What Is Restraining Order Abuse?

Restraining order abuse is a form of abuse of process or malicious prosecution in which a plaintiff applies for a restraining order for a purpose other than that for which it was intended. Typically this purpose is a vengeful, exploitative, or otherwise vicious one—though restraining orders are also misused by the delusional, who may falsely believe their need to be valid and have no ulterior motive.

Restraining order applicants aren’t screened, whether based on their being under psychiatric care or having a history of mental illness, on their possessing criminal records, or on their having previously sought one or multiple restraining orders in the past. Some restraining order abusers are repeat offenders who know how to game the system for malicious ends.

Restraining order abuse is open to all comers. The courts don’t discriminate, and it doesn’t take a criminal mastermind. It doesn’t in fact even take a good liar, just a willing one.

Though lying to obtain a restraining order is a felony offense (perjury), this crime is never prosecuted, so all a malicious plaintiff risks is disappointment if his or her application is denied or his or her injunction is quashed on appeal—and there’s nothing to stop him or her from reapplying. Getting fraudulent restraining orders against the same defendant in multiple jurisdictions isn’t unheard of, nor is getting fraudulent restraining orders against multiple defendants.

Accountability in this process is nil.

Obtaining a restraining order can require less than an hour’s time and is usually free for the asking. Any adult who walks into a courthouse is entitled to apply. Actual time before a judge may be mere minutes, and restraining orders are issued ex parte, which means a judge’s basis for approving one is the plaintiff’s word alone, along with any evidence s/he may present during the brief interview, which evidence may of course be forged, skewed, or misrepresented. And injunctions may be approved in the absence of any corroborating “evidence” at all.

The entitlement to due process is categorically denied to restraining order defendants. Per Black’s Law Dictionary (6th ed.), “Due process of law in each particular case means such an exercise of the powers of the government as the settled maxims of law permit and sanction, and under such safeguards for the protection of individual rights as those maxims prescribe for the class of cases to which the one in question belongs.” In regard to restraining order defendants, the prescribed “safeguards for the protection of individual rights” are none.

The reason for this is a relic of the past.

Restraining orders were conceived decades ago in response to public outcry as a measure to arrest domestic violence, which was largely ignored or discounted at the time. Accordingly, the customary standard for substantiating a complaint to the court that bears criminal implications and consequences (namely, proof beyond a reasonable doubt) is suspended in restraining order cases, and plaintiffs are given broad latitude to ensure that those in legitimate need of protection will get it. This also explains restraining orders’ being free or inexpensive to procure.

This in turn explains the popularity of restraining orders as instruments of avarice, malice, or vendetta. A false allegation of domestic violence, for example, may require no material substantiation and risks a vicious plaintiff nothing yet may cost an innocent defendant everything, including home, property, and access to children and pets—and even, conceivably, freedom and income. Loss of health, reputation, and enjoyment of life goes without saying.

Motives for restraining order abuse run the gamut. Restraining orders are commonly abused by plaintiffs to gain the upper hand in child custody battles (spouses may portray their husbands or wives as monsters, and even coerce and coach their children to do the same). They’re abused preemptively by stalkers to disarm and dominate the targets of their obsessions. They’re abused by lovers to get clear of unwanted boy- or girlfriends or to spitefully injure boy- or girlfriends who rejected them (or even to injure former boy- or girlfriends’ new girl- or boyfriends).  They’re abused to gain sole ownership of pets and property. They’re abused to end extramarital relationships (while casting the accuser—who’s usually the cheater—in a positive light). They’re abused to blackmail: “Give me what I want, and I’ll drop the restraining order.” They’re abused to intimidate, harass, and maim.

Restraining orders are abused, in short, for the petty gratification of anyone who’s low enough to exploit the process.

Copyright © 2012 RestrainingOrderAbuse.com

517 thoughts on “What Is Restraining Order Abuse?”

  1. I was in a relation back in my country which was accepted by both of our parents .but later she asked me for breakup as i was not taking care of her which made me miserable and i started a new life forgetting her .She again started texting me by finding my new mobile number and disturbed me for an year through mails and made me to loose my privacy by confessing infront of everyone as i am not talking to her and reasons for that and the textstexts which made me to finally accept her and promised that i will return to marry.But she betrayed me and started a new relation and came here for studies without saying me anything which made me angry and texted her badly to her and texted to her new boyfriend about what all she done to me ,I got a warning from cops to seize everything ,But unable to control my emotions i texted to her dad about this and what all she done to me,But now everyone started blackmailing me and case will be filed as i am harrasing her ,But i just explained what all happened. I spending sleep less nights as due to a small mistake which i made due to anger and depression as i was betrayed badly .Can i get out of this trouble.Please help me

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  2. Wow. I wish I would have known about this site 1 year ago, but I am just now “feeling better” about moving on after losing EVERYTHING shortly after being served a no-contact order for (ready?) …raising my voice. Coincidently, this occurred after putting vehicle and home in fiance’s name – it was meant to be a temporary switch to appease the title company after a tax lien came up from 10 years ago.

    Even after her testimony in front of a superior court judge where she admitted I was not/am not an abusive man whatsoever, the judge not only upheld the order, but also denied any civil standby and declared that my “stuff” is no longer MY stuff.

    Said stuff, were contents that filled up a 4,000 square foot custom home I purchased in 2012 and were more valuable than the home itself — which she voluntarily forfeited to the builder I bought it from upon initiation of civl court proceedings.

    Shortly after (she was also 40% owner of my LLC), I was arrested and charged with several counts of violating the NCO for emails that went out to clients, which had been BCC’d to her automatically via our CRM.

    I went from a $200,000/yr income to living a car someone gave me, avoiding the police due to warrants for not keeping up with $1,498/mo child support payments. For one kid.

    If anyone is curious, I have the whole story here: http://bit.ly/whos-abusing-who

    Again, thank you for all the valuable information on this site

    -Jason

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  3. Yeah
    I had a EPO put on me…And I proved her to be a lying piece of scat.. .
    If she lied to obtain the order that’s perjury and is a felony.

    I have more then enough proof as well as the testimony with Indiana Code that shows more than two discrepancies, and according to code that’s a felony why would she not be charged with false reporting? If I gave a copy different name it’s a felony…

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    1. I think there are fewer than 10 states in which false reporting of one kind or another is a felony. Indiana is one of them.

      I’ve recently been attacked by a woman who lied to the police, so I’ve been thinking about the same thing.

      Something that occurred to me is that testimony to the court, even if outlandishly false, may be called “privileged”; but reports to the police are not. In other words, a judge may conclude that anyone can make any BS claim in a courtroom, and that’s protected by “litigation privilege,” so you can’t sue for defamation. False statements to the police, however, are not protected by anything. They’re basically the same as lying to anyone publicly.

      Getting the state to prosecute a liar only happens in exceptional cases.

      You could, though, think about prosecuting the woman in civil court if she lied to the police.

      If by “false reporting,” you mean “perjury,” then you’ve got the old obstacle. There’s a difference, however, because you won your case. And a win in an EPO case basically says the allegations were false (even though the judge might not have said that).

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    2. When these games began for me, 10 years ago, I didn’t know anything about fighting monsters in a courtroom. In an alleyway, no problem. Feminists think violence is terrible. Violence is nothing next to what feminine lying can do. Feminine lying is harder to defend against than being jumped in the dark, and it’s more damaging.

      Today I know I can file a civil lawsuit for a few hundred dollars, and I know I can require cops to testify. I know how the process works, basically, and I know the statutes of limitation for torts like fraud, defamation, and false light. Not knowing this stuff, and not being able to pay a lawyer tens of thousands to sue for them, is what keeps most people out of court.

      Here’s a Florida lawyer (?) commenting on a case like yours:

      REB lawyer

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    1. Practically speaking, none. I kind of suspect you could go to the prosecutor’s office, prostrate yourself on the floor, and beg to be punished, and you’d be told to go home.

      If you can get a lawyer to help clean up the mess, do, especially if the mischief is all from you.

      Probably you’d want to go to a judge and request that the order be dismissed. This is simple and doesn’t require a lawyer’s help.

      The tricky part is trying to clear up the public records trail. If you want the order dismissed and expunged, that will take work.

      You could ask a lawyer about filing a nunc pro tunc motion.

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  5. Pingback: Victim of False violoation of Restraining order | sloane street press

  6. Here’s a brief video version of my true story:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWC0JE2gd2Y

    Additional motives for seeking a restraining order include the desire to obtain a permanent Green Card, to gain an upper hand in divorce proceedings, and to exact revenge for one party’s decision to divorce the other. Family law attorneys refer to the seeking of a DVRO as the “silver bullet technique” or the “nuclear option.” Thank you for bringing awareness to the abuse of restraining orders. Keep up the good work!

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      1. Hello, Todd. Feel free to write about my case on this site (without revealing the identity of my ex-wife). I hope it helps raise awareness about the abuse of restraining orders. Please email me for more information. I look forward to hearing from you.

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  7. I had a restraining order placed against me in or around 2012 by a girl who had cheated with my then boyfriend for three years. This is in the state of Virginia. Well, to make The matter at hand clear to you, she had filed this claim the same day that I was awarded a two-year restraining order against her boss who had been charged with extortion in writing against me (death threats), in fact they both would drive four hours to my house to stock me and text me racist messages and eventually the death threat and the police immediately ordered an emergency protective order for me. I was my own lawyer and I won. As I was leaving the court parking lot I saw her, The girl who had been cheating with my boyfriend and also had been a part of the conspiracy to stock and potentially kill me, walk i right back into the court to place her restraining order request/affidavit against me! I only now realize that her bosses lawyers probably encouraged this in order to make their case stronger. As she was the inspiration for the boss to get involved in the first place. I was too young to even think of that.

    When it was my turn to be on the opposite side of the court room I did not have a lawyer because I was confident that the fact that she was the only witness in the case against her boss, as well as the date that she filed her order against me, would be an obvious sign of abuse of the intent of a protective order and a miss use of what a restraining order would entail. I want it stricken from the record.

    I have no idea how to do this since I agreed to the charges against her boss to be dropped following this hearing against me. However now that I realize this is a permanent thing I want to fight that. How would I go about doing this preferably without a lawyer at this time in order to have it not be on my record because I believe and I know it was a miss use. In addition to it being old, and done and malice, she was only granted one year of protection. This is not the norm, she was represented by lawyers, and I felt it was a pity move on the part of the judge who did not seem to understand the timeline, the situational context, as well as the fact that her evidence was way past being an emergency. It was two girls going back and forth. It probably affects my ability to get a job and it does not represent my character. Four years later I need this removed. How do I do that? Please help …she has one in many ways, for example the fact that her boss threatened to kill me as well as the fact that she even admitted in court that she would kill me on the day the emergency protective order being granted to me was the same day that The order/affidavit was made is downright not fair… When she reported me it was in malice, but when I reported her boss it was to the law and to the tea the right thing to do and what they have done as well as the injustice that was thrown upon me well it equals that I now have PTSD please help me.

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    1. I’ve been in the same place, L. Is this correct: You got an order against the boss, and the girl got an order against you, period? Have you ever had an order against her?

      How this stuff works is if someone lies, you only have the one shot to expose the person, and if you don’t and the order sticks, it stays stuck.

      The only ways to get an order vacated years later that I know of are (1) if the order is VOID (for example, if the judge lacked jurisdiction to issue it in the first place or you were never served); (2) if you file a motion for a new trial based, for example, on “new evidence” recently obtained that you couldn’t have presented to the court previously; or (3) if you and your accuser (the woman) cooperatively filed a nunc pro tunc motion to have the order vacated.

      Do you have a relationship with this lady now?

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      1. ” (2) if you file a motion for a new trial based, for example, on “new evidence” recently obtained that you couldn’t have presented to the court previously.”

        I’m curious about this (see my post above). I HAVE new evidence — including text messages saying “I have not figured out how to get him out yet, but I haven’t really tried because I can’t afford the bills” and, later, “I found a way! My friend is the Chief of Police in [small town] and all I have to do is…”

        These go on and on.

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    2. This won’t surprise you (from “Protective order requests explode with new Virginia law“):

      The volume of applications for protective orders in Virginia has soared since the new law that makes them much easier to get — removing obstacles that formerly existed for non-family members — went into effect July 1.

      Statewide, the number of protective orders and emergency protective orders granted through general district courts increased more than 15 fold during the last six months of 2011 compared with the same period in 2010, before the law went into effect, according to data compiled by the Virginia Supreme Court at the request of the Richmond Times-Dispatch.

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    3. The ACLU of Virginia has supported a bill to allow orders that have been dismissed to be expunged, but it was shot down.

      So in Virginia (and probably in most states) EVEN IF an accuser is recognized as a lying fraud and EVEN IF the order s/he petitions is disbelieved and dissolved, there is STILL NO WAY for a person to request that the court expunge the accusations and police records.

      This is a reason to talk to the ACLU and your local legislators. It’s also why if you want this off your neck, you’ll have to think of a creative workaround.

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  8. Hey my name is John, my wife took a restraining order out on me on march 17 2015 i was in a PDC. They dint take me to court to defend myself. Now i cant even see my kids and the things she said was a lie. She dont have any kind of proof of this and my kids will tell you that i never not once beat them are there mother is there anything i can do causr i know its to late past the 30 days but i was lock up for not reportingt to my probation now me and my kids are suffering cause she wants to just hjrt me thank you for having this site

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  9. Hi,

    At the beginning of August 2015, I had finally gotten out of the friend zone with a girl I had been close friends since February 2015. Only problem was, this girl was dating the same guy for the last 4 years, a guy I knew and was previously friends with. Nevertheless, she proved to be unhappy and decided to cheat on him with me, as we fell very much in love with each other. A few months later in October, she had heard a rumor about me that wasn’t true, and we unfortunately fell apart around then. We had kept our relationship a secret from everyone and she even kept on dating the same guy that she had been dating. She was then afraid that I would reveal this to her boyfriend, and after a month of keeping it in, I couldn’t stand the guilt anymore, so I revealed everything to him, thinking it was the right thing to do. However, I didn’t expect him to believe a cover up story that she made up in order to protect the trust her parents and boyfriend had in her. I plan on attending the same university she does in the Fall of 2016, (but not because of her) but she decided to place a restraining order against me using false information about myself in order to protect her made-up story, as well as her relationship with her family. Will this restraining order not allow me to attend the university I want because of this, and if so, will I have any ability to contact an official of the law to prove that all of the information she has provided is false and made up? (I have hundreds of saved messages, love letters, pictures, etc. to prove that everything she has said is a lie.) I have no intention of contacting this person again, but I do want to make sure that justice has been served if my future and career are at stake because of one’s lies.

    This situation is exactly like stated in the article, “They’re abused by lovers to get clear of unwanted boy- or girlfriends.”

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    1. Did you have a hearing before a judge, Eric? What state were you accused in?

      I can’t say whether investigating this kind of record is part of an admissions officer’s normal procedure. I also wouldn’t tell you an admissions officer couldn’t discover the record (s/he could), nor would I tell you that claims of “rampant sexual violence” on campus haven’t influenced what admissions people look into. If the record were detected, I would be surprised if it exerted no influence on the selection process.

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      1. I had no involvement whatsoever regarding a court system, where I currently reside in Indiana. I notified the boyfriend on a Friday night, where the girl I had an affair with told him a made up cover-up story of her own immediately following. Then, come 2 days later, I receive a text message from both at the same time stating to never try to contact one another again. (I suspect this is what said restraining officer instructed to say.) I did as they said up until 2 days ago, where I sent a friendly email to the girl simply asking whether or not this restraining order was in fact legitimate (as I had no previous knowledge until one of her friends told me), and if she’d think about what she was doing, playing with someone’s life like its a game. Then, come this morning, I received an email from a students rights counselor from the college I’ll attend regarding instructions to refrain from contacting the girl and maintaining a 50 ft boundary from her. I’ve replied to the counselor asking whether or not I’ll be able to attend the college, and have yet to receive a response. If this proves to indeed intervene with my college career, I have no other choice but to get involved with the legal system and try to prove her wrong before an official of the law and prove her false accusations. I’m just asking whether or not that’s a possibility, since I was never involved in any legal affairs in my life prior to this.

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        2. This is where you can present your evidence and controvert your accuser’s allegations:

          [U]pon a request by either party not more than thirty (30) days after service of the order or modification, the court shall set a date for a hearing on the petition.

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          1. I believe the order was placed on Sunday, December 6th, so I should still be within the 30 days. What should I do now? Contact the police and explain everything..? I really don’t want to participate in any malicious behavior towards this individual and “press charges” or so to speak, I’d just like to get this nonsense resolved, and attend the college of my choice.

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            1. The basic basics, Eric, are that these orders issue from the court; the police only enforce them. Only the court can modify or vacate a restraining order.

              Certainly if allegations have been made to the police, you can explain your side and add whatever you want to to the file (which you can request a copy of for your reference or to provide as evidence to the court).

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            2. So you need to contact the courthouse that issued the order and request a hearing. In my state (Arizona), this must be in writing. If I were you, I’d go to the courthouse so you have a receipt that you applied for a hearing. (Keep all documents pertaining to this matter, scan and photocopy all of your evidence, and keep the copies as PDFs.)

              Very important: As much as this may be “nonsense,” don’t think of it that way, because the court doesn’t. It doesn’t care that someone lied, and it doesn’t care about you or your future. A judge can look at your evidence, listen to you, and then declare, “Nah.”

              You should have a few weeks to assemble your defense. If you (maybe with your folks’ help) can afford a lawyer, it’s a good idea. You have to be choosy, though. Find one you trust and who impresses you as being on your side and confident of a win. Law school is a couple-year degree program. We’re impressed by lawyers because they bilk people for lots of money. They’re not brighter than anyone else, not harder-working, and definitely not more worthy of faith. Be picky.

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  10. Female against female. I have a stocker who has gotten a restraining order against me. I thought she was just upset so I didn’t think to call the cops on her or make a restraining order. I’ve never been through this before. She got really upset with me. I have all her threatening messages to me. She has showed up to my work multiple times and also showed up at friend and family members houses without them knowing. Not once did I threaten her, scare her, yell at her, send mean messages. She has done nothing but lie and act scared. She is even 5 years older than me and much smarter. Then one day I get the restraining order which seemed so unreal to me. Less than 24 hours of my restraining order being served to me, she is following me in my car and calls 911 saying I was following her. I go to jail for over 2 days (first time there). I have a court date (never been to court) December 29, 2015 for this restraining order. I have no idea what to do. I have no money. I’m very scared and my family doesnt want to help me. Any advice? Thank you!

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    1. If you wanted to see if you could get some more time to prepare, Sammi, you could file for a continuance at the courthouse on Monday.

      Bring the messages to court at the time you end up being assigned. If they’re on your phone, see if you could upload them to your computer maybe and make a CD. Or transcribe them (write down what the woman said). If they’re long, make a list of the worst-sounding threats and put them in quotation marks. You can submit evidence to the court, a timeline, a log of incidences, whatever. DON’T SUBMIT ANYTHING YOU WANT BACK. (That’s why copies are important. Also you should make three sets: one for you, one for the court, and one for the plaintiff).

      If this woman has STALKED you, say so, sure. Here’s where a timeline might be useful. Even if you can’t prove this person “showed up at friend and family members’ homes,” tell the judge she has. These proceedings don’t depend on proof. That’s why you’re the “stalker,” and your stalker is the “victim.”

      If anyone can testify on your behalf, bring him, her, or them along. Someone from work where this woman “showed up,” maybe. Did anyone see this woman follow you to your car on the day you were jailed?

      Hit the important points. Don’t get mired in details if you have a history with this woman. Speak normally but use LOUD WORDS like stalker, stalked, fraud, faking it, lying, etc. Don’t beat around the bush. You were “falsely imprisoned” based on a lie told by a stalker.

      If you can offer an explanation for how this began that will explain the woman’s (“ulterior”) motive for lying to the court, great.

      Don’t miss your court date.

      If the judge believes your story over the psycho’s, you may move the court to dismiss the restraining order “with prejudice” so the bitch can’t just pull the same thing again next month: “Your Honor, I move that the plaintiff’s petition to the court be dismissed with prejudice, because I’m afraid this person will keep following me, harassing me, and lying to judges to get me in trouble.”

      You can also move the court to have this woman pay you reasonable costs for your time and trouble.

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      1. I really appreciate your response!! I have all my proof printed and in a timeline. I will be there for my court date. Thanks again!

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    2. A “continuance” is a postponement. You don’t need any evidence in hand to apply for more time. What I mean by “bring the messages to court” is bring them whenever it is your court date ends up being.

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  11. hi my wife filed a protection from abuse order with no evidence of abuse on her body (markings, bruises, cuts, ext) she then has sex with multiple partners and accuses me of stalking, effectively jailing me for 24 hours till I posted bail. I am also in the army and she drives by my work a lot and continues to have sex with another man while the PFA is in effect
    she has also removed all the belongings in the household and moved into another house
    how do I prove that shes abusing the restraining order and taking me for everything I have as well as cheating

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    1. The way this sham works, Kaleb, is that the “protection from abuse” order only restricts your actions. The petitioner who has alleged “grave fear” or whatever can follow you around, stalk you online, report it on Facebook that she has a restraining order against you, call you, hang around in the street outside of your residence, show at your place of work or favorite haunts of yours, etc.

      The court probably won’t be moved to lift the order against you based on her stalking, theft, or adultery.

      You could document the “drive-bys” (and any other activities of hers that seem to contradict her claim of wanting no contact with you), and if they continued or escalated, you could apply to the court for an injunction yourself and provide evidence of harassment.

      If you happen to live in a state in which adultery is illegal (see links below), and you could prove it, that could be grounds for your cleaning up in a divorce. Consider talking with a divorce attorney. These games are very familiar to them.

      http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/opinion/forum/2010-04-26-column26_ST_N.htm

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adultery

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    2. Especially if you consult with an attorney, you might consider moving the court to modify the order against you to allow you use of your residence if your wife has moved out (though she might be loath to admit that if she’s shacked up with another guy).

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  12. Hi, there

    I have a situation for which I would like to gain a legal advice. I had a girlfriend who went to request a protection order against me and whilst I was served with an interim-protection order she started to come and sleep at my home with me, at one stage she asked me to take her to her friend who was residing at area which was about 120km away from our homes and when we returned she went to the police station and report that I have contravened the interim order. subsequently I was arrested and released on bail. does this really constitutes a contravention, if not, what I can do to prove to the court of Law that this person has given the state wrong information so as to punish me?

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    1. Yes, orders issue from courts not citizens, so any act on your part that contravenes an order is an act in contempt of court (e.g., having contact with a plaintiff against the court’s prohibition).

      It doesn’t matter what the plaintiff does.

      I would hope a judge would take what you’ve reported into consideration, but s/he wouldn’t be legally obligated to. (Would phone records or the friend corroborate your story?)

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  13. My boyfriend and i were renting rooms in this house and one of our tenants who has OCD made a false report to the 911 dispatcher that we are selling drugs and doing drugs. she said in her own words that she witnessed me doing meth (i have video evidence).
    She also removed kitchen utilities without permission from the landlord preventing us from eating such as stove pieces, microwave, grill, etc. We notified the landlord but he was making false promises to the situation. He told us he was going to get her removed which resulted to be a lie because he sided with her for the simple fact that she’s a compulsive cleaner. we think this was a strategic way to get us removed from the house for the simple fact that we were paying lesser rent than others because of an incident that happened months ago.
    Also to mention that we didnt have transportation to travel back and forth just to eat through out the day and if I wanted to warm up my food, I couldn’t even do that because the oven was disabled too. We were relying on cooked meals in the house. The police came over and searched the entire house and found no drugs and nothing wrong. the next day she called the cops on me again and said i was stalking her and harassing her. the police officer was getting irritated by her and said if another 911 call is made then someone is getting arrested.
    So she proceeded to get a restraining order against us and court order was that we had to move out of the house as soon as possible. we left the house a day and half later for the simple fact that there was no way of preparing meals. However, we left our belongings there to pick it up some time soon because we needed help with transporting. A few days after, the landlord tells us he removed our stuff from our room and put in the garage because someone new paid for the room. this was illegal on his part because we were technically still living there since rent wasn’t due till next month.
    i’m 4 1/2 months pregnant. i never condoned drugs and neither does my boyfriend. our court date is coming up soon. i looked her up online through the database and found out she has restraining orders against other people as well. so this is something she’s used to doing. I’ve never been to court before or got in trouble with law officials.

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    1. From what you’ve reported, it sounds like this is out of the question, but if you can get an attorney’s help, Linda, do.

      You might also consider filing a responsive brief with the court before the hearing, according with this advice (which assumes you could afford an attorney):

      https://restrainingorderabuse.com/2015/09/29/theres-no-justice-system-theres-just-a-system-a-california-paralegals-advice-on-defending-yourself-against-a-restraining-order-based-on-fraud/

      I think you could put together a response (that states the claims against you are false) on your own. If you need more time to prepare, file for a continuance. The court clerk probably has a blank motion form you could use. A “motion to continue” is just a request that your appearance be postponed a little. To deliver a copy of your responsive brief to the plaintiff (if you chose to draft one), you would mail it by certified mail (so you had a confirmation) or have it delivered by a third party or process server. (This may be too complicated, but FYI. Don’t deliver anything to the woman yourselves. Someone you had deliver a brief would probably have to fill out a form that says s/he delivered it into the hands of the plaintiff. The courthouse could clarify all of this for you.)

      It’s not necessary for you to file a response—the only thing you absolutely have to do is show up for your court date—but it may help clarify to the judge beforehand that you’re alleging the petitioner of the order is lying and that procuring restraining orders is something she does.

      I think you should definitely raise the matter of the past orders in court. The judge may or may not consider them, but you could assert that this is a serial behavior and submit what evidence you have at the beginning of the procedure. The judge should ask if you have anything to submit.

      Make copies of everything you want to show the judge: for you, for the plaintiff, and for the court (at least three sets).

      You could also consider asking the judge to order that the plaintiff pay you reasonable expenses if the judge finds against her: for example, “Your Honor, I/we move that the plaintiff be ordered to recompense me/us reasonable court costs.”

      Finally, I’m wondering if separate orders were petitioned against you and your boyfriend (two orders). Laws vary from state to state, but my suspicion is that a petitioner can’t be awarded a restraining order against two people. If you’ve been given an order with both of your names on it, that order may have been unlawfully issued.

      If there’s only one order, and only one of you is named on that order, then the other person didn’t have to vacate the residence and could go collect your stuff. An order of the court only applies to the defendant who’s named on that order. Just be very cautious in everything you do, because this woman sounds nuts, and cops may act first and listen later (or never). You could have a third party (a friend or whatever) get your belongings from the landlord (while avoiding the wacko). You just have to make sure nothing occurs that could be construed as “contact” with the petitioner.

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  14. There are one too many people out there using RO’s for their own egocentric narcissistic reasons. I myself know of at least two or three [better not point out their sex to avoid having elements in this sexist society we live in frowning at me] that have used a restraining/ protection order request to wheedle away the benefit of the doubt in court for their own sinister selfish machinations.

    It is sad to say but this highly destructive law was put in place by sexist people to benefit only certain individuals. I will refrain from pointing out who exactly is benefiting from this lame, highly unfair joke of a law, but you’d be surprised to learn the whole truth behind it all.

    I am, however, going to say that our Justice Department will not do anything about the problem because doing so will only represent a huge financial hit against their money-making business of lame cheesy sexist laws. It is no longer a secret that Restraining/ Protection Orders are nothing but a highly lucrative business for judges, lawyers and all of those in the Justice Department. The more RO’s they approve the more money that moves through the Justice Department… so they actually love it.

    The sad thing is that despite what we already know after decades of injustice due to unfair restraining orders with no base being requested by narcissistic sociopaths in today’s society I don’t foresee a change for the better any time soon.

    In the meantime, narcissistic men and women requesting easily-acquired RO’s to unscrupulous, blindfolded money-minded judges will continue to get away with it. And unfortunately, as a result, people will continue to die – either by suicide or homicide, or both – after people lose all hope for justice, while entire families continue to be destroyed and separated.

    It’s just the way it is and the Justice Department is at fault and they know it all too well. But they don’t care. To them it’s only business. Doing away with restraining orders, or even making them a bit harder to acquire will inflict the Justice Department, and the entire government subsidized machinery behind it, a financial hit worth millions of dollars if not billions.

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  15. My ex-husbands new girlfriend has filed a restraining order against me claiming I attacked her and fears for her safety. The restraining order was granted with the condition that if the protected person shows up to the kids exchange or to my kids events such as school plays or sports it waives her restraining order. One day she showed up to my kids football game and sat right in front of me. She kept turning around and smiling at me as if she were trying to get a reaction out of me. I then took my paperwork and showed the president of the league and they notified security. Security was going to escort her out but then came back and said I had to leave because she has the restraining order on me. I was upset because those are my children and I have every right to be there she doesn’t. The judge told her that the order is a shield and not a knife to go looking for me. What should I do?? Is she allowed to be there? If she fears for her safety then why is she coming all the way to where I live (she lives 3 hours aways so it wasn’t accidental)? I called the cops because I was afraid that I would get into trouble. They said it was best I leave and I took it as they just didn’t want to do their job.

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    1. She’s toying with you. That was the point.

      You can obtain a statement from the president of the league, you have a dated police report, and you have the judge’s warning that the order was not to be abused. The order was abused, and you can fully document the event.

      My thought is you apply to the court for a cross-injunction. If a man pulled this kind of thing (drove three hours out of his way to taunt a woman), it would easily be represented as “stalking.”

      (Restraining orders are also used to stalk.)

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      1. If you could beef up a complaint with other evidence (emails, texts, a friend’s or boyfriend’s testimony), that might be good, too. You can get a copy of the police report from the PD by asking.

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  16. My son’s ex-girlfriend is always filing false order of protection. one time she stated that he was stalking her and at the time my son was not even in the same state. he had proof of being away, but the system always finds for her. I even went to try and get a restraining order because she was found sleeping on the 2nd floor of my apartment building and was told that she has to commit a crime in order for me to get one. what gets me is that she is always violating the order, coming around to where my son hangs out or even sitting outside my front door, forcing my son to stay home. He still has the marks of her scratching his neck and punching him in the face. Something needs to be done. There are alot of men that are being emotionally and physically abused and they need to step forward and report it. Maybe if more men reported the abuse, the system would start to question the women who abuse the system.

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    1. This sounds so much like what happened to me just a few years ago. I hate going into details because it’s something I’ve gone to great lengths to put behind me and move on. But that crazy woman (pls realize that some crazy men do this too) was perhaps the most manipulative egocentric person I have ever met.

      I will try to cover the most important aspects of what hapenned. During our time together I learned a few family “secrets” of hers. Apparently, her 20-something year old son had sexually abused her niece (my ex’s sister’s daughter) several years earlier when she was still underage, like 10 or 12 y/o. So when her niece’s father one day caught his daughter exchanging naked pics over facebook with guys, and offering herself for money, she started crying and claimed that she was doing that because both her cousin (my ex’s son) and her cousin’s father (my ex’s ex-husband) had sexually abused her for years. That was the girl’s excuse for her altered libido and behavior. Trust me, the girl was no saint. I can attest to that. But then again she was a minor, and one with some serious issues that included alcohol use among other things.

      Her father immediately raised hell in the family by threatening to report the two presumed sex offenders to the police. In the meantime, my now ex-fiance (who lived with me at the time) did all she could to convince all parts (other family members) to solve the allegations without going to the police or involving family services. Of course, it was her son they were talking about. She didn’t care about her ex-husband, but she would do anything to protect her son. In the end, after several weeks of stinking argument and chaos, since both victim and offenders were part of the same family, they decided not to report it to the authorities, opting instead to just sweep it under the rug, so to speak, to see if it would go away… this all despite the girl repeatedly stating that she was saying the truth.

      While all of this went on, I tried to convince my ex-fiance to do the right thing by allowing the justice system to take hands on the matter because those were very serious allegations the girl had raised. But my ex-fiance repeatedly “warned” me not to “butt-in” her family matters and to refrain from saying anything to anyone because it could harm her son.

      I complied in respect to her and to other family members who also didn’t want this to get out because could potentially do more harm than good. But soon after our relationship took a different twist. You see, I learned my fiance – who had been living with me – was fooling around too. Curiously she too had been exchanging naked pictures and steamy correspondence over email and cel phone text messages with several guys, most of whom I later learned were married men cheating on their wives’ backs. In fact, a couple were the husbands of her co-workers, and one guy, who she always claimed to be only her best childhood friend from way back when they were in school, was married to someone I knew over Facebook.

      The thing is that her constant cheating and our constant arguments – that never reached violence but did caused me a lot of anguish and depression – really got to the point where I had to make a decision whether or not I wanted to continue with this person, or ask her to leave my house once and for all. In fact, several times I did tell her to leave but she always found a way to convince me to give the relationship another shot. This went on for months after I learned of her cheating but she had been unfaithful for a couple of years by then. I later realized that her only interest in me (or at least her primary interest) was financial and that she was the type of woman that would not be loyal to any man, much less make any man happy. She had even admitted to me having been unfaithful to her ex-husband, so go figure.

      The point is that when our relationship deteriorated to the point where I could not forgive her anymore, and asked her to leave the house, she went straight to the court with her teen-age daughter (who didn’t like me much because she wanted her mom to be with her dad) and filed a restraining order against me by claiming that I had insulted her, stalked her at her workplace and threatened her to have her fired from her workplace among other things. She lied her little behind in court as she pleased, and the most insulting thing was that the judge (another woman) believed every single word she spewed out of her mouth.

      She, of course, did this to keep me from even attempting to speak out about her niece’s alleged rape by her son and ex-husband. It is no secret that protection orders pretty much tie your hands up and gag you from saying or doing anything that would cause any form of harm to the person or to the family or friends of the person requesting the protection order. So in one fell swoop she had succeeded in putting a gag on me to protect her son from perhaps going to jail for raping a minor, and at the same time she had exacted her revenge against me for not wanting her in my home anymore. She also succeeded in keeping me from telling her girlfriend co-workers about their beloved husbands cheating with the person they thought was a good friend. Believe me, I had, and still have today stashed somewhere, some very interesting steamy pics of them that I was able to secretly get a hold of while we were still together sharing a laptop. She was incredibly careless for an experienced cheater so getting a hold of this evidence was no hard task… same with the cel text messages since we shared many devices.

      That said, no evidence in the world will stand against a protection order. Once a PO is held in court against you – the sexist judge by the way didn’t even let me speak to defend myself, instead telling me to appeal – you lose all credibility and you are treated much like a criminal. Had I tried to say anything the day of the hearing after the judge supported her and approved a one year PO, I would’ve been placed under arrest on the spot.

      I went to court that day with all kinds of evidence that woukd have exonerated me of any and all guilt and would have proven without a doubt that she had lied to get the PO, but the judge refused to even allow me to use it in the hearing. Go figure, that I had a copy from my financial institution as clear evidence that on the date and time she claimed that I had followed her to work I had been over 40 miles away paying for gas at a military installation. That was more than enough to prove that one of her more serious accusations, the stalking, was nothing but a clever lie.

      I had also asked my lawyer (a cheap lawyer appointed to me at a Veterans’ help office in my locality… another woman who seemed to care less about what I had to say) to get a subpoena for the phone call register from the date that she asked for the protection order until the date of the hearing, a full five months later. During that time – even though the protection order had already been tentatively approved by the judge since April pending the hearing in August 2013, which means that I wasn’t allowed to seek her out or call her on the phone, but neither could she call or contact me – she called me like 15 times or more to try to get me to accept her again and desist about reporting her son. This latter argument – to try to get me to maintain silence – was the true goal of her sneaky calls. All these phone call were clearly registered in the phone register I got from my phone company. Even though she made all her calls anonymous, the call register clearly showed her phone number, time of the calls (many times she called me at 2 or 3am) and the minutes we spoke on the phone. I even recorded some of her calls if only to convince my lawyer that I was telling her the truth because it was impression she didn’t believe me.

      In her calls my ex could clearly be heard admitting about having lied to the judge to get the PO. She even admits about lying when the judge asked her if she was afraid of me, to which she replied yes. Yeah, she was afraid alright… but then again, she was always calling me to tell me she missed me, blah, blah. You are not afraid of a man and then start calling him to see each other in the middle of the night…

      During the hearing in August I remember my lawyer trying to get the judge to look at my phone call register that btw had the phone company’s stamp certifying it as official. The lawyer did not really try hard enough because lawyers already KNOW it is a waste of time fighting a request for protection order. The judge didn’t even look at it to see how many calls my ex-fiance had made to me and the times at which the calls were made. The judge simply turned to my ex and asked her “have you called him?”. My ex-fiance, knowing she could no longer lie she began to cry and said, yes. Then the judge asked her, “has he called you?”… and she hesitated for a moment, then said: “yes, once from a public phone”… another stinking lie. The judge swallowed it, and turned around to me and warned me that that was a violation of the temporary protection order she had approced in april. Then she asked my ex, “are you afraid of him?”… and pretending to cry as she was such an expert at, she said yes. That’s all it took.

      The judge immediately approved the PO for one full year, and when I asked to speak – they hadn’t even let me say a word to defend my lawyer – she said she had already made her decision based on what my “lawyer” had spoken. A true setup. I was screwed. When I insisted in my right to defend myself and be given a chance to speak because the lawyer had hardly said anything of what I had explained to her prior to the hearing, the judge and the two court guards that were there approached me hand on waist close to their batons and guns and warned me that “one more word from your mouth and you will be placed under arrest”. Highly intimidated and fearing for my freedom and for my life, I had no choice but to keep silence and walked out of the court as instructed, as the guards led me to the door.

      After that I fell in an even deeper depression of what I had already been. I even had to seek psychological treament through VA since I am a retired veteran. In all honesty, I have to admit that after that I thought of taking my own life in more than one ocassion. At times I felt so overwhelmed and so frustrated and had so much distrust in the legal system that I’m now ashamed to admit that very sinister thoughts haunted me for several months after that hearing. Now I can speak about this because the Lord has given me the strength and solace to move on and truly forgive. But truth is that now I understand why so many men have lost their sanity after being humiliated by the legal system and by such an unfair and anti-constitutional law that only seems to protect the rights of those that seek them out – whether they are true victims or actual perpetrators – especially if it’s a woman seeking a PO/RO against a man. The man – nine times out of ten – will not be heard and will be deemed the aggressor without much contemplation, even if it’s the other way around.

      To this date, two potential child abusers are still out there on the loose, only God knows doing what. That is not my fault. It is the legal system’s blame for enacting cheesy laws that violate the most basic constitutional rights; highly unfair laws that unscrupulous people and criminals are using to hide behind to cover up their crimes.

      As for me, I had a clean record before that highly unfair incident. Now it has one stain in it, enough to lose job opportunities because anyone can search your civil record online and judge you based on lies. Every time I think about how my civil rights were violated by the very legal system that I have abided to and defended my entire life, I get a bit annoyed and have to recurr to mind tactics that I’ve learned along this unfortunate life experience to deal with it. Before this happened to me I was the kind of man that would feel somewhat bothered every time I learned in the news about a crazy man somewhere murdering, or in any way, harming his wife or significant other. I still do not support this, but for as much as I try not to feel this way, I am no longer as bothered as I used to be. On the contrary, I know it is shameful to admit it, though… but I don’t feel anything at all; and thoughts rush through my mind like… “she probably had it coming” or like… “she probably shoved a PO/RO on him to kick him out of the house and force him to enslave himself to pay child support while she has the green light to sneak out with other men at night”. In the end, there is just an empty space there… a void, a sense of impotence and a lot of distrust in the flawed system we live in and the greedy insensitive people that run it that only seems to care about the money that mass restriction/ protection orders bring their way year in year out.

      That’s what our justice system is doing. In there pursuit for a lucrative business and big paychecks, they are destroying the lives of innocent people; even entire families are destroyed because family members are separated and children grow wondering why their parents are now separated and always fighting and in and out of court… or worse, why they winded up killing each other after a PO/RO, that was supposed to “protect”, all it did was create more distrust and animosity to the point of discord and violence. And while those greedy people in the justice system get rich quick with the inflow of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of PO/RO’s per year, and with court proceedings, lawyer expenses, etc., people with no remorse are using this flawed law to take advantage of others and to even cover up horrible crimes.

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  17. Hi I have not dating this female sheriff’ deputy in 26 years lent her money trying to get it back she got a civil restraining order. Made a comment on a news story and she replied . now she’s saying that we were dating now i a DV restraining order that is permanent never threatened her or put hand’s on her.she broke the first restraining order when she made the reply to the coments I made then had news story removed. Ksby will not help me what can I do.

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    1. Appeal the order, preferably with an attorney’s help. Assemble evidence of the debt that’s being covered up and of the “contact” to provide to the court. A plaintiff can’t violate an injunction; only a defendant can (in this case, you’re the defendant).

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      1. i have a question, with the rise of restraining order abuse is there also a rise in the defamation lawsuits.i plan on suing for the lies told about me , or im i missing something..i would think they would be hand and hand?

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  18. Hi I have not dating this female sheriff’ deputy in 26 years lent her money trying to get it back she got a civil restraining order. Made a comment on a news story and she replied . now she’s saying that we were dating now i a DV restraining order that is permanent never threatened her or put hand’s on her.she broke the first restraining order when she made the reply to the coments I made them had news story removed. Ksby will not help me what can I do.

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  19. This is so painful to experience. It is sick and mean. It is a very expensive process, but mostly precious Time with a (newborn) child can never be replaced. We are suffering because of this evil situation.

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  20. Perjury is a crime, so is filing false statements with an agency of the United States. However, family court is a $50 billion a year industry. How many of these attorneys and judges want to give up their share of that sweet pie?

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  21. Hi. I’m just wondering if you would happen to have any case law, state or federal, regarding the abuse of restraining orders.

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  22. We live in a small rural town. I have a restraining order in place against my youngest son’s father. I am not from this town, but he is. He continues to contact my friends, sending them hundreds of text messages daily. The sheriff told him my new address. He published our story on social media, prompting a good portion of the community to harass me. I was advised by my lawyers to stay inside if I could, move out of the town, and send my children to another school. After several months, my son’s father is still making comments about knowing where I am, what I am doing, who I am with, and sending upwards of a few to nearly 100 texts a day to my closest friend. My lawyers say I should just ignore it. Isn’t this behavior a violation of the court order? His deceased mother worked for the court system for 50 years, so he has received help and leniency throughout this entire process. I feel like I can’t even rely on law enforcement to help if I needed to. It’s been 6 months and he continues to obsess over our relationship.

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    1. It could be, Sarah, or it could be the fixation is about whatever was alleged against him, or it could be about being denied a role in his son’s life. Court actions never end anything for the person who’s accused or deprived.

      Based on what you’ve said, he hasn’t violated the court’s order not to contact you. Are his communications one-way, or are your friends responding? Did the friends used to be “yours and his” friends?

      It’s not unlawful to write about you, unless you’re lied about in a defamatory way; it’s only unlawful to write to you (because of the judge’s order). Here’s the distinction spelled out by Prof. Eugene Volokh:

      http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/volokh-conspiracy/wp/2014/09/09/amicus-brief-in-chan-v-ellis-where-a-judge-ordered-a-web-site-operator-to-remove-all-posts-about-a-particular-person/

      If, however, your friend doesn’t want your ex to contact her, she should ask him not to. If she requests multiple times that he not continue to text her, then she could ask that the court order him not to.

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      1. Thank you for your reply. He was asked how involved he wanted to be in our son’s life and only asked for 9 hours a week. No overnights, no holidays or weekends. I rented my house out and moved in with him so he could be a part of our son’s everyday life. It was a perfect storm. His mother passed, his father and sister too are deceased, he has 2 other children with 2 separate mothers. Unfortunately my friend has been secretive about these texts but shows me how many there are. I have been called names by elderly women at the store and gas station – baby killer. Another woman drove by saying she was going to come and get me, followed by profanity, as I walked my son on a Sunday afternoon. I received nude pictures sent to my work phone, and had another elderly friend of my son’s father include me in on a group text making fun of me and sharing personal information about me as if they accidentally copied me. Things of that nature. He seems to know how to approach the line but never cross it. I am afraid once he accepts that I am indeed leaving it will escalate . I won’t be in his tertitory and he won’t have control.

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        1. What is the core of his complaint, Sarah? If you think custody wouldn’t be a problem, there may be some sort of civil resolution. Is he required to pay child support? Is he objecting to this, to your past behavior, to things alleged against him in court…all of the above?

          I’m guessing you were in a small, conservative Midwestern or Southern town, and it was published that you had had an abortion in the past. I will run a couple ideas by you trusting that you haven’t stretched the truth or hyped your apprehension. If you have fudged or exaggerated, even just impulsively, please consider dropping the order and reconciling.

          Okay, so assuming you had a just and urgent reason to petition the court’s intervention, here are some thoughts: You would have grounds for complaint if comments made about you publicly (1) invaded your privacy (beyond how online information brokers like “PeopleFinder” already do), or (2) were “intended to and likely to incite people to imminent criminal conduct.” For the latter to be (properly) applied, your ex would have to have encouraged someone to do something to you; it’s not enough that he exposed a fact that might rouse an old, God-fearing lady to give you the evil eye. Here’s Prof. Volokh again:

          https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/volokh-conspiracy/wp/2015/08/24/you-are-also-ordered-not-to-post-any-further-information-about-the-plaintiff/

          My advice, Sarah, for what it may be worth to you, is to try to pacify conflict instead of escalating it by making further complaints to the authorities or the court. My information is limited, obviously, but my impression is this man isn’t a danger, which doesn’t mean he couldn’t become one if the outrage he’s expressing continues to build.

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          1. I appreciate your information. Unfortunately I have not stretched the truth, but tried to provide only fact. Your information was very helpful. I hope I won’t need to make any more references to it. Thank you. My primary hurdle is that the court ordered us to switch off custody of our son in the sheriff’s parking lot – in person. At all other times he is ordered to forgo contact with me. It’s these times that are our biggest hurdle. I hope that instead of escalating, he and I will be able to move on when I move out of this town in the beginning of the new year. I agree with you. I would like to avoid escalating anything, and will read the links you provided as reference.

            Thank you again!

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            1. You’re welcome and best wishes, Sarah. My knowledge of the circumstances is limited, but here’s something you could keep in mind, depending on how things go:

              https://restrainingorderabuse.com/2015/07/24/the-civilno-contact-agreement-an-alternative-to-the-protection-order-that-wont-spell-the-end-of-a-military-police-civil-service-or-other-career/

              The order you petitioned could be vacated (by you) if you chose (a Motion to Dismiss could be filed down the road) and something like what’s described in the post linked to above used instead. I don’t know if this would defuse the tension or not, my knowledge of the circumstances being scant. Ideal would be if you felt secure AND your ex were pacified and could move on. Court conflict can gnaw indefinitely, and the records it generates can be landmines for the accused.

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  23. i was charged by the state with aggravated assualt under domestic…..she lied to the police and then went and told them she lied so they charged her and still refuse to drop my charges why is that?

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    1. My guess would be because a ruling had already been entered. The confession may, though, provide you with grounds to file an appeal. The “prosecuting witness” (your ex) “recanted” (took back her story). A confession to the police might qualify as “new information” that would authorize a Motion for a New Trial or be the basis for an appeal. Ask your lawyer or public defender about how the confession could be used, James.

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    1. Andi don’t know what to do I can prove she’s lying but why can these people keep doing this costing us money days off work and its nothing for them no punishment no restitution for the other side if it’s a felony why the hell us it not enforced

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      1. See the Index (along the top bar of the site), Tammra, and take in the recent piece on attorney Gregory Hession’s advice. He has a tutorial about exposing lies in court (“ulterior motives”). You’re exactly right. There’s actually no statutory (legal) limit on how many times or how often one, single, solitary crank can do this…not only to one victim but to any number. Nothing in the law says s/he can’t do it over and over and over. This can mean $3,000 to $5,000 a pop for any of his or her targets who does seek attorney representation. Cost to the false accuser: nothing (as the Violence Against Women Act requires). Risk to the false accuser: none whatsoever.

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  25. My ex girlfriend put an restraining order against me saying I verbally and physically abused her. The only reason she did this was just to get the house from me. I never abused her and I have witnesses that seen her abused me. What should I do because I want my house back.

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