It’s often reported by recipients of restraining orders that the cops and constables who serve them recognize they’re stigmatizing.
Restraining order respondents receive court orders “around the corner” or in parking lots or other spots remote from prying eyes.
At the same time, restraining orders are dispensed by our courts as freely as supermarket circulars. They’re typically issued ex parte, which means judges never even meet the parties they’re issued against. Sometimes respondents never appear in court at all. They remain simply inked names on forms, despite the fact that the allegations made against them, which are matters of public record, may be grave.
Judges issue restraining orders and then wash their hands of them and expect them to just run their courses and evaporate. In accordance with the law, they don’t…ever. They’re permanent public records (in some states accessible by anyone, and in no states accessible by no one). They’re further entered into state and federal law enforcement databases (again, permanently).
Restraining orders cost people employment (and, in cases, employability in their chosen fields). They cost people leases. And they cost people their children, assets, social credibility, and health. These are serious consequences, and restraining orders are of course regarded seriously by anyone who learns of them—except, that is, officers of the court, who may regard them dismissively…after having regarded them as urgent, life-or-death matters.
“Obscure public records” is how some officers of the court think of restraining orders. In the age of the Internet, there are no such things. Many judges are in their 60s and 70s, however, and scarcely know the first thing about the Internet, let alone Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube. They’re still living in the days of mimeographs and microfiche.
The sternness that judges exhibit in the courtroom upon finalizing restraining orders may border on brutal. Irrespective of the allegations against them, all restraining order defendants are treated like villains. Yet though they’re often falsely accused, they’re expected to be unfazed by this treatment. Down the road, what’s more, if defendants seek damages, other judges who revisit their cases may express wonderment at what the big deal is.
“It’s only a restraining order.”
Copyright © 2014 RestrainingOrderAbuse.com
TALKING BACK to restraining orders 
hello, i am so confused about why is it OK for a female to indecent exposure to a male, but not the other way around?!?!?! i was a customer of this woman for 4 or 5 years and the last time i went to her shop was the day she exposed herself to me. she insulted me then and i am still insulted by her acts. i guess it took her that long to know i was not a police officer. thank you
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What was the upshot of all of this? It became a legal matter?
Have to run, but I’ll take this in later and respond more thoughtfully.
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my case is about a woman that owns a nail shop in port hueneme ca 93041 that calls herself vicky. this person exposed herself to me in her waxing room. first she said my private part too big for her private part and then dropped her pants to the floor and raised her shirt above her shoulders and as she said see how small it is as she was putting her finger inside her private part. many attorneys have told me do i have a witness, who in this world would have someone else in the room to do such a sickening thing. you ask me if i can prove it! and by the way i CAN prove it if anyone would be interested enough to find out if i am telling the truth. i know it because she does not have hair on her private part, so how would i know that!!! i do not have the capability to see through clothing therefore the only other way would be that she would have had to have no clothing covering herself. i ask her if she did that to herself and she said yes.
and when i told her that i am going to report her to the police she obtained a restraining order against me like they were passing out candy bars. she wanted something to be in place to help her defend herself. so i got a restraining order against her also. any input concerning this twisted part of life would be greatly appreciated.
thank you
ronnie
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Ronnie, what state are you in?
The collateral restraining orders prevent either of you from legally contacting the other, but if it were possible for you to employ an attorney at some point during the term of the orders’ effectiveness, you might be able to negotiate a mutual dismissal of the orders. In other words, an attorney might be able to persuade your accuser to drop her order in return for your dropping yours. Both of you would submit motions to the court to have your respective orders vacated.
Does her salon double as a sex shop? I’m confused about what her motive for exposing herself to you was. Was it a come-on? That’s what’s so exasperating—inexplicable encounters or freak moments like the one you describe can end up become life-altering experiences thanks to the court’s eagerness to stick its nose into private people’s affairs. A person—especially a woman—can comport him- or herself however s/he wants and then get a restraining order to revise the truth into one that makes him or her the “victim.” This instrument is the perfect cover-up for someone caught with his or her pants down. It’s used to mask emotional and sexual infidelities, stalking, violence, tax fraud, drug abuse—you name it. The would-be whistleblower is instantly discredited.
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