What Is Restraining Order Abuse?

Restraining order abuse is a form of abuse of process or malicious prosecution in which a plaintiff applies for a restraining order for a purpose other than that for which it was intended. Typically this purpose is a vengeful, exploitative, or otherwise vicious one—though restraining orders are also misused by the delusional, who may falsely believe their need to be valid and have no ulterior motive.

Restraining order applicants aren’t screened, whether based on their being under psychiatric care or having a history of mental illness, on their possessing criminal records, or on their having previously sought one or multiple restraining orders in the past. Some restraining order abusers are repeat offenders who know how to game the system for malicious ends.

Restraining order abuse is open to all comers. The courts don’t discriminate, and it doesn’t take a criminal mastermind. It doesn’t in fact even take a good liar, just a willing one.

Though lying to obtain a restraining order is a felony offense (perjury), this crime is never prosecuted, so all a malicious plaintiff risks is disappointment if his or her application is denied or his or her injunction is quashed on appeal—and there’s nothing to stop him or her from reapplying. Getting fraudulent restraining orders against the same defendant in multiple jurisdictions isn’t unheard of, nor is getting fraudulent restraining orders against multiple defendants.

Accountability in this process is nil.

Obtaining a restraining order can require less than an hour’s time and is usually free for the asking. Any adult who walks into a courthouse is entitled to apply. Actual time before a judge may be mere minutes, and restraining orders are issued ex parte, which means a judge’s basis for approving one is the plaintiff’s word alone, along with any evidence s/he may present during the brief interview, which evidence may of course be forged, skewed, or misrepresented. And injunctions may be approved in the absence of any corroborating “evidence” at all.

The entitlement to due process is categorically denied to restraining order defendants. Per Black’s Law Dictionary (6th ed.), “Due process of law in each particular case means such an exercise of the powers of the government as the settled maxims of law permit and sanction, and under such safeguards for the protection of individual rights as those maxims prescribe for the class of cases to which the one in question belongs.” In regard to restraining order defendants, the prescribed “safeguards for the protection of individual rights” are none.

The reason for this is a relic of the past.

Restraining orders were conceived decades ago in response to public outcry as a measure to arrest domestic violence, which was largely ignored or discounted at the time. Accordingly, the customary standard for substantiating a complaint to the court that bears criminal implications and consequences (namely, proof beyond a reasonable doubt) is suspended in restraining order cases, and plaintiffs are given broad latitude to ensure that those in legitimate need of protection will get it. This also explains restraining orders’ being free or inexpensive to procure.

This in turn explains the popularity of restraining orders as instruments of avarice, malice, or vendetta. A false allegation of domestic violence, for example, may require no material substantiation and risks a vicious plaintiff nothing yet may cost an innocent defendant everything, including home, property, and access to children and pets—and even, conceivably, freedom and income. Loss of health, reputation, and enjoyment of life goes without saying.

Motives for restraining order abuse run the gamut. Restraining orders are commonly abused by plaintiffs to gain the upper hand in child custody battles (spouses may portray their husbands or wives as monsters, and even coerce and coach their children to do the same). They’re abused preemptively by stalkers to disarm and dominate the targets of their obsessions. They’re abused by lovers to get clear of unwanted boy- or girlfriends or to spitefully injure boy- or girlfriends who rejected them (or even to injure former boy- or girlfriends’ new girl- or boyfriends).  They’re abused to gain sole ownership of pets and property. They’re abused to end extramarital relationships (while casting the accuser—who’s usually the cheater—in a positive light). They’re abused to blackmail: “Give me what I want, and I’ll drop the restraining order.” They’re abused to intimidate, harass, and maim.

Restraining orders are abused, in short, for the petty gratification of anyone who’s low enough to exploit the process.

Copyright © 2012 RestrainingOrderAbuse.com

206 Responses “What Is Restraining Order Abuse?” →
  1. It’s all good. I appreciate you posting the one you did.

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  2. Thank you for that.

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  3. Oh and, how do I find Matthew?

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  4. Thank you for all that information. I will contact Matthew. I had edited my post and then reposted. It seems the initial one that isn’t very clear is the one that is up.

    Reply

  5. the abused man

    March 23, 2015

    My name is Darin, and my girlfriend has been abusing me for several years. I am well employed, and make a decent living. My girlfriend and I have had a toxic relationship. She has never been able to hold down a steady job. I’m always helping her out financially, as she is a single mom of a 6 year old. In the past she has placed 2 restraining orders on me, and I have placed one on her. She knows I am a big outdoorsman, and take my children from my first marriage hunting. My girlfriend uses them as a method of control, and has even made false accusations of rape, the last time I called the police, when she was beating on me, to prevent her butt from going to jail. I now take regular beatings with shoes, punches to the face, bites, etc., in fear that if I call the police for help, she will make up another lie, and justice won’t be served. All my family and friends know what is going on, and tell me to leave her. She is a ticking time bomb, and I’m afraid of the pending legal battle, or worse if I do. Recommendations?

    Will a judge order us to be restrained from each other, costing me my gun rights?

    Reply
    • It’s impossible, even for a crack attorney, to answer some of these questions conclusively. In my state, Arizona, gun rights are sacred, so unless a complainant of abuse explicitly says he or she was threatened with gun violence, a judge often won’t approve a firearms restriction. Your state may hold similar political views, or it may not. Also, of course, anyone can say s/he was threatened (or fears being shot).

      Your concerns are valid ones, Darin. Many I’ve talked to report false allegations of abuse were made to the court immediately subsequent to their telling their partners they wanted to (or were considering) divorce or a breakup. The prospect of separation sets some people off—women and men.

      (Many people, what’s more, report that a divorce or breakup can motivate abuses of legal process far into the future. For example, one man reported he’d had two restraining orders petitioned against him by an ex-wife, who was also an attorney, after he announced he was getting remarried and wanted his kids to attend the wedding. They’d been divorced for 10 years.)

      Domestic violence against men gets short shrift. Ironically, women who claimed they were being abused may have been mocked 30 or 40 years ago, and this is why restraining orders were enacted. Now it’s the case that men who report abuse may be scoffed at—and this doesn’t inspire advocates of social justice to pitch a ruckus. Injustice has just done a flipperoo.

      All I can think of that you might do is get one of these attacks on video or otherwise document it in any way you can, even if it’s going to the hospital to have bruises and bite marks documented. Bite marks, especially, are damning if they can be matched to the biter’s teeth. Photograph them yourself next to a ruler, if nothing else, and keep a diary of abuses (including past ones). It sounds like you need tangible proofs to present in your defense.

      Talking to a lawyer would be a good idea, too, if it’s feasible. A lawyer could tell you whether testimony from the kids, assuming they’ve witnessed this behavior and could be relied upon to tell the truth, might be admissible. The testimony of third-party witnesses of injuries may be admissible, also. You need evidence that will elevate your claims above he-said-she-said.

      I can imagine your hell, and I’m sorry for it.

      Meanwhile, my own ethics as a lifelong vegetarian compel me to urge you to ventilate your feelings at the firing range instead of in the woods.

      FYI, Dr. Tara Palmatier (Shrink4Men.com) requests “Men’s and Women’s Experiences with Female Perpetrated Domestic Violence.” She might be someone to talk to, as well.

      http://shrink4men.com/2014/09/18/in-his-or-her-own-words-request-for-mens-and-womens-experiences-with-female-perpetrated-domestic-violence/

      Reply
  6. Lived with a man and a woman. The man I had a sexual relationship with while the wife encouraged it. After a year the wife wanted a romantic relationship with me as well, and once I didn’t comply, I was banished from their home. With witnessing a new side to these people I felt vulnerable to them with the knowledge that not a lot of people knew the truth of our relationship, so I subsequently posted to my Facebook that my relationship with the husband had ended. Within in an hour he attacked me in my home- beat on me, vandalized my property, and threatened if I ever shared my story with anyone, he’d kill me, followed by that he said he knew people in the New York area that would ensure me a devastating existence. He was arrested and given a restraining order. Weeks later I was served with one on basis that I wrote of my truth with them online in a blog. He and his wife backed it up with lies that they felt threatened by me, stalked them, drove by their home, and because they had children that it was seriously important for them to be protected. At first they were told they had no basis, no proof, and that at that point writing of someone online didn’t hold any legal merit. I followed by taking the blog down that I had written about my experience with them. Honestly, my blog seemed like protection to me, to write publicly, because watching him lie in court was as if I was watching a virtual stranger work to make me a bad person and seemed like there was nothing I could past he and his wife. Later I was served again, and by the basis of one social media site having his name still there, only his name, I was given a restraining order. I don’t write about them anymore online anywhere, and now for the third year he has renewed the restraining order. His order that protected me lapses this month, and yes it worries me. Should I be? And how worried should I be?

    Reply
    • If your concern is that these people will continue to harass you through the courts, I think it’s a valid one (people endure this stuff for years and years; malice dies hard). It sounds like you exposed a secret they seriously didn’t want exposed. Hot emotions and cold, superficial court procedures are a Molotov cocktail. Lower-tier judges aren’t experts on constitutional law—typically, they don’t have law degrees, and they may never even have been to college. Their latitude is pretty much absolute. They can do what they want, and though I’ve encountered a couple decent ones, I’ve never met one who was an “evolved thinker.”

      The law is on your side. The problem is appealing something like this on First Amendment grounds, practically speaking, requires an attorney who specializes. See posts and comments on this blog by and about Matthew Chan, who’s a free-speech advocate. He reports that it’s possible to find free representation from a First Amendment attorney provided you can cover the actual costs (which are nominal next to attorney fees). Sometimes attorneys are glad to accept a case like this pro bono to cut their teeth on.

      (Matthew may be happy to direct you provided he has your assurance you’re committed to helping yourself. It’s often the case that people who’ve been reamed are twice-shy about sticking their necks out again. I’ve been through this for nine years, and I know how it can beat you down.)

      The closure of windows for appeal may make it impossible to attack the past orders even though it sounds like they had no legal merit whatever—especially the last one, which is bizarre. Probably the last order was approved on no basis other than that there had been previous ones (or possibly on the basis that your accusers were very persuasive and outnumbered you and that you were the “interloper”).

      Abusing court process for cover-up (retooling the truth) isn’t uncommon. This must have been a serious betrayal and mind f*, Victor, and I’m sorry. It’s amazing how unconscionably people will use you and then violate you further without compunction.

      Reply
  7. okay so my ex got a restraining order againstme saying that I said I would take my daughter to Mexico so he wouldn’t see her and that’s not true I have my life made here so i wouldn’t leave just because of him and get got a judge to sign it and took my daughter from daycare what should I do to prove him wrong and be able to get custody

    Reply
    • Based on what you’ve reported, the thoughts of this non-attorney (I’m just a writer) are that the judge approved a restraining order petition based on nothing that you’ve done but only on something you’re alleged to have said you might do. I’m hard-pressed to understand upon what grounds the order was issued in the first place. Exasperating about this stuff is you want to apply reason to it, and it’s a pointless act. These orders can be approved on whimsy. You’ve apparently been “restrained” in advance of your actually doing anything. This isn’t without precedent or justification. People can get these orders because they say someone threatened them. They can even get them because they say they’re “afraid.”

      Also, “hearsay” testimony is accepted, so if some friend or family member testified that you did say this (or that s/he “heard” you said this), a judge could form a ruling based on that.

      If it’s possible for you to obtain an attorney’s representation in this matter, do. Just having a lawyer in court on your side will discourage a judge from making an arbitrary decision. It will make you look good and put the judge on notice that what s/he does may come under further scrutiny. The allegation against you, provided you’ve never actually said something like what you’re accused of saying, is unprovable and has no real-world foundation. I imagine an attorney would argue that you never said this, that you have ties to the community that you have no intention of severing, and that the accusation and restraining order are baseless.

      If you can’t swing the cost of a lawyer’s help, this is probably what you would want to tell the judge yourself.

      What do you think the motive of the accusation was? Do you think your ex-husband or -boyfriend is trying to get custody? If so, I suppose you could express this suspicion in court. Have there been other indications that your ex wanted custody? Have you quarreled? Do you have evidence (texts, emails, etc.) that you could show a judge?

      In preparing your defense (and absolutely request a hearing if one isn’t automatically scheduled in your state), consider all communications you’ve had with your ex and any mutual friends he may be in contact with so you’re not blindsided by the introduction in court of some offhand remark you made in an email or on social media or to your sister or something.

      I don’t see any basis for this order, Aranza, but do take it seriously, because these procedures are very accelerated and superficial, and the consequences can be grave.

      Reply

  8. Netta B

    March 12, 2015

    My sister got pregnant with her boyfriend several times and lost most of them at five months, having to watch most of them die because they were too small to survive. Well when she got pregnant the last time he dumped her for a girl he cheated on her with. She had to work and get herself through the pregnancy. Even against doctors orders to be on bed rest she worked sometimes overtime so she wouldn’t need to call him for help. See he went to the army when he left her. He was a big mama’s boy and didn’t even want to talk to her directly. She kept in contact with his side for the sake of the child. Well 4 yrs later she had to work hard but she finally felt like there was enough trust for an overnight visit with him and the new wife and kid. Also she wanted to go back to nursing school to make better money to support him. She put him on a plane. Then the phone calls stopped the text stopped even his mother gave no info. On the day he was suppose to send him back. He didnt. She called the police and they said he had gotten a restraining order against her. Now she can’t get her son back. We are her family we help raise him and held her hand from birth to now. I even stayed over night to help and have video of me helping him take his first step. She has never hurt him in any way and only wanted to help him he a relationship with him so her son wouldn’t hate her later. What can we do?

    Reply
    • The treacherous applications for these instruments are horrifying.

      What state is the ex-boyfriend in, Netta? The restraining order would have to be appealed in that state, preferably with the help of a lawyer (who would have to be licensed in that state).

      Short of kidnapping, all I know that you can do is try to have the order dismissed. You could talk to an attorney in your town, also, to get ideas and advice. It’s really critical, though, that your sister take this very seriously. It’s the kind of thing that could mean she’s prevented from seeing her son at all.

      Something you could do as you’re investigating is put together a timeline (the pregnancy, break-up, birth, etc.).

      What is your sister accused of?

      Reply
    • Was your sister given a copy of the restraining order? Did a police officer give her a copy or just inform her of it on the phone when she called to report that her son was missing?

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  9. Kyle wray

    March 11, 2015

    I asked for a divorce and my ex got a restraining order against her, my daughter and I. This is the hardest thing I have ever fought because the process is long, expensive and my daughter is not with me when I come home from work. I feel empty and alone. Why would someone do such a monstrous thing?

    Reply

  10. Martha

    March 8, 2015

    My former schizophrenic boyfriend who passionately declared his love of me to.me and my son many times suddenly disappeared said entities were telling him.to kill people and started filing injunctions of harassment against me. The first time it wAs because after two months my son visited him at his store. The injunction earnestness. After three months of having him disappear I emailed him several times as I was still in love with him. Due to his lack of response after four months I got crazy and emailed him four times. Each time on my end it showed he had blocked me. Two days later he filed an injunction against me which I lost. I was not harassing him. I love him and missed him and knew he was becoming dangerous or suicidal. Unless was distraught but afraid of him too. And evil judge granted the conjunct ex parte. I am depressed suicidal and feel hopeless. He will committed a crime but the law says I am the criminal. What happened here? I love him and only wanted j to talk to help me please..

    Reply
    • Martha, has there ever been a medical diagnosis of your boyfriend’s condition? Would hiring an attorney to help you be within your means? If it’s not too late, consider applying to appeal the order to a higher court. In my state, at least, this is free. Your chances of success are much higher, obviously, if a lawyer represents you, but you can file an appeal you prepare yourself, and (some) allowances are made for the fact that you’re not a lawyer.

      If your boyfriend’s condition is one you can prove, that may be a persuasive basis for an appeal. If there are records you don’t possess, it may be possible for an attorney to subpoena them. Maintain that your “harassment” was motivated by concern for his safety and the safety of others.

      The obstacle is that all it takes is a few emails, represented by the plaintiff as “harassing,” to satisfy the court that a restraining order is “just”—never mind that the order may also impute to the defendant all manner of other crimes and deviant behavior. Absurdly, your boyfriend could tell the court you’re a child molester or that you’ve told him you plan to kill him, and even if a judge doesn’t believe it, s/he can rule to affirm an order just based on emails (and the other allegations won’t be stricken from the petition or the trial record). The law says a few emails are enough.

      I’m preparing a post right now about judges. Chances are the “judge” who ruled in your case was a justice of the peace. These guys don’t necessarily have any background in the law at all. Your dentist or mechanic could run to be a JP. These “officers of the court” are nevertheless given broad latitude to interpret allegations. Restraining orders are generally rubber-stamped. Judges don’t think twice about it.

      If you’re really concerned for someone’s safety, you could report what your boyfriend has said. The likelihood is, though, that because of the restraining order, what you say will be interpreted as “payback.” You probably wouldn’t be taken seriously.

      My thought would be to bend heaven and earth to get an attorney’s help and to appeal the order. It’s horrible, it’s humiliating, and it can be financially burdensome if not devastating, but the law is set up so that if you can’t shoot these things down immediately, they stick with you—and the feelings you’re experiencing can be very detrimental over months and years.

      Please hang in there. Call on anyone you know to help you out (family, friends, whomever). Mortgage your house, cash in your IRA, get a title loan on your car—exhaust any avenue to raise funds. Meanwhile, talk with a lawyer. Finding out if one can help you won’t cost anything. Call around, and don’t disguise your distress.

      Reply
  11. I would like to know what kind of cases which get restraining order?
    I have problem my neighbour alwaysthreatens me, eeverytime she sees me, can i get restraining order?

    Reply
    • Hi, Zanele. Under those circumstances, you probably could be granted a restraining order, yes. My only advice is to weigh the consequences carefully. Make an informed decision, because the results can sometimes be far-reaching.

      First, depending on how crazy mean this person is, she could turn around and apply for an order herself against you. Accusations on petitions for restraining orders don’t have to be true, just convincing (people make up any BS they want), and chances are her application for a restraining order would be to a different judge than the one who issued an order against her. On the other hand, if this is someone who’s got it out for you, she could apply for a restraining order, anyway, regardless of what you do. Maybe she just hasn’t thought of it. If you applied for one, you might beat her to the punch.

      Just appreciate that if you get a restraining order, you’ll fix the idea in her head, and it’s a guarantee that whatever ill will she bears you now will only increase. False accusations can also be made to the police. I know of people who deal with this on a daily basis. Once wackos learns how effective lying to authorities and judges can be, they sometimes become addicts.

      Second—and I tell you this because I know it happens—it’s entirely possible that you could apply for an order, that it could then be dismissed on appeal, and that a restraining order sought against you might not be dismissed. You could end up with a restraining order and your neighbor could harass you and gloat about it. Hee-hee.

      You see the conundrum. In interpersonal conflicts with cranks, what presents itself as a simple solution can end up making the conflict much worse. The decision is yours. I just wanted you to know what can and does happen.

      Reply
  12. I have a question I need answered! I lied to get a permanent protection order 2 years ago. Now I want to admit to the court that I lied to clear the victim’s name. What will happen? Will I go to jail?? how long?? help!

    Reply

  13. foreverabused

    February 16, 2015

    I’m filing felony domestic violence stalking against my husband. On Dec 20 from the ER I was given medication that 2 days later caused me to Overdose. He filed for divorce that same day. 5 days after i came home he received my response to the divorce and that morning not even an hour later filed a restraining order kicking me on the street. That night he told my adult son he did it only because I was going after custody of my stepson (and I wasn’t, I only want visitation). Three days later he told my son he didn’t really want to get one against me. He did this as punishment because of my response to the divorce. The week I was in the hospital he cancelled all financial access for me to get my money or get what was mine out of his bank account that I had been using for well over three years. In my response to the temp orders hearing he told me he was cancelling my car insurance as punishment, and is still not paying some of the bills even though he is the one choosing to stay out of the home. He makes over 2500 a month and I only make 700. He is using my OD in court papers calling it attempted suicide when in fact he knows that the final diagnosis is OD due to wrongly prescribed medication. He is also telling others that I’m crazy (even told me that in a text) and is allowing people who are manipulating him to call me psycho and crazy on Facebook and elsewhere. Here where I live this is non violent retaliatory behavior designed to punish me.

    It is really hurting because he comes here and tells me that the only reason for the divorce is that, and I quote, “I’m scared you will relapse and kill me and my son in the middle of the night” even though he knows the reason behind the OD and that I am not homicidal (He has the letter from my psychiatrist stating that I am not homicidal or suicidal and have never been put on medication for this issue, that basically there is nothing mentally wrong with me). I know he is still in love with me, everyone can see it when he is around me. In a no fault state it’s hard to try and save your marriage. I know that he would stop all this if we were in marriage counseling.

    On the restraining order he lied saying that he was in fear for his life because “She threatened me that if I did not come home for 8 months to work on the marriage she would charge me with criminal emotional distress and ensure I would lose my son” (Of which I NEVER said anything like that), then claimed he was in fear “because of her suicide attempt”. He dropped the order when I walked into the courthouse with 5 witnesses that I have never been violent.

    This is all completely unfair and an abuse of the system and there is nothing I can do to ever get my name cleared now that he dropped it. Especially now that he is using the accusation in our divorce.

    Reply
    • I’ll respond more thoughtfully tomorrow, but this sounds like it has a personality-disorder component to it. You’ll relate to Izabella’s story in the comments section here:

      http://restrainingorderabuse.com/2015/02/12/inciting-violence-if-lawmakers-require-a-compelling-motive-for-restraining-order-reform-how-about-this-one/

      You’re not crazy.

      Reply
    • BPD Distortion Campaigns”:

      What lies do BPs tell? Often they revolve around false claims of partner abuse, child abuse, perverse sexual behaviors, drug and substance abuse, mental illness, and criminal conduct. BPs tend to pick false accusations that are difficult to disprove. Although we supposedly live in a society in which people are “innocent until proven guilty,” the reality is, that is not how people are treated. This is especially the case when accusations of sexual abuse, child abuse, and spousal abuse are involved. The victims of the distortion campaign often are treated as pariahs or even criminals, assumed to be guilty without any evidence whatsoever.

      The conduct you describe could also suggest narcissistic personality disorder. Such disorders don’t have to be (and typically aren’t) diagnosed, and they’re not pathologies, per se. Vengeance manifests in both borderline and narcissistic behavior. Narcissists are slick and dispassionate (but relentlessly vicious); borderlines run hotter, and their tactics are cruder (they’re capable of greater warmth than narcissists, but when they close off, they’re closed: You’re the enemy). Neither type “apologizes.” For more info, see the writings of Dr. Tara Palmatier (Shrink4Men) or Dr. Linda Martinez-Lewi. Consult the writings of William (“Bill”) Eddy on “high-conflict people” to understand the intersection between personality disorders and court procedures.

      Reply
    • What led up to your husband’s filing for divorce three days before Christmas…while you were in the hospital? There was ongoing conflict? How nasty all of this is. I’m really sorry for you.

      On the restraining order (that he dropped), he said you threatened to accuse him of domestic violence (emotional abuse) but that you hadn’t. But now you are going to accuse him of domestic violence?

      I would consider whether you really want to escalate the warfare and whether you’re not just corroborating his former allegation (whether it was true then or not). All of this has serious consequences to you, to your husband, and to your kids.

      If he’s making the allegation in your divorce, then won’t you be proving him right if you do accuse him?

      Believe me, I get that you’re pissed, and I would never say don’t defend yourself. But would it be possible for you to get some legal counsel? Maybe a lawyer would advise you to go ahead. I don’t know, and the truth is that even if your husband “predicted” you’d file a complaint, it might still be effective to do it (whether it’s “right” to do it or not). Everyone imagines judges will say, Hang on, didn’t…? They don’t. I’ve never met a judge with a subtle mind. Your obstacles, really, are that you make less money and that you were recently hospitalized. Proceedings are all about impressions.

      Hateful is that once this stuff starts, it becomes impossible for “disputants” to communicate with each other. It’s great for lawyers, who get paid lots of money to be mouthpieces and intermediaries. But people ask all the time about how to talk to someone about day-to-day business like rents and appliances and kids and bills after stuff like this has transpired. It’s not only a relationship-killer; it also seems to pit people against each other (and the kids get squished in the middle).

      Regarding the restraining order, you’re saying your husband basically said, “I would like to withdraw my petition,” when you came to court with witnesses? You’re angry because you didn’t have a chance to defend? The result, had your defense been compelling, would have been the same ruling, which I assume was dismissal? Get that paperwork, for sure. You can also report that the petition was voluntarily withdrawn, and the same people who were prepared to testify could probably still speak on your behalf (whether on the stand or by affidavit).

      I understand your anger. The reasons your husband gave for being “in fear for his life” don’t even make sense. Judges just rubber-stamp these orders. Probably all your husband had to say was that you were a “mental case” or that you “o.d.’ed.” It’s all about words and expressions of fear and anxiety.

      What state are you in, by the way?

      Reply

  14. Anonymous

    February 15, 2015

    My daugther boyfriend want to put a reistraning order for me, I went to their apartment and told to stop pushing and yelling to my daugther, he called the police and I left, he is abusive and controlling to my 21 year old daugther.

    Reply
    • She won’t leave him?

      Reply

      • Maria Breen

        February 17, 2015

        No, I haven’t talk to her since that nigth, 5 days ago, she is afraid of him, I am just waiting until she realizes she lost all her friends and family

        Reply
        • It blows me away that a man would go to court to report he’s afraid of his girlfriend’s mom. Qué macho. Still, it’s possible that he could do it.

          If your daughter knows you are there for her, and she would rather be with her boyfriend, I don’t know what you can do safely.

          If your daughter is in danger, you can call the police and report the situation, or you and your family could step in. Never mind a “restraining order” if your daughter is at risk.

          Reply

  15. Anonymous

    February 7, 2015

    My mother (whom clearly has mental issues) had a temporary restraining order against me claiming I left stove gas on to kill her when me and my daughter live in same house and not to mention she called nimo a week later after filing the order to check if there was gas leak because she smelled gas Everytime stove was used….if she rlly thought I was trying to kill her why would she only have it temporary which means I still lived there….she now called the cops claimed I started a fight when she broke her own order by slapping me with my daughter in my arms….I immediately went to jail the cops didn’t even take report from me I’m charged with a felony because she’s claiming I knocked over her Christmas tree….she is now trying to get custody of my daughter….she definitely premeditated this. And she claimed on the order that I have no job when I work for her business and have proof from my appointment books I do…she won’t write me on the books and she doesn’t pay me….she makes me work for her business to live in the house that has to be illegal. I threatened to report her to irs for this because she collects the tax money for my daughter when she shouldn’t be because clearly I am working my boyfriend supports me and my daughter financially since she doesn’t pay me she claims she doesn’t owe me any of money for what I worked because I live in house. After I threatened her that’s when she filed the order of protection.

    Reply
    • Your case exemplifies many of the reasons restraining orders are abused: to punish, to gratify some mental twist, to gain custody of kids, to blackmail, and to cover up blackmail and crime (like tax fraud). I could direct you to comments and posts about all of these things. They should be common knowledge, but the mainstream press is blind and deaf to this mischief. Worse, it’s blind and deaf to how easily what you’ve described is accomplished.

      Get an attorney’s help if it’s at all possible for you, and if you do go to this expense, make sure to get one you trust—someone who gets what you’re saying. Lawyers aren’t necessarily any more aware this happens than the police or the courts are. Legal experts aren’t necessarily moral, don’t necessarily give a damn, and aren’t necessarily smart (they dress smartly, sure, and they often believe they’re God’s gift, but this isn’t the same thing).This kind of frame-up works because accusations are taken at face value, and defendants like you are shamed into submission. You could, for example, get statements from or ask people in your appointment books to testify that you work for your mom. This, of course, requires a high tolerance for discomfort, and most people can’t bear the humiliation. That’s among the reasons why this BS works.

      Since you’re fighting for your daughter, though, I’d say pull out all of the stops. Do what you must to get representation, and get as many witnesses as you can. Your daughter might be able to testify to the slap (if a minor can testify), your boyfriend can testify, and there may be others who would/can speak to your character, your financial and living arrangements, and your mother’s “mental issues.” Bring them all.

      Apply to the court for an appeals hearing if a date hasn’t already been scheduled, and please consider enlisting an attorney. You can file a Motion for Continuation (a “continuance”) at the courthouse, which is a request for more time to prepare, and tell the judge you’re trying to hire counsel but that it’s very hard to do on short notice. The worst that will happen is your motion is denied.

      Reply

  16. seriouly_inquired

    February 6, 2015

    So, how can a ex-girlfriend/wife place a restraining order on you when you have absolutely no contact with them & you have been incarcerated for several years? That is malicious behavior to do that when they find out you have a new life & want nothing to do with them & only want to be a parent to your children.

    Reply

  17. jax2cu#yahoo.com

    February 1, 2015

    This is how I lost my day to day stability to be a normal reasonable and gainfully employed person in the communities eyes.

    Reply

  18. Anonymous

    January 26, 2015

    So I was 22 when my spouse falsly acused me of scratching him, which never happend, it was over pictures I took in my own home, then he falsly put restraining order on me so I wouldn’t find out why, cuz he had taken everything out of my home, had landlord get home appraised without my permission after over 60k in native once in a life time thing, wanted me to just sign my name off like nothing, trying to hide that he was not only fucking a teenager, but supplying to her as well, trying to cover up himself and move on. His family knew all this, he was almost 30 she was just 16, this guys family and friends have tried and done anything they can to use, hurt, lie, screw over, ect, even taking it to the level of inviting my privacy as he lied over and over to not just me but the troopers and for years it’s been an issue, the threats of being killed, the traumatizing times he’s allowed me to get to not caring for me, but his and the bad druggies in the community to make me look crazy, foolish, not to be trusted cuz they had me at first, now it’s just time, time that organized crimes and stalking will be proved and used against them in ways they never planned, any one know any other help for this situation? I’ve been back with this guy knowing that it’s going to be for a very good per pose

    Reply
1 Trackback For This Post
  1. FILING FALSE PROTECTION ORDERS | scornedbutnotbeaten

    […] For a more complete description and discussion on the topic of restraining orders, check out Talking back to restraining orders. Using a protection order in this case should be illegal. The person doing this has perjured […]

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