About This Blog

It’s possible for a complete stranger to target another at that person’s home, install him- or herself there, loiter outside of the target’s residence in the dark for months on end to indulge a twist of the mind, and then petition a restraining order from the court to shift the blame for misconduct onto its victim.

Marital infidelity and violence, besides stalking, can be concealed this way by either male or female offenders, whose appetites, once whetted, may urge them to commit further abuses of legal process over periods spanning years or decades—as well as to broaden their victim base.

Forms of restraining order abuse to retool the truth and/or demonize and punish a target of malicious fixation or revenge—whether a spouse, a boy- or girlfriend, an ex, a sibling or parent, a rival, a neighbor, or a stranger—are numerous and discredit restraining orders as instruments of protection.

Such abuses diminish, derail, and destroy lives every day.

The very phrase restraining order abuse is redundant. Millions of restraining orders are issued each year in the U.S. alone, as many as 50 to 80% of which are said to be unnecessary or grounded on false allegations. Scholars, legal lions, and journalists have challenged the value and legitimacy of restraining orders for decades.

This blog, conceived by a would-be commercial writer whose life has been preoccupied with legal conflict for many years, supplements their arguments for reform of a judicial process that’s constitutionally insupportable and annually costs this nation over $4 billion.

The author of this blog, Todd Greene, was the editor-in-chief of his high school newspaper and a Quill & Scroll honoree. He has bachelor’s degrees in Japanese and English from the University of Arizona and three years’ postgraduate credit toward a doctorate in literature dating back to the late ’90s. He had planned to be a commercial writer of children’s humor. He had also planned to complete his Ph.D. He memorializes his thwarted ambitions by blogging about abuses of and by the justice system and earns his crust as a manual laborer.


Contributions to this blog can be made here.

240 Responses “About This Blog” →
  1. My divorce started July 2014 with my ex- filing a restraining order on me. We were on vacation and SHE was almost arrested (not me). I had scratches all over my chest and arms from her. She also included in the restraining order slamming of doors and that I once broke a plate. When she filed the restraining order, I filed one against her and we brokered a deal to dismiss both restraining orders.

    Our divorce was final Sept 2015 and two weeks (14 days) after being final, my ex- was arrested. She hit me repeatedly during a child exchange. I filed a restraining order against her (the break from her abuse has been a breath of fresh air). She, in turn, filed one against me. She was claiming to be the victim during the exchange (police report and video strongly dispute this claim). She also included the exact same two pages from the (mutually dismissed) restraining order. Can she do this?

    Like

    Reply
    • I would investigate your state’s “restraining order” or “protection order” statute, Marvin. Google your state + restraining/protection order law (You could also consult WomensLaw.org). The statute may prohibit the litigation of the same allegations used in a petition that was previously dismissed. It could also be that they fall outside of a range of time recognized by the court. For example, if the grounds for the petition were behaviors of yours alleged to have happened 15-months ago, that might mean they “don’t count.”

      Like

      Reply
    • Something else occurred to me, Marvin. Allegations that have received a “final ruling” cannot be revisited according to the doctrine of res judicata because they’re “decided.” You can look this phrase, “collateral estoppel,” and “direct estoppel” up on Wikipedia or elsewhere. Basically what they mean is a person can’t litigate the same “cause of action” or individual claims twice…if they’ve been tried by the court.

      It’s unclear to me whether the doctrines apply if complainants withdraw their claims rather than have them decided by a judge. I would think, though, that a verbatim claim that a petitioner has withdrawn could not be literally recycled.

      Black’s Law Dictionary: “Dismissal. An order or judgment finally disposing of an action, suit, motion, etc., without trial of the issues involved.”

      If an action is “finally disposed of,” I question whether the exact same allegations could lawfully be raised anew.

      People can apply and reapply for restraining orders all they want (over and over and over), but I think the law requires that they offer new grounds each time.

      This is common sense talking. In these procedures, it’s anything goes, and a judge might be moved if your ex-wife said she “felt coerced” or something. Women do apply for orders, cancel them, and then reapply, and judges have been told there are all sorts of “understandable” motives for this.

      A call to a local criminal lawyer might answer this for you and would be free of charge. You can disguise that you’re looking for free information by telling the lawyer you might need his or her help. Some lawyers even advertise themselves as restraining order specialists online.

      Like

      Reply

  2. Julie Mitchell

    October 9, 2015

    I have had two restraining orders and both of them involved a sister who is an attorney. These were both out of maliciousness to which I can prove but it is exhausting. Beside this, whom do you prove it to?

    Like

    Reply
  3. Todd: I first want to say I absolutely love this blog. I despise the level of abuse that arises out of false/frivolous restraining orders. I’m a paralegal at a top-tier criminal defense firm in Southern California and I will go on record saying we have some clients that were slapped with permanent restraining orders and some were also on probation for prior convictions while the restraining order injunction was issued. A number of our clients were arrested and put in jail multiple times by vindictive exes that used the RO in an abusive manner such as asking the restrained person to come over so they can reconcile and then calling the police as soon as the restrained person arrives. Another “protected person” in particular called the restrained person and claimed she was going to commit suicide. When the restrained person (our client) came over, she immediately called the cops and he got hauled off to jail. We have another client who got locked up for responding to his ex via text message! Those are classic examples of “RO set-ups” and it happens too often. Evil!

    This topic hits close to home because I too was the victim of a false/frivolous DV restraining order (or at least a failed attempt to get one placed on me) not too long ago. My ex fiancée used a few e-mails I had written, admittedly in poor taste of course, as evidence against me. The e-mails though rather offensive, did not have any indications or inclinations of imminent danger towards my ex. No threats of physical harm towards my ex or her family at all. She even amended the protective order a couple of days after she originally filed it to include her brother, her mother and the family dog! I was shocked a temporary restraining order (TRO) was granted but later came to realize the courts tend to grant TROs quite easily with minimal evidence as a “safe measure” in case the petitioner is truly in immediate danger. Fortunately for me, my ex and her bro lacked basic legal knowledge and were not well-prepared for the hearing when the day came. I hired an attorney that specialized in domestic violence/criminal defense and she was able to discredit/impeach my ex’s bro’s testimony and pretty much shoot down much of what my ex had to say with regards to me being a threat to her and her family. My ex did tell the judge she was fearful of me and the judge did sympathize with her in that area. Long story short, the petition for permanent restraining order was denied and I hope I never see my ex or any members of her family ever again.

    I’m sure this site has this info already but I’d like to reiterate… When you get served with a temporary restraining order, regardless of how frivolous, OBEY THE TEMPORARY RESTRAINING ORDER. Make no effort in any way, shape or form to communicate with the petitioner/protected person(s). If you have firearms, turn them in to a local firearms dealer for storage. Get an attorney that is reputable and skilled in domestic violence as well as criminal defense. If the hearing date is less than a week away, have your attorney request a continuance so you can better prepare for the hearing. Have your attorney file a formal response to the petition before the actual hearing, make sure it gets served to the court and the petitioner. You and your attorney must go over your strategy in defending against the petitioner prior to the hearing. I never lived with my ex nor did I have any history of domestic violence but I still had to deal with the bullshit that came with a TRO. Even so, I stood my ground and fought the bogus petition. Innocent people fight when they are wrongly accused rather than submit. Those who blatantly lie and lack reasonable evidence to support the lies will get shot down by competent defense counsel (as well as a confident and competent respondent/defendant). Maintain your composure at all times, especially during the hearing – dress nice, speak well, discredit your accuser(s) in cordial and professional manner and you will prevail. If the judge feels the petition for the restraining order was completely unmerited you can request that the judge order the petitioner to pay your attorney’s fees as well as any other expenses such as reimbursement for firearm storage fees. The sad thing though is 9 out of 10 times if the petitioner simply says she/he was truly in fear the judge will say the TRO did have “some” merit. Anyhow, my heart truly goes out to those of you falsely restrained and subjected to all the headaches that come along with it. Sometimes the system does truly suck. There’s an old saying that goes: “There’s no justice system. There’s just a system.”

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • I like your last comment there’s no justice system there’s just a system! But then the system which fails the most innocent people with all these false personal protection orders that are put on them who don’t deserve the systems abuse and so much perjury is going on when the not so innocent side they swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth which is just full of big lies to fulfill their inner Evil satisfaction. The system seems to let the liars win and there is no real justice for the innocent??

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • I agree with you to an extent… when it comes to temporary restraining orders the system definitely sides with the petitioner regardless of the allegations and evidence provided. That alone seems unconstitutional. But this is because the petitioner is given the benefit of the doubt in the event they are actually in imminent danger. The judge knows little to nothing about the petitioner, the respondent and their relationship so the judge will grant the TRO “just in case.” Even if there is a 1% probability the petitioner is in danger, the judge will generally grant a TRO until the final hearing. When it comes to the final hearing and the issuing of a permanent restraining order however, the respondent/defendant is given the opportunity to defend himself/herself. It’s often an uphill battle but the innocent do prevail assuming they come to court prepared. The most important thing is beating the permanent restraining order by discrediting the false accuser. I do wish those who file false restraining orders would get charged with perjury or at least fined.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

        • Anonymous

          October 18, 2015

          I wish that was true , i went to court and and i hands down won every part of the case , showed her misleading the court ,and she even admitted lying , the judge still gave her the case ..

          Like

          Reply
          • Sounds like a tricky situation. I can’t imagine a judge granting a permanent restraining order after the petitioner admitted to lying; then again… I can’t say I’m shocked. I’ve read countless nightmarish stories online about how judges granted permanent ROs with very little evidence and my only thoughts on that are: This is when the respondent/defendant absolutely must appeal the ruling. Judges are people too and if the petitioner knows how to “act” like a victim and the judge buys it, then unfortunately, the defendant is unlikely to prevail. It sucks but this is why it’s important to fight a false restraining order and appeal if you lose the hearing. I don’t think I would’ve prevailed in my hearing had I not hired a solid attorney and she delivered; she was great. I also took time on my own to study domestic violence/family law. My ex seemed to have a very poor understanding of basic law and her negative emotions came out in court which make it blatantly obvious she was simply pissed off at me, wanted to destroy me and she absolutely was not afraid of me. She merely tried to paint a bad picture of me rather than prove to the judge that I was a threat to her and her family. Majority of her evidence was rejected because it had nothing to do with domestic violence. On my end, my attorney and I did not try to paint a bad picture of my ex at all. We let my ex pretty much do it herself during her testimony and cross examination. There were two statements made by my ex in the original written affidavit that were addressed by my attorney during the hearing but that factor alone is not why the judge did not grant a restraining order. It generally (and I do mean “generally”) comes down to: 1. Was there ever a history of abuse/domestic violence or excessive harassment? 2. If not, was there a violent act that just recently occurred, a recent threat of violence or any other type of verbal abuse/harassment? 3. Does it appear that any acts of violence, abuse or harassment will occur in the future? If the answer to each question is “no” then an RO cannot be granted. If the answer to any of these questions is even a “maybe” then there is a chance of an RO being granted but this would also be an easier case to appeal.

            Like

            Reply
            • Addendum: There were two [false] statements made by my ex in the original written affidavit that were addressed by my attorney during the hearing…

              Like

              Reply
    • Thank you, Shaun. Validations from people in the legal profession have been surprisingly few. I think many attorneys want to avoid alienating a large swath of potential clientele by implicating women as procedural abusers. A few attorneys have written because they were issued orders (at least two of them women); two or three have chimed in in agreement that the status quo sucks.

      Your story and mine are almost identical. My accuser wasn’t an ex-anything; she was a married woman who played a game. She baited and sexually taunted me at my home, which she was routinely around most days up to and past midnight. She concealed her marital status and even her last name to indulge an infatuation. Then she abruptly disappeared without explanation. She lied randomly, even about her age (she arbitrarily made herself a year older—28 instead of 27). There’s no explaining the impulses of the twisted.

      The same evidence was produced in my case: three emails over a four-day period that were used to claim danger to her, her spouse, her friends…and even her mother three states over. They contained no threats to her person, but the judge didn’t even read the content. It was a cunning orchestration. By the end, she was calling the police daily and apparently telling her coworkers/friends that she thought she’d seen me lurking outside of her house, and asking them to walk her to her car. Very calculated stuff. I’d only ever seen the person outside of my own home. Her associates were biochemists, which I’ve come to believe are a queer lot to begin with. I think the profession is dominated by women of dubious emotional stability (“nerds” only puts it cutely), and that because science is very political, the people who aren’t screwball just keep their heads down and steer clear of scandal.

      I’ve consequently been in and out of court with the woman (and been messed about by her girlfriends) for seven of the last 10 years, and the stress and emotional scarring have trashed everything. I just buried a companion whose entire life had been overshadowed by vicious deceits. I’d hoped to provide her with a carefree life of joy and savor, and trying to recover that hope was the motive for this blog. After a decade, there’s nothing left to restore. I’ve determined to preserve the blog, though, as a source of aid and information to others.

      I’d had no prior experience with the law, aside from tutoring a judge’s grandsons, editing a law prof’s students’ essays, and doing some consulting work and transcription for a law firm. I was so mortified when this started, I didn’t consider hiring a lawyer. Since then, I haven’t been able to afford one. The woman’s frauds were transparent, and I was certain a judge would see through them and ream her out. Nope. And once that first judgment is in place, there’s no exposing the root fraud. The docket numbers just accrete, and vultures join in on the kill. Trying to reason with judges is like trying to reason with a machine that short-changes you (and you can’t kick them).

      Anyway, Shaun, I’m glad to hear you knew better than I (and so many others) and were able to wrest free of this business (and it is a business; it’s a racket).

      And thanks, too, for the excellent advice, which I’ll post today. Some of it I’ve never heard before, so it’s appreciated.

      Please comment on anything here you feel the urge to, and sincere best wishes to you. If you or a lawyer in your firm would like to prep something to post here, it would be welcome. Self-promotion would be fine. Complaints from Californians are common.

      Like

      Reply
      • Todd: I’m appalled by what you endured. Current restraining order laws do appear to be unconstitutional. I’m so sorry for what you went through. I thank you for publishing my post. At first I was extremely embarrassed about my ordeal but I also feel those who are victims of false restraining orders need to know there is a way out. You can beat the frivolous claims!

        Like

        Reply
        • Thank you again, Shaun. You’d be surprised (or not) how rarely that sentiment is expressed even by people you know. It means a lot. I saw you linked to your firm’s website and added the link to your advice. Maybe it will attract some custom. I hope that with enough people saying, “THIS HAPPENS,” people who are wronged will feel validated and less embarrassed. I may be able to manage an appeal of the most recent ruling against me on First Amendment grounds, and I’m newly motivated to take a stab.

          Like

          Reply

  4. Anonymous

    September 17, 2015

    I am helping a friend, who has been wrongly accused, fight an OOP that was issued in AZ. Because he resides in another state, finding an experienced attorney has been difficult. Any advice, suggestions or recommendations would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

    Like

    Reply
    • Take your time and call around, A. In Arizona, there’s no particular reason to hurry. This is important for your friend to be aware of.

      13-3602. Order of protection; procedure; contents; arrest for violation; penalty; protection order from another jurisdiction

      I. At any time during the period during which the order is in effect, a party who is under an order of protection or who is restrained from contacting the other party is entitled to one hearing on written request. No fee may be charged for requesting a hearing. A hearing that is requested by a party who is under an order of protection or who is restrained from contacting the other party shall be held within ten days from the date requested unless the court finds good cause to continue the hearing.

      A hearing does not need to be requested immediately. If the order is for a year, your friend can request a hearing at any time during that year.

      Like

      Reply

      • Anonymous

        September 18, 2015

        Yes, thank you! In that statute, paragraph N (regarding arrest for violation) is quite disturbing for a defendant who is unfortunate enough to have crossed paths with a person who would do this. Especially an individual who seems to have BPD, which I’m pretty sure is what we are dealing with. In reading your story, if I didn’t know better, I’d swear you and my friend were battling the same wackadoo! Even the way this order was issued seems sneaky. It is in a very small, outside county. To me, that means there are connections, but who knows.

        Back to the statute, what is a “peace officer”? I mean, when the “abused victim” has connections far and wide who believe their sob story, this makes it so easy. Talk about your perfect set up!!!

        Like

        Reply
        • The personality-disordered people I’ve known, however plainly weird they are, are dominant types. They stick out, for one reason or another, and people either admire them or want their approval and friendship. Even when they’re aggressively judgmental, people may sooner appease them than reject them. People will also look past oddity if the surface makes the right impression.

          I learned years after I was first accused that my accuser kept a newspaper clipping of her wedding announcement on her refrigerator door. Like a trophy. She was still married, though she never talked about the guy she was married to. Normal people might put a wedding picture in the living room or something, right? She kept a newspaper clipping on the fridge, which was years old and been brought from another state. I may have been told it was laminated. I learned about this from a friend of hers who also showed sociopathic traits. These people gravitate toward one another and may be concentrated in certain fields. Dr. Tara Palmatier posits that histrionics, borderlines, narcissists, and antisocials (“Cluster B”s) form a sort of continuum; they’re variations on a theme (by Dr. Moreau).

          Like

          Reply
        • “Peace officer” means cop (PD or Sheriff’s Dept.).

          FYI, A., the attorneys you’re likeliest to have the best luck with are criminal defense lawyers.

          Here’s an example:

          http://www.criminalchargestucson.com/Criminal-Defense-Overview/Domestic-Violence/Restraining-Orders.shtml

          There’s an email form on the site your friend could use.

          Like

          Reply
  5. Hello friends, This is Anthony I had wrote awhile back about my situation and it was good support you all have have me. So big thanks. Now it’s time for that update about what has happened in my life. So I left off with that my wife had gotten a temp restraining order and I did go to court the 21 first of last month. And my wife had the date messed up and she did not show up to court. The case was thrown out, I was so relived. But even thow I was happy that is be able to see my kids there was a warent from a different county. I know I had one so it was not a surprise at all. How that case happens was that my ex wife and I where in a different county having a baby and we found out that the kids could not stay at the hospital the night of the birth so I called the roneld mc d house and got pulled over and got a ticket for driving without my licence. I just got out of jail a week ago. And now more trouble from the ex wife. She thought that is be in jail for a month but a old friend helped me out and got me out of jail. So back in the ex wife so she is trying to pull a fast one. She has attempet to get a perp restraining order. The court is tomorrow. I have been avoiding the sheriffs department so that can’t serve me the resraining order papers so that she will end up having to file an extension. So that I will have a little more time to prepare for the case. I. Am proud of my self I have been collecting evidence that why she has been doing this. I have been doing this so that I can prove that it is revenge, not child abuse. Just the thought of harming my kids breaks my heart. But she has some real problems to be going this far. I am trying but it’s still not looking good. She has my boys brain washed. Its been two months since I had seen them. I wish I could afford a lawyer because I feel like I am moving in place and losing.

    Like

    Reply

  6. Jessie

    July 3, 2015

    Had this on my mind and much of it was what I experienced myself, first hand.

    In Civil Courts all across the United States women are learning how to manipulate the Court system. As if its an unwritten rule women are taught to purger themselves to get a restraining order. A woman with restraining order will make you swear she pulls all the strings in a custody battle and/or a divorce.

    Although it hurts the child most there are so many cases where a woman uses the order like a tool to destroy her ex, her childs father. Judges hand these restraining orders out as if they have a quota to meet.

    10 days or so after the temporary R.O. is issued the defendent who most often was forced to leave his home with only the cloths on his body is given a chance to have the order dropped and if unsuccessful the R.O. could be extended for 1 or 2 years or even as much as a lifetime.

    Not only is it imperative that the defendant hire an attorney but he is unable to return to his home to grab cloths or sometimes even have access to his very own money.

    Not only is he forced to pay child support for a child that the judge has determined with no evidence he is not legally allowed to see, a child he has been a father to since birth but he is still liable for all of the bills and upkeep for the home he isn’t even allowed to enter here comes 500 yards near.

    When he attends the hearing he most often is never given an oppourtunity to defend himself or present his side of the story. He finds out very quickly with his attorney won’t even speak up on his behalf or demand evidence proving his innocence be presented.

    This means all he may have printed in preperation for his defense such as text messages, pictures, etc. is very often intentionally overlooked or not considered by the judge whose job it is to make the determination whether to drop it or extend it.

    This woman who me once asked to marry you and chose to have a child with wasn’t expected to show any evidence proving her outrageous claims she made in the application for the restraining order but you were expected to prove your innocence even if you are constitutional rights are being blatantly violated and withheld from you.

    You are unable to work because you miss your child and the wife who betrayed you and your oath before God. Now you’re struggling to pay the bills as you had to go and purchase all new clothes, pay child support you had never had to budget for before, and pay rent on an apartment or a house because you’re not allowed back into your very own home which you still pay all the bills for.

    Even if through the grapevine you get word that your wife and child are no longer living there but still were kind enough to leave the heat all the way up when it’s 20 degrees outside and every light and the house on.

    All of the sudden this woman that you couldn’t live without so you asked to marry, had a beautiful baby with, whom has became just like water and food and necessity of life you may never see again.

    In this scenario, this very common scenario a man has all the justification to commit suicide that he needs and if put in that situation yourself you very well might do the same thing. If for one second you think this can’t happen to you please think again.

    There needs to be a reform of the child custody laws in this country. We need judges they won’t just try to move a case through the court system but will examine it thoroughly as if it was happening to them and will give the man/father an opportunity to prove his innocence.

    Most importantly any woman who applies for a restraining order who later is found to have been lying needs to get a mandatory jail sentence. Her story needs to be scrutinized and put under a microscope. So many of the lies told to receive a restraining order could easily be brought to light with even as little effort as a phone call.

    State’s attorney’s office is including the victim’s advocate that often coddle the manipulator who acquired the false restraining order should be held accountable for keeping a child away from his/her father.

    The state’s attorney’s offices need to be taught about such manipulation and they should be made to inform the woman they represent and claim to represent and defend that false accusations WILL be punished.

    Too many families are split up nothing more than lies that are never even investigated. These children are the real victims who have to go without the comfort of both their father and their mother. The mental scars from a false restraining order can never be erased. They can ruin a person’s life forever.

    Women who really are abused by their husbands, boyfriends, or lovers are also victims to accusations that lead to false restraining orders. Something needs to be done about this and it needs to be done right NOW!

    Like

    Reply
    • Liberals who recognize problems with the system promote the idea that we should form a political bloc and “urge reform.” Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya. None of them seems to understand “right NOW!” None of them seems to understand “I’m missing my child right NOW!” It’s all academic to them. Female proponents of reform like those on the blog Women for Men won’t highlight individual cases. Their advocacy is great, even brilliant, but it’s generic—as if the lesson “reason doesn’t cut it” shouldn’t have been learned long since. Opposition goes back to the mid-90s. Conservatives who recognize problems are discounted. Individuals need to take loud, constructive steps. It’s hard getting anyone to even sign a petition or write to their state reps.

      Like

      Reply

      • nathanlarson3141

        July 5, 2015

        I don’t know what people’s excuse is for not signing a petition, but when trying to get people to write to state reps, it’s helpful to make it easy for them by giving them an action alert that tells them how to reach their state rep and gives them talking points to use in their letter. Otherwise, people might be at a loss as to what exactly to say to persuade their rep, and never get around to writing it.

        Also, people should be given a contact person to whom to forward their state rep’s response, so that we have a central information repository of which state reps are likely to favor or disfavor our reform proposals. The sympathetic reps would be the ones to approach when we want to get a bill introduced.

        Like

        Reply

  7. nathanlarson3141

    June 19, 2015

    It would be best to abolish restraining orders altogether. But if we’re going to keep them, here are a few ideas for procedural reforms:

    (1) Raise the standard for imposing a permanent restraining order from preponderance of the evidence to clear and convincing evidence or, better yet, proof beyond a reasonable doubt. Since important rights are taken away by restraining orders, including the constitutional right to possess a gun, the defendant should get the same kind of due process he would get in a criminal trial.
    (2) At the hearing, apply the same rules of evidence that are used in trials. For example, hearsay should be inadmissible, since it’s not as reliable as the testimony of a person who can be cross-examined.
    (3) Give defendants the right to have their cases heard by a jury. Jurors wouldn’t be subject to the same political pressures that influence judges, that make them want to err on the side of granting restraining orders.
    (4) Give indigent defendants the right to a court-appointed lawyer. Otherwise, they don’t really stand much of a chance of winning.
    (5) Allow out-of-state defendants to participate in the hearing by videoconference. This will reduce the cost of participating.
    (6) Require that temporary restraining order petitions be approved by a prosecutor before they go to the judge. A prosecutor is part of the executive branch, and therefore can be more easily held accountable to the public than a judicial officer or his staff. This also gives prosecutors more of an incentive to prosecute a lying plaintiff, because a fraud perpetrated on the court is also a fraud perpetrated on them.
    (7) Eliminate the court’s power to kick defendants out of their homes pending the hearing. A plaintiff who feels unsafe living with the defendant should instead go to a shelter for a week or two.
    (8) Make all restraining orders expire after a period of time, e.g. two years. Some states already do this.
    (9) Give defendants an ex parte process for overturning temporary restraining orders, if they have evidence that shows that a restraining order isn’t needed. This way, it wouldn’t be necessary to wait till the hearing before getting justice.
    (10) Get rid of the federal requirement that each state recognize the restraining orders of all other states. Allow states to, if they wish, recognize only the restraining orders of states that they deem to have appropriate procedural safeguards against abuse.

    Like

    Reply

  8. Jessie

    June 13, 2015

    When I met my wife I was going through a custody battle from a previous relationship that had lasted for 10 years. My wife and I were just dating and I remember her saying that if my ex was smart she would just get a restraining order against me so that it would put the ball in her court. I didn’t think anything of it. After all it was the first time I’d ever been in love. I certainly should have. That’s exactly what she did when she ran off to Florida with my daughter.

    Like

    Reply

  9. Jessie

    June 13, 2015

    A manipulative alienating woman has the police and court system at their disposal. Best of all for these scumbags is it’s totally free. Just tell absolute lies just as your mother taught you and if your lies are absolutely outlandish enough the jdge will believe it. Nothing needs to be proven….just take your sanky ass up to the courthouse and as you walk into the state’s attorney’s office turn that shit eating grin into a that of a physically abused mother that is scared for her safety. Once the restraining in order is in place make sure to do your damndest to trap your victim with a phone call or fb picture now and then. Hope your babies daddy attempts to contact you as you rub his child in his face and when he does his ass will land in jail because like a sweetheart you called and reported his lame, emotional ass. In no time at all daddy will lose all communication with his child. Now who is the abused party? Who gives a damn, now on to the next victim, the one you used to replace the last one. Enjoy! You are officially a piece of shit.

    Like

    Reply

  10. nathanlarson3141

    June 11, 2015

    My wife moved out of my Virginia home in June 2014, and then about a week later announced that she’d had a miscarriage. In August 2014, I got a visit from police detectives wanting to question me about a rape report she’d filed against me, but I declined to speak with them, and was never charged. Beginning in November 2014, she obtained three temporary restraining orders against me, and finally she got a permanent restraining order imposed against me in Colorado in January 2015, based on a claim of domestic abuse, stalking, sexual assault, and physical assault. Not wanting to invest money and emotional energy in fighting it, and knowing it would be hard for me to successfully contest it, I didn’t show up to the hearing. I obtained a divorce from her in April 2015.

    Then in June 2015, I was informed by Social Services that she had recently killed herself. I was also told that in February 2015, she had given birth to a daughter of whom I’m the presumptive father, and that there was now a dependency and neglect petition pending. The child had been removed from her home and given to my parents-in-law because my ex-wife had been taken to a mental hospital for suicidal depression, and because someone had reported that she had been hearing voices telling her to hurt or kill the child, and that she had “made statements she was going to put the Child in the car and take her out on the highway and leave here there”. (She denied saying any of that.)

    In the petition, the county attorney notes, “Respondent Finn and Father have a history of domestic violence that includes, but may not be limited to, the issuance of temporary restraining orders in cases 14C4066 and 14C4288, and the issuance of a permanent restraining order in case 14C3371 which was entered by default on January 16, 2015, placing the welfare of the child at risk”. The Colorado Children’s Code says that the court shall consider a parent’s “History of violent behavior” in determining whether he’s an unfit parent.

    According to O’Malley Law Office, “Even a minor admission of wrongful conduct or that your children were improperly cared for through no fault of your own, will result in Human Services (Social Services) dictating conditions to you for your child’s return”. Perman Law Firm continues, “From then on, you and the children are subject to the court’s jurisdiction and will be ordered to follow a treatment plan. You will have the department of social services in your life until they are satisfied that you no longer need their services. You may be subject to all sorts of requirements, such as counseling, anger management, parenting classes, supervised visitation with your children, and drug tests. Your children may be placed in foster care or a group home, a hospital, or other treatment program. If you do not cooperate to the satisfaction of the case workers or the guardian ad litem, you run the risk of losing the children by way of termination of your parental rights.” It remains to be seen how all this will play out, but my parents-in-law have already signed on to the case as interested parties and stated that they want to adopt the child.

    This just goes to show, you never know how a restraining order is going to affect your life. Even if you’re done with the person who files it against you, and ready to move on with your life, it remains a permanent record of your alleged domestic violence that can be brought up if your kids ever end up in family court for reasons that you may have had nothing to do with. That includes kids you may not be aware yet that you have. In fact, a restraining order could be an effective way of keeping you at a far enough distance that you don’t find out about the kid’s existence.

    Like

    Reply
    • God, Nathan, I don’t even know how you cope with something like that. Surely the mental state of your former wife has got to count for something. All of the allegations were cuckoo? I know in Colorado, you can apply to have the protection order vacated. I don’t know what that would accomplish—a step toward a role in your child’s life, maybe—but at least it’s possible. Have your former parents-in-law tried to get in touch, or do they believe the allegations and maybe even blame you for their daughter’s mental state and suicide? What were the bases of the restraining orders five months after she moved out? Were you in touch at all? I can imagine how gnawing it is to read “history of domestic violence” instead of “alleged history of domestic violence.” Are you able to function and get by?

      If you would like to tell your story here in a post, you’d be very welcome to.

      Like

      Reply

      • nathanlarson3141

        June 12, 2015

        Oh, I didn’t know it was possible to do a post here. That would be fine. Then I could update it as the situation develops.

        My wife had mental problems, but I have my own history of mental health diagnoses and treatment. In fact, we met on a support site for suicidal people. I also have a few criminal convictions from several years ago. That’s all being brought up now, including a conviction for reckless driving (I made an illegal U-turn), and possession of marijuana (which is not even a crime in Colorado, where the dependency and neglect case is being heard).

        As often happens with partners with borderline personality disorder, there was a minor incident between us that ended up being greatly exaggerated. She didn’t call the cops about it until after the relationship went sour and she’d been gone for months. As also happens to a lot of partners of people with BPD, I was devastated by the breakup and talked to everyone who would listen about what had happened, until I finally began to understand what had really been going on in the relationship and why. I had been idealized and then devalued, when she fell prey to her own insecurities and extreme sensitivity to minor betrayals.

        I can demonstrate that she’s made false statements. She wrote in the restraining order petition that “In May, the 24th, I told him no to sex, but he made me have sex with him anyways. He told me that it didn’t matter if I wanted kids or not, we having kids.” Her parents were visiting the weekend of 24-25 May 2014, and we had our religious wedding ceremony on 25 May (we’d had a civil ceremony on 23 April), so I’m not sure when this alleged rape could have taken place without anyone noticing, or why she wouldn’t have said anything to anyone. We also slept in the same house as my parents, so they probably could’ve heard her if she’d cried out for help.

        Also, on 17 May, we had been informed that she had tested positive for chlamydia, so I had refrained from having sex with her till we found out whether I had it as well; and then once we got the results back, we both took an antibiotic and were instructed not to have sex for two weeks. So, I know for a fact we didn’t have sex anytime around 24 May. She also lied in the divorce papers by claiming that she wasn’t pregnant and didn’t have any children by me.

        She wrote to my sister, “I don’t plan on going to court -aside to get a protection order and that’s only happening because I’ve made it clear multiple times that I do not wish to communicate with or about him, yet that doesn’t seem to mean anything”

        My sister responded, “So, the only reason you are taking it to court is to get us to stop communicating? We can actually stop that immediately. All you had to do was ask. I can tell Nathan not to communicate with you ever again.”

        She replied, “And yeah, basically. Protection orders aren’t a criminal charge, he’s not going to jail for his entire life, he’s not fucking going to jail at all. The protection order is there because I can’t trust him not to communicate with me ever again. I would feel safer with something there that prevents him from doing things like finding my address, emailing me, snooping around in my medical records, keeping tabs on me, etc. There is NO reason why he should be worried about me getting a protection order.

        “I’ve made it clear to him multiple times that I didn’t want further communication. It’s obvious that’s not being respected. So I can’t trust that it won’t be respected in the future. I would feel better and safer with a PO in place. Restraining orders don’t even go on your criminal record, he has nothing to fucking worry about.

        “As much as I’m loath to deal with the system as a whole, I don’t trust him not to use the system (and our marriage) to keep tabs on me. I don’t trust him not to contact me years down the road and wake up all the old wounds that, hopefully at that point, will have either healed or begun to heal.”

        In the restraining order paperwork, she also mentions that I was in touch with an ex of hers, whom she’d also obtained a restraining order against. He was someone I contacted because she’d brought his name up constantly as a past abuser who’d caused a lot of damage, and I was curious to know his side of the story, and compare notes on what we’d experienced. According to a journal of hers that she left behind, she obtained a restraining order against at least one other person too.

        Unfortunately, I’m not a perfect victim, since I don’t have a totally unblemished past or clean psychiatric bill of health. But I’m not a rapist or child abuser either. It seems like the system is becoming increasingly intolerant of imperfect people, unless they’re the ones making accusations. Actually, the accuser’s mental instability can make them seem even more credible, because it might be viewed as the result of the traumatic victimization they suffered. For example, she attributed her delay in filing a rape report to her suffering from the acute phase of “rape trauma syndrome” (a concept whose scientific validity is disputed).

        In addition to talking back to restraining orders, I think people also need to start talking back to Child Protective Services. There are a few sites, like FightCPS.com, devoted to that, but these types of movement are nowhere near as well-organized as the feminist movement. There’s obviously some overlap and connection between restraining order abuses and CPS abuses.

        Like

        Reply
        • Yeah, that’s right. They don’t have the social sympathy or the money that feminism has been lavished with. Also, people who’ve been harassed by the state are tired, defeated, and in pain.

          I think you have the start of a compelling story, Nathan, and you’re obviously an intelligent man. Just take your time and develop it and then give me a heads-up when you’ve got it down. You’d need some background and clear timeframe, and to give a sense of what your relationship was like, along with what went down and what the fallout has been (legal, emotional, financial…).

          If there are pictures or snippets of texts or documents, etc. that you wanted to include, send those along, too. (There’s an email link in the copyright line of posts on the blog).

          Like

          Reply
        • Here’s another rich vein I found today (MassOutrage.com):

          DCF Dirty Tricks

          Why Can DCF Kidnap Your Children?

          Etc. (under the tab DCF).

          Like

          Reply

      • nathanlarson3141

        June 12, 2015

        Sorry, I forgot to answer some of your questions. My former parents-in-law and my parents have been in touch. I don’t know to what extent they blame me for the suicide. They say that she and they had a blow-up (for which her dad now takes the blame) about a month before she killed herself, and she took the kid and moved out of their house and in with some friends of hers. Those friends were apparently the ones who reported the situation to CPS.

        I guess in a way, I could take some responsibility for her suicide in that I made a lot of mistakes during the relationship, and if we’d stayed together, maybe I could’ve offered her some emotional support and helped take care of the kid. But, she was the one who decided to leave and never come back, and who also decided to kill herself. I think the state deserves some blame too, for removing kids from their homes unnecessarily, and for making it so difficult, and making it take so long, to get one’s kid back once he’s been removed by CPS. I’m just glad to know that our daughter is at least with people I feel confident will keep her safe, as opposed to a foster parent who would be a stranger to us.

        Yes, it’s annoying that they say “history of domestic violence”, which sounds pretty bad; but by now I’m used to the state trumping up such allegations as a smear tactic whenever it suits their purposes. I think almost all of us who have siblings have at one point or another gotten frustrated and kicked or smacked a family member, so that makes almost everyone a domestic violence perpetrator. It’s not all that uncommon either for both men and women in intimate relationships to lose their temper at some point or another and do something they regret; this is sometimes called “situational couple violence”, and usually involves something like pushing, shoving, grabbing, etc. Often, it can be forgiven and the couple can move on without further similar incidents. I’ve certainly been subjected to such behavior before (actually, I’ve been struck and even burned before) and been able to repair the relationship and continue, since I didn’t feel intimated by the person, and felt I could handle their occasional outburst.

        If you come to the attention of the courts, though, they love to send people to interview those close to you and get the dirt on such shocking past incidents, which supposedly shed a light on what a danger you are to the community, beginning with the antisocial behavior of your youth. If a family member is dumb enough to reveal this information, then it gets forever memorialized in court documents as proof of your violent tendencies, and can be used against you for the rest of your life.

        The bases of the restraining orders months later were that I sent her an apology email, and then condolences for the miscarriage (which it turned out never happened), and a few other emails in the months after we broke up, attempting to reconcile. Then finally, when all other lines of communication were down, I wrote to her parents, saying I was ready to cooperate with her to dissolve the marriage. Around that time, she also discovered I had a blog where I had written a lot about the relationship as I was processing its end. What I now suspect happened was that she got concerned I was going to keep tabs on her in hopes of getting back together with her, and that eventually I would discover the existence of the child and fight her for custody. So, she sought to deter me and make me lose hope in reconciliation by getting the restraining order. It actually was pretty effective at doing that, but wasn’t necessary to assure her physical safety.

        I’m holding up pretty well. At this point, I’m mentally preparing myself for the possibility that I might not get custody of my child, at least not anytime in the near future. She’ll have a good home even if that happens, I think. But I’d prefer to have custody, and my girlfriend would love to raise her with me. Probably it’s best to contest the allegation of dependency and neglect; at least at this type of adjudication, I’ll have a right to a jury trial, unlike in restraining order proceedings.

        Like

        Reply
        • Reply

          • nathanlarson3141

            June 18, 2015

            Cool, thanks! I sent you a couple emails with more background on my ex-wife and our relationship. I’ll keep you posted on how the dependency and neglect case turns out.

            Like

            Reply
            • I’ll try to get caught up this weekend, Nathan. Good luck. I’m wondering if you might have grounds to enter a Motion to Set Aside Judgment or to seek an appeal based on new facts, i.e., your wife’s evident mental state at the time of her accusations and/or your having a child (who you didn’t know about when you were prosecuted).

              Like

              Reply

              • nathanlarson3141

                June 20, 2015

                An appeal or a motion to set aside judgment are options I might consider. One legal question it would be interesting to find an answer to, is whether a judge’s findings of fact in a restraining order case are binding on unrelated proceedings. Both restraining order proceedings and dependency and neglect adjudications have a preponderance of the evidence standard in Colorado.

                In the restraining order case, the judge issued the boilerplate statement, “The Court finds . . . that Larson, Nathan Daniel (Restrained Person) constitutes a credible threat, that an imminent danger exists to the life and health of the Protected Persons named in this action, and sufficient cause exists for the issuance of a Civil Protection Order.” I wonder whether the court in the dependency and neglect case is required to accept this finding of fact as the official truth for the purposes of that case as well, or if it could reject those findings and conclude that they were mistaken.

                Another interesting legal question is whether the restraining order is still active, or if it terminated when my ex-wife died. The boilerplate says, “The Court Orders that you, the Restrained Person shall not contact, harass, stalk, injure, intimidate, threaten, touch, sexually assault, abuse, or molest the Protected Persons named in this action, or harm, take, transfer, conceal, dispose of, or threaten harm to an animal owned, possessed, leased, kept or held by any protected party, or a minor child of any other party, or otherwise violate this Order.” I wonder if that means I’m still prohibited from contacting her minor child.

                I’ll probably eventually ask a lawyer these questions, but it’s always good for litigants to do their own research as well, since lawyers often make mistakes.

                Like

                Reply

                • nathanlarson3141

                  June 20, 2015

                  The Colorado Revised Statutes authorize courts to issue an order “Restraining a party from threatening, molesting, or injuring any other party or the minor child of either of the parties” and “Restraining a party from molesting, injuring, killing, taking, transferring, encumbering, concealing, disposing of or threatening harm to an animal owned, possessed, leased, kept, or held by any other party or a minor child of any other party”.

                  Based on that, it appears that the language in the order was probably intended to ban me from taking an animal of my ex-wife’s minor child, rather than from taking my ex-wife’s minor child herself. I misread it earlier.

                  Like

                  Reply
                • Let me know anything you learn about the question of what a court order signifies if the petitioner perishes. People ask all the time. I mean, realistically, since there’s no one to harm and no one to claim harm, there’s no basis for a “violation.” You’d think such a judgment could be set aside since it doesn’t matter.

                  An issue that came up in my own courtroom arguments is whether a ruling entered by a judge in a few minutes (or, as in your case, by default) and that does not dispose or even mention specific claims alleged by the prosecuting witness—can this properly be called “final judgment” of particular “facts”?

                  Past claims to the court aren’t immune to attack if no final judgment was entered.

                  Like

                  Reply

  11. Jessie

    May 25, 2015

    my wife and I were married for only a year and our daughter was 3 months old. we were going through some troubles in our marriage but I was head over heels in love with her just like I had always been. 2 or 3 times in the year that we were together I caught her cheating online and was amazed and how she could look at me with a straight face and claim she didn’t do it. she would hit me and slapped me during an altercation and when I would try to leave she would lock me out of my own house. one evening I came home from work and while holding my daughter she punched me. I decided I wasn’t going to put up with the physical abuse any longer so I called the police. the police wouldn’t take her to jail as she was breastfeeding our daughter and later I learned by reading the police report that she threw me under the bus and claimed it was an i that was assaulting her. the police had told me to leave the house for 72 hours so I went to my grandmother’s house. the next day my wife text messaged me and told me I needed to go to the courthouse and pick up my restraining order. little did I know that she was already living at her mother’s house in Panama City Beach Florida. I was miserable and couldn’t function at work. all I can do is think about my wife and my daughter. I prepared for the restraining order court date with what I believed was rock solid evidence every date she claimed I abused her in the restraining order I had a picture to prove she lied. I started getting home equity loans to fight for my little girl and filed for divorce although I didn’t want to because my attorney claimed it was necessary if I ever wanted to see my little girl again. 2 days before the court date for the restraining order I searched for her name on facebook and notice she created a new Facebook page and right there in front of me was a picture of her and my little girl on the beach in Florida. her wedding ring was the focal point every picture she posted. later that night I was so depressed and couldn’t sleep and I ignorantly created a fake facebook account and message my wife. two days later I go to jail violation of restraining order. i bail out of jail and go to the restraining order court date. my wife and my daughter did not attend and the restraining order was dropped. I walked out of the courtroom and was arrested for domestic battery from the night I had called the police on her. so now I had went to jail 2 times in just one week. 4 months go by and still the attorney that I had already paid thousands of dollars to hadn’t been able to get my wife into a courtroom. she just got continuance after continuance after continuous. at this point I can barely go to work or get out of bed. I emailed my wife telling her how much I loved her and our daughter. I knew that this was a stupid thing to do but I wasn’t getting any justice and I was at the end of my rope. all I can think about was that little baby girl that was ripped out of my life with manipulation and lies. my wife and her mother would call the State Attorney’s Office on a regular basis to report things I said on Facebook. they would stop at nothing to try to have me put in prison. I was so confused and distraught let my own wife could make up such a vicious and life changing lies about me. they’re all to make goal was to keep me from having my daughter brought back to Illinois. whatever it took to keep my wife out of the courtroom they were going to do it. finally after 7 months, four of them without even seeing a picture of my daughter I was able to get my wife in a courtroom. I was so excited that after all of this time of fighting and struggling mentally and financially I was going to be able to hold my little girl again. we walked into the courtroom and her attorneys asked for a different judge. my heart dropped and I could not believe that this was going to happen and that I wasn’t going to be able to see my daughter. this was the first time my wife was made to come to Illinois and all of this time. my attorney rushed to file a restraining order against my wife to keep her from leaving the state and immediately was able to get a new judge in just a week. at that court date the judge allowed me to see my daughter for 30 minutes. the next day while at work my wife called me and I was shocked when I answered the phone and heard her voice. she was aware that my home has been sold and then I was going to get all that money. she told me then come to Florida to be with her but not before I cancelled the divorce. she told me that she would going to stand and admitted everything she had said about me was a lie. I flew her in my daughter back here to Illinois and for a month we were a family again and happy as could be. she told me how much she loved me and how much she was excited to see me. she told me she was truly afraid that I was going to come to Florida and kill her. I just couldn’t believe she thought that I wouldn’t do something like that. the month goes by and I’m able to canceled the divorce and we close on the house and head down to Florida to start a new life. for 3 months everything was amazing. periodically well at her mother’s house they would go out on her mother’s balcony and I couldn’t help but think that they were talking about me and we’re setting something up but I didn’t know what. we were spending money right and left and she was trying to talk me into purchasing a house and putting it in now both of our names. all in one day everything went to hell. we were arguing and she told me that she would just call the police and tell them that I hit her so I grabbed Video camera to document the truth as I knew that she could lie and say anything just as she did before. she started taking all my things and packing them up to go back to her mother’s house. I was begging her not to leave me. her mother slapped the camera out of my hand in my wife just started punching me and hitting me. meanwhile her mother grabs my camera off the floor that she had slipped out of my hand. they grabbed my wife’s things and my things as I sat crying. they leave the condominium and that was the last time that I saw my wife and daughter. that night I received a phone call from my wife telling me she couldn’t believe that I tackled her disabled veteran mother as she called her. I was stunned that she would make up such a lie and she told me that she was going to go to the police to report me if I didn’t give her $5000. she knew that all the money from selling the house was in my bank account. I told her I would not be blackmailed in the following day I moved back to Illinois. I had only lived in Florida with her and my daughter for 3 months. once again I was miserable and without them. 2 months goes by and in December I am served with a restraining order out of bay County Florida. she had once again created absolute bogus lies that had no merit whatsoever. I mean there wasn’t even a tiny bit of what she said that was true. the restraining order court date was set for December 2nd so I contacted the lawyer and was told that if I go to this court date in Florida they may throw me in jail. I didn’t attend the restraining order court date. I was out of money and in search of work. no longer did I have the financial ability to fight her in court. I noticed by the notes of the judge did the restraining order will continue until I attend court in regards to the restraining order. I am finally ready to move on with my life but I have to see my daughter again. I miss her every minute of every day and she never leaves my mind. my wife’s manipulation and lies have destroyed me and I have lost everything. I just don’t know what to do to move forward or how I’ll ever be able to fight her in court and win. not only will she never be accountable for perjury but I can’t even imagine how I can afford just fight her in court all over again. I need serious help. it has now been 8 months since I left Florida and I have no idea what my little girl looks like. I’ve missed her birthday and Christmas in her learning to walk and talk and so many important benchmarks that people take for granted. please excuse all the misspelled words. thank you for reading.

    Like

    Reply
    • Thank you for sharing this. If you wanted to flesh out your story, Jessie, and tune it up a little, I’d be glad to publish it here (as a post), including with pictures. I would just quote you, so you’d be welcomed to report whatever you wanted. Dr. Tara Palmatier would also be interested in your story, which I believe she would publish: “Request for Men’s and Women’s Experiences with Female Perpetrated Domestic Violence.”

      You know, I’m almost tempted to start collecting the number of times I’ve heard the phrase “She and her mother” in conjunction with reports of chronic lying, fraud, and legal abuse. Recent example:

      https://restrainingorderabuse.com/2015/04/29/in-its-condemnation-of-the-mens-and-fathers-rights-movements-the-southern-poverty-law-center-has-institutionalized-bigotry-and-hate-including-racial-bigotry-and-hate-here/

      I have no more faith in the law. Stories like yours—and I’ve seen the same thing myself—show that people can make up anything, and they’re not accountable; and this just encourages them to lie more brazenly.

      Like

      Reply

      • Jessie

        May 27, 2015

        I was really upset when I typed all that out and used speak to text. Please excuse all the misspelled words and lack of capitalization. Please do with it what is best. Share it and spread it pkease. I no longer have a home I can sell to fight and now that I pay rent and had to get a new job I don’t make enough money to fight. I keep telling myself I will start the fight when I can get a financial foothold but that never comes. She is like God and it seems whatever she says is absolute truth. 8 months now and not even a picture. I can’t move on…many nights without sleep. I cannot look at a picture of my daughter without it ruining my while day. I need help but none seems to exist. I was so happy with my family. On the computer she used i found where she would email her mother and her mother told her to make up lies and get a restraining order to take my daughter and run. They would contact the states Attorney’s 20 year old victims advocate daily claiming they were afraid for their life and asking that I be put in prison. I had never threatened her at all or been in any trouble. The state’s attorney’s office assisted her in keeping me from my daughter. Since I canceled the divorce in Illinois it now has to take place in Florida. Now they are residents. She manipulated my heart to her me to cancel the divorce the day after I won some custody. I was winning. Now I get nothing. I just want 5 minutes with my daughter. Even if supervised. I recorded her saying she lied but that recording was illegal I’m sure. Thank you.

        Like

        Reply
        • I don’t blame you. No worries about typos. Also know you’re not alone. I’m in the same boat myself. “Justice” is all about money.

          You may have the basis for an appeal, lawsuit, and/or motion for a new trial.

          Print out those emails and put them somewhere safe, Jessie (make 20 copies today and forward the emails to yourself if you have access to the digital originals). On their basis, you may be able to appeal/sue. The basis would be “new evidence.”

          This gets a little hairy if either (1) you obtained the emails by violating your wife’s privacy (i.e., you got them recently), or (2) you could have or did already enter them into evidence.

          (Quickie legal primer from a layman: If you raise “already decided” issues/claims, the court will reject them as res judicata, which is Latin for “decided things.” But you can circumvent this with new evidence.)

          Consider taking your evidence to a divorce attorney…or 20. Also take that recording! Don’t resign yourself to this, Jessie; your ex isn’t going to change. If you actually have material evidence, you stand a chance of clearing this up.

          Report back if you do have copies of the emails, and I can refer you to someone who may be able to advise you.

          Like

          Reply

          • Jessie

            June 12, 2015

            I only wish there was something I could do without having to wait to make the funds and make a court appearance. I called the State Attorney’s Office in the courthouse in Bay County Florida the other day and they were very nice to me the lady emailed me the necessary paperwork to ask the judge for another court date. I just really hate to go into the courtroom without representation from a lawyer. I would really like to have an attorney whom I can ask questions too such as if taking the recording of me and my wife’s conversation back in September would be frowned upon by the judge or if it would be acceptable. I believe I’m finally able to think with my head instead of my heart so now I hope I make the right decisions moving forward.

            Like

            Reply
            • That’s a big step. What about consulting with an attorney, Jessie, just paying one to answer some questions and give you counsel? That might be a middle road. You’d probably still be required to provide a retainer (for which the lawyer would absorb the details of your case), but you might get off for a lot less than representation would cost. A lot of lawyers are self-employed. You can negotiate with them the same way you’d negotiate a drywall installation or the removal of a tree stump. They’re imposing and often condescending, but that’s part of the shtick. Your money, your rules. Just be honest, admit your limitations, and see what some say.

              Like

              Reply
  12. I am a woman whose husband used lies to get a DV restraining order on me so that he could have custody of our child. Instead of saying that I physically abused him (which I obviously couldn’t do) he said I was verbally abusive to him in front of our child, that I was “suicidal”, and that I was going to “kidnap” our child and take her to another state. Of course there was not proof or history to anything he was alleging, however he was granted the restraining order for 1 year and I lost total custody of my child.

    While I was so happy to find this blog, I want everyone to know men are not the only victims of restraining order abuse. Not only am I a victim of the court and my husband, but I’ve also been shamed by society. When I tell people I meet that have a child, they start asking questions, which inevitably lead to “how can you work/do so much and be a mom at the same time?!?” The answer that my child lives with her father right now gives me looks of horror, as no one expects a woman to not have her child. If I explain the restraining order, the looks become even more disgusted. Being a woman without custody of her child is uncommon and being a woman with a DV restraining order is even more rare. There is an extra social shame that I must carry along with my restraining order abuse.

    There are so many blogs, articles, ect.. on the internet about the abuse of restraining orders for revenge, specifically custody. I hope that one day all of us victims can actually do something to change this unfair, life changing/ruining, bullying form of abuse and revenge.

    Like

    Reply
    • I share your sentiment. Too, female is so dominant today that I really believe it will be the complaints of women who’ve been deprived and scourged as you have who’ll turn the tide. Lots of respondents here are women, but most of the opposition to reform of these procedures represents complainants as “angry, misogynistic men.” Men are more commonly the victims, and they are angry, but they’re not the only victims, and they’re not complaining because they “hate women.” If you have a mind, share your thoughts with your local representative, A. I want you to know, also, that I believe you unreservedly. People don’t get how easily lies work. Like you’ve said, you can’t explain it, either; the prejudice is too engrained. Please comment on anything here you’d care to. I especially hope something here can help you explain to others. If you meet others in the same boat, you’re welcome to have conversations here, too. Also, if you’d like to publish your own story, I’d be glad to facilitate that.

      Like

      Reply

  13. Anonymous

    April 25, 2015

    I am a woman who has a civil restraining order against me from another woman I do not know. I was a repeat customer of Starbuck’s coffee where she worked. Over a period of 6 months, I ran into her 2 other public places. A public subway and a popular public yoga studio. I went to court with evidence that clearly proved I did not stalk this person. My evidence proved the public run-in’s were coincidental. The problem is the Judge would not let me present my evidence at all. I have been searching for employment and getting background checks. My concern is, I work for non-profit organizations that work with children. I’m suddenly getting terminated for know reason within 3 days of being hired. Have I been labeled a Domestic Violence abuser by this restraining order? I live and work in the state of California. BTW I no longer suspect this is a “feminist agenda” I think the court system is handling these orders flippantly for job security.

    Like

    Reply

  14. nathanlarson3141

    January 16, 2015

    I’ve heard people say that restraining orders help defuse explosive situations by preventing abusers from initiating conversations that might escalate to violence. I wonder, though, if words more often serve as a substitute, rather than a catalyst, for physical aggression? That is, if the abuser could get what he has to say off his chest, maybe his fury would diminish, having been fully vented, and he would feel that he’d taken enough action by talking that it wouldn’t be necessary to resort to anything more extreme? So then, he would walk away, and the matter would be over.

    Like

    Reply
    • That’s astutely observed. A case I’m intimately familiar with involved a man who hadn’t exhibited any violent behavior toward the plaintiff (that I was told of) until he was accused on a restraining order (whereupon he promptly smashed in the petitioner’s windshield and slashed a tire to spite her, and called the police on himself—then later committed an arson, which he beat the rap for). Armchair spectators of the sort you usually hear commenting on how people who’ve been accused should feel haven’t the least idea what an offense to human dignity being publicly accused is or the sense of betrayal it can provoke, nor do they appreciate the obvious: that if you’re forced to bottle feelings, they just get worse.

      Too, I believe a large proportion of orders are requested simply to “win” an argument or to avoid having to confront someone and talk things through. In cases, orders may be petitioned so the petitioner doesn’t have to say s/he’s sorry for something. The prohibition against speech takes a kernel of discord and puts it in a pressure cooker.

      Like

      Reply

  15. Stephanie Allen

    January 13, 2015

    A Stalking Restraining Order was place on me by another Woman simply so she could get her way in spite of the law.
    I’d be interested in how many readers have had an experience similar to mine. I am a single Mother who rented (as a tenant at will) part of a house for myself and my 13 year old son, special needs son. Our landlord/roommate was a middle aged woman living on disability and seeking to supplement her income. At first, I recognized her to be strange and probably emotionally unbalanced, but we needed a temporary place to stay for a few months while I saved money for more a more permanent lodgings.
    We were there for 3 months and the place was getting dirty and unsafe. At the end, she and I had 2 arguments within 3 days of each other. There were no derogatory words and no violence. Just roommates arguing over the living situation.
    She called the police on me falsely claiming that I broke her bedroom door. She tried her best to have me arrested. Had she been successful, I don’t know what would have happened to my son. 2 days later the police arrived to remove myself and my son removed due to a Stalking Restraining Order. We had 15 minutes to pack and I had to leave all of my things in her hands.
    I had to use hard saved funds to put us up in a hotel room until I could rent housing for us (thank goodness I was already in the process of obtaining the housing). We lived for 4 weeks without a stick of furniture and most of our belongings. I noticed when I was at the court house that a Stalking Restraining Order was the only thing on the list that was free to file.
    After 3 weeks I went to court with her in front of the same Judge that signed off on the restraining order. He threw out the case because there was no evidence of stalking. I don’t know why he couldn’t have just read her complaints and come to the same conclusion. She had also filed a dispossessory against me which she handed to me on that court date. I did my home work and filed for damages from her for the expense of hotel room and things I had to buy in the I didn’t have access to my own household items for 3 weeks. At that hearing the second judged ordered her to pay $630 for those expenses which I have not received from her.
    I think the first judge just rubber stamped the Restraining Order and probably didn’t even read it. I feel that I have very little recourse to correct and the damage done both financially and emotionally to myself and to my son.

    Like

    Reply
    • You’re totally right. Allegations made to procure temporary orders are typically taken on faith (thanks to lobbying by advocates who claim they’re looking out for abused women and for vulnerable children like your son). I’m really relieved to hear, though, that you’ve mostly extricated yourself from this. Compare this woman’s story from a couple days ago (which bears similarities to yours):

      https://restrainingorderabuse.com/what-is-restraining-order-abuse/#comment-53944

      There may be other legal actions you could take, but my thought would be to count yourself fortunate and distance yourself from this person. Cranks are the worst kind: they don’t relent, they don’t reconsider, and they don’t have crises of conscience. They may also lie eagerly. It rewards them with attention—and often a lot more.

      An attorney could tell you how to try to collect the debt (a phone call would suffice). Appreciate before you do anything, though, that there’s absolutely nothing that prohibits this woman from making further false claims. Nothing. Accountability in this process is basically zero; no one’s ever prosecuted for lying (false reporting or perjury). People in situations like yours report accusers’ wildly inventing accusations—that don’t have to be proved to cause damage. This woman could turn around and file another restraining order on some other basis (for little or no cost). A man who wrote a few months ago was, like you, awarded a damage claim by a judge and then falsely accused by his debtor so she wouldn’t have to pay him.

      Like

      Reply
  16. I’ve been terrorized by the bad faith PFA system by my abusive ex and girlfriend/new wife. They harassed me, threatened me, terrorized me and made fun of me to my children and used each other as false witnesses committing perjury which I proved. They both repeatedly filed pfas as a scam to block me from my children and cover up their abuse to me and them. They got their way then stalked me at my church, work (they ruined 3 jobs) and residences, even a family funeral in another state and through my children’s I phones I provided for 3 years. The woman became obsessed with stalking my 15 year old daughter through text , email and Twitter to block family and friends. A parent told me that the new wife has stalked their child’s account so she’s crazy acting and scaring other kids. I finally sought safety and relief from them but they scammed the judge and my PFA hearing was about their feelings about me and not my concerns of safety, harassment and stalking. Both admitted to stalking me in a parking lot while I am on crutches in pain under medical distress at my daughters track meet. They told judge they were sleeping in car and watching me drive up and approached me at car to return clothes and sentimental items I gave my children. My ex wrote mean text messages to me while I was in the hospital. This PFA hearing lasted 3 days. They go through major trouble to lie and badmouth me then tell my children they are not doing this in court and that I’m crazy and a loser. They tell the judge my children don’t want me. I can’t tolerate their junk and drama. It hurts. Judge ruled against my PFA and says they are not bothering me and I “need to get over it.” So, my ex and new woman have even more leverage and repeated everything judge said to my children and everybody else bragging about it. I am traumatized by the system and an evil judge. PFA scams and perjury go hand and hand.

    Like

    Reply
    • I’m adding to my statements that I know what it’s like to be falsely arrested and harassed by the system because of cruel lies and yet I am the victim. No one cared that my children were used as weapons, pawns and targets….. The real innocent victims. I sat in jail on Mothers Day which also happens to be my daughters birthday. I know the timing of all of it was carefully schemed to terrorize me on a special day. I feel bad for any man or woman abused by the system and a vindictive, evil ex or another con artist person vowing to bring you down. I’m starting an organization called CALP which stands for Children and Loving Parents to stop the drama and trauma that goes on with custody and PFAs. Seek a legitimate PFA and you might get shot down. Seek a perjury, fake PFA and it might be granted. Very messed up.

      Like

      Reply
    • I’m sorry, Kay. I know exactly what you mean, and everything you’ve said that would seem paranoid and conspiracy-theorist-crazy to the average person is totally plausible to me (and everyone else who’s been through this kind of thing). Judges license these games, say “get over it,” and don’t understand that the games just continue. No limits are placed on the other party’s actions. Accusers stalk, defame, spread rumors, enlist other bullies, taunt, terrorize, and sometimes lie serially to the authorities and the courts. Some people are harassed weekly by cops (for years on end). Some are forced to go back to court over and over. It costs an accuser nothing, and each time costs the accused thousands just to make the accusation go away.

      I’ve been in procedures with several judges now, and my impression is they’re men and women of undemanding intelligence who like to play daddy or mommy and form their rulings according to a boilerplate idea of what they think all such cases should be about instead of by applying their minds to the facts.

      It’s impressive, I guess, that people who wear muumuus to work and sit in chairs all day can presume to tell defendants like you to “tough it out,” “suck it up,” or “get over it” while apparently having forgotten that the person who started the whole thing was some measly little whiner who slithered into the courthouse to snivel and pule. The court gives your accuser a pacifier and a blankie and then tells you to grow up. You’re right that the whole thing is backwards.

      It’s encouraging that a woman like you is willing to stick her neck out, because the men who say what you’re saying are dismissed. Feminists are incapable of acknowledging external realities that don’t agree with their internal ones, but real women will appreciate what you’re saying, and women are the people who can turn the tide.

      Let me know when your site is up, and I’ll post links to it, a blurb about it, or anything else that would be of help to you.

      Like

      Reply

  17. nathanlarson3141

    November 22, 2014

    I notice Colorado law says that “In considering whether to modify or dismiss a protection order issued pursuant to this section, the court shall consider all relevant factors, including but not limited to . . . . Whether the continued safety of the protected person depends upon the protection order remaining in place because the order has been successful in preventing further harm to the protected person.”

    So basically, if you have a protective order issued against you, and you then follow the law to the letter, stay away from the person, and refrain from harming them in any way, that could be considered a reason to not modify or dismiss the order, since that shows how well the order has been working. If you’ve been behaving perfectly while the order was in place, why mess with perfection?

    Yet, if you abuse, threaten, or otherwise harm the person, that too is considered grounds for keeping the order in place. So no matter what you do, you lose. Interesting how the system works.

    Like

    Reply

  18. nathanlarson3141

    November 21, 2014

    I wonder why people who claim to support the institution of marriage don’t oppose restraining orders? The law often mandates a cooling off period of several months, or a year, before getting a divorce, so that people can’t get divorced on a whim. Instead, maybe they’ll separate for awhile and then maybe try to reconcile, having had time to rethink their behavior and whether they really want to stay apart. A restraining order gets in the way of attempts at reconciliation. It can be obtained on impulse, within hours or days of deciding you’re through with your partner.

    I’ve been separated for five months and now my spouse is getting a restraining order. My spouse told my sister, “The protection order is there because I can’t trust him not to communicate with me ever again. . . . I don’t trust him not to contact me years down the road and wake up all the old wounds that, hopefully at that point, will have either healed or begun to heal.”

    Under Virginia law, I can’t file for divorce, though, till we’ve been separated for a year. I’m not sure what the point of that cooling-off period is, since the restraining order means the death of the relationship.

    Like

    Reply
    • Conservative commentators like Phyllis Schlafly have opposed them for this reason (see cited editorials in the bibliography in the right-hand margin). I don’t think there’s any arguing with your point, which might be a good one to raise with a local reporter. You could also write a letter to the editor of your local paper.

      I think it’s a case of the law evolving narrowly instead of according to the bigger picture. Judges of restraining order cases have itchy trigger fingers. They’ve been conditioned to act on reflex. Ironically, the law authorizes them to use their discretion (“free will”), but the federal government (VAWA) has mandated that they act robotically. Judges put whatever they need to into the record to justify a prejudicial ruling. The law licenses them to “infer” fear based on whatever the plaintiff says.

      Petitions for these orders aren’t perceived for what they often are, either, that is, spousal sniping. A judge or legislator might say that an abusive husband (which male defendants are assumed to be) isn’t the kind of person they want a wife to reconcile with. The prejudgment is maddening. It’s also a civil outrage.

      Like

      Reply
    • This foundation will be launching its website in the next few days (its orientation is toward the family):

      Like

      Reply

  19. nathanlarson3141

    November 18, 2014

    Has anyone put together any comprehensive research on how restraining orders in various states will show up on what kinds of backgrounds checks?

    Like

    Reply

  20. nathanlarson3141

    November 16, 2014

    What is the all-time record for the most restraining orders that a person has obtained against others?

    Like

    Reply

  21. Anonymous

    November 11, 2014

    Does a TRO stay in your public record even if it’s dismissed?

    Like

    Reply
    • The residue may, yes. Worse yet, sometimes the residue is preserved where literally anyone can see it with a few keystrokes, e.g., Indiana. In Massachusetts, a person accused of domestic violence on a temporary order goes into a statewide registry (and stays there) even if the temporary order is later “thrown out.”

      If no temporary order was issued, there may be no lasting records, but anything a judge actually approved tends to stick around.

      Like

      Reply
  22. Thank you

    Like

    Reply
  23. Here is my story. And I am writing this to share with the rest of my fellow male victims that fall in with the dreaded Crazy . I was met a beautiful , sexy, well educated woman on line . We met in person and I was smitten. We shared out life stories with each other and began to see each other more although she lived over 500 miles away with her two children. I visited her every chance I could .Her past was fraught will evil men that had taken advantage of her in the past. She told me she was a young widow and that her first husband died suddenly of heart failure at a very early age leaving her and her first child all alone. She said to me that she remarried shortly after and had her second child. Unfortunately the second husband turned out to be a quite the carouser and left suddenly for Europe never to return for another woman. I felt so bad for her . I had two children of my own as a single father so I was able to connect with how hard it was . She told me how she loved children and always wanted a big family. However she felt that her own family had deserted her because she wasn’t a devout Christian therefore they shunned her.
    There were so many twists and turns to her story . How could all this happen to such a wonderful and beautiful woman?. She is such a nice and giving person. ….Because it was all complete bullshit.

    I wont go in to the details of my awakening. Lets just say dates didn’t match up. Her kids (Fruit Loops) stories didn’t match . A matter of fact just about everything she told me didn’t match up. But I was smitten . So this went on for a long time. Until one day I just flat called her on it. Suddenly my little scoop of heaven turned into a raging, clawing, screaming harpy. She accused me of being like every other son of a bitch in her life. Then she was swinging and me screaming at me to get out. I was already sprinting backwards , car keys in hand ,heading to my car. Got inside and sped off as she is chasing me. I was outta there heading back to Texas never to come back.

    I did not see,speak or talk to that woman again for over six months. Then one day a constable walks into my office and says ” Are you so in so” . I said yes. Well I have a restraining order for you from Arkansas.( I live in Texas) Confused I took it. Read it. The Constable then said as he was leaving.” I normally don’t read those . But looks like one crazy bitch to me . Better stay away Ha ha have a nice day”. I was blown away . The order claimed that I had snuck inside her house the weekend prior. And forced her to call some other guy to tell this other guy (who I don’t know, never met or heard of) that she was madly in love with me. Then the her statement said I “roughed” her up then vanished into the night. Damn I was stunned. I did not know what to do. The order stated that I had 14 days to show up in Arkansas!!! I wasn’t even there I lived in another state! I had not seen or heard from this woman in six months!!!

    So I called an attorney friend of mind. He joking asked “Did you do it”? I replied Hell no! He then asked me to fax over the order. After he reviewed it he called back and said “‘Yep” its a restraining order and you have 14 days in the mean time you have to stay away from her and her children. I replied this in Bullshit! What if I just ignore it? He said ..Well if you ignore it and don’t show up in court on that day you will automatically be found guilty. The charge will stay on your record and you may not be able to buy a firearm. WTF I yelled. Cant you just send a letter to the court explaining I wasn’t there and I live 500 miles away? He said no. If you want to fight the charge you have to show up. And he said I would go for you but I’m not licensed in Arkansas. LOL.

    Anyway he gives me a number of a attorney friend that works in Little Rock. Next thing I know I am having fax or email every record I kept that showed my whereabouts that day . Gas receipts, store receipts, I had to get a list of movies that I watched from the video down load company we use. Cell phone calls, Text messaging ( Oh, by the way they really do monitor those They can pinpoint you exact location but you have request that in writing). All to prove I was not there. Once I gave that attorney everything. He told be that he would go to court that day and ask for an extension of 60 days. And I would still have to show up in Arkansas. Shit!

    I cannot express the worry that I had endured during this time. Here I was falsely accused of something I did not do. And was guilty until I proved other wise in another state!

    This comment is getting a little long. If one is interested on how this turned out and some steps you can take send me an email.

    Like

    Reply
    • Do you want to tell your story here? What was the outcome?

      Like

      Reply

      • Anonymous

        September 11, 2014

        Prior to my court date. The attorney then hired a private detective to run police reports on this woman’s current and former addresses. All you really have to do is call the local police department and for a small copy fee the will give you all of the police reports related to a specific address for a specified time period. It’s really quite easy to do. I was shocked when I saw them. This woman, over a period of 5 years had called the police over 20 times between to different two different addresses claiming either an assault or attempted break in. All the police reports were noted as unfounded. One was a claim of rape. That claim, she took some poor guy all the way to a Grand Jury, to which it was promptly dismissed. Grand Jury decisions are sealed. However the defendants name and attorney representative are listed. My Attorney called that guys attorney and got a few details. . By the time I arrived in Arkansas for the court date, the file on her sorted past was pretty thick. I thought that this was going to over. Nope! I couldn’t use this information in court. It did not pertain to this incident. It was still her word against mine. The court day of the court hearing came. I drove out of state to be there. She actually showed in up in court that day. However I suspect she did not expect that I would show up. The judge called out our docket. She sat on one side of the court room. My attorney and I sat at the other. Seconds before the hearing my attorney asked to speak just briefly to the prosecutor. They met in front of the bench and my attorney handed him the file with prior police reports and my receipts and information as to my whereabouts on the day in question. The prosecutor then asked the judge if he could take a few minutes with the plaintiff. The prosecutor walked over to her with the file and whispered in her ear as his let her review the contents of the file. You could see the blood drain from her face. She then whispered something to him. The prosecutor then stood up and said “Your honor the plaintiff request to withdraw her charge”. The Judge just laughed and said case dismissed. That was it. It was over. No questions asked. $3800 bucks and long drive back home.
        I did go back to the local sheriff’s office and filed an amended police report to state I was falsely accused and the case was dismissed on this date. You can have the dismissal form put in the police record. You can do that.

        I also had what’s called a “Cease and Decease” letter drafted by my attorney stating basically don’t ever do this again or I will sue you for liable. You can put that in the police record as well. … I had a copy of that letter sent to her by certified mail. However, I also had that letter personally delivered to her place of work by the same investigator that ran the back ground check. He went to her the office. Told the receptionist that he had a “Special Delivery “letter for her and that he needed to hand deliver.

        The receptionist called l her to come to the front office to receive a delivery. When she did the investigator introduced himself . Informed her, he had a letter to present. So he pulled the letter out and proceeded to read the Cease and Decease letter out loud to her in the crowed waiting room. Then promptly handed it to her and left. He reported back she appeared to be in shock. That’s it. Haven’t heard from her to date.

        Like

        Reply
  24. How do I email the moderator please?

    Like

    Reply
    • It’s taken a long time but here is my Motion to Expunge. I’ve been rebuilding my life and trying to avoid thinking about the lies on my ex’s restraining order and how the court handled the situation. Even after all this time I was turned down for a job because ‘something’ showed up on my background check. Let’s hope the court finally takes this seriously and makes the right decision. Doubtful but I’m an optimist. Any comments and/or support are appreciated.

      MOTION TO EXPUNGE WITHOUT A HEARING

      Comes now ____________ ‘Defendant’ in the above case respectfully asking the Court the restraining order be expunged from the record.

      Statement of Facts

      1. ____________ “Plaintiff” appeared before Honorable Justice _______ on October 6, 2011 and requested a 209A Restraining Order which was granted. Plaintiff will be referred to as ______________ and Plaintiff throughout.

      2. Defendant was notified by phone in the evening of October 6, 2011 via a phone call from the ___________ police.

      3. Defendant spoke with Sgt. Reynolds of the ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬________ Police on October 7, 2011. Because Defendant could not afford transportation to ________ for the next court date it was advised that Defendant file a response in writing.

      4. Defendant filed a response during the week of October 10, 2011 and well before the next court date of October 14, 2011. During this time Defendant did not attempt to contact the Plaintiff.

      5. On October 14, 2011 a hearing was held before Honorable Justice _________ Plaintiff appeared at said hearing with Attorney ____________.

      6. The Plaintiff was granted an extension of the restraining order for one year. This included an affirmative response to Item #12 that the Defendant was in possession of firearms and there was a substantial likelihood that the Defendant was an immediate threat.

      7. Defendant wrote a letter to Honorable Justice __________ on December 13, 2011. A copy of this letter but it is in the court’s file. There was no response.

      8. Defendant wrote a second letter to Justice ___________ on January 26, 2012. A copy of said letter is in the court’s file.

      9. Justice _______ granted Defendants request for a Hearing to Vacate the Order and to appear via phone.

      10. Plaintiff’s attorney “_____” phoned and emailed Defendant and in conversation agreed upon an available court date for said hearing. Because Defendant was once Mr. ______’s neighbor and spent 2 years babysitting his daughter, Mr. ________ attempted to chat about personal issues past and present. This made the Defendant uncomfortable. Mr. _______ should not have represented Plaintiff even on a moral level. I spoke to the __ Bar Association and was informed that while there was no ethics violation this attorney appeared to be ‘morally vacant.’

      11. Plaintiff’s attorney agreed to mail to Defendant all documentation and conversations used during the October 14, 2011 hearing as well as witnesses, documents, phone records, emails he intended to present at the upcoming Motion to Vacate Hearing.

      12. After not receiving the documents from Plaintiff’s attorney, the Defendant inquired and was informed that he was going to the Super Bowl and would not agree to an early date for the hearing and would not be forwarding the documents.

      13. Defendant then filed a Motion to Compel Plaintiff’s attorney to turn over these documents.

      14. Defendant was then informed by Plaintiff’s attorney shortly after the Super Bowl that I would not be allowed to appear via phone any longer because “the Court is not allowing Plaintiff to appear by phone also, and I do not want to be alone in the Courtroom with the Judge. Plaintiff is on vacation in Florida and cannot come back for this hearing.” Plaintiff was actually on vacation in Florida only miles from Defendants home.

      15. After inquiring to the Court I was informed that Justice _______ would not honor the commitment she made to allow me to appear via phone and I would have to ‘wait for the Plaintiff to return from vacation to hold my hearing. ‘You should be able to save up the money to get here by then.’ I was told this by the Clerk’s office.

      16. Defendant was then informed in writing by the Court that my Motion to Vacate AND my Motion to Compel would be heard on the same day at the same time after the Plaintiff returned from his vacation.

      17. I contacted the Court regarding the conflicting information and questioned how to present my case if I didn’t have the documents the Plaintiff intended to present.

      18. Defendant finally let the Restraining Order expire on October 13, 2012 after not being allowed a fair hearing within a reasonable amount of time.

      19. Defendant was refused jobs, not allowed to attend as a volunteer her daughter’s school events along with numerous other rights taken away due to Plaintiff’s Abuse of Process and Fraudulent Allegations and written Affidavit to the Court. This continues today.

      ARGUMENT

      ‘Plaintiff’ appeared before the Court with a written affidavit. The affidavit was written by two different persons. Forgery is determined not by the style of the letters but by the slant and spacing. Any person can emulate lettering but spacing and slant are nearly impossible. After the first sentence of the second paragraph the slant and spacing are changed to such a degree even an untrained eye can see the discrepancy. The affidavit is in the Court’s file.

      Plaintiff also represented to the Court that Defendant possessed firearms. Plaintiff knew for 12 years that Defendant had never even touched a firearm and never possessed nor intended to possess firearms. Plaintiff lived with Defendant for 5 nights a week in Massachusetts for 8 years. At no time were the police or anyone called to respond to a domestic dispute in MA or FL.

      Plaintiff, having lived with Defendant for the better part of every year since her move to Florida in 2008 was well aware that Defendant was not financially able to ever travel to Massachusetts to harm Plaintiff and no immediate threat existed. Plaintiff followed Defendant to Florida as Plaintiff never asked him to move with myself and my daughter but he did so at his own decision.

      Plaintiff left Florida on August 16, 2011 informing Defendant he was returning permanently in the next one or two months. Plaintiff submitted an offer on the condo both rented at the end of August. On or about September 5, 2011 Plaintiff began to harass Defendant with nightly phone calls in a threatening and argumentative nature at around 11pm every night from his son’s residence which Plaintiff resided.

      Because Defendant was aware of Plaintiff’s volatile relationship with his son on all levels (verbal abuse witnessed) including the son’s issue with the relationship Plaintiff and Defendant were engaged, Defendant even asked Plaintiff to cease behaving in a cruel and abusive manner her as the phone calls became more aggressive and threatening. Plaintiff did not stop and the calls became taunting in nature. Defendant tried to define with Plaintiff the reason for his behavior.

      Because the Plaintiff had suffered a stroke and had cancer also, Defendant became concerned when she did not hear from Plaintiff for days. He did not seem ‘in his right mind.’ It was his practice since 2008 when he was not residing in Florida to phone Defendant daily. After numerous attempts over days including calling the local hospitals the Defendant called the _________ Police to perform a well- being check. Defendant was aware that Plaintiff’s son would most likely not inform her if Plaintiff was injured or sick.

      Upon their arrival, the __________ Police told the Defendant ‘his son claims his mother is dying of cancer and he is at her house and that is what you are mad about.’ At that point the Plaintiff’s son took the phone of the Police Officer and threatened the Defendant’s life. Defendant phoned the residence of Plaintiff’s ex-wife who refused to inform Plaintiff I was on the phone inquiring as to the situation. The _________ Police arrived and informed me that Plaintiff was in fact there but did not want to speak with me. I did make numerous calls to Plaintiff that night pleading with him to please speak to me to inform me of what was happening. At no time did I threaten the Plaintiff.

      The Plaintiff filed a false 209A restraining order the following day at Court and it was granted.

      Defendant was discussing with Plaintiff during the time leading up to the restraining order information she had discovered that the Plaintiff had perjured himself during his civil suit against the Town of ________. I notified the Attorney for the Town of_________ insurance company handling the case. Plaintiff became very aggressive and did not want to discuss these issues. Defendant perjured himself in depositions with the Town of _________ and The _________ Enterprise and on the stand sworn under oath in _________ District Court.

      Like

      Reply
      • I’m not able to discern the time frame clearly, Ally, and I’m not an attorney, so I can’t comment on whether the court will regard your motion as legally due consideration or not. All I can say is it’s compelling. And I believe you, of course. You’ve done a stellar job.

        You should perform a careful proofreading and weed out as many distracting glitches as possible. If you’re going to refer to yourself as “Defendant” and your opponent as “Plaintiff,” use third-person pronouns, even for yourself. For consistency, that is, you wouldn’t use “I,” “me,” or “my,” only “she” or “her.”

        For example: “Defendant was then informed by Plaintiff’s attorney shortly after the Super Bowl that she would not be allowed to appear via phone any longer….”

        This will remove some confusion.

        Simplify your grammar, also. This sentence, for example, “Plaintiff, having lived with Defendant for the better part of every year since her move to Florida in 2008, was well aware that Defendant was not financially able to ever travel to Massachusetts to harm Plaintiff,” would more clearly be rephrased, “Plaintiff lived with Defendant for most of 2008 and was well aware that Defendant was not financially able to travel to Massachusetts to harm him.” Streamline everything you can.

        The history gets a little muddled. You might tighten things up by inserting some simple declarative sentences that explain what you’re explaining (that tell the judge why you’re including this information and what it signifies). That is, interpret the information for the judge the way you want him or her to understand its meaning. Mention again, too, that this has cost you a job or jobs. You can attach “Exhibits” to your motion.

        If you have a few days, send your final draft, Ally, and I’ll offer what editorial suggestions I can. Either send it as a comment or email it to me by clicking on the domain name after the copyright in any of the posts on the blog (dated posts, not the static pages like this one). If you email, send a comment that says, “Check email,” so I’ll know. I don’t check email often, but I check the blog most days.

        If this goes sideways on you or it’s rejected outright, you might consider submitting a Motion for New Trial, since it sounds like you were given the runaround.

        The investment people have in making someone hurt because they can is horrible and incomprehensible. Can the court really believe someone would go to these lengths who really was a “danger”? I know you’ve been dealing with this for a long time, and I’m sorry for your tribulations and hope your efforts are rewarded.

        Like

        Reply
      • Ally, I randomly came across a case law citation that may be of use to you in getting the order against you expunged: Commissioner of Probation v. Adams.

        You would need to look up how to cite the case properly. Google “legal citation.” This will tell you how to identify the case the way an attorney would. (In fact, Google has a case law search engine that may turn up the correctly formatted citation for you.)

        See these pages for the details:

        http://170.63.70.137/mdaa/court-decisions/by-topic/209a-orders/expungement-of-records/commissioner-of-probation-v-adams.html

        http://masscases.com/cases/app/65/65massappct725.html

        In short: “A judge has inherent authority to expunge a record of a 209A order from the statewide domestic violence registry system if shown by clear and convincing evidence that the order was obtained through fraud on the court.”

        “In its decision to vacate the order, the Court found that the defendant’s order was obtained through fraud because nineteen of the defendant’s sworn allegations against the plaintiff were false.”

        Appreciate that most of the court’s rhetoric is hooey. These orders are notoriously abused, and the court’s dismissal of an order based on fraud in this case probably had a lot to do with its earlier deciding that the defendant of the dismissed order (a woman) was a victim. The truth may be that both parties fudged their allegations to a greater or lesser degree.

        Nevertheless, I think this would be worthwhile to consider citing, and you might also do well to allege “fraud on the court” and to make that a focus of the “Argument” section of your motion.

        I’m sorry you weren’t able to get an attorney’s help with this. Is borrowing from a friend or family member out of the question? It’s maddening knowing that if you could afford an attorney, this might be a simple matter to lay to rest.

        Obviously the more conclusively you could show that the plaintiff deceived and misled the court, the better. This is tough in your case, because I take it from what you’ve said the basic allegation is “fear.” Something like this probably works best when there are specific allegations that can be disproved.

        Like

        Reply
  25. A TRO was filed against me by an ex (married) girlfriend because she was in fear that I was going to reveal the details of the relationship to her husband. She claimed I physically assaulted her and that I was stalking her, etc. I went to court prepared but without a lawyer and won the case because she was lying. I told the truth, that simple, and she looked like an idiot. I brought everything I could find (pictures, emails, etc.). The judge dismissed her complaint from the day she filed it and the TRO was vacated. With that said, I don’t believe I can have this record expunged and I am furious. I would love to file a lawsuit and sue for damages. It was a humiliating experience. Can I file a civil suit?

    Like

    Reply
    • You could sue, yes. Judges aren’t real sympathetic to victims of this kind of abuse, but you might fare better than most, because the ruling was in your favor. If the order was vacated, you should be able to have the record expunged or sealed. Its tentacles spread into different databases (FBI, state police, etc.), but if you were persistent enough, you could probably wipe them out. I was in a similar situation, and I appreciate your outrage. If I were you, I’d start by calling a local attorney (Google might even provide you the name of a restraining order defense specialist in your town or state) and asking him/her about how to rinse the stink of lies from your record. It may just require filing a motion with the court. Let me know what you find out.

      Like

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: