The postscript to a recent post observed that one of the most devastating lessons of being the target of false allegations of abuse is how eagerly even people who should least react to them from the gut…do.
Trial judges often fail the victims of false allegations leveled by the disturbed. Subsequently, wronged defendants may follow the natural inclination to reach out to others for understanding and help…only to be disappointed all over again.
Those others might include members of their own social circles and families. Formal accusation is very divisive. Pastors and Ph.D.’s alike—contrary to their training and the ethics of their professions—will “reason by reflex” (ironically, exactly like someone who’s mentally disturbed).
On the one hand, shame on them. On the other hand, preconditioned prejudices mute the objections of better judgment—and they’re only reinforced when the people who bring fraudulent charges are convinced they’re telling the truth (really, their truth).
People with disordered personalities believe they’re victims. They may know otherwise, but what they know is overruled by what they feel. Their “truth” is precognitive. In a legal context, such people are called “high-conflict,” and they’re often serial abusers of process, because they’re drawn to it; it appeals to (and rewards) their compulsion to blame.
Some may think sociopaths, for example, have no feelings. That’s wrong. They may lack empathy—an appreciation for others’ feelings—but they’re acutely sensitive to their own emotions (albeit that those emotions may span a shorter spectrum than is typical). Their sensitivity to insult or anything that offends their sense of justice is particularly keen (as are their sense of entitlement and instinct for self-preservation). This is also true of “lower-functioning sociopaths,” like people with borderline or narcissistic personality disorder. If they feel insulted, they will go into blame overdrive like it’s life-or-death.
People with character disorders (who fixedly occupy the center of their universes) will lie to exact “vengeance” and perceive no moral conflict—and they’ll defend their lies with their final breaths. Their conviction is passionate and absolute (so, too, their need to dominate).
This makes them very persuasive and capable of any extremity of expression, even sobbing and hysteria (which may be as sincere as any brat’s is).
Law depends on visible, material contradictions to reach a determination of fraud. So do just folks.
Even victims of legal abuses who have significant evidence of lying—like letters, for example, or emails—find themselves tearing at their hair when they try to elucidate that evidence, because a personality-disordered person will lie to someone who knows s/he’s lying (this is called gaslighting). A letter to a victim from his or her accuser, for instance, will likely include some self-exculpatory narrative that the victim knows is false but that sounds totally plausible to a third party…and makes a firm impression. The contradictions in what mentally aberrant but socially conscious people say may be small, nested here and there in numerous statements, and finding a discerning audience among others who suspect the worst of him or her is nearly impossible for the accused to do.
Borderline personalities may be very domineering—notwithstanding that what they say may be totally off the wall (no one dares contradict them)—and narcissists may be excellent social engineers.
Process, furthermore, favors economy, and standards of evidence that accusers are required to meet may be very low—or even, practically speaking, nonexistent. Accusations leveled in civil court, for example pursuant to procuring a restraining order—a highly accelerated procedure—may only have to satisfy a judge’s “emotional read.”
Possibly most fiendish is that people with personality disorders aren’t necessarily great tacticians, but their impulsive lies perfectly accord with the expectations of normal people. Their programmed behaviors and responses, which after a while victims can readily anticipate, exactly synch with the (equally mindless) programmed behaviors and responses of their auditors. They hit the right chords.
They don’t have to be plotting; they just have to do what comes naturally.
Copyright © 2016 RestrainingOrderAbuse.com
*It doesn’t help that the prevailing status quo that obtains in the “justice system” is predisposed to afford victim status to anyone who points a finger. Nor does it help that judges may ignore even clinical diagnoses (nominating them “privileged,” “private,” or “irrelevant”) or that psychologists depend on voluntary admissions by the disturbed to make formal diagnoses in the first place.
TALKING BACK to restraining orders 