Knotty, Knotty: False Allegations and Restraining Orders

February 21, 2013June 19, 2023Moderator 20 Comments

Whoever came up with restraining orders must have been a marvel at Twister.

Though they’re billed as civil instruments, restraining orders threaten their recipients with criminal consequences and may be based on allegations of a criminal nature, for example, stalking, sexual harassment, the threat of violence, or assault.

The standard of substantiation applied to criminal allegations is “proof beyond a reasonable doubt.”

Since restraining orders are “civil” instruments, however, their issuance doesn’t require proof beyond a reasonable doubt of anything at all. Approval of restraining orders is based instead on a “preponderance of evidence.” Because restraining orders are issued ex parte, the only evidence the court vets is that provided by the applicant. This evidence may be scant or none, and the applicant may be a sociopath. The “vetting process” his or her evidence is subjected to by a judge, moreover, may very literally comprise all of five minutes.

Based on allegations leveled in this hiccup of time by a person with an obvious interest in seeing you suffer, you are now officially recognized as a stalker, batterer, and/or violent crank and will be served at your home with a restraining order (and possibly evicted from that home) by an agent of the nanny state: “Sign here, please” (“and don’t let the door hit you on your way out”).

The application of a standard of proof to restraining order allegations is circumvented entirely: what a plaintiff claims you are becomes the truth of you. The loophole is neatly conceived (and it’s exploited thousands of times a day). Your record may be corrupted by criminal allegations like those enumerated above based on crocodile tears and arrant lies spilled on a boilerplate bureaucratic form. And these allegations may tear your life apart.

Abuse of restraining orders for malicious ends is a court-catered cakewalk.

How easily it’s exploited for foul purposes, in fact, is the restraining order process’s claim to distinction from other judicial procedures. Even by veteran officers of the court, false allegations made in restraining order petitions are routinely accepted at face value. The reasons for this are manifold:

Judges are trained to regard women’s plaints as legitimate and may never question this prejudice, because it’s shared by the society at large. And to appear to be fair, a judge may apply the same prejudice to allegations brought by men against women.
No judge wants to be the one who refused a restraining order to someone who later comes to harm, because (a) he will have failed a constituent in need and be perceived as having had a hand in her (or his) injury; and (b) because he will be publicly vilified, likely fired or forced to resign, and possibly sued.
Innocent defendants never succeed in making a stink that would put a judge’s career in jeopardy: erring on the side of a plaintiff poses no threat to a judge’s job security, while erring on the side of a defendant may cost him not only his job but considerably more.
It’s in the financial interests of local jurisdictions and their judges to appear to be “cracking down” on society’s bad eggs.

Lying to obtain a restraining order, therefore, is a cinch. Any lowlife can do it.

Disinterest (a.k.a. objectivity, fairness, impartiality, yadda-yadda-yadda) is the essential canon of judicial ethics. Since it’s one that clearly doesn’t obtain in the restraining order process, this judicial procedure is also distinguished from others by its inherent corruptness.

This corruptness is obscured from public awareness by yet another knot. Innocent defendants, in endeavoring to extricate themselves from false allegations—for example, as this author has by clamoring in a blog—cannot help but appear to be the fixated “deviants” that those false allegations represent them to be. The more they resist the allegations, the more they seem to corroborate them.

Appearances are not only the predominant grounds for restraining orders; appearances are what motivated their sketchy conception in the first place (“We’ve got to show we care”), and appearances are what preserve the corrupt process from which they issue from being recognized for the disgrace that it is.

“Take That!”: On Restraining Orders’ Catering to Hurtful Impulses

November 30, 2012September 1, 2023Moderator Leave a comment

Someone asks: “Can I be charged for talking to someone I put a protective order against?”

Someone else asks: “What to do when [the] petitioner contacts you under a restraining order to tell you she loves you?”

Search engine queries like these regularly lead readers to this blog. Along similar lines, one reader reports his girlfriend moved back in with him after filing a restraining order to forbid him from coming near her. Another reports his girlfriend’s subsequently moving in up the street from him after doing the same. Yet another reports his girlfriend’s stalking him after successfully petitioning for a restraining order against him. Such questions and reports prompt an unavoidable conclusion: restraining orders are obtained impulsively.

Which leads to a further obvious conclusion, namely, that they’re urged too readily by authorities and gotten too easily.

This is the scenario as I’ve seen it play out in the restraining order cases I’ve personally been privy to: party goes to the police to register a complaint, police solicitously “suggest” a restraining order, party—feeling righteously supported by the system and possibly obligated to it—immediately goes to the courthouse and obtains one (which in my state is free and takes less than an hour to acquire).

I’m sure that restraining orders are sometimes taken out by people with very real concerns for their safety and that some of these probably accomplish what they’re meant to (which is to provide their plaintiffs with a sense of security).

I’m unconvinced, however, that this recommendation validates the restraining order process’s annual $4-billion-dollar-plus price tag (and that’s just its cost to the United States). Or the untold costs to defendants of frivolous and fraudulent restraining orders.

After a year of monitoring queries to this blog by restraining order plaintiffs and defendants, this is what I am convinced of: that restraining orders are commonly petitioned in hot blood by plaintiffs who are ushered (or goaded) through the procedure and who neither weigh the consequences of their actions on defendants or ever have the gravity or expense of this action impressed upon them. I’m further convinced that danger is only rarely a legitimate factor in restraining order cases and that motives for petitioning restraining orders are commonly ulterior to those stated—typically boiling down to “Take that!”

Worse, I’m convinced that officers of the court—lawyers and judges—know this very well and are by and large content to play along and profit on the discord and misery they abet.

Oh, and to the man who writes, “Does she still love me if she got a restraining order on me?” the answer, disturbingly, may be yes.

Mind the Gender Gap: On Coming Together against Restraining Orders

November 25, 2012September 1, 2023Moderator Leave a comment

This blog was “liked” this week by a blogger whose collegiate disciplines are criminology and sociology. In her own blogs, she tracks news of interest to students of these fields that relates especially to social justice and gender-based violence and oppression (phrases that are often mistaken as exclusively concerning the same thing).

Contrasting her blogs’ contents with those of sites that monitor and editorialize on issues of concern to this blog highlights a divide that must be spanned if progress is to be made toward achieving genuine social justice (the word social being inclusive of both sexes). Informed and objectively critical minds like hers—sensitive both to the needs for civil equality and recognition and redress of violence toward women—are out there, and cultivating their advocacy is vital to reforming the defective restraining order process.

I’m a day laborer and would-be children’s humorist who doesn’t even have Internet service at home. The time I’m able and willing to devote to keeping tabs on movements in the blogosphere is scant. But I have perforce become familiar with many of the sites that focus on restraining order injustice, and the preponderance of respondents to most if not all of them are men whose views on this injustice and the issues that orbit it typically derive from one ideological bias or another: post-70’s misandry, the political favoritism shown to women in the West, the courts’ attack on the family, etc.

I don’t challenge the merits of their beefs, which far from lacking legitimacy are very defensible; but these forums leave little room for unification of awareness and purpose among activists and socially conscientious members of the community at large.

The advocacy rift is often crudely genital: boys siding with boys and girls either seeing the boys as villainous, uncompromising, or exclusionary. Men, reared as and genetically engineered to be rule-oriented beings, equate unfair with wrong (plain and simple). Women, pragmatic and historically the holders of the short end of the stick, aren’t immune to the difference between fair and unfair but know the impetus behind the advent of restraining orders to be an urgent and well-grounded one: men are violent.

Men aren’t going to quit being violent if the restraining order process is dissolved, and the process isn’t going to trend toward fairness if it isn’t. Herein lies the rub.

Both sides of this divide are naturally reactionary, and the mediated space—that occupied by those sensitive to both truth-born positions—is narrow and sparsely populated.

It’s a manifest and uncontestable fact that the restraining order process is biased, unconstitutional, and injurious to both men and women who find themselves on its receiving end. It caters to and rewards fraud, and liars come in both sexes. The process’s flaws will only become clear to the mainstream when proponents of one team or the other stop being opponents.

The split in perspective is as much Cartesian as sexual: body vs. mind. Violence can in fact be of either sort, physical or psycho-emotional. Even rape isn’t strictly a physical act. Many violations, equally traumatic and enduringly oppressive, are perpetrated by men and women who never touch their victims. A false allegation of rape, for example, is a rape. The notion that physical violence is necessarily worse is facile and unexamined. Physical violence is loud and dramatic; psychological violence is invisible and insidiously corrosive. Both can be catastrophic. Calumnious lies are just as likely to drive victims to despair or even conceivably suicide, and the pain of these violations is magnified manyfold in the case of false allegations made in restraining order cases, because victims (men, especially) can’t expect social sympathy, as victims of violence may, but quite the opposite: condemnation. (This was the horror that kept a lid on abuses by Catholic priests for so long. Adults molested as boys were constrained from coming forward by fear of further shame, humiliation, and social indictment. Damages finally awarded to these victims weren’t for their being manhandled so much as their being scarred to the extent that they failed to thrive.)

Mob mentality is what sustains the crooked restraining order process; it won’t be what leads to its revision. A problem is that those who speak against it have never been a direct party to it (except in the case of activist attorneys), and those who have been victimized aren’t talking at all, because they’ve been intimidated into silence. Advocates tend to subscribe to one dogma or the other: good/bad, pro/con. Good or bad, useful or not—these are natural but misleading inquiries. The restraining order process is flawed and destructively pernicious, being both subject to and permissive of wanton abuse. To bring this fact and its poignancy across to a political consensus, the partisan gap must be closed. Finger-pointing is fruitless and even erroneous, because the real culprit is a faceless bureaucratic machine that has no oversight.

And it’s going to take a plurality of arms to pull the lever that stills its gears.

Don’t Let a False Restraining Order Crush Your Spirit: Reach Out and Talk Back

November 14, 2012September 1, 2023Moderator 10 Comments

Someone writes (in reply to an earlier commenter): “I too am a victim of a false order of protection and have the same judge. My story is an unbelievable loss of rights with no possible outcome of justice. As I am fearful that publicly telling my story would result in retribution from the judge, I must stay quiet until after I can get out of the court system.”

In the year or so that I’ve maintained this blog, it has received thousands of queries from people abused by restraining orders but considerably fewer actual comments from victims. Most of these comments are anonymous, and many victims seeking answers or consolation have instead emailed me to avoid subjecting themselves to further public scrutiny—understandably. They’re wounded, humiliated, and intimidated and have had it impressed upon them by the state that they if they don’t shut up they’ll be locked up (or suffer more permanent privations).

The restraining order process is sustained on shame and fear and perpetuated because of its political value not its social value, which is dubious at best. The agents of its perpetuation, the courts, are very effective at subduing resistance. Defendants are publicly condemned and threatened with police interference and further forfeitures of rights, and are saddled with allegations that make them afraid besides of social recrimination and rejection—even if those allegations are fraudulent. Avenues of relief are narrow and by and large only available to defendants of means, who, if they prevail, are glad to put the ordeal behind them and move on. The rest are put to flight. And so it goes…on.

First Amendment. Amendment to U.S. Constitution guaranteeing basic freedoms of speech, religion, press, and assembly and the right to petition the government for redress of grievances. The various freedoms and rights protected by the First Amendment have been held applicable to the states through the due process clause of the Fourteenth Amendment (Black’s Law Dictionary, sixth ed.).

Due process clause. Two such clauses are found in the U.S. Constitution, one in the [Fifth] Amendment pertaining to the federal government, the other in the [Fourteenth] Amendment which protects persons from state actions. There are two aspects: procedural, in which a person is guaranteed fair procedures and substantive which protects a person’s property from unfair governmental interference or taking. Similar clauses are in most state constitutions. See Due process of law (Black’s Law Dictionary, sixth ed.).

Glaring to anyone who peruses these entries in Black’s Law Dictionary and who’s been put through the restraining order wringer is that the process flouts the very principles on which our legal system was established (when I recall one of the judges in my own case referring to his courtroom as “the last bastion of civilization,” I don’t know whether to laugh or cry). It mocks the guarantee of fair procedures and the protection of a person’s property from unfair governmental interference or seizure—and it does a pretty decent job of convincing defendants that if they complain about it they’ll go from the frying pan into the fire. (For those who don’t have an intimate familiarity with the process, a restraining order case may receive no more than 10 minutes of deliberation from a judge—without ever meeting or hearing from the defendant—and even if appealed, no more than 20 or 30 minutes. That’s minutes. On allegations that often include stalking, battery, or violent threat; that may result in a defendant’s being denied access to home, property, family, and assets, and/or forfeiting his or her job and/or freedom; and that are publicly accessible and may be indefinitely stamped on a defendant’s record. It takes a judge many times longer to digest a meal than a restraining order case.)

If you’re a restraining order defendant, recognize these facts: (1) no matter what truth there is to allegations made against you in a restraining order, your civil rights have been violated by the state (all restraining order defendants are blindsided if not railroaded); (2) the restraining order process’s being constitutionally unsupportable makes it unworthy of respect; and (3) impressions by menacing rhetoric notwithstanding, you have every right to challenge the legitimacy of an unfair procedure (in fact, doing so makes you the last bastion of civilization).

Reject the impulse the process inspires to withdraw and hide. Seek counsel (consult with an attorney—or three—even if you can’t afford to employ one). Get information. Harry court clerks until your questions are answered. Ask others for help in the form of character and witness testimony and affidavits, advice, legwork, or just moral support. Get familiar with a local law library (university librarians, in particular, are very helpful). Request a postponement from the court if you need more time to prepare a defense. File a motion to see a judge if your appeal is normally conducted in writing only. Be assertive. Make the plaintiff work for it.

The restraining order process is a specter that feeds on fear. Switch on the light. Remember that as horrible as the accusations against you may seem or feel to you, they’re not likely to be credited by those who know you—especially if those accusations are completely unfounded. And chances are lawyers you explain them to will yawn rather than wag their fingers at you. They’ve heard it all before and know to take allegations made in restraining orders with a shaker of salt. So don’t hesitate to reach out, particularly if the case against you is trumped up. The last thing you want to do is give it credibility by behaving as though it’s legitimate. Don’t violate a restraining order but do resist its tearing your life apart.

And if one has compromised your life and you’re “out of the court system” as the commenter in the epigraph awaits becoming, recognize that your freedom of speech is sacrosanct. This nation was founded on the blood of men who died to guarantee your right to express yourself.

This travesty, the restraining order process, is a breach of the contract between the state and its citizens, and it endures because defendants feel impotent, helpless, and vulnerable (even after their cases are long concluded). This is how you’re meant to feel, and the effectiveness of this emotional coercion is what ensures that the cogs of the meat grinder stay greased.

Don’t give ’em the satisfaction.

Tic-Tac-Toe: The Vulgar Game of Restraining Orders

November 9, 2012September 1, 2023Moderator 1 Comment

I corresponded this year with a woman who was accused of domestic violence by a man against whom the most aggressive act she had made was giving him a friendly hug at a class reunion. This woman was a former city official who walked dogs to raise money for animal shelters and had once volunteered to donate a kidney to a boy in need she had no relation to. She’d dedicated much of her adult life to the service and welfare of others. She was a vegetarian who kept a garden and was rearing a young daughter by herself. They donated $100 to a fundraiser for a surgery needed by my dog to run again (she’s now mending).

How was the accusation against this woman registered with the courts and stamped on her public record? By marking a box on a restraining order application: tic.

You know, a box like you’ll find on any number of bureaucratic forms. Only this box didn’t identify her as white or single or female; it identified her as a batterer. A judge—who’d never met her—reviewed this form and signed off on it (tac), and she was served with it by a constable (toe) and informed she’d be jailed if she so much as came within waving distance of the plaintiff or sent him an email. The resulting distress cost her and her daughter a season of their lives—and to gain relief from it, several thousands of dollars in legal fees.

After requesting that it be postponed, her accuser eventually confessed at her appeals hearing (under cross-examination by her two attorneys) that his allegations were a fraud urged by his wife, who was jealous of his renewed relationship with a former flame. The innocent victim in this story was one of several they had brought restraining orders against. The false allegations cost them nothing: tic, tic, tic.

The lines below from the restraining order application used in my home jurisdiction illustrate how easily serious allegations may be brought against a person the judge approving that application has never met and knows absolutely nothing about. Allegations that may be utterly fraudulent and that take mere seconds to make may cause an innocent defendant years of torment—or even dismantle his or her life.

In a country that prides itself on its system of law, maybe leveling allegations of violence and threat shouldn’t be a kindergarten game of tic-tac-toe. If you agree, get ticked off and say so.

Tic.

False Allegations and Restraining Orders: The Moral Snare

November 4, 2012September 1, 2023Moderator 2 Comments

Someone writes: “I made false allegations to obtain a PPO [an order of protection]. What do I do?”

Disappointingly, this is the first such query this blog has received. Hearteningly, it’s something. And this person should congratulate him- or herself on having a belated pang of conscience.

The ethical, if facile, answer to his or her (most likely her) question is have the order vacated and apologize to the defendant and offer to make amends. The conundrum is that this would-be remedial conclusion may prompt the defendant to seek payback in the form of legal action against the plaintiff for unjust humiliation and suffering. (Plaintiffs with a conscience may even balk from recanting false testimony out of fear of repercussions from the court. They may not feel entitled to do the right thing, because the restraining order process, by its nature, makes communication illegal.)

The lion’s share of the blame for fraud and its damages, of course, clearly falls on the shoulders of plaintiffs—the knots are theirs to untie—but the court should also recognize culpability.

The restraining order process is a honeypot to people nursing a grudge: it’s cheap, convenient, and accommodating. Its making the means to lash out readily available to anyone with a malicious impulse might even be called entrapment. And the court neither acknowledges this process’s consequences to wrongly accused defendants nor impresses upon plaintiffs the consequences to them of making false allegations.

(One defendant I corresponded with this year—who happily succeeded in having the order against her quashed months and thousands of dollars later—was clawing her hair out and dosing herself to sleep. Her young daughter was traumatized by the episode, too. She was accused of domestic violence by a man she’d briefly renewed a friendship with. He was put up to baselessly attacking her through the courts by his wife, who felt jealous—which he admitted in court after dragging the defendant through hell.)

By definition, a civil process shouldn’t foster discord and distress. Maybe lawmakers should mandate a cooling-off period before judges are authorized to approve restraining orders, as they do with handgun purchases.

Or maybe they should put this corrupt institution on ice.

Lying and Restraining Orders: How the Justice System Doesn’t NOT Encourage Perjury

October 31, 2012July 25, 2023Moderator Leave a comment

A woman writes: “What was the legislative intent of having the petitioner sign under oath in a civil TRO [temporary restraining order]…?”

The question seems ingenuous enough. The answer, obvious to anyone who’s run afoul of the restraining order racket, is that people lie.

Less ingenuous is the state’s faith that a warning against perjury in fine print on the last page of a restraining order application (that its petitioner has just spent 20 minutes filling out) is going to discourage a liar from signing his or her name to the thing. (In my county this “warning” reads, “Under penalty of perjury, I swear or affirm the above statements are true to the best of my knowledge….” No explanation of perjury or its penalties is provided.)

If the courts really sought to discourage frauds and liars, the consequences of committing perjury (a felony crime whose statute threatens a punishment of two years in prison—in my state, anyhow) would be detailed in bold print at the top of page 1. What’s there instead? A warning to defendants that they’ll be subject to arrest if the terms of the injunction that’s been sprung on them are violated.

Led by the dated dictum that it should in no way discourage would-be restraining order petitioners, the state relegates its token warning against giving false testimony to the tail end of the application where it will most likely be disregarded.

And why not? Perjury is never actually prosecuted.

What this woman’s question reveals is (1) that the average petitioner doesn’t equate statements made on restraining order applications and in affidavits with sworn testimony given in a courtroom, and (2) that neither the consequences to plaintiffs of making inaccurate, misleading, or intentionally false statements to the court nor the consequences to defendants of being emotionally saddled with a restraining order are seriously weighed.

After a more complete digestion of this woman’s question, the unavoidable answer to it is that the legislative intent of having the petitioner sign under oath is plausible deniability of the process’s inviting and rewarding fraudulent abuse.

The Problems with Restraining Orders: Flaws, Flimflam, and Other F-words

October 29, 2012September 1, 2023Moderator Leave a comment

Their administration is both biased and anti-feminist

The justice system takes it as axiomatic that plaintiffs who say they are victims are victims, especially when these plaintiffs are female. This policy ignores the obvious, namely, that people lie. Moreover, the court’s showing partiality toward female plaintiffs to redress a perceived inequity between the sexes only fosters reverse discrimination and exhibits contempt for the essential feminist conviction that women merit equal treatment under the law—no less and no more. This disdained expectation, the right to equal treatment, is the same one that restraining orders were originally conceived to acknowledge and validate. Women are still patronized. They’re just patronized in a more favorable way (“There, there, dear”).

They play into the fabulistic and sympathy-seeking tendencies of women

When women are in love, the objects of their affections can do no wrong. They exhale perfume. A spurned woman or one who otherwise nurses a grudge, however, will vilify a man to his toenails. A slight is an attack, a slammed phone is an act of violence, a hand balled in frustration is a death threat. Women, long habituated to the practice by conversations with other women, anatomize the smallest details of masculine conversation and conduct, and apply to them the interpretations that suit the color of their feelings. Exaggeration, embellishment, and caricature in conversation with judges, which is essentially what the brief interviews between judges and restraining order plaintiffs amount to, are to be expected. Judges, subjected to the equivalent of sensitivity training on steroids, accept statements made in these conversations as the equivalent of testimony, which, if made on a witness stand before a jury, would in fact be held to much higher standards of objectivity, accuracy, and accountability.

They’re more effective as instruments of abuse than as instruments of protection

The reliability of restraining orders as shields against violent abuse is iffy at best. Anyone dedicated to doing another harm is unlikely to be deterred by a piece of paper, which may just fan the flames. As vindictive weapons against those who never intended their plaintiffs any harm, however, restraining orders can’t be beat. They demolish lives.

Guilty verdicts are foregone conclusions

The nature of restraining orders being to silence, fetter, humiliate, and intimidate, efforts by defendants to dissuade judges from their institutionally schooled biases are enfeebled and easily disregarded. Defendants who resist are already presumed guilty, and their ability to defend themselves is compromised both by this prejudgment and their consciousness of it. Defendants (men, especially) are likely to file into appeals hearings feeling the presence of a noose around their necks: heads bowed, postures shrunken, voices pinched. Defendants, before they’ve even had a chance to hear the allegations made against them, let alone respond to them, have been confronted by a police officer at their homes and served a judgment by the state: harasser, stalker, deviant, aggressor, villain. When you feel judged, you look and sound guilty.

The system is broken

The failure of judicial oversight committees and state lawmakers and administrators to impose the expectation of fairness on the restraining order process provides judges of a certain bent the opportunity to let loose on defendants with both barrels, indiscriminately and with impunity (judges of this disposition, what is more, seem to be in the majority—maybe because they like adjudicating in this arena). This misconduct is not only sanctioned but oftentimes encouraged and applauded (“Throw the bums to the curb! Atta boy!”). No statutory consequences for plaintiffs’ giving false testimony are enforced, nor are judges held to their canons of office. The victims of abuses by plaintiffs and judges have no advocates or recourses: there’s no impartial ear within the system to turn to. Even those on the outside, journalists and civil rights advocates, shy away from the political razor wire that protects this airtight system.

Summary

The restraining order process is f*ed, and so is everyone it snares. Even the wrongly accused who manage to escape it—like bugs sucked into a vacuum cleaner and dumped from the bag—are lastingly damaged.

“I Felt Like a Sex Offender”: More Stories of Restraining Order Abuse

October 13, 2012September 1, 2023Moderator Leave a comment

“I’ve never been treated like that in my life! I felt like a sex offender.”

That was the reaction of a Georgia man, a former English teacher and aspiring songwriter who speaks with a gentle drawl, after his appeals hearing for a restraining order spitefully filed by his on-again, off-again girlfriend (whose mental stability was also on-again, off-again: he had turned to find her pointing a gun at him not long before). “We were like a married couple,” he told me. He was reeling from being publicly berated by the judge, a complete stranger, whose condemnation was based on an evidentiary review as lengthy and thoughtful as a trip to the men’s room.

“It was all over in about 10 minutes,” he said. He was rattled and still riding a wave of adrenaline. Barely out of the courthouse, he was concerned that the restraining order would pop up every time he was stopped for a routine traffic violation and that it would cling to his record forever and foul his ambitions.

Rightly.

All of those who’ve contacted me in the past year about their own cases have been identically tormented. They’re chafed and gnawed at not only by the injustice of this karaoke process—scripted score, add voice—but by the implications of having a restraining order on their permanent records, which implications are exactly as this man characterizes them: aggression, violence, sexual deviancy, etc.

In recent weeks and months, I’ve been contacted by an entrepreneur and Ph.D. whose entire life has been dismantled by assaults made through the courts both on him and his business—along with maliciously anonymous peripheral attacks like phony Craigslist ads and a webpage pornographically parodying a site crafted by his children. He says there have even been attempts on his life, compelling his wife and him to separate from their kids and relocate them to another part of the country for their safety. These assaults—including falsified restraining orders and bogus legal motions by a corrupt attorney (a phrase that may be redundant)—dominate his every waking moment. “I fight for my life every day,” he writes.

Another man, the victim of his ex-wife, a serial restraining order abuser intent to deny him access to his children, writes that he’s tempted to forfeit his visitation rights just to protect them from the fallout. “Recently she called me and asked if she could change some things on our parenting plan. I didn’t agree with the changes,” he writes, “and she told me I would regret it if I didn’t. Two weeks later I was being served with a restraining order. I didn’t show up to court, because this was the third time she had done this, and I was just tired of fighting.”

One woman, a young attorney barely out of law school who was seduced by an older, married peer (also an attorney), was issued an emergency restraining order petitioned on fraudulent grounds, the motive for which was no doubt to discard her and hastily shut her up. She aspires to work in federal law enforcement, a career ambition that stands to be permanently derailed by this man’s viciously selfish manipulations. “Please help,” she closes.

Yet another man, whose ex-wife is an attorney whose new husband is also attorney, has been hit with two restraining orders (the first dismissed as groundless; the second in effect pending appeal) since his ex-wife heard four months ago that he planned to remarry. “They are trying to ruin my wedding and my relationship with my fiancée,” he writes. “They thrive on using the kids as pawns. How do I protect myself from this?” He and his ex-wife have been divorced for 10 years.

Most recently a woman reports she’s been cattily threatened with a restraining order by her neighbor, a disturbed woman who monitors her every move and had physically assaulted her years before. She’s waiting apprehensively for the other shoe to drop.

The themes that run through these accounts are common ones: abuses by attorneys who know how to bend the system to their own self-serving ends, abuses by vindictive lovers and ex-lovers, abuses by the deranged, abuses by the parasitic.

The victims in these stories are the casualties who get whisked under the rug, purportedly in the interest of serving the greater public good.

Many more stories of restraining order abuses can found among the comments on various posts in this blog, and hundreds if not thousands more on this e-petition (the number of respondents to which has nearly trebled since the summer of 2011 when this blog was conceived and published).

Not surprisingly, most of the fraction of fraudulent restraining order victims who do summon the courage to share their stories withhold their names.

The restraining order process remains a crude, unprincipled, and stigmatizing one. Abuse is rampant and largely abetted by the courts, and the tide shows few signs of turning—though one recent visitor indicates that judges in his or her district have imposed a moratorium on issuing protection orders (no reason was given).

If the momentum of this runaway steamroller is finally arrested, it won’t be the result of studies, statistics, or reasoned appeals to social conscience. This debauched institution is all but immune to facts, as any of its victims can well attest. Change will only occur, because victims who refuse to quietly tolerate unjust punishments and public excoriation defiantly talk back.

Narcissistic Sociopaths and Restraining Orders: When the System Is Primed to Abet the Criminally Deviant

May 1, 2012August 22, 2023Moderator 17 Comments

“Narcissistic sociopaths leave very few people with whom they form relationships—intact. I am speaking here about the sociopath who does not commit physically violent crimes but perpetrates psychological and emotional crimes that destroy the lives of others…. The [narcissistic sociopath] is without conscience of any kind. [He or she] is very clever at not getting caught. It is very rare that these individuals serve any time in jail or prison.”

—Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Restraining orders, requiring little or nothing in the way of concrete substantiation to obtain, are ripe for abuse by anyone with a flair for lying and a malicious will; but they are especially easy to exploit for sociopaths, being as they are uninhibited by the moral boundaries that constrain most people from engaging in outright deception—and particularly from engaging in outright deception of authorities. Narcissistic sociopaths, who lie adeptly and are always keen for a rapt audience, are unreluctant to commit criminal frauds on the police and courts provided that the risk of their being punished for it is marginal. In the abuse of restraining orders, that risk is zero.

Narcissists feed on attention. Married narcissists may stray to satisfy their appetite (the added thrills of “danger” and transgression only intensifying the reward). Narcissists are known to marry for convenience, specifically for financial security, social elevation, and material gain. So infidelity to their spouses—whether social, emotional, or carnal—is common. For an unmarried narcissist, “romance” always has gratification of his or her need to dominate and be desired (to own the other person) as its objective. S/he may even keep trophies of his or her conquests (and a restraining order may represent such a trophy to him or her).

Discovering the narcissist’s true nature is bad enough if you’ve sworn vows of fidelity to him or her before a clergyman or justice of the peace; it’s devastating if you’re simply cast off after your value as an ego-pump has been exhausted.

Narcissists make no apologies, and romantic entanglements based on deception seldom end cleanly, especially when the deceiver is unwilling to acknowledge his or her misconduct. Unsurprisingly, visitors and respondents to this blog are brought here regularly by complaints of restraining order abuse by narcissistic sociopaths.

Restraining orders are not only peerless tools for severing inconvenient relationships; obtaining them is a simple matter for those who lie without compunction and simultaneously gratifies narcissists’ cravings for vengeance and attention. Someone a narcissist has abused for sex or sexual interest can be punished for his or her perceived criticism of the narcissist (“How could you?”), and the narcissist can exploit the restraining order indefinitely to gain the attention and sympathy of others by representing his or her victim as a stalker. Years later, narcissists who’ve obtained fraudulent restraining orders can claim to be in danger from people they in fact targeted for abuse, exciting the concern and protective impulses of those around them and thereby receiving the special treatment they believe they’re entitled to and which their egos depend upon for sustenance.

As Dr. Martinez-Lewi (the author of this post’s epigraph) points out, narcissistic sociopaths are “often very bright intellectually and exceedingly quick in scouting out and discovering people whom they can dominate completely.” They’re exceptionally canny predators, in other words. The obvious irony is that narcissistic sociopaths who abuse the restraining order process by alleging fear and danger to put distance between themselves and their casualties do so against those they originally targeted for having dependably even temperaments and tolerance (that is, for being easily manipulated).

Narcissists’ being consummate charlatans allows them to facilely exploit the system to doubly victimize those they selected for abuse. And if that weren’t enough, they can thereby represent themselves as victims and bask in the attention their “victimhood” arouses.

Gaming strangers in uniforms and robes who are already poised to credit everything they say is a junket to the candy shop for narcissistic sociopaths, and their being awarded restraining orders presents them with gifts that keep on giving.

“restraining order ruins his life”: A Review of Queries Leading to This Blog

January 29, 2012July 16, 2023Moderator 69 Comments

Among the thousands of web searches that have drawn readers to this site over the past year and a half, a couple of noteworthy themes stand out.

Here’s one:

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how to respond to wife falsely accusation for restraining order and telling all to her family
how to ruin someones life by obtaining a restraining order
how to ruin someones life with a restraining order
how to set up my ex husband who for domestic violance agaist me
how to show restraining order statements are false
how to stop a falsey filed restraining order arizona law
how to stop a ppo against spouse
how to stop a restraining order that the court gave me against my girl friend
how to stop attorneys from filing false protective orders in maryland
how to stop ex wife from harassment and filing false charges
how to stop someone who keeps filing for protective orders in maryland
how to stop your wife from filing a restraining order
how to submit letter to judge on false restraing order allegations
how to sue aps for false accusations
how to sue for damages for a false protection order
how to sue for false arrest due to ineffective epo
how to sue someone cease and desist mental cruelty
how to sue someone for false allegations slander libel defamation of character and abuse of process in illinois
how to sue someone for lying to obtain an order of protection
how to sue someone for lying to obtain an order of protection in illinois
how to sue someone for serving you protective order when untrue in md
how to sue the person who filed tro with no evidence
how to sue to recoup attorney fees from a protective order and case dismissed
how to take a restraining order off my boyfriend
how to turn a false restraining order into charges against your abuser
how to use a protective order to ruin someone’s life nevada
how to vacate a restraining order in massachusetts
how to win a peace protection order in maryland
how to win against a narcissistic sociopath in court
how to win against protective order thats a lie
how to win aganst a false dv tro in ca
how to win false dvro
how to win in court against a liar in an ohio tpo hearing
how to win restraining order appeal
how to wite a letter to court to challenge a temporary restraining order for stalking
how to write a defense to restraining order
how to write a letter to a judge asking to drop a temporary restraining order
how to write a letter to a judge on false accusations for a restraining order on kids
how to write a letter to a judge someone lies and get peace order pn
how to write a letter to convince a judge he don’t deserve a restraining order
how to write a letter to get my job back due to domestic violence disturbance and false accusations
how to write a letter to stop an order of protection
how to write an appeal for the court of an peace order
how to write an appeal letter for order of protection
how will i know whe someone filed a restraining order on me in tennessee
how.to file criminal charges giving false testimony to require a injunction against harassment in phoenix
husband falsely accused me of domestic violence in ca
husband filed false
husband filed false charges against me
husband filed false restraining order
husband filed false restraining order ohio need personal things
husband filing for restraining order for emails as revenge
husband filling restraint orders on wifes family
husband got restraining order against me after i got one against him
husband has order of protection against wife is now deceased
husband lied about no contsct violstion on me will it be dismissed
husband lying to get restraining order
husband refusal to submit to bpd false accusations
husband says hes going to file restraining order against me because i filed one against him
husbands ex filed a restraining order against me
husbands mistress served me with a temporary order of protection
hw to beat false allegations in pa from women filing a pfa
i accused my wife of somthing falsely and i ruined her career
i allowed a friend to stay with me in my house if they file a restraning order do i have to leave?
i am a law enforcment officer and injunction agianst harassment in tn
i am a victim of abuse by narcissist so why would they send me restraining order
i am being terrorized with false accusations
i am facing assault and battery charges that were falsified by my girlfriends mother what can i do
i contacted my ex during restraining order
i did harrass someone and they got a restraining order but i was emotionally abused er
i didnt want a protection order filed
i dropped protective order and still got a court date why?
i filed a domestic violence police report and a temporary protection order and now i want to cancel the protection order can i
i filed a protective order and then went on a date with him i am the plaintiff am i in vioalation
i filed a protective order on my husband in texas and he filed a restraining order
i filed a restraining order against my ex bf and he is now seeking revenge
i filed a restraining order on my husband and he filed back
i filed a tpo against my husband in ga does he still pay the bills
i filed for a restraining order in ct what if i dont show up to the hearing date
i filed for a temperoray restraining order on my husband and it hasn’t been served but now i want to make things work
i filed injunction against ex husband. he is trying to serve me papers
i filed tro against my ex because she slapped my son,i got denied,can i re file
i filled an ofp against my husband and he filed one against me who gete one
i filled out ppo on my husband can i talk to him?
i got a order of protection against my boyfriend in nashville tn and now i want it to be stopped how do i do this?
i got a order of protection is the accusation are perjury
i got a ppo on my boyfriend, can i get in trouble if i go around him?
i got a restraining order against my ex and he got one against me on the same day
i got a restraining order against my ex and now i miss him
i got a restraining order and fear i ruined his life
i got a restraining order and he lied to the cops
i got a tro and he got a lawyer nj
i got restraining order against me but i work in the same job
i had a restraining order put on me based on lies what can i do
i have a active restaining order agaisnt my ex but i was arrested for assault
i have a no contact order ahainst my neighbor for harrasment, she sent me a certified motion in the mail what do i do now
i have a past restraining order against me. how will it affect my future in washington state?
i have a peace order against me in maryland will i lose my job
i have a ppo against me and my accuser is driving around in my vehicle
i have a ppo against my ex but we live in the same small town
i have a ppo on my husband but want him back
i have a ppo order against me ex is now making false accusation against me
i have a protection oder against me can i see my kids
i have a protection order against me for a felony and the accuser violates it
i have a protective order against me what can i do about my house virginia
i have a restraining order against me an a false police report was filed against ne
i have a restraining order against me and i want to see my babies
i have a restraining order against me and im being harrassed by the plaintiff
i have a restraining order against me background slander
i have a restraining order against me but my x keeps following
i have a restraining order against me but want to sue for small claims
i have a restraining order against me for false accusations on my daughter
i have a restraining order against me. will i be able to get an apartment
i have a restraining order on a person that is posting pictures on facebook?
i have a restraining order on me how do i now have contact with my children
i have a stalker protection order filed against me what do i do? ohio
i have an ofp agaisnt me for 20years by ex wife
i have been libeled in a restraining order, what can i do
i have filed a restarining order on someone now he has lied under oath so i would drop it
i have filed a tpo on my husband. can i send him email
i have moved out of nj and my girlfriend issued a restraining order
i have proof of my wifes lies in restraining order
i have retraining order on husband. can he put one on me
i haven’t been served for my restraining order oklahoma
i haven’t spoken to my niece in a year how can she file a protective order against me?
i heard from a family member then ex husband’s girlfriend was going to beat me up for him how do i prove this in court
i just got an order of protection against me
i just turned 18 and want to remove my name from a restraining order my mom put on my boyfriend how do i do that
i lied about my husband calling me while thefe was a protection order
i live in pa how can i file a civil suit against someone for false allegations
i made false allegations to obtain a ppo what do i do
i need a lawyer to fight a false restraining orders defamation of character
i need help im being stalked by my ex boyfriends current girlfriend and the judge didnt believe me in court and now im living in fear a prisoner in my own home
i need to sue but i can’t afford it
i need to sue someone but can’t afford an attorney
i put a restraining order on my x we have a 3 year out together, i just text her “i will not say u talked to me i just wanted to talk . i dont want to fight if your busy i can understand”
i put a temporary restraining order on my boyfriend now i want to cancel it
i receive a court summons for violation things that i didnt do if i win this case can i sue the witnesses that was in this case against me
i received a letter from an attorney in ny threatening me with a protective order . i live in missouri. who do i complain to?
i received a summons from people who lied and said they got a protection order against me, what do i do?
i served my ex boyfriend with a restraining order can he fight back
i think my ex is pressing charges against me how would i know
i took a protective order out on someone and they did it to me
i took out a restraining order and then he took out a restraining order on me!
i took restraining order against my husband, but i want to communicate
i turned up at my ex’s even though i have a restraining order against him
i want a emergency dismissal of a restraining order . my husband put on me all lies no cops . he wants control. but he got it i want it removed soon as possible
i want my ex boyfriend back what do i do virginia 2013
i want my ex girlfriend drop the protective order
i want to cancel the ppo on my boyfriend
i want to drop restraining order at final hearing in nj
i want to fight for my rights from my ex girlfriend lieing to the cops
i want to file a restraining order on my ex for domestic violence and making false accusations to cps
i want to file a restraining order on my ex’s girlfriend
i want to null the restraining order against me
i want to sue my ex boyfriend for false arrest
i want to sue my husbands mistress over false accusation
i want to take out a ppo on my mother can i if i’m a minor
i want to withdraw my petiton for a protection order on my husband but the judge denied it and we have to appear what will happen in nys
i want to write a letter that states a cancellation protective order from my husband
i was accused of breaking my restraining order because someone contacted the defendant and said my name
i was arrested and falsely accussed of violating restarining order can i sue?
i was arrested for domestic violence but it was my wife who hit me why can’t i have charges filed against her
i was arrested once wrongfully which was dismissed but its keep stopping me to become officer
i was never served with a restraining order what to do when person lies about filing
i was served a false protection order what do i do
i was served an injunction that my wife wrote untrue statements
i was violated on a third party restraining order that was false can i sue
i went over to talk to my ex even though i have a restraining order on him
i’m being stalked by the person who filed a no contact order
i’m being sued for false restraining order
i’m getting a pfa can they still get there stuff
i’ve been writing e-mails to my boyfriend and a police came by my house and told me i could be arrested
i’ve taken out an injunction can i still contact the person
i’m leaving the country my ex wants to file restraining order wtf? i won’t be here
i’ve been wrongly issued harassment prevention order
idaho “domestic violence” “filing a false police report”
if a case gets dismiss would the judge drop protection order
if a domestic charge is dismissed does the restraining order show on your record?
if a fakse allogation is proved can i sue
if a husband puts a restraining order on wife does she have to leave the house
if a injunction was denied by the judge how do i protect myself
if a judge in drops a protective order as frivolous can the petitioner apply for an new one
if a nj restraining order is droped is it cleared from your record
if a person files a restraining order on someone that are lies what should one do?
if a person files false charges against you what can happen to them
if a person gets a restraining order and wants to become a sheriff will this effect them
if a person tells the courts or a judge a false statement that some one threathen to kill her an the courts find out thats not true what could happen to her
if a person who filed a restraining order against me doesn’t show in court what happens?
if a person who files a restraining order contacts the person who it is served it what happens
if a pfa has been vacated nunc pro tunc can it be expunged
if a pfa is vacated nunc pro tunc does it still exist in the records
if a ppo is dismissed can the respondent move back?
if a protective order is vacated does it come off record
if a restraining order is dismissed in ar, does the complaint become a public record?
if a restraining order is dismissed in arizona does it still go on record
if a restraining order is filed and another filed.after witch takes place
if a restraining order is placed by the county can it be removed
if a stalking order is dropped, can you be sued for court fees?
if defendant found not guilty, can i be arrested for filing a false police report
if ex girlfriend lied on police report order for protection
if false police reports are keeping you from working- can a contempt be filed for non payment of property settlement
if falsely accused of domestic violence is it slander
if files are dismissed with a spouse can i sue the plaintiff in omaha, nebraska
if i accidently sent a text to someone who has a restraining order on me and can show proof on my cell
if i agree to a visit with someone i have a restraining order against can they get in trouble
if i am found guilty of a misdemeanor of harassment and my accuser later admits she was lying, could my charge be cleared?
if i am served with a restraining order how long do i have to leave?
if i can prove she lied on the restraining order
if i contact my husband with a tpo
if i contact the person i’ve got a restraining order on
if i dont show up for the hearin for my restraining order will i get stuck with the bill
if i drop a restrainig order can it be refiled, nc
if i drop a restraining order can i get one again
if i drop or dismiss a no contact order can defendant sue me
if i file a t.r.o- can that affect my husband’s job as a firefighter?
if i filed a protection order on someone then i talked to them do i get in trouble
if i get a protective order against wife, will it ruin her life
if i get an ex parte on someone will i be in violation if i contact them is it one sided
if i had a domestic violence restraining order, can i still get married to my girlfriend
if i have a court order for ex husband to stay out of house and kids invite him in can i call police?
if i have a ppo for my children and myself will he loose custody?
if i have a restraining order against my husband but we reconcile and he comes home
if i have a restraining order on someone can i write about them on facebook?
if i have a temporary protective order against me and the petitioner is trying to come around me what can i do?
if i have an order of protection against me can my attorney talk to the petitioner
if i have an order of protection on me do i have to leave
if i have never had a domestic violence case and the person applying for a restraining order states there never was any abuse will a judge grant a restraining order
if i haven’t been served for a protection injunction and the person wants to drop the order what do they do?
if i made a false report to get a restraining order, can i be charged 4 years later
if i never received a order of protection
if i put a restraining order for someone and we both violate it, whos in trouble more?
if i put a restraining order out in my abusive husband what will happen if he retaliates?
if i put a tpo on someone and i talk to them can i get in trouble
if i represent myself do i have a right to question your accuser
if i was forced to get a protective order and i see my boyfriend willingly and nothing happens can he get in trouble
if i was served with a order of protection can the other party contact me in the state of az
if i’m living with my boyfriend and i get a temporary protection order does he have to leave even though the house is in his name
if i’m not served with a protection order within a certain length of time
if i’m under oath can i be sued for slander
if im not served papers for restraining order is it still in affect
if ive been contacted by police, yet havent been served injunction, what do i do???
if my ex brakes the redtraining order that she put on me will that help me get custody?
if my ex files a false police report can she be arrested in arkansas
if my ex keeps filing unsubstantiated claims with cps will she lose custody
if my ex moves back in voluntarily does the protection order stop?
if my ex wife makes false allegations, can i file harassment charges
if my exwife contacts me even though she has a restraining order on me am i introuble for answering
if my girlfriend files a restraining order and goes against it will she go to jail
if my girlfriend files an order of protection does she have to leave my home?
if my girlfriends mother keeps threatening me with restraining orders can i take legal action against her
if my husband gets a domestic violence restraining orders how does he visit the children
if my husband works for cps in arizona and i file a police report and restraining order will he lose his job
if my ppo says i cannot have contact with my husband or residece what does that mean
if my sister has a restraining order against her husband am i still able to speak to him?
if my temporary restraining order ends can my husband move back in
if my tro gets dismissed can i turn around and get one against my spouse?
if my wife has a restraning order can she still e-mail me mean stuff
if my wife tries to file a pfa against me can i sue her
if person has restraining order on someone then makes contact in form of gift
if plaintiff is agreeing to drop a restraining order does he have to be present?
if plantiff calls from unknown number on restraining order
if restraining order are vacated does it mean malicious presecution
if some one puts a restraing order on me can i serve them back
if somebody files a restraining order against you do you get a criminal record?
if someone brings up frivolous charges against me for stalking
if someone calls me a bitch threw text can i press charges on that person?
if someone cancels a court hearing for a restraining order because it was all false can i sue?
if someone drops restraining order what happens
if someone falsifies an arrest can u put a restraining order on them
if someone filed a fake tro against me can i sue them
if someone filed a restraining order against me can i sue them in small claims
if someone filed two different police reports in a case can it help me
if someone files a injunction against harassment and lies, can you file one against them??
if someone files a restraining order against me can they contact me by phone or email
if someone files a restraining order against you and there statement not true
if someone files a restraining order and then files to have the order dropped and doesnt show up to court is the case dismissed?
if someone files a restrraining order can you sue
if someone files a ro and u havent been served can you get in trouble
if someone has a ppo against you can it stop you from getting a job
if someone has a ppo on me what will it show on my record?
if someone has a protection order on me do i have to leave
if someone has a protective orders on me what rights do i have
if someone has a restraining order against me can i write about it
if someone has a restraining order against you and they get locked up for violating a restraining order is there’s still active against you?
if someone has a restraining order on and they walk into same bar as you do you have to leave
if someone has a restraining order on me can i put one on them if they violate the order?
if someone has a restraning order on me can i still go to pick up my doughter?
if someone has restraining order can they get arrested for facebook comment
if someone is about to get an injuction false what can you do
if someone is making false allegations with dss and protective order can i take out a restraining order got then to leave me alone
if someone lied to get a restraining order can charges be filed
if someone lies in court can u sue them
if someone lies in restraining order can you get legal fees
if someone lies on a domestic violence protective order is that false swearing
if someone loses a restraining order does the plaintiff need to pay the defendants lawyers fees
if someone makes a faulse alligation, can you find out what the alligation was
if someone press charges against you and case is dismissed can you sue for the cost to defend yourself
if someone press charges against you and case is dismissed can you sue for the cost to defend yourself
if someone puts a restraining order on me will police come to my house
if someone sues you can’t afford a lawyer
if someone violates a restraining order what happens in mo?
if the case gets dismissed will the order protection be dropped also
if the court has restraing order on my husband how can i talk to him regarding our baby
if the judge discovers you lied to get restraning orders what can he do
if the plaintiff put document fake can you go to the judge
if the police issue a restraining order how to take it off
if the police puts a restraining order against your boyfriend and you break it will they take my son away
if the restraining order wasnt served can the other person contact me?
if there is a no contact order and you both break it you both get charged
if there is a restraining order against someone else, can i visit them in jail
if there is a tpo in order and the person allows the other person back around does it drop the tpo
if there were no police report can a person file a restraining order against me
if there’s a false restraining order against someone i know should i inform the police
if theres a protective order broken by filing person
if u put a restraining order against someone and then change your mind about it can you stop it
if u put order of protection for harrassment on someone that has one on u will u get arrested if they lie and call cops
if under oath i said i will vacate an order of protection and later change my mind, can i get in trouble?
if wife files protective order with no reason what are my legal options
if wife lies when issuing protective order
if you agree to a restraining order even if claims are false does that make you guilty of the claims against you?
if you are charged becoause of false testimony can you seek damages
if you don’t show up to court will they drop restraining order/washington state
if you dont show up to court twice for a restraining order will mit be dropped
if you get judiciation can the military still open the records
if you had a restraining order before does it affect you from becoming a police officer
if you had a restraining order put on you, is the victim allowed to contact you?
if you have a restraining order against someone and decide to move back in does that nullify the order
if you have a temporary restraining order are you allowed to move?
if you have an ex parte against someone can you contact them
if you haven’t been served with restraining order papers can you still contact the person who requested the restraining order?
if you invite your spouse over does it nullify your ppo?
if you put a a temp restraining order can you back down
if you put a ppo on someone can you talk in the future
if you put a restraining order on someone then contact them can you be arrested
if you’re okay with talking during a temporary restraining order
if yu have a restraining order against you will it be dismissed if that person contacts you
il “perjury” “order of protection” “recourse”
illinois false protection orders
illinois falsify order of protection
illinois filing false order of protection
illinois local police will not help me after i was seriously injured by girlfriend
illinois men’s rights protect fight back false ex parte divorce
illinois mother commits perjury
illinois mother commits perjury to obtain protection order
illinois plaintiff abuse of a order of protection
im being harassed with fake pfa
im being terrorized ny husband’s ex wife
im in maryland can i put a restraining order on somebody that put it on me
im in new york state and have a protection order against me and need to evict that person from my home
im suing my wife for false domestic violence
implications of protection order being served
in a emergency protective restraining order if the victim is found to have falsified what is the one falsely accused of rights
in a protective order case if the abuser is found innocent what happens next
in alabama, do i need a lawyer if my ex filed a restraining order against me
in an order of protection hearing can you be charged with attorney fees
in arizona does the d a handle false harrasments filings
in ca. are false cps reports grounds for restraining orders
in california how to go after a n ex boyfriend for filing restraining order with no facts and all lies
in connecticut – how to prove that a tro is false
in florida can i drop a restraining order
in indiana can an expired protecctive order be expunged
in michigan can a person be charged with a crime for lyieng to get a ppo
in michigan if the victim breaks the restraining order can the charges get dropped
in minnesota if i’ve been served a restraining order do i have to appear in court
in missouri when the petitioner talks to respondent after filing a restraining order
in nc can i sue for file falsely charged violated a restraining order
in new jersey if your mom puts a restraining order on someone for you, can you take it off when your 18 ?
in nj ex-husband suffers from restraining oder abuse
in north carolina can some drop a restraining order against you
in ny can a mother get a restraining order on behalf of child against ex spouses family with no proof
in ny can someone get a restraining order on you if you didn’t do anything?
in nyc can someone file a restraining order on the other person who already has one on them
in ohio if i take out a ppo and then voluntarily go see spouse can he get arrested?
in pa. what if person filing for a pfa lies or exaggerates the truth
in pima county what happy ns if someone lied to get an order of protection
in pima county, can the constables office serve you by putting an order in your mailbox
in sotuhbend, indiana if you file a tro and dont show up for court what happens
in texas can a tro or protective order prevent me from getting a job
in the state of florida can a person be charged with perjury for a restraining order
in the state of if you are the defendant in a domestic violence criminal case and charges are dismissed can you sue for false allegations if so what is the minimum i can sue for?
in va can i file accomplaints against my wife for false protective orders
in virginia can the accuser be charged with breaking a restraining order
in washington state if you file a protection order on grounds of harrasment can you be charged with violating your own order if you make contact with the respondant
indiana ex girlfriend lied to get protective order
indiana is there any way to file defamation charges against someone who makes false statements in a restraining order?
indiana protective order false accusations not served
indiana write letter to governor to drop charge and conviction of domestic abuse
ineffective restraining order policy
infidelity restraining order
injunction against harassment wrongfully filed
injunction against me she came to my work
injunction ex girlfriend with borderline personality disorder
injunction false allegations in mass
injunction flase allegations
injunction harassment adulteress
injunction order ruined my life
injunction, false allegation
innocent of restraining order
innocent order of protections new york
inocent of violating a restraining order nys
instances of fraudlent domestic violence claims
intentional false allegations in restraining order california
is a false restraining order grounds for libel
is a friend request a violation of ptotection order?
is a indiana judge likely to uphold a restraining order if the prosecutor has dropped charges?
is a restaining order a form of control for a narcisist?
is a restraining order affect becoming a cop
is a restraining order damning
is a restraining order in effect for the pettioner even if the respondent hasn’t been served yet
is a restraining order in effect if i haven’t been served?
is blogging a violation of a restraining order minnesota
is email enough grounds for a restraining order
is false allegations of abuse perjury in court documents? california
is filing a bogus ppo harassment
is following someone on twitter a violation of a protection order?
is it a crime in colorado to report a false ppo
is it a crime to falsify a tpo in ga?
is it a crime to lie on a protective order and oklahoma and prejury
is it against the law to serve a fake ppo
is it constitutional to make a decision on an order of protection without the respondent appearing in court do to incarceration in missouri
is it felony to press false charges against someone who has protective order against you
is it hard for a plaintiff to get a restraining order vacated
is it lawful to let someone live with you that you have a restraining order against
is it legal for a judge to deny vacating a no contact order
is it legal for a plantiff to be contacting a defendant with a ppo?
is it legal for me to contact childs father when i have a order of protection against him
is it okay to talk to my husband while he is on ppo
is it possible for someone to drop restraining order against you
is it possible for someone to fake a no contact order
is it possible to press charges on spouse for slander
is it possible to sue someone for lying to get a ppo in michigan
is it possible to sue someone for taking out a false order of protection?
is it worth fighting an anti harrassment order in wa state
is lying on a restraining order a crime
is lying on a restraining order perjury
is lying under oath to get injuction on someone a crime
is me speaking to my wife’s lawyer a violation of protection order
is my employer can fire me because i got restraining order
is my employer can fire me if i have restrainning order
is perjury on a restraining order a felony
is protection order a felony and does it come if judge dimiss it
is sending a friend request on facebook breaking a restraining order
is suing someone a violation of a restraining order
is talking about someone on facebook a violation of a protective order
is temporary restraining order public record
is texting grounds for a restraining order in ny
is texting grounds for vpo
is the restraining order still in effect if you are accompanied by the police?
is there a form of recourse when you are wrongly accused of stalking
is there a penalty for untrue statements causing restraining order
is there a recourse against false protective order
is there a statute of limitations on a court ordered of restraint
is there a way to find out if a person is abusing restaining orders
is there any law suit i can file to my girlfriend cheating on me?
is there any protection order against abusive wife
is there any punishment for filing a false restraining order
is there any way to recover attorneys fees as a result of a false protective order fl
is there anyway to prove i didn’t violate protective order virginia
it was self defense how does he get a restraining order on me
ive been given a temp order of protection how do i prove my innocence in court
ive been served a wrongful restraining order
ive been served with a tepory restaing order from my sister for harrasment what will happen to me
ive had a restraining order placed on me what do i do
jealous baby mama making false accusations of harass
jealous ex boyfriend makes false allegations towards new boyfriend
jealous neighbor got temporary restraining order
jobs that ask if you have had a restraining order
jobs that will hire someone with a restraining order
judge dismissed protective order can i sue plantiff
judge dismissed restraining order can i sue
judge in wv won’t allow anymore protective orders
judges pandering to women
judges response to falsified restraining order
judicial abuse of power
judicial dereliction
judicial incompetence
judicial incompetence order
judicial incompetency
judicial malfeasance abuse of process
just because i told a wife her husband was having an affair is that grounds for a restraining order?
just got served a temp restraining order that is false what to do with bi court date in nevada
kissimmee police and emotional abuse
ky state laws on epo when the petitioner nows wants to drop the order
ky unfounded emergency protective orders
law suit on restraining order
lawsuit against petitioner for filing a false order for protection
lawsuit false restraining orders
lawsuit for emotional damages for allegations in restraining order
lawsuit in california for false dv tro
lawsuit won against false child abuse in wisconsin
lawyer cost protection order hearing
lawyer fees for protection order defense
lawyer making false claim to know and represent a person they have never met
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what should a man do if his wife gets a tpo against him and she is at fault also
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what sociopath do if you file protection order against him
what the penalty for a fake restraining order
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what to do about a peace order in maryland if i wasn’t served
what to do about assault charges form spouse civil suit in charlotte nc which is all lies and done to harassment
what to do after wife loses restraining order
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what to do if a restaining order is filed on me
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what to do if im being harassed by husbands ex girlfriend? in texas
what to do if my accusor violates the protective order
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what to do if neighbors puts restraining order on you
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what to do if someone filed a false restraining order on me?
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what to do if someone files for a restraining order against you in california and you haven’t done anything
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what to tell the judge if someone is lying to obtain a restraining order
what type of attorney do you take to a restraining order hearing in newnan
what type of lawsuit do i have if my husband filed a false civil order of protection
what type of person does a sociopathic narcissist target?
what types of legal aid for victims of false restraining orders in tennessee
what will happen about my husband on ppo if i contact him ask yahoo
what will happen if a person files a false protection from abuse order
what will happen if i talk to my husband when hes on ppo
what will happen if my employer finds out i have a civil restraining order
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what. to do if u have a harassment restraint order and she contacs u
what’s happens when your back with wife and baby’s when she put the restraning order on me husband
what’s it called when someone files false charges against you in court more then once
what’s the purpose of a fake restraining order
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when a man is lying on an order of protection in kansas
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when a wife leaves a husband and then claims false tro bpd
when borderline falsely accuses and sues
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when can you sue for malicious prosecution over a restraining order
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when someone has a restraining order in washington state is it against it to post things about that person on facebook
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when the narcissist gets caught
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when u drop charges on a person does the restrining order drop too
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where can i check to see if someone put a restaining order on me’
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winning an epo hearing against mentally ill wife
winning custody back after false restraining order in ca
wisconsin consequences of false accuse get t restraining order harrassing non-violent
with a restraining order, can i keep the defendent on my facebook?
woman abused protection order
woman falsely accused me of hitting her restraining order
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women abusing restraining order
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women who falsely accuses husband of domestic violence
won’t sign restraining order
works at the court abuse of process restraining order
worst that could happen with restraining order
worthless injunction against harrassment
would a court change jurisdictions if petitioner’s sister worked for judge
would a fake restraining order be considered defamation of character
wrighting a letter to a judge to drop a restraining order
write a letter countering a restraining order
write to court for a dismissal of protective order so i can see my wife
writing a false restraining order to get someone back
written affidavits for witnesses seeing plaintiff with defendant after the date she is supposedly so afraid for her life
written defense against protection order maine
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wrongful protective orders in maryland and perjury
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x borderline girfriend trying to ruin my reputation
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xhusband girlfriend making false allegations towards xwife
you are served a restraining order and innocent
your life after a restraining order

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I think they speak for themselves.

Don’t Cry, Dear, Have a Restraining Order

August 22, 2011August 24, 2023Moderator 4 Comments

To encourage abused women to seek help, feminist defenders of the rules governing the issuance of restraining orders argue that applicants’ burden of proof must be minimal. The professed intent of these advocates, namely, to fight gender discrimination, in fact promotes it. Courts rubberstamp hundreds of thousands of restraining orders against men every year based on female petitioners’ merely alleging fearfulness or harassment.

The restraining order is an ex parte judicial instrument, which means only one side or party needs be heard from. Due process is suspended: no evidentiary hearings, no free counsel if you can’t afford your own, no presumption of innocence, no trial by jury—though violating a restraining order will land you in jail, possibly even if you haven’t been notified of its existence.

And the standard of proof is contemptible.

Late Show host David Letterman was famously served with a restraining order petitioned in New Mexico by a Santa Fe woman he hadn’t the least acquaintance with who lived thousands of miles away from him (Letterman lives in Connecticut and works in New York). Among her allegations were that Letterman had caused her years of mental anguish and sleep deprivation by using coded innuendo and gestures on TV that were directed at her and that had oppressive implications. (Apparently it never occurred to her not to tune in to his show each night.) Letterman’s attorneys succeeded in having the order quashed. When asked later why he’d approved the order in the first place, the judge replied that the woman had filled the paperwork out correctly.

This case only reached public awareness because it involved a celebrity. Many of the millions of restraining orders approved each year against men may issue from grounds nearly as farcical.

As any attorney will tell you (and would have told you 10, 15, or even 20 years ago), it’s a cakewalk for a woman to find a judge who’ll rubberstamp an application for a restraining order. (If one judge refuses to grant her request, she can always shop around until she finds another who will.) These instruments are dispensed like kleenex. Herein lies the obscenity. When this process is abused—which may be routinely—it can derail lives.

The usual safeguards against false and even patently ludicrous allegations are suspended, and judges don’t care. Heinous allegations that may never even be litigated in a courtroom become publicly validated by a judge’s signature and incorporated into a person’s record, often permanently.

In many states—Arizona, for example—a restraining order remains on a person’s record until he is dead, and no remedy exists to remove the stain once it has set if the person who petitioned the order is unwilling to cooperate in its vacation (erasure).

In fact, even death is no guarantee that false allegations will dissolve.

TALKING BACK to restraining orders

THEY’RE NOT JUST ABUSED BUT ABUSIVE

Tag abuse of process