The biggest challenge to sensitizing people to abusive restraining order policies that are readily and pervasively exploited by malicious litigants can be summed up in a single word: sex.
Women, who are often victims of abuse of court process, don’t want to implicate women in their injuries; they want to blame their false accusers, who are frequently men. Appreciate that this urge to blame men is the reason why restraining orders as processes of law exist in the first place.
Appreciate also that men aren’t the force behind the perpetuation of the status quo, and pointing fingers in their direction isn’t going to change that fact.
In the last month, I’ve sifted the Internet to discover what types of restraining order are available where and how to undo their misapplication. The most thorough source of information on restraining orders offered by the various states that I’ve found—and one I’ve repeatedly returned to—is WomensLaw.org.
It’ll tell you everything you ever wanted to know about restraining orders in your neck of the woods. Its domain name will also remind you why restraining orders exist and what they signify (there is no MensLaw.org).
After decades of rampant abuse’s being tolerated and with restraining orders’ having become a familiar institution, men have hopped onto the abuse industry bandwagon, and their malicious exploitation of restraining orders will probably continue to escalate with the passage of time.
The authorship of restraining orders, however, is by women, for women. Anyone with an interest in social justice or in reforming a handily abused process that fractures families and derails lives every day must acknowledge this fact and resist the reflex to divert blame from where it’s due.
The women who advocate for restraining orders don’t necessarily understand that they’re abused, why they’re abused, how they’re abused, or what the consequences of their abuse are. And they’re not going to take men’s word for it.
Copyright © 2014 RestrainingOrderAbuse.com
TALKING BACK to restraining orders 
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PS I am obviously on a crusade here. Please like my fan page at http://www.facebook.com/stoprestrainingorderabuse and have other victims do the same. The public truly needs to be educated of how much this happens. This does NOT help real domestic violence victims as many of them are denied restraining orders, the courts are so overwhelmed with false ones that real victims can’t get the help they need, a piece of paper never stops someone who has already proven they won’t follow the law and will beat someone, and as much of law enforcement knows this happens, less and less victims are being taken seriously. So this is actually a serious problems for true sufferers of domestic violence as well.
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As a woman, and having seen firsthand that due process is completely denied, I have done much research on this topic. While men are hopping on the bandwagon, the sad fact is that the biggest abuse of this system is by women. I am ashamed of this process. In the case that I have seen first hand, there was overwhelming evidence that the woman who took out the restraining order was lying. However, the judge denied all the evidence. It wasn’t even considered. There were four witness statements, emails from the accuser, text messages from the accuser, and pictures. All of this evidence was disregarded. The judge went on the woman’s false testimony alone, much of what was hearsay for which she provided not one shred of evidence. No documentation whatsoever that could have easily been supplied. Yet she was granted a restraining order and the falsely accused was charged with misdemeanor threats. While at least there may be some recourse in the criminal system, there is really none in the restraining order system. My personal feeling is that when there is evidence of perjury and false accusations, the perpetrator should be held accountable. This should be prosecuted. And the judges that throw out real evidence for hearsay? (This was pointed out to this judge, and his response was, “yeah, but it is enough.”) They should be removed from the bench and the bar. Sent back to law school and only readmitted to practice law after they can recite the rules of evidence, and that they have a clue what due process is. That they remember in this country it is supposed to be that you are innocent until proven guilty and that an accusation is not proof. If judges would stop abusing the law, this could not happen. Yes, I understand they are elected officials. But that does not mean they should be allowed this abuse of power. I am horrified by this abuse. Where can I get a restraining order to protect me from this abuse of power by false accusers and their friends, the judges.
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Thanks for writing. You have a heroic heart. The monumental absurdity and villainy of this process eludes even people who’ve written about it for years: A person can waltz into a courtroom off the streets, concoct any story s/he wants and convey it in three or four minutes (unsubstantiated by anything ascertainable), and not only have someone publicly shamed as a consequence but possibly walk away with everything that person owns. Point a finger, collect a prize.
You’ve made an investment of time and thought probably few are capable of even if they were similarly motivated. Regarding one of the legal points you raise, I was just corresponding with a man in California the other week, and according to California law, hearsay is admissible, which of course (and more coarsely) is to say that horsesh*t is admissible. You know how easily a fraud can be pulled off on the fly. Imagine if a group of people carefully conspired to set someone up and coordinated their stories well ahead of time.
Also, the “standard of proof” applied to restraining orders is “preponderance of evidence,” according to which the judge was right: hearsay is enough if the judge finds it sufficiently forceful or compelling (“preponderant”). Allegations are “preponderant” if a judge feels (or can justify saying s/he feels) that they’re 51% likely not to be completely false (a little “fudging” can be ignored).
Not only are you right that judges need remedial education; the law itself is derelict. It’s basically a neatly worded façade for authorizing judges to follow their urges—and thanks to billions of dollars of federal payola and a few decades of vigorous propagandizing, what judges have been conditioned to do is exactly what you’ve described.
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Thank you for your reply. We are having to pay a lawyer and can’t afford one to fight the criminal charges. As we do have proof of her perjury, our lawyer expects the charges to be dropped. Would it be worth it to take her to small claims court for the lawyers fees? I’d like her to think twice about playing these games again.
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I won’t tell you judges are sympathetic toward victims of fraud like this. It’s in their interests to pretend it doesn’t happen. If the order is dismissed or you otherwise get a verdict in your favor, that might make suing for recompense worthwhile. Everything would be very straightforward.
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