If procedural abuses are epidemic (and they are), why do so few vociferously complain? Why isn’t the Internet inundated with personal horror stories (and why aren’t state representatives’ in-boxes choked with them)? We purportedly enjoy the privilege of free speech, so why isn’t it exercised more?
The absence of rampant complaints of procedural abuse is misleading. Limitation of complaints to sketchy e-petitions and forum comments, often anonymous, makes them suspect and easily discounted by those with a political interest in discrediting them.
The dearth of forthright exclamations of abuse and injustice, however, is easily understood.
Rather than consider who isn’t talking back, consider who does. What distinguishes these men and women from what may be hundreds of thousands or millions of victims of false, exaggerated, or misleading accusations to the court?
For one, most of them are childless or without young children. They don’t face being further deprived access to their kids if they buck the system. Those with minor children who do speak out have often been denied all rights to their kids, anyway; they have nothing left to lose.
Too, most of them work for themselves. It’s a fact that restraining orders influence employers. Furthermore, studies have shown that employers are influenced even by Internet disclosures by employees or potential hires that may be negatively perceived by the public. Human Resources personnel are paid to snoop around. Mere injudicious comments on Facebook may be hazardous to job opportunities and careers. Declaring that you’ve been judged to be a stalker, for example, or a domestic or child abuser has obvious and grave drawbacks, never mind if you’re also construed as a wacko because you vehemently insist online that your accuser’s psychopathic. This is an express train to sleeping in a refrigerator box.
Women aren’t immune to false accusation. They’re a minority among its victims, and that status is itself isolating (from a community peopled mainly by men who resent women and the favored political status they enjoy). Many respondents to this blog are female—maybe most. By and large, however, women may feel like interlopers in male-dominated discussions, and women’s advocates, whom they should be able to turn to, don’t want to bring scrutiny to bear on the question of procedural abuse (which is mostly by women).
People who may be foully wronged and branded with accusations that may daily tear at them are coerced into silence by the feared repercussions of ventilating their rage and anguish. Their false accusers, moreover, may be violent people or, for example, extremely vindictive ones, and the accused may fear for their safety and their children’s safety, or fear further legal abuse, which can be endlessly renewed, particularly after false accusations have once stuck, and which can result in incarceration—possibly meaning loss of a single parent’s child(ren) to the state—or financial hardship or ruin. The falsely accused are squeezed between a rock and a hard place.
As you might imagine—and it’s okay to try imagining even if it goes against your partisan loyalties—this creates a hell within a hell.
Probably most of the falsely accused, besides, are not trained writers (like the loudest voices that discredit people in their shoes are) nor among the politically privileged class, whose members are typically the most able to free themselves from false accusations in the first place. They’re not suave, and they don’t possess the kinds of credentials that make people think twice.
(Also, ironically, the people who do possess the kinds of credentials that make people think twice but who fail to deflect a false finger of blame are often sensitive to “social decorum” and may be loath to air dirty laundry.)
Public outcry, finally, is discomforting to family and friends (and their family and friends). It compounds the alienation and isolation of false accusation with alienation from those who believe in you; they sidle away.
In a nutshell, it’s not merely coincidental that those few who do elect to talk back are mainly single, independently employed, without small children, white…and male. Men don’t fear violent retaliation from their false accusers, usually, and they may have nothing left to be stripped of except the lingering expectation of justice.
Copyright © 2015 RestrainingOrderAbuse.com
*Bearing the foregoing in mind, it should be no surprise that the preponderance of publicized outrage originates from “just folks” who aren’t distinguished and who are easily dismissed (and mocked) as “rabble.” What should be a surprise is that their detractors are often those who are supposed to be looking out for them, for example, civil rights advocates like the ACL(where R)U and agents of the popular press.
TALKING BACK to restraining orders 
I too, have been accused and had a restraining order placed on me by non other than a sister who is an attorney. The expiration is almost expired and yes I plan to speak out about it as I am fortunate to have enough proof that no matter how hard she tries to twist and turn things, it will be merely impossible. We always find out “after” the fact.
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Dear All ROA victims,
My story of TRO isn’t much different than what has been aforementioned just after learning.
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Reblogged this on American Fathers.
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I keep wanting to do something about the Restraining Order Abuse, but I am suffering from severe PTSD as a result of what I have gone through, and also partial amnesia. So I truly live in fear that those people will find out where I am and come after me. Their new word is terrorism threats from individuals and they have already prosecuted one of the other seniors who lived in the park where I did. I can’t even go out to public events like free concerts or even the Farmer’s Market for fear I will run into them.
People have no idea what sort of turmoil it causes for most of who live through it. It is no joke that I almost committed suicide when this first happened. The sad thing is that I DID try as a senior to file senior abuse charges against them first, but the judge said because I had no witnesses, it could not be heard. And they got the most horrible witness, who was a drug dealer, manufacturer and user (meth) and who was my next door neighbor. Hardly a credible witness since I had called the police on them and they had even had a number of arrests. But it turned out that the people in that park are very mentally ill; not all of them, but a good many, and they too are involved with that drug trade. They hated me because of my education, my being a volunteer with Citizens Patrol and with the City Commission on Public Works and Safety. I saw the signs early on when I first moved in and noted that people called me names and said rude things to me. But it all escalated over time, and unfortunately, I was not able to sell my home and move out of there before this horror happened to me. The management of the park bought my home at a big loss, and the days I moved, I had to have to call the police and they had to stay there all day to literally protect me. Every single ugly bully was there, and they were filming me and laughing at me and the worst was that the people who got the false restraining orders against me came within literally five feet of me, mocking me. Now if I had done that to them, I would have been arrested for violation, but they could do that and more to violate my rights. And the worst of it was that the police just stood there and did very little to protect me.
All I can say is that if anyone else has gone through anywhere the things I have, I can fully understand why they don’t do anything. And I just learned that the R.O.’s cannot be expunged in every state, which is horrible, like having a life sentence when you have never done anything illegal or wrong in reality in your whole life. I cry every time I read the story of another victim. I still feel so depressed at times that I continue to think it might be best to end it all. I am attending an online university, and I guess my best thing I am doing is majoring in Paralegal Studies, and I hope to get a Masters in Criminal Justice. But I( have student loans and if I am unable to work when I am done, it might just be the end for me. I am 73 now and I know that this is hurting my health and well being something dreadful. I never sleep through a single night and I definitely suffer even in the daytime. It is all I can do to get through day after day.
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You write poignantly, Anne, and I think you could safely tell your story privately, whether it might be to the AARP, the ACLU, or your state rep. Finding the moral energy is another story, I know. The indifference of others is as deadening and defeating as the violation itself. What you’ve described is a scene out of A Clockwork Orange, only the bullying and taunting are done with legal impunity.
Are you safely away from these people now?
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Here are some other organizations I’ve heard about:
The Rutherford Institute
The Cato Institute
The Constitution Project
The Liberty Coalition
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hi there. I wrote my storie to you about 2 years ago. I still have not seen a judge. My husbands and attorney postpone and now going for a 5 year RO. But the only thing that has saved me is I have assects. In almost 3 years of being kick out of my house of 24 years with only my dog and a small suitcase and 200.00 in my pocket. He closed all account the next day. Is I come from abuse since I was a clod and was alway told to keep my month shut. But you know what he pick the wrong women to do this to. I’m so use to not feeling worthy that I’ve been able to live on 600.00 a week because I felt I wasn’t worthy of anything. After almost 3 yrs. a lot of spiritual help I’m finding I’m worthy. I was use to being treated like a dog so I know how to survive. It’s the only thing that got be through. He taught me how to survive with a abusive fuck. So that what I did. But today I know better. I will outlast him. I will show him I deserve to be happy. But again we have major assects that pays my attorney bill. If you don’t have assects,I’m so sorry our justice system sucks. Hopefully when I
Through with this ex husband and he’s in prison. I can help another women walk through this painfull progress of lies. RJP
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Please don’t tell me it’s been two years!
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Wasn’t the divorce lawyer able to help at all?
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