“There’s No Justice System; There’s Just a System”: A California Paralegal’s Advice on Defending Yourself against a Restraining Order Based on Fraud

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The commentary and advice that follow are from a “paralegal at a top-tier criminal defense firm in Southern California.”

I will go on record saying we have some clients that were slapped with permanent restraining orders and some were also on probation for prior convictions while the restraining order injunction was issued. A number of our clients were arrested and put in jail multiple times by vindictive exes who used the RO in an abusive manner such as asking the restrained person to come over so they could reconcile and then calling the police as soon as the restrained person arrived. Another “protected person” in particular called the restrained person and claimed she was going to commit suicide. When the restrained person (our client) came over, she immediately called the cops, and he got hauled off to jail. We have another client who got locked up for responding to his ex via text message! Those are classic examples of “RO set-ups,” and it happens too often. Evil!

This topic hits close to home, because I too was the victim of a false/frivolous DV restraining order (or at least a failed attempt to get one placed on me) not too long ago. My ex-fiancée used a few e-mails I had written, admittedly in poor taste, of course, as evidence against me. The e-mails, though rather offensive, did not have any indications or inclinations of imminent danger towards my ex. No threats of physical harm towards my ex or her family at all. She even amended the protective order a couple of days after she originally filed it to include her brother, her mother, and the family dog!

I was shocked a temporary restraining order (TRO) was granted but later came to realize the courts tend to grant TROs quite easily with minimal evidence as a “safe measure” in case the petitioner is truly in immediate danger. Fortunately for me, my ex and her bro lacked basic legal knowledge and were not well-prepared for the hearing when the day came. I hired an attorney who specialized in domestic violence/criminal defense, and she was able to discredit/impeach my ex’s bro’s testimony and pretty much shoot down much of what my ex had to say with regard to my being a threat to her and her family. My ex did tell the judge she was fearful of me, and the judge did sympathize with her in that area. Long story short, the petition for a permanent restraining order was denied, and I hope I never see my ex or any members of her family ever again.

I’m sure this site has this info already, but I’d like to reiterate:

  1. When you get served with a temporary restraining order, regardless of how frivolous, OBEY THE TEMPORARY RESTRAINING ORDER. Make no effort in any way, shape, or form to communicate with the petitioner/protected person(s).
  2. If you have firearms, turn them in to a local firearms dealer for storage.
  3. Get an attorney who is reputable and skilled in domestic violence as well as criminal defense.
  4. If the hearing date is less than a week away, have your attorney request a continuance so you can better prepare for the hearing.
  5. Have your attorney file a formal response to the petition before the actual hearing, and make sure it gets served to the court and the petitioner.
  6. You and your attorney must go over your strategy in defending against the petitioner prior to the hearing.

I never lived with my ex nor did I have any history of domestic violence, but I still had to deal with the bullshit that came with a TRO. Even so, I stood my ground and fought the bogus petition.

Innocent people fight when they are wrongly accused rather than submit. Those who blatantly lie and lack reasonable evidence to support the lies will get shot down by competent defense counsel (as well as a confident and competent respondent/defendant).

  1. Maintain your composure at all times, especially during the hearing—dress nice, speak well, and discredit your accuser(s) in a cordial and professional manner, and you will prevail.
  2. If the judge feels the petition for the restraining order was completely unmerited, you can request that the judge order the petitioner to pay your attorney’s fees as well as any other expenses such as reimbursement for firearm storage fees.

The sad thing, though, is nine out of 10 times if the petitioner simply says s/he was truly in fear, the judge will say the TRO did have “some” merit.

Anyhow, my heart truly goes out to those of you falsely restrained and subjected to all the headaches that come along with it. Sometimes the system does truly suck.

Copyright © 2015 RestrainingOrderAbuse.com

19 thoughts on ““There’s No Justice System; There’s Just a System”: A California Paralegal’s Advice on Defending Yourself against a Restraining Order Based on Fraud”

  1. This is epidemic and it appears to be a trend with the “younger” judges, not the more experienced old school ones. These judges have misused their power and need their impunity removed if they are so careless and power hungry to violate due process and unbiased rulings based on heresay.

    The irony of the whole thing is that the plaintiff has already proved by their statement alone that THEY are the ones that are stalking you. Their actions alone prove that they are obsessed with what you say about them that they have to stalk your social media sites, make fake accounts to see them when they are blocked, recruit their “friends” to spy on you to see if you say anything about them. Besides showing that they are obsessed with your words they prove that they are paranoid and psychologically unstable.

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  2. This is epidemic and it appears to be a trend with the “younger” judges, not the more experienced old school ones. These judges have misused their power and need their impunity removed if they are so careless and power hungry to violate due process and unbiased rulings based on heresay.

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  4. Hi,

    A disturbed ex-girlfriend of mine filed a restraining order against me when I went to visit her for the first time in six months, and then perjured herself over and over again in court regarding the circumstances. The judge sympathized with her and believed all of her lies despite the fact that they contradicted each other (I knew she had issues, but I didn’t know she was a sociopath), and I was given a three year restraining order, which I have cashed in my 401K retirement plan to appeal in court. I no longer have a retirement I worked in healthcare administration, was laid off during this time, and now cannot find a job again in my field because of this malicious restraining order on my record. My pay is now half of what it was, and I cannot pay my rent, or provide for my mother financially. I have a feeling she would be delighted to know this.

    I didn’t realize a malicious restraining order could destroy your life. I am currently trying to put my life back together after what she did to me out of vindictiveness. I am taking an intense paralegal curriculum at a local college, but am afraid I won’t get hired with a false restraining order on my record. Can you please give me any input on whether I should continue with it or not, or give up on it? Thank you.

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    1. Generally, it becomes impossible to collaterally attack perjury once it’s worked. That means you can’t re-litigate it in subsequent proceeding. So there’s that to consider. On the other hand, the cost to appeal is nothing, and it’s not much to continue appealing if you’re prosecuting the appeals yourself. If your appeal is before the superior court, especially, I’d say go for it. I would if I were you. I just can’t give you a great deal of hope, because the self-represented are readily discounted by judges. (Obviously, if you can get an attorney’s help, do.) Presentation is important, so do learn how to caption and format your memoranda (models can be pulled from the Internet), and consider carefully how to put your case before a judge. The more you can show (instead of narrate), the better, I think. Highlight those contradictions. Build your arguments progressively, A + B + C = D. Quote case law (past rulings applicable to your case) to the extent you’re able. Ease into your claims of perjury by first using less categorical words like contradiction. Remember that judges don’t care, so you want to say what you want to say without turning the reader off. Getting too plaintive or too blame-insistent (“Perjury, plain and simple!”) can work the opposite effect to the one you want to achieve. Be reasoned but focused.

      Typically, appeals judges apply the standard clear abuse of discretion when determining whether an order should be vacated. So if you can show the trial judge abused his or her discretion, that would be good. Also, see what your state’s version of Federal Rule of Civil Procedure 60(b) is. In my state (Arizona), it becomes 60(c). It allows you to move to vacate a judgment, for example, that is somehow void or that evidences fraud. Finally, be aware that you can file a motion for oral argument and ask to be allowed to address the court in person. This can go a long way to dispelling the idea that you’re a “danger” or whatever. The judge would see who you are (and you could bring friends and family to court: more visuals). Consider all that stuff, too, that you may have neglected when you were quick dragged into court, like witness testimony. If this order has impinged on your livelihood/employability, I think that’s worth mentioning. My state has acknowledged that injunction records are easily located and threaten “ongoing reputational harm and stigma.” Cardoso v. Soldo, 230 Ariz. 614 at 618, ¶12, 277 P.3d at 815 (App. 2012). Your state may, also. Google the phrase. A lot of times wordings carry over, and one case can provide you with a phrase that leads to another, etc. And quote Cardoso. Also quote any rejections you’ve gotten or append them to your memoranda (“attached to this memorandum as Exhibit ‘X’”).

      Sniff around and see if this gal has done this before (or if there are other “dirty dealings” of hers on public record, in the press, etc.).

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    2. Quoting Cardoso v. Soldo:

      ¶ 12 Further, because an order of protection is issued for the purpose of restraining acts included in domestic violence, its very issuance can significantly harm the defendant’s reputation—a collateral consequence that can have lasting prejudice. Accordingly, courts throughout the United States have recognized expired orders of protection are not moot because of their ongoing reputational harm and stigma. As explained by the Supreme Court of Connecticut, the “threat of reputation harm is particularly significant in this context because domestic violence restraining orders will not issue in the absence of the showing of a threat of violence․ [and] being the subject of a court order intended to prevent or stop domestic violence may well cause harm to the reputation and legal record of the defendant.” Putman v. Kennedy, 279 Conn. 162, 900 A.2d 1256, 1262 (2006);  accord Hamilton ex rel. Lethem v. Lethem, 119 Hawai‘i 1, 193 P.3d 839, 846–48 (2008);  Smith v. Smith, 145 N.C.App. 434, 549 S.E.2d 912, 914 (2001);  Piper v. Layman, 125 Md.App. 745, 726 A.2d 887, 891 (1999);  Wilder v. Perna, 174 Ohio App.3d 586, 883 N.E.2d 1095, 1099 (2007);  Clements v. Haskovec, 251 S.W.3d 79, 84 (Tex.App.2008).

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    3. MaskedMarvyl, I wish I responded sooner. I’ve been trying to make it a point to visit Todd’s site more often to offer moral support and input for those of you dealing with the headache of restraining orders. I’m curious as to which state you reside in. Also, Todd makes an excellent point and appears to have done some stellar legal research… that being: If you do not prevail during the permanent restraining order hearing to begin with, then your already uphill battle becomes much, much more difficult. Proving that your ex committed perjury after the fact is often difficult because the judge already ruled in her favor, however, that doesn’t necessarily make it impossible. Have you reviewed the minutes of hearing and transcripts of the hearing? You also would have to point out and prove what she lied about on the original petition/affidavit she submitted to court. This is a huge burden of proof specifically if it’s simply your word against hers, at which case, the judge already picked her word over yours. Ultimately your goal would be to discredit her by means of proving your factual innocence while simultaneously proving she was willingly and blatantly lying while under oath, out of spite and malice. Examples that pop in my head from previous cases we’ve handled at the firm I’m with: Petitioner claims they are being stalked or harassed/threatened and is in fear of their life. Respondent must prove he/she was in no way stalking, harassing/threatening. Was the threat verbal, over the phone, via text, e-mail or written letter? Did the respondent even come near the petitioner’s place of residence and/or work? Can it be proven? Was there a police report? If police were involved, when did they become involved? The goal would be to prove not only did the respondent not engage in any of the allegations claimed by the petitioner but also prove that the petitioner was not actually in fear and was lying.

      Restraining orders are public record, yes. And it sucks to have something like this looming over you especially if you’re innocent. Keep in mind not all jobs require background checks or at the very least they only care that you do not have felony convictions or convictions involving violence or perhaps theft/fraud depending on the industry, so not all is lost. There’s different avenues you can take in terms of dealing with the RO situation. You can wait it out a bit (I don’t know when exactly the RO was slapped on you) and after say a year or longer, request that the RO be lifted. Then it would be less of an issue in terms of background checks if you don’t actively have a restraining order issued on you. If you’ve already started the appeal process then I hope you retained an experienced and aggressive attorney to fight against the frivolous, fraudulent RO.

      Lastly, because you’re hitting close to home here again, (I did my undergraduate studies in criminal justice and later enrolled in an ABA approved paralegal program here in CA, ultimately landing a job I love) – Even if I didn’t prevail and had gotten slapped with a permanent restraining order, I would likely still have my job and if not, I’m confident I could find work elsewhere. Don’t give the RO too much credit and don’t give up. You don’t have a criminal record. A restraining order is not a criminal conviction. It’s technically a civil order. While a restraining order is in effect, it is accessible through police data bases and some basic background checks, however, that within itself should not disqualify you from any and all employment especially if you are given a chance by the potential employer to explain your side of the story. Best of luck to you.

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      1. Addendum: I neglected discuss how issues with securing gainful employment due to a false restraining order CAN be used to help compel the court in granting an appeal. Todd offered some very relevant case citations you might want to make yourself familiar with, MaskedMarvyl.

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        1. Yes!!! It’s a CIVIL court order that has CRIMINAL repercussions based on false allegations! Shame on the lawyers and judges who have such obvious biases and do not recognize sociopathic behaviors immediately, you would think that a minor in Psychology would be required when deciding people’s motives and lies.

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  5. You couldn’t have posted this at a more opportune time!!! Thank you!!!! Holy cow, something needs to be done about this! It needs to be a crime that is penalized. To use the system as a malicious, manipulative tool needs to be illegal and prosecutable. I just had the same thing happen with my ex boyfriend who lives in Tennessee(I live in Colorado). He filed a Temporary Order of Protection which I was served with on a Tuesday night and was told to be in Chattanooga on the following Monday for the 1:30pm hearing. Granted, I haven’t seen the liar in over two years and have had any contact with him since January 3rd, 2015.Yet, he fabricated and lied in the allegations he made and included to protect his dog(really?). I called the court first thing Wednesday morning explaining that I was a single mom and a full-time student and would not be able to afford a last minute plane ticket to Tennessee, a state I’d never been to before, and asked if I could appear on Monday by telephone. The judge said no. That if I wasn’t physically in her court room, she would grant the permanent order. I called every National and Local legal organization that I might qualify for to find representation to no avail. So on Monday morning I typed up a statement, had it notorized, called the Hamilton County Court Circuit Clerk to Judge Williams and she told me to fax it over. I did. I found out later that his attorney(which I had no idea he had) objected to my statement as heresay, the judge sustained it and the permanent order was granted.

    The irony is that I met with an attorney here in Colorado on February 17th, 2015 to see about filing a restraining order on him, because he and his girlfriend continued to email me after I blocked them from all my social websites. The attorney told me that unless my ex was physically in this state, in front of my home, threatening my life with a weapon, no judge would approve an order across state lines. So how is it that a court that has no personal jurisdiction over me, can issue an order against me, much less not give me any notice or a reasonable time frame to hire representation or respond when they are half a continent away from me??

    This is now on my background check. I haven’t done anything wrong. This guy is psychotic. He has more “stalkers” than Brad Pitt, George Clooney and the Pope put together. He has left a trail of destruction in dozens of women’s lives and yet he can still control and manipulate us by using the court system and his lies. This is so not okay!!!

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    1. Dear Todd thank you so much for all the help that you have given me this is Martha I am taking a lot of pills today in my yogurt I got a letter from the court yesterday saying that they were upholding the injunction that would have been okay but I am still so in love with Michael and so heartbroken dear todd thank you so much for all the help it you have given me this is mark a I’m taking a lot of pills today in my yogurt I gotta letter from the court yesterday. I can’t cope with this anymore the letters that but they were up holding the injunction and that my emails in fact annoyed an alarmed him I had told him I was so sad that I had tried to commit suicide. they made no mention of his schizophrenia and the judge said I have had enough time to present my own defense which was a total lie please don’t tell anybody about my plans I am trying to go to sleep and want to stay to sleep forever I really care about you Todd and what you’re doing take care of yourself I love you goodbye

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        1. Thanks Todd. Against the advice given to me here itvid likely that my son at least might try to contact M after the injunction terminates. I felt for Goldstein. Even he was asking M’s lawyer if he would be willing to dismiss. DG agreed that that was reasonablr but it never happened. I have no hard feelings against M only love and compassion. The real villians here were the two women. The one who wanted to hurt both of us and whom Michael trusted when even his wife had warned him about her while she was alive. But the worst person was of course the JP who has a a lawsuit against her in federal court for her ex parte decisions it was very hard to tell from the tape in the transcript from a legal standpoint what the main issue was if you weren’t actually there and neither Michaels lawyer nor the Superior Court judge was there. I tend to believe that a very different judgment would have ensued hadn’t come up before the original JP or judge goldstein. I still love Michael very very much and he is very much alone in his illness and will either hurt somebody or kill himself if someone doesn’t do something that someone may still have to be my son and or me. I found two wonderful Indian psychiatrists I can talk to who are actually more human then our drug hungry us psychiatrist who just want to feed me antidepressants instead of actually trying to help me. But the money grubbing drug in medicine industry in this country is a separate issue which also needs to be taken down I am afraid that our country is going to go down instead and for that reason hoping that the doctor in Phoenix will fax that friggin paper back to me so I can get a refund and try once again to go to Israel I am torn I don’t want to leave Michael here alone at the mercy of the Justice Court or the medical system there are alternatives that work much better in other countries like India in Israel Thanks for your compassion and your love I hope I’m still here the next time you email me I love you Todd you’re a great guy you deserve a great woman someone like me. HA!

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  6. Speaking of lifetime ROs I found another example of the unjust system. Washington State’s RCW 71.09.070 “requires the state of Washington Department of Social and Health Services (DSHS) to evaluate a sexually violent person’s condition at least once every year to determine if continued civil commitment is warranted.”

    Basically they allow even those convicted of sexually violent crimes a yearly evaluation to decide if they no longer require restraints. While this probably happens rarely, the fact that it exists at all is confusing when considering lifetime ROs with no proof of anything.

    Why allow those actually convicted of horrible crimes to be released (or at least the option is there even if not actually given) on a yearly basis but no such concern for those who merely been accused? Ridiculous situation!!

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    1. Dean, I absolutely see your point and you brought up points of view that I’m sure many others share with you. I am the author of the above-written article btw. You are using examples of two different types of law however; first being criminal law (with regards to a “sexually violent” person’s annual evaluations) and family law (with regards to most RO’s which can be granted indefinitely). Family law differs immensely from civil and criminal law when it comes to burden of proof and specifically the presentation of evidence. In other words, in family law the petitioner/plaintiff can “mud-sling” and say whatever the hell s/he wants with little discretion. I despise family law when it comes to this and I can say first hand the process appears UNJUST without a doubt. When my day in court came regarding that false RO, I went into the courtroom with my attorney ready to fight as if my life depended on it. I was prepared to file an appeal prior to the judge even ruling in my favor (that’s how adamant I was in fighting the false RO). Another favorite saying of mine, “Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.”

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  8. I am still truly suffering from the RO placed on me. I sent several emails to a man who told me many times he was deeply ib love with me. In no way were they threatening rather they were heartfelt pleas asking him to respond. I only sent more than obe because I kept gettibg a message saying they werent getting through. I finally appealed it but its been almost two months sibce thecoral argument and nada. The judge even asked his attorney if his client would be willing to dismiss it. Still no word although his attorney was polite and cordial as was the judge.Everyone seemed to know M is meshuggah but my life is essentially over..I have lost everythibg because I am so heartbroken. In fact my heart failed andcI have been homeless until recently. I was supposed to move out of the country became suicidal lost my passports apartment tickets to Israel and am on the verge of checking out permanently. I have no desirevto live not anymore…M was supposed to be in our lives. My son is also in pain. He loved him too…the jp denied me the right to speak in my own defense. I have been advised to stay away even after the injunction is dismissed. But he was the love of my life. So I will stay away but I might just choose to end it all…good night nurse.

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