Restraining order abuse is a form of abuse of process or malicious prosecution in which a plaintiff applies for a restraining order for a purpose other than that for which it was intended. Typically this purpose is a vengeful, exploitative, or otherwise vicious one—though restraining orders are also misused by the delusional, who may falsely believe their need to be valid and have no ulterior motive.
Restraining order applicants aren’t screened, whether based on their being under psychiatric care or having a history of mental illness, on their possessing criminal records, or on their having previously sought one or multiple restraining orders in the past. Some restraining order abusers are repeat offenders who know how to game the system for malicious ends.
Restraining order abuse is open to all comers. The courts don’t discriminate, and it doesn’t take a criminal mastermind. It doesn’t in fact even take a good liar, just a willing one.
Though lying to obtain a restraining order is a felony offense (perjury), this crime is never prosecuted, so all a malicious plaintiff risks is disappointment if his or her application is denied or his or her injunction is quashed on appeal—and there’s nothing to stop him or her from reapplying. Getting fraudulent restraining orders against the same defendant in multiple jurisdictions isn’t unheard of, nor is getting fraudulent restraining orders against multiple defendants.
Accountability in this process is nil.
Obtaining a restraining order can require less than an hour’s time and is usually free for the asking. Any adult who walks into a courthouse is entitled to apply. Actual time before a judge may be mere minutes, and restraining orders are issued ex parte, which means a judge’s basis for approving one is the plaintiff’s word alone, along with any evidence s/he may present during the brief interview, which evidence may of course be forged, skewed, or misrepresented. And injunctions may be approved in the absence of any corroborating “evidence” at all.
The entitlement to due process is categorically denied to restraining order defendants. Per Black’s Law Dictionary (6th ed.), “Due process of law in each particular case means such an exercise of the powers of the government as the settled maxims of law permit and sanction, and under such safeguards for the protection of individual rights as those maxims prescribe for the class of cases to which the one in question belongs.” In regard to restraining order defendants, the prescribed “safeguards for the protection of individual rights” are none.
The reason for this is a relic of the past.
Restraining orders were conceived decades ago in response to public outcry as a measure to arrest domestic violence, which was largely ignored or discounted at the time. Accordingly, the customary standard for substantiating a complaint to the court that bears criminal implications and consequences (namely, proof beyond a reasonable doubt) is suspended in restraining order cases, and plaintiffs are given broad latitude to ensure that those in legitimate need of protection will get it. This also explains restraining orders’ being free or inexpensive to procure.
This in turn explains the popularity of restraining orders as instruments of avarice, malice, or vendetta. A false allegation of domestic violence, for example, may require no material substantiation and risks a vicious plaintiff nothing yet may cost an innocent defendant everything, including home, property, and access to children and pets—and even, conceivably, freedom and income. Loss of health, reputation, and enjoyment of life goes without saying.
Motives for restraining order abuse run the gamut. Restraining orders are commonly abused by plaintiffs to gain the upper hand in child custody battles (spouses may portray their husbands or wives as monsters, and even coerce and coach their children to do the same). They’re abused preemptively by stalkers to disarm and dominate the targets of their obsessions. They’re abused by lovers to get clear of unwanted boy- or girlfriends or to spitefully injure boy- or girlfriends who rejected them (or even to injure former boy- or girlfriends’ new girl- or boyfriends). They’re abused to gain sole ownership of pets and property. They’re abused to end extramarital relationships (while casting the accuser—who’s usually the cheater—in a positive light). They’re abused to blackmail: “Give me what I want, and I’ll drop the restraining order.” They’re abused to intimidate, harass, and maim.
Restraining orders are abused, in short, for the petty gratification of anyone who’s low enough to exploit the process.
Copyright © 2012 RestrainingOrderAbuse.com
TALKING BACK to restraining orders 
I took my ex wife to court for contempt because she has been violating my visitation rights and denying me all contact with my 6 year old son. She never showed up to the contempt hearing and the judge issued a bench warrant in Maine. He proceeded to look at my evidence and found her in contempt. She was supposed to comply with the visitation order within 30 days or she would go to jail. What she did instead was block me from all contact and filed a domestic violence report on me and got a TPO even though she lives in NH and I live in Michigan. She claims I stalked her because I went to where she works to make contact with her about visitation and asked for her correct address so I could have the sherriffs department serve her the court documents. She is attempting to not only discredit me but also to get out of going to jail for contempt. She is the one of the lowest people I have ever met and flat out told me in writing (which I submitted to the court) that she will never let me see my son and that he already has two parent (herself and her same sex partner) despite the fact that we have shared legal custody and I have visitation and have paid my child support. The DV hearing isn’t until two days after the 30 day time limit for her to comply with the contempt order.
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If it’s at all possible, hire an attorney. It’s infuriating, but these kinds of tactics work. It’s the case that claims of “domestic violence” (etc.) may be accepted by the court even after considerable time has passed and there’s been no contact during which “abuse” could have occurred (check New Hampshire’s “domestic violence” statutes to find out). The system is so easy to exploit in a situation like this, because you live in one state—and would have to hire a NH lawyer to represent you if it’s strictly a civil matter—and she lives in a second…and the bench warrant is in a third?
Sometimes judges do the opposite and frown on claims of abuse if they smell a rat. The horror is that it’s all so iffy, and the consequences are life-altering just the same.
To the best of my knowledge—which is limited; I’m not a lawyer—a judge in New Hampshire can’t dismiss a warrant issued by a judge in Maine. Check with an attorney, though. If hiring a NH attorney is out of the question, maybe you could swing a consultation with a local attorney so you don’t go into this thing blind. FYI: You may be able to arrange to testify telephonically.
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Hi! Im kinda in a crisis right now…
Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years in 2 weeks. We met while on the streets in San Diego. We are both pretty head strong people…me being on the streets for years before turned into a tough cookie…so we had our bouts! In public…I do agree with the whole NO MAN SHOULD EVER HIT A FEMALE…PERIOD! Well…long story short He ended up in Jail Two times the first for a month and the second for 5months…now i know your gonna think im playing the Brush off Victim…but seriously I did start and provoke the dights in a drunken rage…and this i admitted in court…but still the judge didnt believe me! But anyway…after his last stint he came and swooped me up and took me off the streets..despite our 3 year restraining order…and weve been drama free since then…june 28TH 2014…we sobered up and played grown ups…i became pregnant and we were happily ever after…Until a 3 day’s before the birth of my daughter we took in some old friends for a couple of days that were homeless…they used drugs and it didnt bother me…I was in so much pain my last night in my pregnancy thinking my contractions were fake…i was willing to do anything to make them stop…against doctors orders i took pain killers…and finally i gave in a begged for a hit of meth against my boyfriends wishes and pleas…i was going crazy…it helped a little…i felt soo bad i immediately grabbed my bag and called the ambulance…little did i know i was going to have a BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL 7 HOURS LATER…since my doctor and my hospital…were not available they rushed me to a hospital in not the most diversed area…i was worried! I got horrible looks as soon as they rushed me in…but after the epidermal i was out it and didnt care…after giving birth the nurses werid giving even harsher looks…i was soon approched by the hospitals Case Worker who told me in epidermal haze i agreed. to a drug test…and that its standard to drug test if that wasnt my hospital i planned conceiving at…this hospital was RITZY by the way…high class…snobby… so basically i think it was EXCUSE MY LANGUAGE BULLSHIT! but they tested my daughter and she was positive…then came cps…I ONLY GOT to spend 3 days with my baby girl…Im sorry to be going in lengths with this and i know your wondering whats going on…Well since me and my boyfriend have a cpo everything has been really confusing …Cps wont let him and me be around the baby at the same time and its hard to get visits because i get more cuz im the mother…its a whole bunch of non sense…this guy was the one holding my hand and comforting me for nine months…also providing well financial wise…was there when i was giving birth and hes on the birth certificate…now they are telling us we cant be a family…after i get out of rehab for a couple hits of meth that we cant be together…and that he also cant obtain full custody cuz he admited in the interview he went to rehab when he was younger…so we both have “Drug Problems” and a restraining order…
my Daughter Just turned a month and im about to go into to rehab…again sorry for the back story but for some reason i thought it was necessary…i just want to know if this could actually hold up in court if we were to try to get rid of the protection order…This year is the first year in my life that i was a grown up…and messed everything up by experimenting with a drug at the wrong time…and i messed it up for the man thats been so good to me and our baby girl…is it even worth it to go to try to get it taken off. We need to be a family…we are the only thing we other got…Once again sorry for the vent…We have a Criminal Protection Order due to be Done with in Feb 07…We. both have been terrific law abiding citizens until the hospital thing…Do i need to hire a layer? Thank you for reading
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A lawyer is always recommended, yes, and in a case like this urgently so. If the protection order had been voluntary—something you electively petitioned—you might be able to vacate it, but a mandatory order is different. You don’t have any say about whether it’s “merited” or not. This is a real snarl that you should get an attorney’s help with. Be aware, too, that violations of a court order, even with the “victim’s” (in this case your) consent, are still violations. Your boyfriend could be sanctioned (jailed) for violating the order and cohabiting with you. Be cautious in what you do and say until you can get some counsel. I sincerely hope you guys can weather this.
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I have 2 sons & both of them have been put in jail because of the lies of women. The youngest sat in jail for 33 days. His ex filed a fake PFA, she was the physical abuser. She stood in the parking lot of a convenience store, looked me dead in my eyes and told me when I asked her why, that she did it because the system allowed her to get away with it and she wanted to prove a point, that she could. It took everything I had not to validate that pfa.
My older son now is in jail because his ex lied to a judge regarding child support. His children are adults and he does owe arrears. He was paying. She wrote a 3 page letter full of nothing but lies and the judge saw fit to believe her and sentenced my son to 10 months in jail. He can get out in 5 if we purge him out, or pay the ransom. This sentence was entirely based on lies.
Society goes on and on about the abuse of women by men, well what about this abuse?
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I admire your taking the high road—though I’m sympathetic to the urge not to.
I just read the other day about someone in a situation like your older son’s. His life was picked apart. He couldn’t defend himself, and he was repeatedly jailed on similar grounds. He couldn’t earn money to pay, so he was jailed and re-jailed for not paying. This cycle can go on and on with the defendant having no voice (all based on accusations that were false to begin with). Some people are driven to suicide.
They’re hectored to death.
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https://restrainingorderabuse.com/2015/03/20/first-amendment-rights-from-beyond-the-grave-defense-of-a-suicides-publication-of-his-final-words-by-the-randazza-legal-group/
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Ok no problem!! I have a son, so I do understand. It’s not fair women get get the benefit of the doubt playing a victim and the male is left in the “GUILTY TILL PROVEN INNOCENT” category with little to no evidence, just her word against his. I subscribed to the post to read comments and again thanks for any help/advice!!
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Read this on “reciprocal” orders:
https://restrainingorderabuse.com/2014/01/12/can-i-get-a-restraining-order-against-the-same-person-who-got-one-on-me/
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I need help DESPERATELY…….Here’s my story:
20 years ago this November 10th, I met a great guy, got pregnant and married before giving birth to our first child. This was the beginning of 20 years of harassment and stalking by my brother in laws girlfriend (baby mama) and her sister. 20 years of harassing me, telling me they slept with my husband and making up any rumors they could just to hurt me (I was born and raised in Atlanta, they don’t know me prior to me marrying) and they were raised in Douglasville. Fast forward to today, there was an altercation between my son and the sister of brother in laws baby mama girlfriend whatever she is. They’ve called my house NUMEROUS times throughout the years, ride by my mother’s house if in was there, ride up and down the street where I live, called my jobs, pass messages blah blah blah. Again, EVERY incident has happened at my house, NOT THEIRS!! So the altercation caused my son to get locked up (I will not justify physical abuse no matter who it is). I tried my best to hold him back and prevent anymore back and forth tit for tat exchange but wasn’t really that successful, although it didn’t get as bad as it could have been had I not taken control over him pulling him away. Now they both harass and stalk me double time because it’s “NOT ILLEGAL TO BE IN THE STREET” talking trash to me and to my kids about sleeping with their dad, how good the sex is with their dad just classy stuff like that. I never heard of restraining orders, really, until recently when the stalkers went and obtained one on my son and I. Like I said before, IVE NEVER PERSUED THEM the entire 20 years of misery they’ve put me through nor my kids ( I believe NO BAD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED!! I don’t fear for my life, they disgust me and I’m at my wits end and hella tired of the 360 degree bullsh*t these 2 still inflict on me and my kids (not my husband) to this day. No where in the restraining order does she (The plaintiff) say I jumped on her, threatened her, caused her any stress nor is there anything written in it she was fearful of me, and it’s also full of lies. My son and I went to the appeal on Tuesday assuming it was strictly based on the ro not family history. So these 2 Dusty sluts bring up things they have done with my husband in front of my kids and it was stuff I also didn’t know. I wasn’t really given the opportunity to go in depth like the other 2 homeowners and I did get out how EVERY incident has happened at my address and the judge did ask the plaintiff what did I do to them to deserve chaos they’ve inflicted on me a couple of times because the couple of excuses weren’t good enough to him all she could say was “she talks about me to her kids” *not true what my kids know they learned Tuesday in court by her mouth* …..both restraining orders are still active and the judge granted her a 12 month active order and told me it’s not ILLEGAL to be in front of my house but don’t be acting stupid instigating and acting all out the car and in front of me. I refuse to believe this is ok and I want to fight the order on the basis that I have no record (they do), she couldn’t prove I threatened or harmed her in anyway and that everything that happens with them it’s ALWAYS at my house. It’s not right it’s not fair and I want her to leave me alone and want to know what rights I have. I have proof people like them SHOULD NOT be able to get away with the hell they’ve put me through. I don’t really have the funds to hire anyone but I do have tons of evidence and want to know if I can have her served to leave me alone. Any advice would be such a blessing to me.
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I’ll absorb this, Resa, and reply at length tomorrow.
It’s a rude awakening to learn this stuff can be done, I know. Now you see why people are angry when feminists say these orders are only about “protecting battered women.”
More soon.
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Sorry, Resa, I depend on wifi for Internet access, so my responses are always delayed (and email is almost impossible for me to stay on top of). I really like your name!
My own case was similar to yours. It concerned people who’d intentionally provoked and deceived me at my home and then deceived the police and the court to cover up the abuse and make it worse. The leader was a married woman who hung around outside of my house at night and concealed that she was married to play a game. You can guess what kind. I have a nine-year hole in my life because of their spewage so far, and these were people I was only ever nice to. Years of work I did prior was also erased, so the toll is more like 15 or 16 years.
I identify with you very, very well.
What you’re describing is bullying, and I believe court procedure is commonly used to bully (or, when there are several bullies, to “mob”) people. Several posts here have been about this. (Dr. Tara Palmatier—and others, I’m sure—have written about “mobbing” if you want to read up.)
The hearing you had, as ridiculously brief as it probably was, was your last best shot at having the order dismissed. You can appeal to the next highest court (for free, probably), but I won’t mislead you and tell you the prospects are great. A lawyer’s help would improve your odds.
You could make a case for the order’s being part of a campaign of bullying and harassment going back years and years. You never know—a judge might be sympathetic. I’m not an attorney, so I can’t counsel you what to do; I can only report to you what little I know.
My impression—and I’ve been through multiple trials—is that significant to establishing the truth of whatever you testify to is having the testimony of others who support your claims. Statements from others can be submitted to the court along with your memorandum in the form of affidavits (sworn statements). These can be from eyeball witnesses or possibly even from people with hearsay knowledge of the events (who’ve heard about conduct secondhand), or people who can attest to the effect the conduct has had on you (and your nerves).
Better yet would be if you appealed and filed a motion for oral argument. The judge may or may not grant your motion, but if s/he did, then you could testify in court (in person). You might even be able to bring witnesses along. If you do appeal, my recommendation is that you ask for an audience with the judge instead of trying to win him or her over with some written statements s/he might not pay close attention to. It’s easy to dismiss someone you’ve never had to look in the eye. If the judge got caught up in the history, it might not matter what the official standard for a decision was (which in my state, Arizona, is “clear abuse of discretion” on the part of the lower court judge). It’s all a dice roll, and the dice are loaded in the plaintiff’s favor. All you can do is try to improve your odds.
It sounds like you’re pretty much talking about incitement—being egged on, provoked, mocked and taunted by people who came to you. Keep that word taunted in mind.
Okay, so an appeal is one approach. (File right away, because everything with the court has a deadline.)
Another possible recourse you could consider is petitioning a restraining order or orders (one order per person) against your tormentor(s). To the best of my knowledge, here’s what might work: If you’ve repeatedly told these people to leave you alone—and you probably have—and they haven’t left you alone, and they’ve continued the abuse and persist in the abuse even now, you might persuade a judge you need injunctive relief. (If your son did this, and he’s an adult, he would file separately; if he’s a minor, you would file together.)
Any physical proofs you have would be helpful: voicemails, emails, texts, comments on social media, and/or pictures of these people hanging around outside of your house (take pictures or video, preferably with a camera that provides a time-stamp).
Obtaining a restraining order yourself wouldn’t affect the judgment against you, but it would force these people to stop messing with you and put you on an equal footing.
From what you’ve said, you could bring your mother to the courthouse, have your employer provide testimony, etc. Calling your work and such is beyond just “standing in the street.” If you’ve ever called the authorities to report these people for hanging around your house, you could also get copies of the reports and bring those. Otherwise, you could try to construct a timeline.
In a restraining order you applied for, you would be the plaintiff, so you might have judicial favor on your side. It would be the opposite of how it was at your appeals hearing. (Don’t try to piggyback the cases and get a “cross-petition,” because sometimes the laws interfere with this; just open a brand new case.)
Again, I’m not a lawyer. This isn’t advice; it’s just provided as something you might consider. Down the road, too, if there are orders on both sides, a lawyer could probably have the orders dismissed. This is possible when everyone involved is cooperative. The orders could conceivably be vacated (voided) by nunc pro tunc motion.
A last word of caution. It’s possible the order you have forbids “third-party contact.” If so, you couldn’t have your husband speak for you, which might be a temptation since these people are sort of relatives. That would be as bad as if you violated the restraining order and spoke to them yourself. If these people are in contact with your husband, though, there’s no reason (assuming he’s not part of the case) that he couldn’t say, “F* off and stay f*d off as long as you’re going to abuse my wife and son.”
Is this all about some petty jealousy going back years?
To people like your bullies, this is a game. I have a disturbed woman who’s trashed years of my life and who just two years ago enlisted one of her friends to actively participate (the friend lied by omission to the court in 2013), and this person daily tries to signal me through this blog to say she wants me to email her and “make a deal” (for which I could be prosecuted and thrown in jail). These are professional scientists, too, with Ph.D.’s. Ph.D.’s. People like this are basically developmentally (emotionally/empathically) retarded. What’s driving you crazy—and could cost you years more of your sanity—is “nothing” to them. These aren’t adults. In a sense, they’re not even “human.”
Don’t hesitate to write further, Resa. This stuff is bewildering, I know. I hope something works for you. Incidentally, there’s absolutely nothing barring you and your son from appealing and applying for a restraining order of your own. You can do both at the same time. Your husband could apply for a restraining order or orders, too, as could your mom. (That’s what makes the process so horrible: Anyone can take advantage of it, s/he can apply over and over, there are usually no consequences for denial, and there’s no limit on how many orders s/he can apply for. One person reported on a petition I started that she had seven—seven—of these things petitioned against her, most of them successfully and by the same sick guy, and most of them without her knowledge!)
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Wow!! I’m almost attempting to write Bill Lies an 11Alive anchor that busts people. Every time I did I guess the page would timeout. I dont really understand most of the processes you listed, however, I did understand you stating I could file an order against her, even though she has one on me? I do have evidence and I believe a strong case because like I said even the judge asked her what had I done to her to cause her to obtain one on me and not to mention EVERY incident is at my house. I’m sorry I should have been a little bit more clear, they haven’t contacted me recently on my job or contacted me on my phone. It has been done throughout the years several times. The cops were not called on me the night of the altercation, I don’t have a record and no where in the order does it say I did ANYTHING to cause her fear or I put my hands on her. She didn’t say I cursed at her, bullied her NOTHING!! I’m very very upset, this has bothered me since court on Tuesday, I haven’t really slept haven’t really eaten I’m genuinely upset!! I wish I had the option of obtaining an attorney, but financially I cannot. I also don’t wanna lay down accept it without a fair fight either. I know there are always 3 sides to every story yours THEIRS and the truth, but I swear before God, on my life my story is legit and I have evidence to support it. It’s not “INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY” anymore, it’s “GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT!!” I want to apply for an order of protection against her and her sister, but it would be a bad situation if I get denied because they will know and I want no satisfaction for them. I’m so confused how this can be ok. I would have been cool with a mutual order, maybe. The judge might have granted me one harbinger applied. I was under the impression I couldn’t since she obtained one first. Then also I don’t want the same judge either. Their testimony was so guilty and CLEARLY showed I’m not the aggressor. This is my life, my reputation HOW CAN SOMEONE FILE STALKING AND HARASSMENT ORDERS ON ME THAT ARE ALWAYS AT MY HOUSE????????HOW HOW HOW…….HOW IS THAT OK…..I’m a gun owner, a responsible gun owner. That’s my right. Now to know that can be taken from me over a liar is straight garbage!!!!
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Why did the judge say he chose to finalize the order?
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I don’t remember him saying why honestly, probably did it just for her safety considering the crap they put me through. Other than that I don’t know. I understand not lifting the one on my son cause like I said I don’t cosign violence. I don’t care who you are. But to not lift the one on me and not reprimand her for filing a false order on me with reasonable cause, evidence or proof is unfair. This is public record and my reputation.
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I was just letting you know you might (1) file an appeal and/or (2) file for a restraining order yourself.
Yes, someone can stalk you at your house and then tell a judge you stalked him or her. Friends and family members join in the fun, too.
Some people lie and lie extremely: faked injuries, faked assaults, faked vandalism, false accusations of crimes, etc.
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Tell me about it. I’m glad I have enough morals and class to not maliciously lie to get my way by all means necessary. Imitation is the highest form of flattery and they are clearly interested and infatuated with me otherwise they wouldn’t be worried. I definitely don’t and won’t go out of my to be seen cause they don’t make or break me. They don’t sign my check, pay my car not, they don’t pay my mortgage and above all else I am pretty fabulous I’d be interested to lol. This type of thinking is really what has sustained me through the years and it has worked, up until this restraining order. I want it off my record. It’s not fair it’s not right and I want them to know I will not lay down and let them walk over me. They won’t prosper anything good. They live off the system and lie to get the benefits they do have. They are not good people, they thrive off hurting others and we all know the outcome of people like that. I firmly believe and say all the time, I don’t care what, when, where, how and who you believe in, we were not created to hurt and kill one another. I LOVE lifting people, motivating others and to uplift and inspire. I’m a role model to my daughter and I care what both my kids think of me. Everyone that knows me will tell you I’ll give my last dollar and the shirt off my back to anyone in need. If I got it, and you need it…….It’s yours!!!! I wanna be remembered after I’m gone. I leave a lasting impression and I NEVER MEET A STRANGER!!!! I don’t deserve this happening to me. I know what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger but I’m struggling with this!! There has to be rights for defendants and plaintiffs have to have some type of consequence for violating an order. I wanna make a difference!! I want to send the message I’m not the one to play with and I won’t accept what THEY want to do to me!!!
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Nothing has to be “proved” to get a civil restraining order. It’s just about convincing a judge you “need” one.
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That’s unacceptable to me……You don’t have to prove anything is a contradiction to INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY……..
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Exactly. How the game works is a restraining order doesn’t “really” mean you’ve done anything wrong. It goes into state police databases. It goes into the FBI’s criminal information center database. People are put in “domestic violence” registries, etc. But a restraining order doesn’t “really” mean you’ve done anything wrong.
By the time a defendant even appears before a judge, there’s usually at least one ruling against him or her. “Temporary” orders are issued without the court’s even knowing what the accused look like.
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Wow, now that’s ugly!! It shouldn’t be legal. My issue is the order on me specifically states I stalked and harassed her. I go to work and come home I don’t bother anyone and I can get proof if needed. How can I stalk anyone at my house and how can I harass you and don’t even see you? Really?? Is it rocket science?
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That’s an argument you might make in a further appeal.
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What exactly is injunction relief? And yes, this is years of petty jealous one sided drama, one sided on their part, cause I’m good. How obvious is it? The sister even got up andbaskedbif she could talk and break it down for him and the fist thing she said was, THIS IS ALL ABOUT ME BEING MAD THAT HER SISTER HAD AN AFFAIR WITH HER HUSBAND YEARS AGO, which I stated I didn’t know that. Years ago I held such strong feelings against her because of those AFFAIR rumors and decided to by her a card and break the ice (freely on my own) to help me move on, she I guess liked the gesture but it was short lived and she was back up to no good again. I’m not a stalker nor do I harass anyone. I’m very cool as long as you keep your hands to yourself then I have no problems. I’m just tired………
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A restraining order is a “civil injunction.” “Injunctive relief” just means relief from stress by prohibiting someone else from doing something.
A person who applies for a restraining order “sues for injunctive relief.”
They’re just different ways of saying the same thing.
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I want to prove a point and he heard without saying anything!!
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I know what you mean. The judges don’t respond, and they don’t ask questions.
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Thank you for the liking my name compliment 🙂 it’s actually Teresa but everyone including strangers call me Resa so I introduce myself as Resa……how can I post a profile pic?
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For one to appear by your name, I think you have to be signed in (with WordPress, I guess). If you want to put an image of yourself in a comment, just type in the address where the image is.
I can fix it if there’s a glitch.
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I can’t tell you how much I appreciate all this information and help. I’m struggling with this more than you know and I don’t have anyone in my corner or no one to vent to and you’ve helped lift me up a little bit.
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I’m glad. These things sink people for years and no one on the outside understands why. Some people do kill themselves.
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I know!! If you were me, would you file an order against them?
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If you believe their intentions have been and are malicious, I wouldn’t scruple much about doing whatever you have to do. When bullies get these orders, it means they can walk all over you. They can call the cops (any time) and report that you’ve “violated” the order (this could even mean you’re arrested). They can hang around your house, follow you around, do what they want.
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They have to be stopped!! Well, I guess I’ll go Monday and file. I will absolutely keep you posted. There is to much stacked against them that shows and proves malicious intent. And no proof or evidence supporting I stalk and harass them. Someone who “FEARS FOR THEIR LIFE” doesn’t go around the person they “fear” truthfully.
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Do let me know. You’re right; it’s a game.
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I did email a civil lawyer today with brief detailed long story short version. I also saw where they finance the cost of their services. I received a copy of the appeal document and let me tell you how hard it was to not cry and be angry. It says I willfully and knowingly stalked and harassed her in a way that caused her to fear for her life. I DID NOT!! She mentioned not one word that I did any of that in the police report pertaining to the altercation with my son nor in the restraining order. I don’t want to HAVE to drag my mother in law in this even though she could be a tremendous successful help because I think I have enough to stand on with the lack of proof, evidence and witnesses. She even asked the plaintiff if and when she comes over to let drop her sister off, could she do it up the street and she will not comply. The plaintiff and her sister both have been asked and told several times to not come over but again they ignored it in pure malice spiteful disregard. This appeal just gave them all the ammo they need and then some to keep up hell because they were basically told they weren’t doing anything wrong. All I have the right to do is take it like it and shut up. I’m sick over all of this and I feel like the World is against me. They both pop pills, the plaintiffs sister just not to long ago got out of prison for stealing after being caught MORE THAN 3 times and got out on good behavior. Still hasn’t stopped her from stealing. That’s neither here nor there but speaks volume about her character. She also told the judge she wasn’t the one for no back and forth stuff cause she’ll get it popping real quick……..<<<But I'm the stalker……..I could go on for days with them and their shenanigans. They also have been asking around to jump on my son. 2 people I know isn't lying have told me this. This is what I have to deal with and take. I'm tired!!
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Don’t hesitate to bring anyone in who can help. Don’t let embarrassment or anything else hold you back. Basically the process is mindless, judges don’t care, and people who get shafted figure they’re screwed (and they often are) and they just shut up.
This stuff works and escapes criticism because it’s so effective at keeping people quiet. They’re injured and ashamed, and they may be scared.
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Reciprocal Restraining Order?
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Tell me about it!!!! You spoke the truth then!!
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It’s all good. I appreciate you posting the one you did.
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Thank you for that.
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You’re welcome, Victor.
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Oh and, how do I find Matthew?
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https://restrainingorderabuse.com/2015/01/26/restrainingorderabuse-com-guest-post-by-matthew-s-chan-the-appellant-in-a-restraining-order-case-before-georgia-s-highest-court/
You could reply to any comment of his you found on this site or follow a link to a site he hosts.
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Defiantly.net
MatthewChan.com
ExtortionLetterInfo.com (ELI)
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Thank you for all that information. I will contact Matthew. I had edited my post and then reposted. It seems the initial one that isn’t very clear is the one that is up.
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Huh. I approved the more recent one, I thought! I can swap out the text.
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Yeah, that’s the more recent comment.
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My name is Darin, and my girlfriend has been abusing me for several years. I am well employed, and make a decent living. My girlfriend and I have had a toxic relationship. She has never been able to hold down a steady job. I’m always helping her out financially, as she is a single mom of a 6 year old. In the past she has placed 2 restraining orders on me, and I have placed one on her. She knows I am a big outdoorsman, and take my children from my first marriage hunting. My girlfriend uses them as a method of control, and has even made false accusations of rape, the last time I called the police, when she was beating on me, to prevent her butt from going to jail. I now take regular beatings with shoes, punches to the face, bites, etc., in fear that if I call the police for help, she will make up another lie, and justice won’t be served. All my family and friends know what is going on, and tell me to leave her. She is a ticking time bomb, and I’m afraid of the pending legal battle, or worse if I do. Recommendations?
Will a judge order us to be restrained from each other, costing me my gun rights?
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It’s impossible, even for a crack attorney, to answer some of these questions conclusively. In my state, Arizona, gun rights are sacred, so unless a complainant of abuse explicitly says he or she was threatened with gun violence, a judge often won’t approve a firearms restriction. Your state may hold similar political views, or it may not. Also, of course, anyone can say s/he was threatened (or fears being shot).
Your concerns are valid ones, Darin. Many I’ve talked to report false allegations of abuse were made to the court immediately subsequent to their telling their partners they wanted to (or were considering) divorce or a breakup. The prospect of separation sets some people off—women and men.
(Many people, what’s more, report that a divorce or breakup can motivate abuses of legal process far into the future. For example, one man reported he’d had two restraining orders petitioned against him by an ex-wife, who was also an attorney, after he announced he was getting remarried and wanted his kids to attend the wedding. They’d been divorced for 10 years.)
Domestic violence against men gets short shrift. Ironically, women who claimed they were being abused may have been mocked 30 or 40 years ago, and this is why restraining orders were enacted. Now it’s the case that men who report abuse may be scoffed at—and this doesn’t inspire advocates of social justice to pitch a ruckus. Injustice has just done a flipperoo.
All I can think of that you might do is get one of these attacks on video or otherwise document it in any way you can, even if it’s going to the hospital to have bruises and bite marks documented. Bite marks, especially, are damning if they can be matched to the biter’s teeth. Photograph them yourself next to a ruler, if nothing else, and keep a diary of abuses (including past ones). It sounds like you need tangible proofs to present in your defense.
Talking to a lawyer would be a good idea, too, if it’s feasible. A lawyer could tell you whether testimony from the kids, assuming they’ve witnessed this behavior and could be relied upon to tell the truth, might be admissible. The testimony of third-party witnesses of injuries may be admissible, also. You need evidence that will elevate your claims above he-said-she-said.
I can imagine your hell, and I’m sorry for it.
Meanwhile, my own ethics as a lifelong vegetarian compel me to urge you to ventilate your feelings at the firing range instead of in the woods.
FYI, Dr. Tara Palmatier (Shrink4Men.com) requests “Men’s and Women’s Experiences with Female Perpetrated Domestic Violence.” She might be someone to talk to, as well.
http://shrink4men.com/2014/09/18/in-his-or-her-own-words-request-for-mens-and-womens-experiences-with-female-perpetrated-domestic-violence/
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Men’s Experiences with Partner Aggression Project
http://wordpress.clarku.edu/dhines/mensexperiences/
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Lived with a man and a woman. The man I had a sexual relationship with while the wife encouraged it. After a year the wife wanted a romantic relationship with me as well, and once I didn’t comply, I was banished from their home. With witnessing a new side to these people I felt vulnerable to them with the knowledge that not a lot of people knew the truth of our relationship, so I subsequently posted to my Facebook that my relationship with the husband had ended. Within in an hour he attacked me in my home- beat on me, vandalized my property, and threatened if I ever shared my story with anyone, he’d kill me, followed by that he said he knew people in the New York area that would ensure me a devastating existence. He was arrested and given a restraining order. Weeks later I was served with one on basis that I wrote of my truth with them online in a blog. He and his wife backed it up with lies that they felt threatened by me, stalked them, drove by their home, and because they had children that it was seriously important for them to be protected. At first they were told they had no basis, no proof, and that at that point writing of someone online didn’t hold any legal merit. I followed by taking the blog down that I had written about my experience with them. Honestly, my blog seemed like protection to me, to write publicly, because watching him lie in court was as if I was watching a virtual stranger work to make me a bad person and seemed like there was nothing I could past he and his wife. Later I was served again, and by the basis of one social media site having his name still there, only his name, I was given a restraining order. I don’t write about them anymore online anywhere, and now for the third year he has renewed the restraining order. His order that protected me lapses this month, and yes it worries me. Should I be? And how worried should I be?
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If your concern is that these people will continue to harass you through the courts, I think it’s a valid one (people endure this stuff for years and years; malice dies hard). It sounds like you exposed a secret they seriously didn’t want exposed. Hot emotions and cold, superficial court procedures are a Molotov cocktail. Lower-tier judges aren’t experts on constitutional law—typically, they don’t have law degrees, and they may never even have been to college. Their latitude is pretty much absolute. They can do what they want, and though I’ve encountered a couple decent ones, I’ve never met one who was an “evolved thinker.”
The law is on your side. The problem is appealing something like this on First Amendment grounds, practically speaking, requires an attorney who specializes. See posts and comments on this blog by and about Matthew Chan, who’s a free-speech advocate. He reports that it’s possible to find free representation from a First Amendment attorney provided you can cover the actual costs (which are nominal next to attorney fees). Sometimes attorneys are glad to accept a case like this pro bono to cut their teeth on.
(Matthew may be happy to direct you provided he has your assurance you’re committed to helping yourself. It’s often the case that people who’ve been reamed are twice-shy about sticking their necks out again. I’ve been through this for nine years, and I know how it can beat you down.)
The closure of windows for appeal may make it impossible to attack the past orders even though it sounds like they had no legal merit whatever—especially the last one, which is bizarre. Probably the last order was approved on no basis other than that there had been previous ones (or possibly on the basis that your accusers were very persuasive and outnumbered you and that you were the “interloper”).
Abusing court process for cover-up (retooling the truth) isn’t uncommon. This must have been a serious betrayal and mind f*, Victor, and I’m sorry. It’s amazing how unconscionably people will use you and then violate you further without compunction.
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Lived with a man and a woman. The man I had a sexual relationship with while the wife encouraged it. After a year the wife wanted a romantic relationship with me as well and once I didn’t comply I was banished from their home. With witnessing a new side to these people I felt vulnerable to them with the knowledge that not a lot of people knew the truth of our relationship, so I subsequently posted to my Facebook that my relationship with the husband had ended. Within in an hour he attacked me in my home- beat on me, vandalized my property, and threatened if I ever shared my story with them he’d kill me, followed by that he knew people in the New York area that would ensure a devastating existence. He was arrested and given a restraining order. Weeks later I was served with one on basis that I wrote of my truth with them online. He and his wife backed it up with lies that they felt threatened by me, and because they had children that it was seriously important for them to be protected. At first they were told they had no basis and I followed by taking a blog down that I had written about my experience with them. Honestly this seemed like protection to me to write publicly, because watching him lie in court, as if I was watching a virtual stranger, work to make me a bad person seemed like there was nothing I could past he and his wife. Later I was served again and by the basis of on one social media site having his name still there, only his name, I was given a restraining order. I don’t write about them anymore online anywhere and now for the third year he has renewed the restraining order. His to protect me lapses this month, and yes it worries me. Should I be? And how worried should I be?
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okay so my ex got a restraining order againstme saying that I said I would take my daughter to Mexico so he wouldn’t see her and that’s not true I have my life made here so i wouldn’t leave just because of him and get got a judge to sign it and took my daughter from daycare what should I do to prove him wrong and be able to get custody
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Based on what you’ve reported, the thoughts of this non-attorney (I’m just a writer) are that the judge approved a restraining order petition based on nothing that you’ve done but only on something you’re alleged to have said you might do. I’m hard-pressed to understand upon what grounds the order was issued in the first place. Exasperating about this stuff is you want to apply reason to it, and it’s a pointless act. These orders can be approved on whimsy. You’ve apparently been “restrained” in advance of your actually doing anything. This isn’t without precedent or justification. People can get these orders because they say someone threatened them. They can even get them because they say they’re “afraid.”
Also, “hearsay” testimony is accepted, so if some friend or family member testified that you did say this (or that s/he “heard” you said this), a judge could form a ruling based on that.
If it’s possible for you to obtain an attorney’s representation in this matter, do. Just having a lawyer in court on your side will discourage a judge from making an arbitrary decision. It will make you look good and put the judge on notice that what s/he does may come under further scrutiny. The allegation against you, provided you’ve never actually said something like what you’re accused of saying, is unprovable and has no real-world foundation. I imagine an attorney would argue that you never said this, that you have ties to the community that you have no intention of severing, and that the accusation and restraining order are baseless.
If you can’t swing the cost of a lawyer’s help, this is probably what you would want to tell the judge yourself.
What do you think the motive of the accusation was? Do you think your ex-husband or -boyfriend is trying to get custody? If so, I suppose you could express this suspicion in court. Have there been other indications that your ex wanted custody? Have you quarreled? Do you have evidence (texts, emails, etc.) that you could show a judge?
In preparing your defense (and absolutely request a hearing if one isn’t automatically scheduled in your state), consider all communications you’ve had with your ex and any mutual friends he may be in contact with so you’re not blindsided by the introduction in court of some offhand remark you made in an email or on social media or to your sister or something.
I don’t see any basis for this order, Aranza, but do take it seriously, because these procedures are very accelerated and superficial, and the consequences can be grave.
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My sister got pregnant with her boyfriend several times and lost most of them at five months, having to watch most of them die because they were too small to survive. Well when she got pregnant the last time he dumped her for a girl he cheated on her with. She had to work and get herself through the pregnancy. Even against doctors orders to be on bed rest she worked sometimes overtime so she wouldn’t need to call him for help. See he went to the army when he left her. He was a big mama’s boy and didn’t even want to talk to her directly. She kept in contact with his side for the sake of the child. Well 4 yrs later she had to work hard but she finally felt like there was enough trust for an overnight visit with him and the new wife and kid. Also she wanted to go back to nursing school to make better money to support him. She put him on a plane. Then the phone calls stopped the text stopped even his mother gave no info. On the day he was suppose to send him back. He didnt. She called the police and they said he had gotten a restraining order against her. Now she can’t get her son back. We are her family we help raise him and held her hand from birth to now. I even stayed over night to help and have video of me helping him take his first step. She has never hurt him in any way and only wanted to help him he a relationship with him so her son wouldn’t hate her later. What can we do?
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The treacherous applications for these instruments are horrifying.
What state is the ex-boyfriend in, Netta? The restraining order would have to be appealed in that state, preferably with the help of a lawyer (who would have to be licensed in that state).
Short of kidnapping, all I know that you can do is try to have the order dismissed. You could talk to an attorney in your town, also, to get ideas and advice. It’s really critical, though, that your sister take this very seriously. It’s the kind of thing that could mean she’s prevented from seeing her son at all.
Something you could do as you’re investigating is put together a timeline (the pregnancy, break-up, birth, etc.).
What is your sister accused of?
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Was your sister given a copy of the restraining order? Did a police officer give her a copy or just inform her of it on the phone when she called to report that her son was missing?
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I asked for a divorce and my ex got a restraining order against her, my daughter and I. This is the hardest thing I have ever fought because the process is long, expensive and my daughter is not with me when I come home from work. I feel empty and alone. Why would someone do such a monstrous thing?
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Spite (petty “revenge”).
https://restrainingorderabuse.com/2014/03/21/motives-of-the-false-accuser-according-to-the-fbi-mental-illness-attention-seeking-profit-blame-shifting-and-revenge-sound-familiar/
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My former schizophrenic boyfriend who passionately declared his love of me to.me and my son many times suddenly disappeared said entities were telling him.to kill people and started filing injunctions of harassment against me. The first time it wAs because after two months my son visited him at his store. The injunction earnestness. After three months of having him disappear I emailed him several times as I was still in love with him. Due to his lack of response after four months I got crazy and emailed him four times. Each time on my end it showed he had blocked me. Two days later he filed an injunction against me which I lost. I was not harassing him. I love him and missed him and knew he was becoming dangerous or suicidal. Unless was distraught but afraid of him too. And evil judge granted the conjunct ex parte. I am depressed suicidal and feel hopeless. He will committed a crime but the law says I am the criminal. What happened here? I love him and only wanted j to talk to help me please..
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Martha, has there ever been a medical diagnosis of your boyfriend’s condition? Would hiring an attorney to help you be within your means? If it’s not too late, consider applying to appeal the order to a higher court. In my state, at least, this is free. Your chances of success are much higher, obviously, if a lawyer represents you, but you can file an appeal you prepare yourself, and (some) allowances are made for the fact that you’re not a lawyer.
If your boyfriend’s condition is one you can prove, that may be a persuasive basis for an appeal. If there are records you don’t possess, it may be possible for an attorney to subpoena them. Maintain that your “harassment” was motivated by concern for his safety and the safety of others.
The obstacle is that all it takes is a few emails, represented by the plaintiff as “harassing,” to satisfy the court that a restraining order is “just”—never mind that the order may also impute to the defendant all manner of other crimes and deviant behavior. Absurdly, your boyfriend could tell the court you’re a child molester or that you’ve told him you plan to kill him, and even if a judge doesn’t believe it, s/he can rule to affirm an order just based on emails (and the other allegations won’t be stricken from the petition or the trial record). The law says a few emails are enough.
I’m preparing a post right now about judges. Chances are the “judge” who ruled in your case was a justice of the peace. These guys don’t necessarily have any background in the law at all. Your dentist or mechanic could run to be a JP. These “officers of the court” are nevertheless given broad latitude to interpret allegations. Restraining orders are generally rubber-stamped. Judges don’t think twice about it.
If you’re really concerned for someone’s safety, you could report what your boyfriend has said. The likelihood is, though, that because of the restraining order, what you say will be interpreted as “payback.” You probably wouldn’t be taken seriously.
My thought would be to bend heaven and earth to get an attorney’s help and to appeal the order. It’s horrible, it’s humiliating, and it can be financially burdensome if not devastating, but the law is set up so that if you can’t shoot these things down immediately, they stick with you—and the feelings you’re experiencing can be very detrimental over months and years.
Please hang in there. Call on anyone you know to help you out (family, friends, whomever). Mortgage your house, cash in your IRA, get a title loan on your car—exhaust any avenue to raise funds. Meanwhile, talk with a lawyer. Finding out if one can help you won’t cost anything. Call around, and don’t disguise your distress.
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I would like to know what kind of cases which get restraining order?
I have problem my neighbour alwaysthreatens me, eeverytime she sees me, can i get restraining order?
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Hi, Zanele. Under those circumstances, you probably could be granted a restraining order, yes. My only advice is to weigh the consequences carefully. Make an informed decision, because the results can sometimes be far-reaching.
First, depending on how crazy mean this person is, she could turn around and apply for an order herself against you. Accusations on petitions for restraining orders don’t have to be true, just convincing (people make up any BS they want), and chances are her application for a restraining order would be to a different judge than the one who issued an order against her. On the other hand, if this is someone who’s got it out for you, she could apply for a restraining order, anyway, regardless of what you do. Maybe she just hasn’t thought of it. If you applied for one, you might beat her to the punch.
Just appreciate that if you get a restraining order, you’ll fix the idea in her head, and it’s a guarantee that whatever ill will she bears you now will only increase. False accusations can also be made to the police. I know of people who deal with this on a daily basis. Once wackos learns how effective lying to authorities and judges can be, they sometimes become addicts.
Second—and I tell you this because I know it happens—it’s entirely possible that you could apply for an order, that it could then be dismissed on appeal, and that a restraining order sought against you might not be dismissed. You could end up with a restraining order and your neighbor could harass you and gloat about it. Hee-hee.
You see the conundrum. In interpersonal conflicts with cranks, what presents itself as a simple solution can end up making the conflict much worse. The decision is yours. I just wanted you to know what can and does happen.
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I have a question I need answered! I lied to get a permanent protection order 2 years ago. Now I want to admit to the court that I lied to clear the victim’s name. What will happen? Will I go to jail?? how long?? help!
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I responded here, Jex:
https://restrainingorderabuse.com/restraining-order-q-a/#comment-60016
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I’m filing felony domestic violence stalking against my husband. On Dec 20 from the ER I was given medication that 2 days later caused me to Overdose. He filed for divorce that same day. 5 days after i came home he received my response to the divorce and that morning not even an hour later filed a restraining order kicking me on the street. That night he told my adult son he did it only because I was going after custody of my stepson (and I wasn’t, I only want visitation). Three days later he told my son he didn’t really want to get one against me. He did this as punishment because of my response to the divorce. The week I was in the hospital he cancelled all financial access for me to get my money or get what was mine out of his bank account that I had been using for well over three years. In my response to the temp orders hearing he told me he was cancelling my car insurance as punishment, and is still not paying some of the bills even though he is the one choosing to stay out of the home. He makes over 2500 a month and I only make 700. He is using my OD in court papers calling it attempted suicide when in fact he knows that the final diagnosis is OD due to wrongly prescribed medication. He is also telling others that I’m crazy (even told me that in a text) and is allowing people who are manipulating him to call me psycho and crazy on Facebook and elsewhere. Here where I live this is non violent retaliatory behavior designed to punish me.
It is really hurting because he comes here and tells me that the only reason for the divorce is that, and I quote, “I’m scared you will relapse and kill me and my son in the middle of the night” even though he knows the reason behind the OD and that I am not homicidal (He has the letter from my psychiatrist stating that I am not homicidal or suicidal and have never been put on medication for this issue, that basically there is nothing mentally wrong with me). I know he is still in love with me, everyone can see it when he is around me. In a no fault state it’s hard to try and save your marriage. I know that he would stop all this if we were in marriage counseling.
On the restraining order he lied saying that he was in fear for his life because “She threatened me that if I did not come home for 8 months to work on the marriage she would charge me with criminal emotional distress and ensure I would lose my son” (Of which I NEVER said anything like that), then claimed he was in fear “because of her suicide attempt”. He dropped the order when I walked into the courthouse with 5 witnesses that I have never been violent.
This is all completely unfair and an abuse of the system and there is nothing I can do to ever get my name cleared now that he dropped it. Especially now that he is using the accusation in our divorce.
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I’ll respond more thoughtfully tomorrow, but this sounds like it has a personality-disorder component to it. You’ll relate to Izabella’s story in the comments section here:
https://restrainingorderabuse.com/2015/02/12/inciting-violence-if-lawmakers-require-a-compelling-motive-for-restraining-order-reform-how-about-this-one/
You’re not crazy.
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“BPD Distortion Campaigns”:
The conduct you describe could also suggest narcissistic personality disorder. Such disorders don’t have to be (and typically aren’t) diagnosed, and they’re not pathologies, per se. Vengeance manifests in both borderline and narcissistic behavior. Narcissists are slick and dispassionate (but relentlessly vicious); borderlines run hotter, and their tactics are cruder (they’re capable of greater warmth than narcissists, but when they close off, they’re closed: You’re the enemy). Neither type “apologizes.” For more info, see the writings of Dr. Tara Palmatier (Shrink4Men) or Dr. Linda Martinez-Lewi. Consult the writings of William (“Bill”) Eddy on “high-conflict people” to understand the intersection between personality disorders and court procedures.
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What led up to your husband’s filing for divorce three days before Christmas…while you were in the hospital? There was ongoing conflict? How nasty all of this is. I’m really sorry for you.
On the restraining order (that he dropped), he said you threatened to accuse him of domestic violence (emotional abuse) but that you hadn’t. But now you are going to accuse him of domestic violence?
I would consider whether you really want to escalate the warfare and whether you’re not just corroborating his former allegation (whether it was true then or not). All of this has serious consequences to you, to your husband, and to your kids.
If he’s making the allegation in your divorce, then won’t you be proving him right if you do accuse him?
Believe me, I get that you’re pissed, and I would never say don’t defend yourself. But would it be possible for you to get some legal counsel? Maybe a lawyer would advise you to go ahead. I don’t know, and the truth is that even if your husband “predicted” you’d file a complaint, it might still be effective to do it (whether it’s “right” to do it or not). Everyone imagines judges will say, Hang on, didn’t…? They don’t. I’ve never met a judge with a subtle mind. Your obstacles, really, are that you make less money and that you were recently hospitalized. Proceedings are all about impressions.
Hateful is that once this stuff starts, it becomes impossible for “disputants” to communicate with each other. It’s great for lawyers, who get paid lots of money to be mouthpieces and intermediaries. But people ask all the time about how to talk to someone about day-to-day business like rents and appliances and kids and bills after stuff like this has transpired. It’s not only a relationship-killer; it also seems to pit people against each other (and the kids get squished in the middle).
Regarding the restraining order, you’re saying your husband basically said, “I would like to withdraw my petition,” when you came to court with witnesses? You’re angry because you didn’t have a chance to defend? The result, had your defense been compelling, would have been the same ruling, which I assume was dismissal? Get that paperwork, for sure. You can also report that the petition was voluntarily withdrawn, and the same people who were prepared to testify could probably still speak on your behalf (whether on the stand or by affidavit).
I understand your anger. The reasons your husband gave for being “in fear for his life” don’t even make sense. Judges just rubber-stamp these orders. Probably all your husband had to say was that you were a “mental case” or that you “o.d.’ed.” It’s all about words and expressions of fear and anxiety.
What state are you in, by the way?
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My daugther boyfriend want to put a reistraning order for me, I went to their apartment and told to stop pushing and yelling to my daugther, he called the police and I left, he is abusive and controlling to my 21 year old daugther.
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She won’t leave him?
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No, I haven’t talk to her since that nigth, 5 days ago, she is afraid of him, I am just waiting until she realizes she lost all her friends and family
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It blows me away that a man would go to court to report he’s afraid of his girlfriend’s mom. Qué macho. Still, it’s possible that he could do it.
If your daughter knows you are there for her, and she would rather be with her boyfriend, I don’t know what you can do safely.
If your daughter is in danger, you can call the police and report the situation, or you and your family could step in. Never mind a “restraining order” if your daughter is at risk.
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My mother (whom clearly has mental issues) had a temporary restraining order against me claiming I left stove gas on to kill her when me and my daughter live in same house and not to mention she called nimo a week later after filing the order to check if there was gas leak because she smelled gas Everytime stove was used….if she rlly thought I was trying to kill her why would she only have it temporary which means I still lived there….she now called the cops claimed I started a fight when she broke her own order by slapping me with my daughter in my arms….I immediately went to jail the cops didn’t even take report from me I’m charged with a felony because she’s claiming I knocked over her Christmas tree….she is now trying to get custody of my daughter….she definitely premeditated this. And she claimed on the order that I have no job when I work for her business and have proof from my appointment books I do…she won’t write me on the books and she doesn’t pay me….she makes me work for her business to live in the house that has to be illegal. I threatened to report her to irs for this because she collects the tax money for my daughter when she shouldn’t be because clearly I am working my boyfriend supports me and my daughter financially since she doesn’t pay me she claims she doesn’t owe me any of money for what I worked because I live in house. After I threatened her that’s when she filed the order of protection.
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Your case exemplifies many of the reasons restraining orders are abused: to punish, to gratify some mental twist, to gain custody of kids, to blackmail, and to cover up blackmail and crime (like tax fraud). I could direct you to comments and posts about all of these things. They should be common knowledge, but the mainstream press is blind and deaf to this mischief. Worse, it’s blind and deaf to how easily what you’ve described is accomplished.
Get an attorney’s help if it’s at all possible for you, and if you do go to this expense, make sure to get one you trust—someone who gets what you’re saying. Lawyers aren’t necessarily any more aware this happens than the police or the courts are. Legal experts aren’t necessarily moral, don’t necessarily give a damn, and aren’t necessarily smart (they dress smartly, sure, and they often believe they’re God’s gift, but this isn’t the same thing).This kind of frame-up works because accusations are taken at face value, and defendants like you are shamed into submission. You could, for example, get statements from or ask people in your appointment books to testify that you work for your mom. This, of course, requires a high tolerance for discomfort, and most people can’t bear the humiliation. That’s among the reasons why this BS works.
Since you’re fighting for your daughter, though, I’d say pull out all of the stops. Do what you must to get representation, and get as many witnesses as you can. Your daughter might be able to testify to the slap (if a minor can testify), your boyfriend can testify, and there may be others who would/can speak to your character, your financial and living arrangements, and your mother’s “mental issues.” Bring them all.
Apply to the court for an appeals hearing if a date hasn’t already been scheduled, and please consider enlisting an attorney. You can file a Motion for Continuation (a “continuance”) at the courthouse, which is a request for more time to prepare, and tell the judge you’re trying to hire counsel but that it’s very hard to do on short notice. The worst that will happen is your motion is denied.
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So, how can a ex-girlfriend/wife place a restraining order on you when you have absolutely no contact with them & you have been incarcerated for several years? That is malicious behavior to do that when they find out you have a new life & want nothing to do with them & only want to be a parent to your children.
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I agree with you. You’re very welcome to share the circumstances if you feel like it.
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This is how I lost my day to day stability to be a normal reasonable and gainfully employed person in the communities eyes.
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So I was 22 when my spouse falsly acused me of scratching him, which never happend, it was over pictures I took in my own home, then he falsly put restraining order on me so I wouldn’t find out why, cuz he had taken everything out of my home, had landlord get home appraised without my permission after over 60k in native once in a life time thing, wanted me to just sign my name off like nothing, trying to hide that he was not only fucking a teenager, but supplying to her as well, trying to cover up himself and move on. His family knew all this, he was almost 30 she was just 16, this guys family and friends have tried and done anything they can to use, hurt, lie, screw over, ect, even taking it to the level of inviting my privacy as he lied over and over to not just me but the troopers and for years it’s been an issue, the threats of being killed, the traumatizing times he’s allowed me to get to not caring for me, but his and the bad druggies in the community to make me look crazy, foolish, not to be trusted cuz they had me at first, now it’s just time, time that organized crimes and stalking will be proved and used against them in ways they never planned, any one know any other help for this situation? I’ve been back with this guy knowing that it’s going to be for a very good per pose
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Your case has a lot in common with this one:
https://restrainingorderabuse.com/2015/01/02/trapped-bettys-story-of-restraining-order-abuse/
The woman in this story has started a petition and multiple websites committed to reforming the law. I see you didn’t leave an email address. If you happen to check back here, though, consider getting in touch with Betty.
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My wife is Bipolar. She filed several false Orders of Protection, each time never showing up for the hearing but they kept issuing them. We are also a same sex couple. The Courts are clueless when faced with actions induced by those that are Mentally ill, add a same sex couple into the equation and it becomes all so sad to see how ill-equipped the Legal System functions. I’m 56 years old and never had a speeding ticket. My wife is stable and in treatment. She is mortified by her actions and can’t believe that when she would obtain them, no one really questioned her.
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I think you’re right, and a case like yours best shows why the process needs to be reconceived. It must not be possible for a private litigant in the throes of violent delusions or passions (or even just garden variety spite) to walk into a courthouse, initiate a prosecution by filling out a form or two, and receive a ruling on three minutes’ consideration from a judge (without the judge’s so much as knowing what the accused looks like).
I’m glad your wife’s doing better. You’re a special person to ride out the tempests and stick by her. We’re all the pawns of our brain chemistry.
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Yes!
His request for a PROTECTION ORDER was denied. (i believe the judge knew he was lying about the handwriting) and he made NO mention to the malicious allegationsand of being in fear for his life…just that I’m a DRUG user and he plans to get rid of my propeNow?
Now?
I’m afraid to.go back without an order. I called a Non profit who sent me info…and I’m attempting to getan order for myself. His actions warrant sexual assault , stalking and unlawful harassment protection. I don’t know, I may sue criminally. Cyberstalking. Indeed. I’m poor. It’s a hindrance not an exclusion. I would appreciate your assistance in any manner or time you choose. The post was very considerate, thank you. Nice to know someone, somewhere, has my back. In the meantime, if you know anyone in WA state (Tacoma) that has a truck and isn’t afraid…I would love to go and get ALL my stuff!
Rhonda
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What a creep. If you’ve basically gotten this guy off your back, aside from recovering your belongings, you may want to consider carefully how much you want to invest in payback. From what you’ve said, this guy is totally unscrupulous and may have nothing better to do than try to hurt you. What about seeing if there’s someone at the shelter who knows a guy who could help you pick up your stuff? Then you could file a complaint with the DES about the food-stamp extortion. Probably he wouldn’t even be informed that the complaint came from you.
Alternatively, if you decide to apply for a restraining order, make sure to get a transcript of the voicemails and a printout of the Facebook comments. That kind of conduct inflames judges’ tempers.
There’s a petition in the right-hand margin started by Betty Krachey (of Tennessee), who’s trying to change the laws so this kind of thing can’t happen. She, like you, was falsely accused and barely dodged a bullet that was aimed for her gut, and she’s more than a little p.o.’ed that the state tolerates these kinds of potshots.
Congratulations, Rhonda.
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