The Use of Restraining Orders to Bully Women: Jenny’s Story

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The painted fingernail in this image isn’t that of the person who filed the domestic violence restraining order; it’s the fingernail of the person against whom the order was issued (wrongly).

A woman named Jenny brought her blog to my attention yesterday. Jenny reports she was falsely accused of domestic violence for no better motive than to hurt her, and she prevailed in court.

I broke down during my turn to defend myself, but I couldn’t help it. My heart hurt so badly. I was in so much pain. The judge took no time at all to throw the case out. He pretty much laughed Mr. Wrong out of the courtroom for his petty allegations and…what he was trying to use as proof of domestic violence….

As Jenny puts it, she was “slapped with a restraining order.” She should have said “SLAPPed.” Her accuser, whom she calls “Mr. Wrong,” implied the worst about her that the boilerplate bureaucratic form allowed—to shut her up: She’d published a warning about her ex-boyfriend online and invited his friends to read it. That’s protected speech (besides nonviolent), and the judge was right to vacate the order.

Don’t break out the champagne yet, though.

Jenny, who has been served with two falsely petitioned restraining orders alleging “domestic violence” (this month) besides heckled on her blog as a “crazy bitch,” a “joke,” a “loser,” and “just a booty call that didn’t leave in the morning”

In her latest post, Jenny reports she was yesterday served with a second domestic violence protection order. Yeah. The motive is the same: to shut her up and hurt her. Jenny had left a note asking if she could see her accuser’s son, a boy she had parented and whom she cared about and missed.

This time around, Mr. Wrong ticked a box on the form mandating that Jenny attend a 52-week “Batterer Intervention Program” (funded by the tax-paying public).

He also ticked a box indicating Jenny owned a gun, which she says she never has. That doesn’t matter, of course, nor does it matter that the same guy petitioned the same order a few weeks before and was ultimately denied. Restraining order proceedings are conducted ex parte, which means orders are issued blindly, and the priority is to “protect” plaintiffs. There’s no cap on how many times vexatious plaintiffs can play this game. Defendants aren’t consulted or considered. They’re just handed orders that say the court has reason to suspect they’re batterers (or stalkers or child abusers or rapists, etc.).

Jenny has besides been serially ridiculed and taunted by “anonymous” commenters on her blog (who could “they” be?). She’s been called a “crazy bitch,” a “joke,” a “loser,” and “just a booty call that didn’t leave in the morning”:

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), domestic abuse includes “coercion and threats”; “intimidation”; “emotional abuse”; “isolation”; “minimizing, denying, and blaming”; and “using children.”

The NCADV and other “women’s advocacy groups” defend restraining orders as deterrents of abuse…and thereby make the abuse of people like Jenny not just possible but easy.

Copyright © 2016 RestrainingOrderAbuse.com

*Contrast this story with how complainants of false accusations of domestic violence are represented by feminist advocates like UC Davis Prof. Kelly Behre.

12 thoughts on “The Use of Restraining Orders to Bully Women: Jenny’s Story”

  1. Then after all the false accusations. (restraining order fraud, and a violation with a warrant). He began throwing all my belongings over the fence. He had got a storage unit to put all of his things in. He took the door off my room and my coffee pot, everything the dryer door too! He than began smashing my ww11 war hero grandpas wood work. I had painted these too! police asked him to leave. I went under fence to get my things he came under fence pushed me and began smashing my things some more. I barely kicked him from a good safe point on other side of fence. He need to stop my god he had done things many times breaking smashing my things over covid . I got arrested Lost my job my most favorite job a city job I got so lucky to get/ He told me he wanted me in jail and served divorce papers in jail. He told me he was gonna take everything I loved.

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  2. This happened to my. My husband was so mad I had him arrested. He told false statements to police and concocted a plan to lock me out of my room with my purse inside then he called police as I crawled through window. He then asked for a restraining order. I had to leave. He then asked me to come home and watch my kids while he had to go work. I really wanted to be home so I did. He then popped out of the basement and called police I had a warrant.

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  4. This is a very sad commentary on the law. The child is of course bonded with the ex and grieving for her. The child’s father is probably the source of the nasty blog comments… and is a coward.

    I just tried to publish a comment here and got a popup that it could not be published. This was the first time I ever had a rejection slip here.

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    1. Sometimes that happens if the page has been sitting in the browser for a while. If you get that, back up a page, copy the text of your comment, refresh the page, and paste it in. The comment should go through fine.

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  5. Wow. Worse and worse. At some point one needs to cut their losses and move on. I have done that in my case which is not nearly as horrible as this one sounds,,,it is hard on the child though and perhaps it might be worth asking the judge for visitation rights.
    for all practical purposes she was his mom..

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  6. Reblogged this on sweetsurrender922 and commented:

    This is more then horrific, this is a travesty on all levels perfectly displaying how an abuser can manipulate the system to revictimize along with triagulating others onboard to his mission to diminish, demean, discredit his actions….something that he was doing the entire time behind her back in the relationship, guaranteed, because it’s these narcissists M.O. A restraining order petition should never be accepted by a clerk of the court when they read through it to find it to be questionable as to the allegations applying to speech. The clerk should refer them to counsel with attorney regarding defamation and slander if the petitioner thinks that the statements made by the defendant are untrue. Restraining Orders were implemented to protect those in fear of their lives. People who had been threatened at knife point, gunpoint, by the hands of someone who has the ABILITY, OPPORTUNITY and is CAPABLE of following through with a life threat of physical or psychological harm. However, it’s all about revenue and power.

    I have had the same thing happen in the last two years with my case. Not only the slander behind my back but also the triangulation and vicious remarks by “anonymous” accounts. They think they are so smart when we can see right through them and their “aliases”. They align others who worship them and are blind to their behavior to fight their battles for them so that their hands look clean and their reputations aren’t tarnished.

    Consequences are going to be the only diversion to their misuse of a system. Severe consequences.

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  7. Jenny is making some mistakes here. If the boy is not her biological child, she has zero rights to see or communicate with him. If the father doesn’t want her to communicate with him, then she needs to STOP! When dealing with minors, the 1st Amendment is not absolute. I stay away from those cases and will not go there. She should NOT post pictures of the boy. She should blur his image.

    It matters not how wonderful, caring, or loving the relationship was. It matters not how much she misses him. If she wants to be re-acquainted with the boy, she needs to wait until he is 18.

    It may be that restraining orders being applied here is unfair but people need to know when and how to back off. This is one of those cases.

    This is why I generally don’t like or get involved with domestic cases involving minor children. People need to know when to stop, cut their losses, and go away. She can write about the relationship, her feelings, and the like if it makes her feel better. But she shouldn’t post photos of the boy nor should she make any attempts to contact the boy. It is over.

    The fact that the father is trying to get a restraining order is a clear indication to stay away and leave it all alone. She is right about one thing, she shouldn’t get involved with any single parent if she isn’t emotionally equipped to break it off with both the man and the children. This can happen to her again.

    What she writes and shares with the public does not paint her in a flattering light. She has a right to share and write what she did but I am not sure how much sympathy she will get. Regarding the comments that were posted, they are a bit crass and rude but some of the sentiments being expressed are not wrong either.

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    1. You are correct in that she has zero rights to see the kid. Non-custodial people, even a biological father in a case where the mother was already married, have tried to force visitations before via the courts and failed. See Michael H. v. Gerald D. 491 U.S. 110 (1989) , and also Troxel v. Granville 530 U.S. 57 (2000) denying grandparents visitation rights.

      If he is a false accuser as is alleged, certainly red flags should be thrown. He will be trying to throw her in jail next…or worse, when he knows for certain that she is disarmed, he may try to kill her. If she doesn’t win these civil cases and he has counsel, she could end up paying his attorney fees.

      I agree that her first amendment rights are less since there is a minor involved, but I don’t find that the conduct stated here is enough to decide whether it is protected or unprotected. Judges really don’t care one way or the other, which just emphasizes the seriousness of the risks. To any extent that it is unprotected, I wouldn’t say it would justify the issuance of a domestic violence type injunction especially in the absence of violence or threatened violence (and also if there were violence or threatened violence then the remedy is in the criminal law not the courts of equity), but the fine details could suggest a time manner or place restriction type injunction…and because judges these days are probably so drunk and unqualified that they would issue the domestic violence injunction anyways. It is important to know the difference so that you can raise them on appeal….which if you have counsel will just cost more money and may not be decided for years after the injunction has expired. I’d rather not state what those fine details are, because if the ex is reading and if he is a liar he would just bend his story.

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