when you say you can sue for costs on the spot, you don’t mean at the PO hearing? Just trying to get my bearings. I don’t know if I have a very good attorney bc it would seem I don’t have her to ask these questions to.
Sent via the Samsung Galaxy S® 4 zoom™, an AT&T 4G LTE smartphone
LikeLike
Yes, at the hearing (at its conclusion, assuming the judgment is in your favor: dismissal).
LikeLike
If the TRO hearing turns out bad for you, yes, you will have a much more difficult time. Mine was dissolved, but it was also not between man/woman or exes. It was another (extended) family member. I still think bringing in your own evidence and turning it around as soon as possible will at least show them you won’t take it lying down.
LikeLike
My ex is an attorney with borderline personality disorder and I am currently out on bond with 15 serious charges pending. I’ve never laid a hand on her and every time she calls the police they come only to find me battered and beaten and no markings on her. Of course I’m still the one who gets arrested though. That’s the consequence for being twice her size. This is all happening despite the fact that I have texts from HER basically telling me she will ruin my life in “legal” ways and that I should start hiding because my life of misery will soon begin. I also have security video I obtained from my apartment manager that shows her hitting me repeatedly as I turn and protect my face. Most people think my life is ruined but I actually consider myself extremely lucky because I could have been married to this horrible person and even had children with her. Luckily, though, I did not. I used to be afraid of gangs and street violence, but now I’m afraid of police and lawyers with borderline personality disorder.
LikeLike
I have had now 5 filed against me in 5 years by the same plaintiff each time with our minor child in it, which I have joint custody to. Altogether it has occurred in 4 counties in 2 states now. All have been dismissed at the first hearing, and guess where I get to go Monday? Another one. Oh yeah, she has had me arrested and put in jail twice totaling 5 days. Want to guess what the outcome of those were? One was dismissed, and the other I was found Not Guilty. She has already been found in contempt of the custody order, and that occurred while she had the restraining order. Something has to give here. These are the most abused civil suits their are period.
LikeLike
I am having issues with a neighbor from hell. Our 9 year old daughters used to play together until one day my daughter refused to play with their daughter because she wanted her own time to play with another child in the neighborhood. After I found out that this occurred I explained to my child she should have played with both friends and that this possibly hurt the other child’s feelings. I took my daughter to their home to apologize and was met with rude cursing from the father and told to keep my kids on my side of the street and he will keep his on his side and that he was tired of the bullshit. I was in shock because kids will be kids and I felt I was doing the right thing by teaching my daughter to respect peoples feelings and to apologize. Needless to say I felt that I did not want my child to be friends with a family that reacts like that anyway and told my daughter not to talk to them anymore. The weeks to follow consisted of my daughter being flipped off, called a b*t*h, and Ass*hol* by the other child’s parents. I tried to call the police to file a harassment report and went to their home and told them to leave my child alone and that I was filing a report. In turn they contacted the police and lied saying my husband threatened them with a gun in his hand, when they have CC television in front of their home where they say he threatened him but they had no video of the incident because they were lying. I was surprised weeks and now months later after more and more harassment by these idiots has been directed to my child and my family. I was then served with a restraining order in the mail by these people who lied about everything to the courts. The order said I had to go to court to surrender firearms that we never possessed. I went and told the judge I wanted to contest, that they lied about everything. The judge said I had a small window of time to do so, and being that I had barely started a new job and I was on a work probation period for attendance I didn’t have the time to take off work so I filed my own restraining order that same day but couldn’t ever pick up the forms to serve these people because I had no vehicle and I was traveling through multiple cities by bus just to get to and from work. Just this week I was traveling home from the grocery store and drove down the same street I always do that we both live on , and I was just arrested for driving past their house coming home from the grocery store. This is abuse- these people are using the judicial system to harass my family, pump fear in my kids, and now I am paying for trying to protect my child from adults that are preying on children? What is wrong with this picture!? And now the city police are protecting these people, whom are convicted felons, and this is not the first time this psychotic woman has abused the system by obtaining a restraining order against someone just to abuse the order and protect herself from the people SHE harasses- I need help!
LikeLike
I would get that restraining order served, Stefanie, so you have some credibility. They can call the police on you daily if they want.
You could be preemptive, explain to the police that you have an order but haven’t had time to have it served, that you’re neighbors, and that driving past the other people’s home is unavoidable.
On what basis were you arrested? An officer thought s/he had probable cause because you drove to your house?
LikeLike
There are two other routes I can use to come home from the grocery store, but the shortest route is the one I have been using since all of this craziness began and without a problem. I submitted my restraining orders on both the husband and wife yesterday and received a call today from the clerk to confirm receipt. The clerk said that they should both be processed by this afternoon and that I can pick them up as soon as Monday. Thanks God! I will be getting our local sheriffs to serve them asap! I never want togo to jail for something as ridiculous as this and I am mortified. If I have to move I will surely try to get my expenses paid by these idiots in court!
LikeLike
Good deal. Now you’re on an equal footing.
The other value this can have (maybe at some point) is compromise.
LikeLike